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Do you get crushes when married?
- Thread starter subpar spatula
- Start date
Course I do! Just cause you're married doesn't mean you stop finding people attractive! It's how brains work ^^
Sure, but I know that it is just exactly that. Just a crush based on little things. And in the end it's let's me see why I love my Wife so much.
yeah, its pretty weird to read lol
of course I look at other women and think they are hot, but an actual crush? no, thats not a good sign....
I'll be honest I've never been married, but when I'm with someone I care about I have never had a crush on someone else. To me I can't even fathom having that feeling for another person who isn't my significant other.
It happens. I get worried too and I put them in my mental folder titled "who I can't be friends with" .
What do you mean by crush? Do I still think that other men are attractive? Of course. But as in real infatuation? No.
A crush doesn't have to be romantic. In five years you've never looked at another woman and thought--"Damn. She's attractive." I feel like that's why OP is describing.
Imo having a crush isn't a simple acknowledgement that a person is attractive. It's a step beyond that, to the point you think about them in a deeper way. Whether it be romanticizing them or fantasising.
Yup. For example, if you're heterosexual, you can still acknowledge that a member of the same sex is attractive, but that wouldn't be a crush.
A crush isn't saying "oh wow she's pretty"...it's beyond that for sure. When someone says, for example, "Hey, I have a crush on someone, how should I approach them?" that's what's usually described as a crush
I'll do you one better and say you can even love more than one person at a time. A marriage that works is not one without temptations or feelings for other people, it's one where you choose to be with one person over all the others.
Humans are not made for monogamous relationships so that's pretty normal. Nothing weird about developing feelings for other people while you are in a relationship.
it's not a bad sign at all. it's not like love or lust is a single attraction that can only be focused on one person at a time. developing crushes on other people is a relatively normal part of being in a long term relationship and they're usually harmless and fleeting as long as you don't act on them
you don't just stop being human because you signed a bit of paper, suddenly finding yourself attracted to someone who isn't you spouse is not uncommon but there are healthy and less healthy way to deal with such things. Things like thoughts ans feelings for the most part are not under your control and you should not beat yourself for it, what you can control is your actions.
OP
OP
I love my wife and all, and we compliment each other well, but there'll be a few that make me go, "in the short term, I feel like I would feel way more ecstatic." if that makes any sense to anyone else.
This is pretty weird to me. If you start developing romantic feelings (assuming you meant romantic) for another person while in a relationship, I'd hope the expectation is that you are transparent about it and make sure it stops.
Whether humans are *made* for monogamous relationships or not doesn't change the fact that typically, a marriage indicates an agreement between the two that it will be monogamous. If I'm getting married to someone, I would hope that person doesn't think it's normal to have feelings for other people.
But everyone does their own thing I guess
LOL Nothing would give me more life right now than having some side action. I'm not going to go there though because that's big picture stupid. Have you communicated your feelings to your wife? Sometimes just honest communication can take that edge off.
No, I don't get 'crushes' because I understand what it could lead to, so I stop at the "I'd tap that" reaction and that's it.
Don't want to ruin my happy married life because of a 'crush'.
Don't want to ruin my happy married life because of a 'crush'.
How long have you been together?
At the end of the day, being with someone and staying committed to this person is a choice you make. People have different thoughts on what is going too far when one is in a committed relationship. I certainly do not mind a bit of flirting as long as it stays harmless and there is no intention of taking it beyond that but others may already see this as going too far.
How does your wife feel about this?
Perfectly normal, it cant overpower true love though, which is why I'm secure with accepting it. It just becomes more of an admiration of someone but never exploration. I'm incredibly attracted to my wife so it's an impossibility.
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OP
OP
I am pretty drunk. I have communicated in the past, and it's more or else a response of, "eh, it happens". I just feel like it should not happen.
Kinda yeah. A relationship typically doesn't magically flip some switch, which changes how you think / react about other people. But it's a commitment not to act upon certain desires / urges, out of respect towards your partner's (a person you love and care about) feelings. To uphold that commitment is a choice you make every single day.
But for your own sake you shouldn't let these kinds of innocent crushes really fester ...
Well, to put it inversely - i wouldn't say any kind of 'feeling' is unnatural. Like, people can fantasize about / feel things that they just wouldn't or won't act upon.
Hell, it's a commonly used stereotype in modern entertainment media that wives think about some hunky dude while having sex with their husbands.
Like, when we're having a more heated discussion, i often feel like yelling at my partner. But i don't. And i'm sure my brother-in-law sometimes feels like just walking out on his wife and 2 little boys (1y and 3y) during the moments that are particularly overwhelming. But, of course, he doesn't. And there's certainly people in relationship who feel like hooking up with that hot new colleague at work who's really cute and funny. But they don't.
I don't think it's a healthy idea to want to "censor" your own or your partner's feelings - if they're short lived and don't lead to actions, they're kind of inconsequential.
It sounds like you're describing not a long-lingering attraction but more a feeling of "I could see myself being in a relationship with this person because they're attractive". Is that right? If so, yeah, that happens.
For me, it's more that I'll notice someone attractive and might have that thought about them before I dismiss it out of hand-happens maybe once a year. Regardless of noticing someone else being attractive or engaging in a bit of "what if?" day-dreaming, I know my wife is the one for me and that it takes constant commitment and work to make that happen. Feeling a momentary attraction to someone else every once in a while isn't bad so long as you don't actively encourage or seek that feeling.
There is no point in denying human nature. People will get sexually attracted to other people and might even develop feelings for them. Completely normal. The sooner you realize that, instead of denying it, the better.
Marriage to me is just an outdated contract that really only has financial benefits to me.
Yeah I feel the same. The more you fight this natural habit, the more it's actually an issue for yourself and the more you make it to an issue for the relationship as a whole.
Accept it, maybe even fantasize about it even - because why not, but if possible don't act on it if you didn't decide anything in that way with your SO at first. You either communicate this in advance or you shouldn't have gone that far anyway with the relationship. General rule of thumb is "when in doubt, rub it out". As soon as you masturbated, the feeling is gone, right? *leaning far out of the window*
The short term fancy will go away too with time. Nothing special really. Just ask yourself what you would do the instant you both finished having sex. Because mostly that's when it's getting awkward anyway and the other isn't your SO.
We have a german word, "schmunzeln", which isn't quite the same as smiling, because it has some sort of mmm, second thoughts behind it, mostly fun or pervert related (hehe), which I always do when those things happen. Maybe smirking? I make my fun of it, but then I go my way. Funny hehe.
Of course you do. My wife and I commonly communicate our crushes to each other. It helps us understand each other's desires and needs better.
Crushes happen. I don't think there's anything nefarious about it but it also doesn't necessarily mean anything at all.
LMAO the virtue signaling in here like your SO is reading the thread "Oh lordy no I never ever would have a crush on another person *looks over shoulder to make sure their SO sees it*"
It's perfectly normal, it's about being an adult and not acting on it. For those that haven't had a crush while in a relationship, call me when you've been with someone for 10+ years.
That's a great understanding you two must have, sounds fun as heck too. My wife would probably kill me if I tried that though, just not her style due to some past experiences.
It's perfectly normal, it's about being an adult and not acting on it. For those that haven't had a crush while in a relationship, call me when you've been with someone for 10+ years.
That's a great understanding you two must have, sounds fun as heck too. My wife would probably kill me if I tried that though, just not her style due to some past experiences.