Couples share the fight that ended their marriages. What ended yours?

[RDreamer]

She's as much set in her ways and wanting what she wants as much as he was.

Click to shrink...

Set in their ways and clearly not communicating. You'd think they'd have a better plan on what they were doing before they made the trip to Paris. I'm betting one of them was going along with the plan all the way through until leaving and then when they got there wanted to flip the script. They thought they could convince the other one to do what they wanted rather than communicating prior, so instead it just blows up.

That's a big thing in marriage, I think. Don't go along with things unless you actually want to or are going to go along with the thing. Don't lie to your partner and say you're cool with something when you're not or when you think you can change that later. Communicate.

 

[Burrman]

Good! I'm glad you had the self-awareness and foresight to not repeat your father's mistakes and set your relationship on the right course. In those four years, you could have sunk the relationship and wouldn't have experienced it's current more positive phase.



LOL Great advice in these posts. Young bucks, please listen to these ninjas!

How did you find out and how did your friend find out? Try to curb any potential violence!

Click to shrink...

He thought something was goin on and went through his girls phone. He even sent me all the messages. He's handling it better than anyone else would honestly. He already got a lawyer and is trying to get his kid now.

 

[Deleted member 4034]

Some of y'all are projecting a lot on that Paris story. "My feet hurt, can we just sit instead of going everywhere." How are they both refusing to compromise when she already did what he wanted and was paying for it physically.

Reading the story, she went along with all of it for a while and wanted to take a break and relax. Same thing I'd do. See the sights, then settle down with a beer or something. It's not all that odd, and if her husband forced her to go to 300 tourist attractions in one day it could be exhausting.

Click to shrink...

Thank you, what story did everyone else read?

 

[subpar spatula]

A comedian I like said it best: You can be right, or you can be happy. You can't be both. If your goal in a marriage is to be right, you're not going to last long.

Click to shrink...

Then y'all just aren't compatible. You want a partner who is able to acknowledge they are wrong and move forward together. If you can't then you're just marking time.

 

[Deleted member 4274]

I was conceived while my mom was 20, and my mom married my dad at 21. All my life I barely saw my father. Can't even confirm he was at my or my brothers birth. Also they NEVER lived together. We lived in Harlem, ol' dad had an apartment in Harlem AND downtown on the eastside. They divorced in 1993 because my dad had kids all over the place. He stayed cheating on my beautiful mom. Then my mom was in the hospital for 3 months in 1995 (sickle cell), so he HAD to come take care of us. Only, he didn't. I probably saw him an hour or 2 5 days a week, and maybe a little more on the weekends. For SOME reason they got REMARRIED in shortly after my mom almost DIED from sickle cell complications. I remember her asking my little brother and I if she should do it. I was 12 my bro 10. My lil bro was all for it, and I vehemently opposed it. I told her verbatim "I don't even KNOW this nigga". Why she thought he was taking care of us is beyond me. Her friends and my gramma took care of us. She did it anyway ONLY to get divorced again like a year later. Why? He continued to cheat, and STILL didn't live with us. To this day, I may have seen that nigga like 25 - 30 times in my life. Fuck that nigga. He's a bitch.

#gettingitoffmychest #willtakethatwillmoneytho

 

[BadScooter]

Married a while. Contrary to popular belief, my advice is to absolutely "count," but not to care if the "score" is a little imbalanced.

If it's like 100-0, that's not healthy and a bad sign. Both people should want to make sacrifices for the other.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

I can't even fathom living with someone else to be honest....that's usually when the "tinder flings" come to an end when the talk of moving in together pops up. I'll be 40 next month, doubt I'm ever going to change

Click to shrink...

As long as you good.

 

[Dust]

Can we hear this story?

Click to shrink...

Well now I want to hear the story.

Click to shrink...

Basically I came from work and booted up that sweet ass Wicher 3 to unwind after day full of dealing with idiots.
GF was out with her friends drinking for the evening, she came back kinda drunk and I was in the middle of that Triss in the garden segment.
She kinda sat down there and watched me play going "I bet you like sluts like this one, huh" while I was just "the fuck", it slowly started to escalate into insinuations that I don't find her attractive and random unrelated shit. That went on for like 2 hours. It soured whole year we have been together.
Since I was really pissed off from work and generally close to breaking point I said "you are fucking insane, I am done".
I went out and was driving until like 2 am.

I broke up with her next day.
Shit happens but I wonder what if I played Dark Souls or something.

 

[Vire]

Looking back on my trip to Hawaii my favorite thing was how chill it all was. Wake up, walk down the street and get breakfast/coffee, walk across the street and snorkle in the ocean, back to the hotel and watch a game of the NBA finals, go back out and meet up with friends and drink.

We did some exploring sure but that wasn't my favorite part.

Click to shrink...

Hawaii is a completely different vibe than France, it's kind of expected to be more laid back and relaxed. You got to different places in the world for different reasons.

When we went on our mini honeymoon to Sannibel Island of course, that was the idea was to simply walk around, chill at the beach, do some kayaking, snorkel, get some oysters at no shirt and flip flops kind of place. You have certain expectations in mind when you are visiting new areas.

 

[Instant Vintage]

It was over our wedding.

Well, not really, but the wedding was the last straw.

We had been married for almost a year. We went to the Justice Of The Peace, just her and I, and we eloped.

I lived in Virginia Beach, she lived in The Bay (California). We were friends first, or at least, I thought we were. I moved out there about 3 months after we got married, as I wanted to leave my job the right way by training my replacement (and I'm so glad I did; I was able to get my job back VERY quickly).

Her daughter loved me, her daughter's father respected me (and honestly, if it wasn't for her, we probably would've been friends, or at the very least close acquaintances), and her mom liked me.

Everything looked good on the outside, but once you start peering through the cracks, you notice how unstable the foundation really was.

She was still wildly attracted to her daughter's father. They had been split for 7+ years, but she never once thought about extinguishing that torch for him. Part of her attraction to me, as I found out after the fact, was that I was like him in a lot of ways that counted for her.

The week that I found out the above information was the week that put us on the path to divorce. We were planning our wedding. She wanted this big extravaganza. I didn't particularly mind; I had the woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with; we could've gotten married in a Best Buy for all I cared. We found this WONDERFUL venue in Napa Valley, the cost for the venue and the catering was right up our alley; the issue was the number of people we wanted to invite.

Her guest list was over 200 people. I had exactly 19. There was no overlap.

What started the argument (and before this moment, we had ZERO arguments, after this moment, every conversation turned into an argument) was when we were trying to get under 125 people for the cost. She got her guest list down to 110.

She looked at me very seriously and asked me if I could cut 4 people to get us to 125. My 19 people were my close family members. I had 2 close friends, one who was my best man, invited. I COULD have cut some people, but why? Why should I have to compromise my short list so you can have all 100+ of your friends and coworkers and Tim down the street come to a wedding WHICH DIDN'T EVEN MATTER ANYWAY, AS WE WERE ALREADY MARRIED. My mom knew. My brother knew. It wasn't a surprise to anyone.

Surprise to me, she never told her family we got married because she didn't want her daughter's father to know.

We had it out and it was the beginning of the end. To me. For her, it had been over a while before that.

Long story less long, there were 2 abortions I didn't know about, a drunken night of cheating with a mutual friend of ours, a promise broken of going to counseling to work it out, her brother coming to the house while she wasn't there to fight me(and/or shoot me, I couldn't tell which) because she told him that she felt "unsafe" in the home (and the reason she felt "unsafe" wasn't because I was loud or angry or violent, but because she wanted our 3 bedroom home to herself that night, and I said no, I'll just sleep in the guest room), and her trying to sleep with her daughter's father the very same night we split.

Communication is key. I thought that we had a good relationship, only for the bombshell to drop as we were planning our wedding.

I dodged a bullet. A Bullet Bill sized bullet.

 

[Vire]

I was reading my wife these stories, and she was like, "uh, you're supposed to go out and spend all day seeing things. I can sip espresso here in San Antonio." Haha. While I don't think I would be getting divorced over that, I would find this woman incredibly boring.

Click to shrink...

Thumbs up to you and your wife. Lets travel!

 

[Chopchop]

Basically I came from work and booted up that sweet ass Wicher 3 to unwind after day full of dealing with idiots.
GF was out with her friends drinking for the evening, she came back kinda drunk and I was in the middle of that Triss in the garden segment.
She kinda sat down there and watched me play going "I bet you like sluts like this one, huh" while I was just "the fuck", it slowly started to escalate into insinuations that I don't find her attractive and random unrelated shit. That went on for like 2 hours. It soured whole year we have been together.
Since I was really pissed off from work and generally close to breaking point I said "you are fucking insane, I am done".
I went out and was driving until like 2 am.

I broke up with her next day.
Shit happens but I wonder what if I played Dark Souls or something.

Click to shrink...

Christ. It sounds like a bad day made worse when she decided to use that moment to unload a lot of her baggage on you. I feel like there were a lot of insecurities there that were building up over time.

If it didn't happen then, it would have happened some other time.

 

[srhltmr]

Married a while. Contrary to popular belief, my advice is to absolutely "count," but not to care if the "score" is a little imbalanced.

If it's like 100-0, that's not healthy and a bad sign. Both people should want to make sacrifices for the other.

Click to shrink...

This is putting it much better than I did, thank you.

 

[RDreamer]

Hawaii is a completely different vibe than France, it's kind of expected to be more laid back and relaxed. You got to different places in the world for different reasons.

When we went on our mini honeymoon to Sannibel Island of course, that was the idea was to simply walk around, chill at the beach, do some kayaking, snorkel, get some oysters at no shirt and flip flops kind of place. You have certain expectations in mind when you are visiting new areas.

Click to shrink...

Yeah different trips can mean different things and clearly these two were not on the same page.

I'm so glad both me and my wife were gung ho about seeing as many things as possible on our trips. We got slowed a bit during our last trip to Greece because she was pregnant, but she still wanted to see a shit-ton. She went as far and fast as she could. She konked out early a few of the days but really wanted to keep up and do as much as possible.

I could see it coming across like a check list sort of thing sometimes, but I think everything we saw planted an amazing memory. The biggest checklist thing was when we rushed over to get to the panathenaic stadium before heading out of Athens. We felt like we barely had time, but I really wanted to go see it. There wasn't really a huge reason. I could see it feeling like a checklist thing from her perspective. But we got there and it was really cool seeing the sun rise and we took some really fun pictures and saw the torches. It was a cool little thing that then also kind of enhanced when we went to Olympia later that week.

Married a while. Contrary to popular belief, my advice is to absolutely "count," but not to care if the "score" is a little imbalanced.

If it's like 100-0, that's not healthy and a bad sign. Both people should want to make sacrifices for the other.

Click to shrink...

It's best if both sides feel like it's 100-0 in their favor. Basically like they don't do much and the other is amazing.

I swear that's what it's like with my wife. I feel kinda useless a lot but she somehow thinks I do so ridiculously much. And then vice versa. It motivates us to do more for each other and appreciate what we do.

 

[Deleted member 14518]

Americans dont get much holidays, they dont know how to do them properly, not enough practice.

 

[Powdered Egg]

It amazes me how terribly some couples communicate.

He thought something was goin on and went through his girls phone. He even sent me all the messages. He's handling it better than anyone else would honestly. He already got a lawyer and is trying to get his kid now.

Click to shrink...

Ok good! Glad things are being handled legally.

 

[JoeBoy101]

That actually sounds a lot like forum posting

Click to shrink...

Speaking more about the compromise, but your right in that texting is allowing more image linking, so it's not that far behind.

 

[viskod]

Did they get married before moving in together?

That kind of dynamic is part of why it's a good idea to live with your partner for awhile before getting married.

Click to shrink...

They had not lived together, but they'd been a happy couple for years. It was the most insane thing. It was like my friend almost become a different person over night after the moved in together.

 

[Tuorom]

Saying to no one in particular*
Holy shit I can't believe the amount of people who can't tell the truth. So many situations can be avoided entirely if you just say what is the truth.
Like, no I can't go through with this because I still have feelings for my ex.

It might hurt at the start but don't be a fucking coward, it will make you happier in a month once you've gotten over it.

I hate dishonesty. There's no reason for it.

/rant

 

[Hassel]

I get married next month, so I'm reading between all the lines here. Learn to communicate seems to be the underlying lesson but HOW to do that is the real issue. Communication and finances. Don't Lie.

Click to shrink...

Yup these are good, I would also add, pick your battles.

 

[Hassel]

Two points of advice from over 10 years of marriage:

1) Never let it fester. If you get angry, tell them why. If they're angry, ask them why and listen. Don't wait, don't let it blow over. It doesn't, it's not bad weather, it's hurt feelings that rot. Pull that weed out quickly, no matter how much you might want to avoid it.

2) Eat Shit.

No seriously.

Real life is not forum posting and I guarantee you will run into that moment when they are certain they are right and you will be certain you're right. You HAVE to take a knee sometimes with these situations. It's compromise so that you can hold fast when it's really important. Nobody likes to hear it, much less do it, but sometimes you got to let it go, tell them 'let's do it your way', 'okay i see what your saying', 'alright I'll do it for you', with no qualifiers or conditions.

It doesn't mean being a wet blanket, as you shouldn't be doing this all the time. But sometimes, even if it is important, you gotta take one for the team. That team being you and them.

This is not me saying you don't know what your doing, but me cheering people on for trying to build strong relationships. I hope it works out for you.

Click to shrink...

I said "pick your battles" but I liked they way you put it better lol.

 

[Deleted member 33533]

They had not lived together, but they'd been a happy couple for years. It was the most insane thing. It was like my friend almost become a different person over night after the moved in together.

Click to shrink...

Yeah that's not particularly surprising. Living with someone is completely different. Even some people I'm friends with, I don't think I could live with. Being married is a whole different beast.

 

[Dmitriivanalexeipavel]

i took this sales training course one time where the instructor set up this analogy about asking for what you want even if you know you can't get it. like, if someone asks you what you want for dinner, and you want a steak dinner, say, "a steak dinner."

 

[Linkura]

There was an incident that signaled the abrupt end of our marriage. My brother was dating a girl who I was also friends with. They broke up, and right after that she told me she had something to get off of her chest- my then-wife had made a drunk confession to her. Not quite three years before that, while I was home with our newborn baby daughter and a two year old son, my ex got out of work and went to a house party with some co-workers, her and her best friend who worked together. They both ended up drunk, and high, and fucked two of their coworkers. She got pregnant, went to this dude, and had him pay for an abortion, since she didn't know who the baby's father was for sure.

I found this out as I was on my way home from work (I got off around 3 pm, and she worked until 6 pm). So I went to my ex-wife's job immediately, pretending like I was bringing her a romantic surprise, had her meet me outside, confronted her with the truth, and told her that I'd be divorcing her.

We had plenty of other problems, but this one did me in. Our daughter was about 8 weeks old at the time. It was unforgivable.



That's fucking atrocious. I have a blended family. I can say this with experience- it doesn't work when you treat some kids differently than others. I'd have left her too.

Click to shrink...

The more I look back at my first marriage, the more I realize how toxic it was from the very beginning. Yes, there was a single defining moment where I knew I needed to leave, but the seeds of emotional abuse and manipulation were there from the start.
It's typically hard for a man to accept that he's the victim of domestic abuse, and I was no different. Even when it became physical abuse, I tried to make excuses. I blamed myself.

But as for the argument that ended it. She convinced me I needed to go to therapy because she told me that all of the problems in our marriage were my fault. I asked her to come along to my first session to support me. She agreed on the condition that she would not go into the room with me and would not speak to the therapist.
After my session ended, I went to the waiting room and she was nowhere to be found. I eventually found her outside the building, smoking and crying (as far as I knew at the time and over the course of 5 years of marriage, she didnt smoke.) She proceeded to scream at me that I was a liar. That i broke my promise.
I had no idea what she meant. Turns out, the front desk clerk called her name to let her know I was wrapping up. She assumed she was being brought into the session and flipped out.
The entire ride home (over an hour) she screamed at me. Told me I was a worthless liar and that I should just kill myself.
I filed for divorce the next day... on our 5th anniversary.

Click to shrink...

It was over our wedding.

Well, not really, but the wedding was the last straw.

We had been married for almost a year. We went to the Justice Of The Peace, just her and I, and we eloped.

I lived in Virginia Beach, she lived in The Bay (California). We were friends first, or at least, I thought we were. I moved out there about 3 months after we got married, as I wanted to leave my job the right way by training my replacement (and I'm so glad I did; I was able to get my job back VERY quickly).

Her daughter loved me, her daughter's father respected me (and honestly, if it wasn't for her, we probably would've been friends, or at the very least close acquaintances), and her mom liked me.

Everything looked good on the outside, but once you start peering through the cracks, you notice how unstable the foundation really was.

She was still wildly attracted to her daughter's father. They had been split for 7+ years, but she never once thought about extinguishing that torch for him. Part of her attraction to me, as I found out after the fact, was that I was like him in a lot of ways that counted for her.

The week that I found out the above information was the week that put us on the path to divorce. We were planning our wedding. She wanted this big extravaganza. I didn't particularly mind; I had the woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with; we could've gotten married in a Best Buy for all I cared. We found this WONDERFUL venue in Napa Valley, the cost for the venue and the catering was right up our alley; the issue was the number of people we wanted to invite.

Her guest list was over 200 people. I had exactly 19. There was no overlap.

What started the argument (and before this moment, we had ZERO arguments, after this moment, every conversation turned into an argument) was when we were trying to get under 125 people for the cost. She got her guest list down to 110.

She looked at me very seriously and asked me if I could cut 4 people to get us to 125. My 19 people were my close family members. I had 2 close friends, one who was my best man, invited. I COULD have cut some people, but why? Why should I have to compromise my short list so you can have all 100+ of your friends and coworkers and Tim down the street come to a wedding WHICH DIDN'T EVEN MATTER ANYWAY, AS WE WERE ALREADY MARRIED. My mom knew. My brother knew. It wasn't a surprise to anyone.

Surprise to me, she never told her family we got married because she didn't want her daughter's father to know.

We had it out and it was the beginning of the end. To me. For her, it had been over a while before that.

Long story less long, there were 2 abortions I didn't know about, a drunken night of cheating with a mutual friend of ours, a promise broken of going to counseling to work it out, her brother coming to the house while she wasn't there to fight me(and/or shoot me, I couldn't tell which) because she told him that she felt "unsafe" in the home (and the reason she felt "unsafe" wasn't because I was loud or angry or violent, but because she wanted our 3 bedroom home to herself that night, and I said no, I'll just sleep in the guest room), and her trying to sleep with her daughter's father the very same night we split.

Communication is key. I thought that we had a good relationship, only for the bombshell to drop as we were planning our wedding.

I dodged a bullet. A Bullet Bill sized bullet.

Click to shrink...

Man, these sure are some fucking doozies. I hope you are all in a better place now with your lives.

 

[Deleted member 3837]

Haha crap the original post cut me deep

 

[Deleted member 19066]

Two points of advice from over 10 years of marriage:

1) Never let it fester. If you get angry, tell them why. If they're angry, ask them why and listen. Don't wait, don't let it blow over. It doesn't, it's not bad weather, it's hurt feelings that rot. Pull that weed out quickly, no matter how much you might want to avoid it.

2) Eat Shit.

No seriously.

Real life is not forum posting and I guarantee you will run into that moment when they are certain they are right and you will be certain you're right. You HAVE to take a knee sometimes with these situations. It's compromise so that you can hold fast when it's really important. Nobody likes to hear it, much less do it, but sometimes you got to let it go, tell them 'let's do it your way', 'okay i see what your saying', 'alright I'll do it for you', with no qualifiers or conditions.

It doesn't mean being a wet blanket, as you shouldn't be doing this all the time. But sometimes, even if it is important, you gotta take one for the team. That team being you and them.

This is not me saying you don't know what your doing, but me cheering people on for trying to build strong relationships. I hope it works out for you.

Click to shrink...

Both these points are great, but I wanna spend some time on eating shit.

This goes for guys and girls, but I think particularly for guys. Just eat shit. I've been pissed. I've been certain of my rightness. Absolutely positive. But I knew if I didn't let go of my pride - and it is pride - the fight would never end. And after all this time, I don't even remember what the hell had gotten me so steamed. All I remember now is the relief of letting go.

Then y'all just aren't compatible. You want a partner who is able to acknowledge they are wrong and move forward together. If you can't then you're just marking time.

Click to shrink...

Easy to say now...

 

[Doober]

My ex-wife acted weird for about three months but blamed it on repressed memories of sexual assault before finally admitting she had fallen in love with some other guy behind my back. Like, literally fallen in love.

If she was unhappy, she hid it well. :-/

 

[titch]

Not sure if i am ready to put my story out on an open forum as it is still ongoing. Anyone suggest somewhere to chat online to others about this.

 

[linkboy]

I got married in 2010. It was a shotgun wedding since she got pregnant. My son was born in December of that year.

By 2013, things had fallen apart. I was in the military and my job took me away from home a lot, in addition to deployments.

The lack of any type of intimacy also killed it.

We officially separated in 2014 and the divorce was finalized last month.

We're still good friends and our son comes before anything else. We're not going to throw away an almost 20yr friendship because our marriage didn't work out.

 

[GazRB]

Man after reading some the stories, it's hard to see how some of these couples got married in the first place.

 

[srhltmr]

Both these points are great, but I wanna spend some time on eating shit.

This goes for guys and girls, but I think particularly for guys. Just eat shit. I've been pissed. I've been certain of my rightness. Absolutely positive. But I knew if I didn't let go of my pride - and it is pride - the fight would never end. And after all this time, I don't even remember what the hell had gotten me so steamed. All I remember now is the relief of letting go.

Click to shrink...

Very well said.

 

[Aang's_Bae]

Agreed lol. Put your walking shoes on and let's go.

Click to shrink...

She had blisters on her feet. What is wrong with you people?

 

[Aang's_Bae]

Some of y'all are projecting a lot on that Paris story. "My feet hurt, can we just sit instead of going everywhere." How are they both refusing to compromise when she already did what he wanted and was paying for it physically.


Thank you, what story did everyone else read?

Click to shrink...

I know right. Who the hell walks so much that they blisters on vacation? I don't even get them doing my day to day and I sure as fuck wouldn't tolerate getting them on my grand trip out. I'd have abandoned after the first one cropped up.

 

[DrEvil]

Her wanting kids immediately, and me wanting to wait a few years to build up a bit of a nest egg.

This was after a 14 year relationship of both of us agreeing we didn't want kids.


The line that killed it was:

"what's more important. Our relationship or a kid?"

Which was responded to by her with:

"A kid. What's more important. Me getting an abortion one day or this relationship?"


I was willing to compromise, but she had already turned on me and started saying I was hiding things (I wasnt).

She stole our dogs and hasn't spoken to me in almost 2 years. That makes me sad.

Losing your best friend after so long is never easy and you never really recover from that.

 

[Cormano]

She cheated, and told me straight up that she never loved me. Dont know why she married me and had two kids (3 and 1 right now). Cost me a fortune to have my kids 50% of the time.

 

[Francesco]

The Fight About Paris
"The Louvre was closed; somehow, that became my fault. I was supposed to look up the hours and had gotten them wrong. My husband and I were in Paris for a long weekend and since he had never been there, he had a list of sights he had to see. Each day felt like a scavenger hunt designed to collect points for some mysterious game I didn't want to be playing. By the end of the first day, I had blisters on my feet. I wanted to relax in a cafe, sip espresso and people-watch all day. But my husband didn't drink coffee. And once it was clear he was going to miss the Louvre, he became more inflexible about his list.

I followed him from one neighborhood to another, trying to ignore the realization that, after 10 years of marriage, we no longer enjoyed the same things. It was less of an argument, just a sense that there was no 'us.' And when you're in a foreign country, not to mention the most romantic city in the world, that's a very lonely feeling." ― Tammy Letherer, author of The Buddha at My Table

Click to shrink...

I feel for the guy. She sounds terrible.
So many stories here sound so bad. Be strong, people.

 

[Deleted member 4367]

I feel lots of internal pressure to see as much as possible whenever I'm traveling to a big city and it hurts the vacation a little.

When we vacation to a beach area there's no pressure to do anything because merely being at the beach feels like the point of the vacation so there's no fear of missing out.

I respect her desire to spend a day simply enjoying the ambiance of a nice city instead of worrying about completing sone arbitrary list of sights.

 

[Objektivity]

Not divorced, hopefully won't. But the most recent mundane argument turned into WWIII was about a box of donuts. I said eating a whole box in a day isn't a good for ones health. It spiraled into yelling accusations of me trying to control her.

 

[PhazonBlonde]

A lot of these are just the straw that broke the camels back. Like, there's tons of problems for a long time and it just explodes into the break up fight.

With me it went in degrees with my ex. At first, I left for a few weeks to be with my family and called our engagement off. Then two years later I moved out to sort of get him to address problems with his depression and family. The fight that ended it was over him keeping on canceling plans and dates with me.

 

[EloquentM]

They do say extended vacations are the true tests of a relationship. You go through lots of relationship "trials" during the course of one that heavily relies on good/great communication. Planning, finances, execution, differences in how you feel during the vacation (I.e. how stacked is your itenerary? How irritable do you get while walking everywhere/or doing local tourist activities? Does you partner prefer to relax or see everything?), potential mishaps/arguments and how you cope with those issues, etc. if you aren't on the same page in general an extended vacation will be a detriment to your relationship for sure.

 

[uncleniccius]

You're missing key points;



It wasn't just a spur of the moment, it was clearly something that had been building up for a while with Paris being the breaking point.



With that kind of attitude you're not getting married at all. Also pre-nup are worth jack shit in the UK and can be ignored by judges in the US.

Click to shrink...

What you've said about the UK is wrong. They aren't binding which people conflate with being meaningless, but are always considered and generally followed if the procedure of doing it was fair.

 

[Rivenblade]

The more I look back at my first marriage, the more I realize how toxic it was from the very beginning. Yes, there was a single defining moment where I knew I needed to leave, but the seeds of emotional abuse and manipulation were there from the start.
It's typically hard for a man to accept that he's the victim of domestic abuse, and I was no different. Even when it became physical abuse, I tried to make excuses. I blamed myself.

But as for the argument that ended it. She convinced me I needed to go to therapy because she told me that all of the problems in our marriage were my fault. I asked her to come along to my first session to support me. She agreed on the condition that she would not go into the room with me and would not speak to the therapist.
After my session ended, I went to the waiting room and she was nowhere to be found. I eventually found her outside the building, smoking and crying (as far as I knew at the time and over the course of 5 years of marriage, she didnt smoke.) She proceeded to scream at me that I was a liar. That i broke my promise.
I had no idea what she meant. Turns out, the front desk clerk called her name to let her know I was wrapping up. She assumed she was being brought into the session and flipped out.
The entire ride home (over an hour) she screamed at me. Told me I was a worthless liar and that I should just kill myself.
I filed for divorce the next day... on our 5th anniversary.

Click to shrink...

My God, man. So sorry to hear this. Sounds like an emotionally abusive shitshow.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

What ended your marriage, Divorced Era?

https://apple.news/At1E34ErqRG-vC6ehUQVAyw

Click to shrink...

The husband who confiscated his wife's phone really surprised me. Grown adults do that to one another?

 

[Rivenblade]

Other than my kids getting sick, hurt, or abused my marriage falling apart is my worst fear. I love my wife with all my heart. I'd be devastated if I ever had to live a split family life like I did growing up. The four of us are a team, I will do anything and everything I can to make sure it stays that way.

Click to shrink...

I feel the same. My wife and I have our issues, but I'm aware of them enough to know how to diffuse most negative situation before they arise, and I'm all about thinking about our family as a team. I instituted a nightly "family hug" before bed over six months ago. It's a small thing, but I think it has helped to strengthen our bond. I want our kids to feel like they have the full support of their mom and dad as they grow older.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

For the record, I would divorce this lady too. She sounds awful:

Click to shrink...

I may be missing something crucial, but from her account it sounds like her ex-husband made what should have been a brief stay in one of Europe's most beautiful capitals into an endurance hike. If I treat my wife like that I'd not expect to keep her happy. If she wants to dawdle along the left bank or sip coffee on Montmartre, that's what I want to do too.

 

[Rivenblade]

Two points of advice from over 10 years of marriage:

1) Never let it fester. If you get angry, tell them why. If they're angry, ask them why and listen. Don't wait, don't let it blow over. It doesn't, it's not bad weather, it's hurt feelings that rot. Pull that weed out quickly, no matter how much you might want to avoid it.

2) Eat Shit.

No seriously.

Real life is not forum posting and I guarantee you will run into that moment when they are certain they are right and you will be certain you're right. You HAVE to take a knee sometimes with these situations. It's compromise so that you can hold fast when it's really important. Nobody likes to hear it, much less do it, but sometimes you got to let it go, tell them 'let's do it your way', 'okay i see what your saying', 'alright I'll do it for you', with no qualifiers or conditions.

It doesn't mean being a wet blanket, as you shouldn't be doing this all the time. But sometimes, even if it is important, you gotta take one for the team. That team being you and them.

This is not me saying you don't know what your doing, but me cheering people on for trying to build strong relationships. I hope it works out for you.

Click to shrink...

In addition to "eat shit," I will also add "shut up and walk away." When my wife is upset, she often doesn't want "to talk about it" right then and there. I want to talk about things while they're happening. She needs a few hours of anger release before she can talk about an issue. Knowing this about our conflict styles is huge. I'm the one who has to "eat shit" in this case, but it's playing a longer game that's better for both in the end. So yeah...shut up and walk away if it's obvious your partner isn't totally reasonable in the moment. Let them blow off steam in their own way and come back to it when they're ready.

 

[Rivenblade]

I was conceived while my mom was 20, and my mom married my dad at 21. All my life I barely saw my father. Can't even confirm he was at my or my brothers birth. Also they NEVER lived together. We lived in Harlem, ol' dad had an apartment in Harlem AND downtown on the eastside. They divorced in 1993 because my dad had kids all over the place. He stayed cheating on my beautiful mom. Then my mom was in the hospital for 3 months in 1995 (sickle cell), so he HAD to come take care of us. Only, he didn't. I probably saw him an hour or 2 5 days a week, and maybe a little more on the weekends. For SOME reason they got REMARRIED in shortly after my mom almost DIED from sickle cell complications. I remember her asking my little brother and I if she should do it. I was 12 my bro 10. My lil bro was all for it, and I vehemently opposed it. I told her verbatim "I don't even KNOW this nigga". Why she thought he was taking care of us is beyond me. Her friends and my gramma took care of us. She did it anyway ONLY to get divorced again like a year later. Why? He continued to cheat, and STILL didn't live with us. To this day, I may have seen that nigga like 25 - 30 times in my life. Fuck that nigga. He's a bitch.

#gettingitoffmychest #willtakethatwillmoneytho

Click to shrink...

Yeah, this sounds bad. Sorry you had to go through that, especially at that age. Sounds like your parents weren't all that mature then either.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

If my wife told me that she wanted to spend the day drinking espresso in a cafe all day after I just paid 2 grand to fly to France, there would be a problem in my relationship as well.

Click to shrink...

How about just agreeing to split up and then meet back at the hotel? Dragging somebody around even a smallish capital like Paris sounds horrible.

 

[travisbickle]

Louvre's closed on a Tuesday, wouldn't be surprised if they'd been running around Paris for three days for her to get blisters then he gets pissed off he's not able to trawl around the Louvre for 5 hours on the Tuesday.

 

[ClickyCal']

Parents divorced almost 20 years ago. Because of general money stuff, and my dad being a psychopath. I haven't seen him in 14 years.