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Do you get crushes when married?
- Thread starter subpar spatula
- Start date
I don't, only thing that catches my eye is if someone is reading a book.
Edit: Just realized I'm not married, but after 10 years it should be the same, right? I have her in my will at the top spot.
Edit: Just realized I'm not married, but after 10 years it should be the same, right? I have her in my will at the top spot.
I didn't. But my wife sure did, with a friend who we knew for 8 years, who was also married. They apparently both had crushes on each other. And now I'm getting a divorce because my wife discovered she loved him too, and they just had to be together no matter fucking what.
No, no crushes.
That's not to say that there aren't some women in the office who make me internally say "DAAAAMMMMN" when they walk in. I'm married, but I'm still human. That's not a crush though, that's just plain old physical attraction, which is normal, and I would never act on it.
That's not to say that there aren't some women in the office who make me internally say "DAAAAMMMMN" when they walk in. I'm married, but I'm still human. That's not a crush though, that's just plain old physical attraction, which is normal, and I would never act on it.
No, and I'd hoped my wife doesn't either to be honest.
We both definitely find other people attractive but I'd classify a crush as more than just a physical attraction and that's when it becomes dangerous.
We both definitely find other people attractive but I'd classify a crush as more than just a physical attraction and that's when it becomes dangerous.
Yup. Learned about it 12/1/19, went to work the next day, Monday, and went to the hospital the next morning due to a panic attack and other things and was in for 2 days. Divorce wasn't discussed right away, she wanted to be in an open relationship with both of us, which even right then I knew I didn't want. I had to move out and get a new place because she would have moved out from where we were staying and it would have been a lot harder for me to pay that by myself.
I have a completely one sided crush on my wife's best friend. Both my wife and her friend are aware of it and joke about it constantly.
I'm sorry dude. Nothing preps you for that unless you guys talked about being in open relationships before?
Don't be worried about having human feelings.
Worry if you act on these ones.
It's chuckle. Not exclusive to Germans. Also we are talking about crushes and not horniness and attraction, in that case your tip is great and true. Rub one out. Otherwise some of you in here have problems to be sure. Having a crush on someone when you are exclusive with someone or even married is not normal. I hope you are honest to your partners and work on the relationship or end it, because otherwise what is the point?
Holy shit, I would watch a RomCom about this, this sounds hilarious but possibly rough for you.
This right here. It's perfectly normal to have crushes, and even infatuation for others. Not everyone is the same, and neither is every relationship. The most important thing I think, is that you and your partner(s) can be open, and communicate with honesty.
A lot of people acting like if they allowed themselves to have crushes in their marriages, they'd run away with the person and elope in another country. There's a scale of crushes I don't think a lot of people here are considering. I've never been married but I've had little crushes before while in a relationship. Like a coworker I had. We had a strictly professional relationship, I wasn't thinking about her outside of work but I thought she was cute and had an attractive personality.
Doesn't mean I was ready to jump ship to this woman. I barely knew her outside of a work context but it was a crush. it's not a big deal.
Crushes are just fleeting little feelings towards a person you're attracted to. It doesn't have to mean you're pining after them.
Doesn't mean I was ready to jump ship to this woman. I barely knew her outside of a work context but it was a crush. it's not a big deal.
What do you think a crush is? Writing their name inside a heart in your algebra notebook?
Crushes are just fleeting little feelings towards a person you're attracted to. It doesn't have to mean you're pining after them.
I'm certainly attracted to other people, but I've never actually crushed on someone else. Nobody else has ever seemed remotely as awesome as my wife.
That isn't to say crushes aren't normal. I'm just lucky not to have to deal with them I guess.
If you have a crush on someone you should limit your relationship with them drastically though.
That isn't to say crushes aren't normal. I'm just lucky not to have to deal with them I guess.
If you have a crush on someone you should limit your relationship with them drastically though.
Sorry, what exactly is a crush? Couldn't it just be strictly lust? Does it have to be some Shakespearean pining for love?
Crushes develop because you notice (or imagine) a level of emotional compatibility with another person that's a good base for a "happy" relationship.
I'm of the thought there is no "one true love", but rather there's a pool of potential partners for everyone where their romantic compatibility is high. And within that group, the level of compatibility is perceived to be higher than others, which can lead to cheating or someone dropping their current relationship for a new one.
So, in a sense - yeah, developing a crush is normal. Whether it is pursued however is dependant on the strength of that desire, a person's willpower to stay committed to the relationship, and/or how discontent they are with their current relationship.
Edit: I should add this is entirely from my perspective as someone who has never developed a crush based solely on looks. Every single time I've had a crush it's because I've gotten to know a little how that person behaves and think, on top of sharing personal details with one another.
I'm of the thought there is no "one true love", but rather there's a pool of potential partners for everyone where their romantic compatibility is high. And within that group, the level of compatibility is perceived to be higher than others, which can lead to cheating or someone dropping their current relationship for a new one.
So, in a sense - yeah, developing a crush is normal. Whether it is pursued however is dependant on the strength of that desire, a person's willpower to stay committed to the relationship, and/or how discontent they are with their current relationship.
Edit: I should add this is entirely from my perspective as someone who has never developed a crush based solely on looks. Every single time I've had a crush it's because I've gotten to know a little how that person behaves and think, on top of sharing personal details with one another.
Yeah, I do. I acknowledge it and always try to contain it.
I often wonder if I'm already cheating on her even though I never actually pursue my crush.
I often wonder if I'm already cheating on her even though I never actually pursue my crush.
Just as a baseline you should wait till you're sober before deciding I you wanna action any crushes you have.
F
I'm not married yet, but I don't get crushes, it's more finding someone I see attractive, and I have no doubt my SO does the same.
Heh, before we started dating, my wife's best friend was crushing on me. I had no idea at the time, my wife told me years later. My wife had also developed feelings for me at the same time, so when she learned about that, she pulled the trigger. I am quite oblivious to these things, so she made it very obvious that she was into me (I was also into her, so that clearly worked out) Didn't strain their relationship or anything, and the friend met someone shortly after that and they're happily married. I don't believe she knows that I know, and I wouldn't bring it up.
It's quite normal.
What matters is if you act on them or not.
People fall in love on average three times in their life.
What matters is if you act on them or not.
People fall in love on average three times in their life.
Not married but am in a long term relationship and I've been infatuated or had a crush. It happens. Can't control your feelings but you can always control your actions.
It was gone and over in a couple of months anyway, so am glad a couple of choices were made during that time that didn't lead me to something I'd/we'd ultimately have regretted. My better half could tell and she teased me about it; guess she was more confident than i nothing would happen.
Now that I got past it, that woman's now a legit friend.
It was gone and over in a couple of months anyway, so am glad a couple of choices were made during that time that didn't lead me to something I'd/we'd ultimately have regretted. My better half could tell and she teased me about it; guess she was more confident than i nothing would happen.
Now that I got past it, that woman's now a legit friend.
Excellent, now I can laugh hysterically at all the humorous situations I imagine you have without feeling bad.
There's no should or shouldn't happen in feelings, mate.
It gets way easier to deal with as you get older and calm down a bit.
I was in my 20s during my first marriage which was generally an unhappy one so it was kind of rough in that regard. After we divorced and I was back on the market, it was like throwing cold water on those crushes because you realize that the feelings are likely rarely reciprocated.
My second marriage in my 30s has been infinitely better but I'm also a little less horny and in a way happier situation than my first marriage.
I often think about how much dating in my 30s was kind of a giant pain in the ass and how exhausting the whole "getting to know someone" process was to me. Almost all feelings that I have for other people I now recognize as just lust and I find everyone else supremely lacking as I don't have that deep and intimate connection that I have with my wife. Plus I married someone that is smarter, better looking, and generally more successful than I am so most days I feel super lucky.
I never really felt any of the above with my first marriage so your situation might also vary on how happy you are in your marriage.
The only constant that I've observed is to avoid the pitfalls of getting married way too young.
I was in my 20s during my first marriage which was generally an unhappy one so it was kind of rough in that regard. After we divorced and I was back on the market, it was like throwing cold water on those crushes because you realize that the feelings are likely rarely reciprocated.
My second marriage in my 30s has been infinitely better but I'm also a little less horny and in a way happier situation than my first marriage.
I often think about how much dating in my 30s was kind of a giant pain in the ass and how exhausting the whole "getting to know someone" process was to me. Almost all feelings that I have for other people I now recognize as just lust and I find everyone else supremely lacking as I don't have that deep and intimate connection that I have with my wife. Plus I married someone that is smarter, better looking, and generally more successful than I am so most days I feel super lucky.
I never really felt any of the above with my first marriage so your situation might also vary on how happy you are in your marriage.
The only constant that I've observed is to avoid the pitfalls of getting married way too young.
Nothing wrong with a healthy fantasy life. Could even lead to some interesting role play scenarios if you and your spouse are open about them.
This right here.
This right here.
Finding some attractive is not a crush. A crush is developing feelings of wanting to be with someone.
There's a difference between having little baby crushes on people and actually pining for people because you're bored of your partner.
I know of some couples that have talking about their crushes with each other.
I know of some couples that have talking about their crushes with each other.
For me, the only thing that is crushing me is the world. I have had crushes, but most of them are just pipe-dreams.
