Don't put words into my mouth I never said that. I'm out of this thread, once excelsiorlef starts putting words into your mouth it's time to gtfo.
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women of era, how do you feel about being "cold approached"?
- Thread starter hydrophilic attack
- Start date
Then why are so many people okay with it in a club or a bar? Neither gender approaches the other for anything other than physical attraction. It's more like, some people don't want to be approached outside of social settings.
If you mean you see their insta on a dating app and decide to say hey, there is nothing wrong with that. If you don't get a reply then obviously there is nothing there for you.
But I'm not sure what a woman's goals are when they do that, if that is something they are expecting?
You don't have to be a woman in order to see that it's clearly more terrifying for them then it is for a man. What do you fear? Rejection? A lot of woman fear much worse than that when being randomly approached by someone that is clearly hitting on them.
It's also clear that far more men cold approach woman than vice versa.
In a club or bar you have time to get a sense of someone before approaching them. Also, you have time to get to know one each other.
The guy who hit on me in the grocery store? He knows I'm not sticking around longer than I half to. He chose to be an asshole anyway.
Actually thinking on it more I should probably note that my first instinct on getting cold-approached as a guy is "oh great, here comes someone who's just after my 12 16 digits"
EDIT: 16. There are 16 digits in a credit card number.
EDIT: 16. There are 16 digits in a credit card number.
Depending on the circumstances and as long as you're receptive to them wanting to be left alone. It's not a simple blanket yes or no thing, people acting like it is makes me wonder if they've ever stepped outside of their house.
People acting like there's significant wiggle room make me wonder if they've ever tried to empathize with women for more than three seconds.
That's also a social construct, men are expected to take the lead in initiating interest. There's lots of women that complain about not getting approached and bemoan men for being so passive and reserved.
I have sympathy for both sides to some degree, I have a fiance who attracts a lot of attention and I understand sometimes there are uncomfortable interactions with men.
I also know for a fact there are a lot of guys, probably a large majority at that, where asking them to go cold approach an attractive woman would make them break out into a cold sweat that borders of being forced into confronting a phobia or something. And some guys will work up the courage to get past that and do it anyway, but most don't.
Lots of side discussions here, some of which I didn't get to read, some of which I strongly disagree with (such as wondering how else would one meet someone otherwise...)
To the point, NO, this is basically and usually unwanted attention. I'm speaking for myself and for probably *most* women (at least the ones I personally know) when I'm saying that I'd rather men have generally more manners and less an air of entitlement rather than accosting us on the street or in the bus when hornyness seeks a target and dictates. When a woman wants or seeks attention from someone, the man who she wants it from will know it and if that ain't the case -> there are bars, clubs, single-events, parties, friends who know friends etcetera not to mention meetup, tinder, okcupid, grindr and so on.
To the point, NO, this is basically and usually unwanted attention. I'm speaking for myself and for probably *most* women (at least the ones I personally know) when I'm saying that I'd rather men have generally more manners and less an air of entitlement rather than accosting us on the street or in the bus when hornyness seeks a target and dictates. When a woman wants or seeks attention from someone, the man who she wants it from will know it and if that ain't the case -> there are bars, clubs, single-events, parties, friends who know friends etcetera not to mention meetup, tinder, okcupid, grindr and so on.
Because that's generally the expectation in clubs/bars. But a rando woman walking around in Costo just trying to do shopping? Not so much. I mean, you could try, but I don't think odds would be good. I know personally I would rather get to know a guy a little bit more before agreeing to go out on a date with them, or at least know him through other friends that can vouch.
Not a girl, but as long as your being polite and fuck off if the woman says they arent interested in conversing or being courted, i dont really think its that big a deal.
I'm a pretty insular type of guy, so while i'm not gonna try and go out of my way to talk to others, i'm not opposed to people trying to make friends with me. That kind of thing is always sort of spontaneous
I'm a pretty insular type of guy, so while i'm not gonna try and go out of my way to talk to others, i'm not opposed to people trying to make friends with me. That kind of thing is always sort of spontaneous
I think it's super context dependent. It not then this basically just devolves into, don't talk to anyone in public unprompted.
I'm mostly chill with it when on public transport and surrounded by folks or working a shift at the gym when I'm not teaching Aerobics. If their approach is respectful and they strike up a decent conversation then I'll happily natter away for the duration of the trip or for a few minutes at work. Met some good friends, and had a handful of long-term relationships through dudes coming forward with cold approaches. If I'm walking to and from places though, then I just politely shut approachers down.
The odds are low, most men know that. Your odds are maybe 5% really that that's gonna work out for you, most men are terrified of approaching in a situation like that for that reason.
Why do you keep coming back to this same anecdotal point over and over again?
I've been out and about with women where there would sometimes be several unwelcome advances/catcalls in just a span of a few hours.
I'm lucky enough that I didn't need to try too hard to get into a relationship, so a lot of aspects of dating is lost on me but considering how much we read and hear about woman being stalked, assaulted, or worse, and often not being able to even get any justice out of it, I think woman have it far, far worse, to the point where men complaining and being afraid of rejection sounds kind of petty and weak in comparison.
As have I, happens to my girlfriend, but generally it's in a nightclub or vicinity.
She has some attractive friends, same thing. That's just my experience, but with guys also, I've met maybe 1 or 2 men total in my life that would (quite frankly) the balls to go just talk to an attractive woman even in the supermarket.
There's not that many guys that can pull that off, and if they try they usually get shut down pretty damn quick if they come off poorly. Getting the old ego torn in half usually is a pretty good deterrent from it happening again.
I'm okay with people striking up idle chatter if the context is alright (i.e. waiting for a train, waiting in line for something, etc.). I've been on both ends of it before, despite being a very introverted person. Making friends and acquaintances is fun.
If someone is just approaching to get in my pants, though, I'm not very comfortable. It's flattering, but I have been groped a few times in public places, it's scary and makes me very nervous.
If someone is just approaching to get in my pants, though, I'm not very comfortable. It's flattering, but I have been groped a few times in public places, it's scary and makes me very nervous.
Ok, this shows that you should always read the OP.
WTF, why isn't it possible for women to ride a bus without having a dude hit on her?
I think so too.
This seems to be the answer from most women. So here's your answer ERA guys. Don't try to come up with reasons or alternatives, just take this as the truth.
I'm sure lots of straight dude would love to get unwanted advances from thirsty gay dudes.
I mean yea... This is how you make connections and network. Obviously it has the potential for romantic relationships too. But it's always suprising the connections you can make just chatting with people generally. Obviously if they're giving off social queues as to I'm not in the mood to chat. Just stop. But it's pretty much a key component to being successful.
And I'll be honest, it's a bit nerve wracking for us as well. We don't know you, we don't know your intentions, good or bad.
Ego boost and flattering. If they were agressive hell no.
I.E I'm sure people here feel about this quite differently based on their disposition. Let's not put a blanket over everything. Base it on the situation. I do hate the keep trying till you make it mentality of guys hitting on girls though. That's just some low level game theory crap.
Everytime we have one of these threads, the vast majority of women who comment basically say they'd rather not have random dudes coming up to them on the street trying to get their digits, which sets off a shitload of dudes responding with 'what if...' scenarios and "but my fiend..." anecdotes.
Given how many pages this thread is I'll assume the same thing has happened here.
Given how many pages this thread is I'll assume the same thing has happened here.
Nobody in this thread is arguing that all or nearly all social interactions between men and women should be banned, dude. People are arguing that you should not make a habit out of approaching women who are minding their own business, who are complete and total strangers to you, and who have given you no signal at all that they would want to interact with you in any way, with the intent of getting them to start a romantic or sexual relationship with you. That you see no difference between that and 'an effective ban on all social interaction between men and women' is absurd. Your Taliban quip was entirely out of line.
I think a lot of dudes need to empathize more and realize that your privilege to not get mugged, attacked, or raped by women blinds them from seeing a real issue many women face daily. Like, imagine you are in a hurry to meet some friends and you just wanted to get some beer before meeting up and some dude tries to make "small talk" with you. You'd be put off too.
This time with Taliban references and implications of this is why white men get recruited by incels and fascists.
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Your guess couldn't possibly be more accurate. Lol. That is exactly how this unfolded.
Except worse for the reasons stated above.
Yes. It has turned into "well I guess we'll all just live alone because no one is comfortable with communication", which is a gross exaggeration of the OP.
User banned (1 month): Using the "both sides" rhetoric to rationalize sexual harassment and assault. Ban extended upon review.
Exactly I can see both POVs. The funny irony is the guy usually is the one who is more terrified than the other way around.
The "dick who just goes around cold approaching everyone and keeps doing it even though he gets rejected all the time" is kind of a very, very rare breed.
I had one friend who was a "bar star" who was pretty good at starting up conversations in that context, but really only in a bar. And even then he was terrified of ever approaching a woman who was even an inch taller than him. Couldn't do it, would go totally silent, just completely intimidated, which to me was always kind of funny.
I might be lucky, but often times, the women I have dated in my life make the first move.
If we're going to get the parallel with the way things happen for women, you know it's gonna be mildly agressive most of the time
I'll offer my services:
Anyone who is thirsty and feels like striking up some small talk with a stranger, hit me up. This way you get someone to chat with (who agrees to) and someone else goes about their day unbothered.
Free service. Open 24/7. No anime conversations.
Anyone who is thirsty and feels like striking up some small talk with a stranger, hit me up. This way you get someone to chat with (who agrees to) and someone else goes about their day unbothered.
Free service. Open 24/7. No anime conversations.
This. A lot of people don't seem to grasp the underlying power differences between the two sexes. It creates different reactions and situations.