Yeah i know it's different in different cultures but personally this would be my advice.
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Is it kosher to celebrate financial milestones with friends?
- Thread starter Lumination
- Start date
No?
"Oh hey, guys I have some really good news to share with you all!"
"Oooh, sounds exciting, what is it?"
"Well I've been saving super hard and have reached AN IMPORTANT FINANCIAL MILESTONE and now I have over £X amount of money in my bank account!"
"....."
"Isn't that great! I now have a specific amount of money in my bank account that you may or may not have!"
"....."
"To celebrate this momentous occasion in my life and properly share the moment I attained a specific amount of money, I'm going to send you all a screenshot of my bank account so you can all see how much money it is precisely and then compare it, possibly unfavourably, to your bank accounts and lives and then we can all have mutual back slapping session where we congratulate me on reaching a specific amount of money in my bank account!"
"Oh hey, guys I have some really good news to share with you all!"
"Oooh, sounds exciting, what is it?"
"Well I've been saving super hard and have reached AN IMPORTANT FINANCIAL MILESTONE and now I have over £X amount of money in my bank account!"
"....."
"Isn't that great! I now have a specific amount of money in my bank account that you may or may not have!"
"....."
"To celebrate this momentous occasion in my life and properly share the moment I attained a specific amount of money, I'm going to send you all a screenshot of my bank account so you can all see how much money it is precisely and then compare it, possibly unfavourably, to your bank accounts and lives and then we can all have mutual back slapping session where we congratulate me on reaching a specific amount of money in my bank account!"
I could see something like "I finally paid off my debt, let's grab some beers"! But for most other financial milestones, I wouldn't do it, not worth potentially making someone jealous or uncomfortable around you.
I would never do this, since it will come across as bragging and could piss people off that are not doing as well. If you bought something with the money or were trying to use it for some other purpose then that might at least be interesting for others, but just having money in the bank is not.
On a similar note, I recently bought a house with my GF that would be considered expensive where I live and I shared the link to the realtor with my mother so she could see the pictures on the website. But she apparently decided to brag about it on facebook, so now everyone and their dog knows where I live and how much I paid for my house.. This really pissed me off, but apparently she also doesn't get that this might be an issue.
On a similar note, I recently bought a house with my GF that would be considered expensive where I live and I shared the link to the realtor with my mother so she could see the pictures on the website. But she apparently decided to brag about it on facebook, so now everyone and their dog knows where I live and how much I paid for my house.. This really pissed me off, but apparently she also doesn't get that this might be an issue.
Nah, that's weird to me and while they probably will not call you out on it, some will probably think that you're too boastful.
A better idea is to go celebrate with them once it's a possibility, you can say you got a promotion or something it sounds better... and perhaps buy their drinks ;)
A better idea is to go celebrate with them once it's a possibility, you can say you got a promotion or something it sounds better... and perhaps buy their drinks ;)
I feel it's because your house has different qualities attached to it rather than just its monetary cost. By contrast, the money you have accumulated is just that until you choose to spend it. It can represent hard work and frugality and positive qualities... but at the end of the day, it's still just dollars until you choose to exchange it for something real.
A house/home os an expression of your taste, of your vision of how you want to live (where, for how long, with whom), and it also represents value to your friends as a place to experience community and perhaps even find shelter. These things and your desire to realize them can represent value even before you have the means to realize them, so even when you finally do, they exist independently of the somewhat vulgar level of "here's how much money all of this costs".
My close friends and I all know each other's finances. It is something we discuss on a semi regular basis. Investments, savings, expenditures, retirement, vacations, raises, ect are all super important and talking about these things with someone you know and trust deeply is not only smart, but also comforting because you don't keep all those questions bottled up inside.
We absolutely celebrate each other's windfalls. We share enough that a victory for one is a mini victory for us all. It is important to celebrate milestones in life and lift your friends up.
We absolutely celebrate each other's windfalls. We share enough that a victory for one is a mini victory for us all. It is important to celebrate milestones in life and lift your friends up.
Hold on. Is the pandemic over where you guys are?
In a perfect world our salaries would suddenly be made public.
THAT said. In the real world, and sorry OP - nobody gives a shit how good you are at saving money and bragging about it makes you look like an ass.
THAT said. In the real world, and sorry OP - nobody gives a shit how good you are at saving money and bragging about it makes you look like an ass.
Yeah, this is distasteful.
However, for example, I'm going to be paying off my mortgage next month. That is a big milestone, and I'm probably going to have my friends over in the summer once we're all vaccinated to celebrate. I'm not about to brag about how much money I have saved or invested, but IMO paying off a mortgage is worth celebrating. I would certainly be happy for my friends if they announced something similar.
Yeah, this. People, even close friends, are usually secretive about financial problems and focusing on hitting a "financial milestone" could provoke envy and personally feels in pretty bad taste. I'd say giving them a personalised gift or sending them a £20 Amazon voucher just to say thanks for being a good support network would be better than focusing on financial health.
Depends upon what it is
Having a house warming party when you buy a house? Good idea
Having a student loans paid off party with people still paying on theirs? Bad idea
Having a house warming party when you buy a house? Good idea
Having a student loans paid off party with people still paying on theirs? Bad idea
I feel like there's to do this tactfully that you'd need to figure out. I'm not jealous that pretty much all my friends have done alright and didn't fuck up their early to mid 20s like I did. but I guess they've been more subtle about ir, as much as you can when you're doing well in a place with a high cost of living anyway. I don't care if they've been able to save loads or buy a house or whatever.
i've got a pretty close friend who makes way more money than me and always complains about how he barely makes any money. he's not trying to be shitty, he just doesn't know any better.
honestly someday i'll probably say something about it and i wouldn't be surprised if it's the end of our friendship.
safer to not talk about this stuff if you're not 100% sure how each and every one of the people you're talking with feels about it.
honestly someday i'll probably say something about it and i wouldn't be surprised if it's the end of our friendship.
safer to not talk about this stuff if you're not 100% sure how each and every one of the people you're talking with feels about it.
Unless you are having some kind of specific conversation with someone you know is on a similar financial level, then keep that shit to yourself.
Imagine being someone struggling only for a friend to brag about how much they had saved. Fuck making someone feel like that so you could feel good about yourself.
Imagine being someone struggling only for a friend to brag about how much they had saved. Fuck making someone feel like that so you could feel good about yourself.
Yeah seems like it shouldnt be a difference and maybe it shouldnt, but it is. It's one thing to be like "I got a new house come to my house warming party lets celebrate!!"
It's another to be like "I saved up 50K!!!!" When for a hell of a lot of people its a damn miracle if they make it to the next pay check with any money left over from the previous one and not already negative.
No, celebrating general financial success doesn't come across well. It's a touchy subject and can easily be felt as (whether you intend it or not) being about how you are doing much better than they are.
Celebrating a specific good event (e.g. a housewarming or a promotion) is generally fine, but it's much more likely to make people uncomfortable when it's about how great you are doing overall.
Celebrating a specific good event (e.g. a housewarming or a promotion) is generally fine, but it's much more likely to make people uncomfortable when it's about how great you are doing overall.
THE BOURGEOISIE KEEP THEIR BOOTS ON THE NECK OF THE PROLETARIAT SO WE DON'T SHARE OUR SALARIES TO ACTUALIZE COLLECTIVE BARGAINING
What a fucking horrible idea if it's like 'I have XXX on my bank account.'
Probably only ones ok are 'I bought a place' and 'I paid back my student loan'.
Probably only ones ok are 'I bought a place' and 'I paid back my student loan'.
Depends.
I wouldn't celebrate "finally hitting 6 figures on my checking account" with friends. That'd be kinda ... weird?
I would celebrate being debt free. Buying a house. Being financially stable enough to have kids. Stuff like that. Getting a promotion at your job.
Like, of course, all of those have implications about your saving situation. But they're still actual, tangible goals instead of just reaching a new high score.
I wouldn't celebrate "finally hitting 6 figures on my checking account" with friends. That'd be kinda ... weird?
I would celebrate being debt free. Buying a house. Being financially stable enough to have kids. Stuff like that. Getting a promotion at your job.
Like, of course, all of those have implications about your saving situation. But they're still actual, tangible goals instead of just reaching a new high score.
I'm not feeling it. Getting the closest folks some little gifts like sweets or booze or something I can imagine. Going with money is just the OP's idea ("look at all the money I have") in a different (also bad) form.
This seems kinda gross to me. No matter how you frame the conversation it will come across as a brag. It would seem rude in a normal time let alone during the covid time where people are losing their jobs and having a difficult time financially.
I don't know intimate knowledge of my best friends financial situations outside they live in a house/apartment and don't ask me for money. I'm not sure many people do tbh.
I don't know intimate knowledge of my best friends financial situations outside they live in a house/apartment and don't ask me for money. I'm not sure many people do tbh.
Also we're all just temporarily embarrassed millionaires.
If you hang around people who might potentially feel hurt by it, then it's best to not say anything.
Going "hey, I got a house" or "hey, I got a promotion" is probably okay as long as it's not specifically something that might bother a friend (say, if a friend just got passed up on a promotion), but I think just announcing how much money you have is kinda tacky.
I've been jobless before, and once saw a friend talk about big purchases while saying that money in their bank account is "just a number" to them. When you're in the middle of job search hell, it fucking sucks to hear that.
Going "hey, I got a house" or "hey, I got a promotion" is probably okay as long as it's not specifically something that might bother a friend (say, if a friend just got passed up on a promotion), but I think just announcing how much money you have is kinda tacky.
I've been jobless before, and once saw a friend talk about big purchases while saying that money in their bank account is "just a number" to them. When you're in the middle of job search hell, it fucking sucks to hear that.
I wish. I can't wait to get out of my house or take a vacation.
From what I see and hear a lot of people are going out. Me and my wife and kids stay home but I think restaurants and bars are full again. I might be wrong about that too because I usually only order out but the parking lots seem pretty full...
People build up this idea in their head that if they hit some arbitrary number in their bank account that it will make them happier.
When they hit their number realize it is an empty pursuit, they try to compensate by seeking some external validation.
Not just having money but buying a house, paying off a mortgage or student loans calls for a party!
Not sure what splitting the check has to do with how much each of you make. It's just the right thing to do.
This feels like a weird distinction. Paying off a mortgage by definition means you have an asset worth a lot of money.
I had considered that, but I do feel like it's celebrating a milestone, not necessarily 'hey guys I now own 500k in assets!!' but more of a 'mortgages suck, we all have had to pay one, and I got out alive!'
You could also extrapolate this argument to anything. Paying off student debt, for example. Is that not something to celebrate? In that scenario, you have a higher net worth after all.
I think it's okay to celebrate active milestones, i.e.: I bought a house, I got a promotion, I got a new job, I am now president.
Passive milestones not so much: I have saved 100k, my parents gave me a loan, I got a raise at work, I now earn X
I think it depends. If you're buying a house, celebrate that. If you got a promotion, celebrate that. If you finished paying off your debt, celebrate that. If you just hit a certain number in your bank account? That feels a little odd to me. I think generally it makes more sense if it's framed like a life milestone rather than a financial one.
I wouldn't want to be friends with someone so self-absorbed that they feel the need to publicly celebrate how much money they have in their bank account. But you do you OP.
