It was over our wedding.
Well, not really, but the wedding was the last straw.
We had been married for almost a year. We went to the Justice Of The Peace, just her and I, and we eloped.
I lived in Virginia Beach, she lived in The Bay (California). We were friends first, or at least, I thought we were. I moved out there about 3 months after we got married, as I wanted to leave my job the right way by training my replacement (and I'm so glad I did; I was able to get my job back VERY quickly).
Her daughter loved me, her daughter's father respected me (and honestly, if it wasn't for her, we probably would've been friends, or at the very least close acquaintances), and her mom liked me.
Everything looked good on the outside, but once you start peering through the cracks, you notice how unstable the foundation really was.
She was still wildly attracted to her daughter's father. They had been split for 7+ years, but she never once thought about extinguishing that torch for him. Part of her attraction to me, as I found out after the fact, was that I was like him in a lot of ways that counted for her.
The week that I found out the above information was the week that put us on the path to divorce. We were planning our wedding. She wanted this big extravaganza. I didn't particularly mind; I had the woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with; we could've gotten married in a Best Buy for all I cared. We found this WONDERFUL venue in Napa Valley, the cost for the venue and the catering was right up our alley; the issue was the number of people we wanted to invite.
Her guest list was over 200 people. I had exactly 19. There was no overlap.
What started the argument (and before this moment, we had ZERO arguments, after this moment, every conversation turned into an argument) was when we were trying to get under 125 people for the cost. She got her guest list down to 110.
She looked at me very seriously and asked me if I could cut 4 people to get us to 125. My 19 people were my close family members. I had 2 close friends, one who was my best man, invited. I COULD have cut some people, but why? Why should I have to compromise my short list so you can have all 100+ of your friends and coworkers and Tim down the street come to a wedding WHICH DIDN'T EVEN MATTER ANYWAY, AS WE WERE ALREADY MARRIED. My mom knew. My brother knew. It wasn't a surprise to anyone.
Surprise to me, she never told her family we got married because she didn't want her daughter's father to know.
We had it out and it was the beginning of the end. To me. For her, it had been over a while before that.
Long story less long, there were 2 abortions I didn't know about, a drunken night of cheating with a mutual friend of ours, a promise broken of going to counseling to work it out, her brother coming to the house while she wasn't there to fight me(and/or shoot me, I couldn't tell which) because she told him that she felt "unsafe" in the home (and the reason she felt "unsafe" wasn't because I was loud or angry or violent, but because she wanted our 3 bedroom home to herself that night, and I said no, I'll just sleep in the guest room), and her trying to sleep with her daughter's father the very same night we split.
Communication is key. I thought that we had a good relationship, only for the bombshell to drop as we were planning our wedding.
I dodged a bullet. A Bullet Bill sized bullet.