OP
OP
Retirement is an interesting one! Suppose I made enough money to retire in my 30s (I didn't), is that ok to celebrate? Feels the same amount of taboo, but that's absolutely an extraordinary circumstance.
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Is it kosher to celebrate financial milestones with friends?
- Thread starter Lumination
- Start date
Yeah I think that is ok to celebrate. It is an outlier and may lead to questions about your financial status but seems fine to celebrate.
Everyone is different but if my friend made money, I would love to congratulate them, to let them know I'm so happy for them making a significant step in financially securing their life. If I did the same, I would expect no less. Their happiness gives me happiness and vice versa.
But it's gonna depend on your particular relationship with the friend. Personally, anyone I consider a friend I would be happy to share my achievements with and would expect the same.
Can't say I've ever heard of such a thing among my social group. It is possible they celebrate and don't tell me because I'm the least successful of all of them lol.
Celebrating some things that may lead to financial success are normal like earning a degree, getting your own business off the ground, often people celebrate a promotion, and so on. Celebrating a number seems unusual though, and can easily be seen as just bragging and inadvertantly rubbing certain peoples' faces in it.
Maybe talk to one of your close friends about it privately to see what they think. Era don't know these people, so we just go on broad generalities and how other people you don't know may react.
Celebrating some things that may lead to financial success are normal like earning a degree, getting your own business off the ground, often people celebrate a promotion, and so on. Celebrating a number seems unusual though, and can easily be seen as just bragging and inadvertantly rubbing certain peoples' faces in it.
Maybe talk to one of your close friends about it privately to see what they think. Era don't know these people, so we just go on broad generalities and how other people you don't know may react.
Do not mention financial circumstances to anyone unless specifically asked. Sharing online like here is fine.
I'm going to retire at 44 with my home paid off. When people start asking me questions about what I plan to do after that, I'll tell them I'm looking at different options and leave it at that.
I'm going to retire at 44 with my home paid off. When people start asking me questions about what I plan to do after that, I'll tell them I'm looking at different options and leave it at that.
It's considered quite crass to talk about money, especially when you know that the people you're talking to are less well off than you. Giving advice and talking strategy is one thing, but throwing yourself a party because you're worth a certain amount is not a good look.
Not a good look.
Want to openly share finances with like-minded friends and stay an open book? Sure, a bit strange, but go for it. But to celebrate yourself - ESPECIALLY when you know you're "ahead of the curve" and doing better than the friends you want to celebrate with? Asshole-ish, IMO.
Want to openly share finances with like-minded friends and stay an open book? Sure, a bit strange, but go for it. But to celebrate yourself - ESPECIALLY when you know you're "ahead of the curve" and doing better than the friends you want to celebrate with? Asshole-ish, IMO.
When I became debt free I celebrated with my friends but nowadays as I save more and more I keep my damn mouth shut. At best my friend would say "you're doing a good job" but the downside on their mental health (I know several are still in debt) is far greater. Not worth it.
This. Center it around an actual event. Like paying off your student loans. People can relate to that mOre than having 500k in savings or whatever.
I guess the thing to think about here is: what if one of your friends is having financial worries or otherwise struggling? How would you announcing your own financial success potentially make them feel? Sure, they will probably feel a degree of happiness that you are doing well, but that's likely to be tempered with more negative feelings about their position relative to yours.
I think this is worth highlighting, too.
hmm, it depends i guess.
i'm poor, but i certainly don't mind if a friend made lots of money working hard and doing something that benefits society. like, if you're a doctor and make bank, i say great. you deserve it.
i suspect one of my friends is quite rich, he's some super talented coder who makes super secret code for the government (think the grid, army etc), and also freelances for the private sector. he probably makes more in a week than i do in a year just chilling at home coding when he feels like it lol.
BUT i think that's fantastic, he's a good dude who's been through a lot, always been generous and empathic, as trustworthy as one can get... so like, why would i feel jealous or have any negative feelings towards him if he has lots of money? wouldnt be very logical or fair. if he told me he made his first million i would be psyched!
i'm poor, but i certainly don't mind if a friend made lots of money working hard and doing something that benefits society. like, if you're a doctor and make bank, i say great. you deserve it.
i suspect one of my friends is quite rich, he's some super talented coder who makes super secret code for the government (think the grid, army etc), and also freelances for the private sector. he probably makes more in a week than i do in a year just chilling at home coding when he feels like it lol.
BUT i think that's fantastic, he's a good dude who's been through a lot, always been generous and empathic, as trustworthy as one can get... so like, why would i feel jealous or have any negative feelings towards him if he has lots of money? wouldnt be very logical or fair. if he told me he made his first million i would be psyched!
Seeing a lot of people in this thread that need to re-examine their friend circle... woof.
Im always down to gas my friends up when they hit major life milestones or even minor ones... or even if they just need it.
Good friends are great to have.
Im always down to gas my friends up when they hit major life milestones or even minor ones... or even if they just need it.
Good friends are great to have.
Nah it might make the less financially privileged ones feel like shit because they didn't get lucky in the capitalist lottery
I mean you can both be happy for a friend while also feeling bad about your situation
Sure. So is your suggestion only bring up negative things in your life with your friends so you can all be miserable together?
Or just don't talk to your friends about any of the major moments in life and just have small talk?
Just feels weird to me.
Well no those are fairly extreme, my suggestion would be it's probably bad taste to just celebrate having a bunch of money, there are plenty of other things in life you can celebrate that are not that. For another example, let's say your friend is losing their house and are about to be homeless, and you just bought a mansion- you probably (I hope) wouldn't start excitedly telling them about it right? It's just being reasonably tactful, or not wanting to put people in situations where they feel bad about the struggles they are going through.
I wouldn't do it. It is tempting to talk about your success and pat yourself on the back, but it's not worth the potential blowback. Money has a way of changing things. You might make someone feel jealous. You might make someone feel insecure or inept. There are a dozen ways it could sour a friendship, and the worst thing is you might not even know what's happening.
The better way to handle these things is to offer to pay or something like that. Maybe someone makes a comment. You can just say you're doing alright for yourself and you want to do something nice. They'll understand enough to be happy for you without any negative feelings.
The better way to handle these things is to offer to pay or something like that. Maybe someone makes a comment. You can just say you're doing alright for yourself and you want to do something nice. They'll understand enough to be happy for you without any negative feelings.
Depends on the friends you have.
Socially, it's kind of a faux pas, especially when you got a lot of petty-ass people or debbie downers in the world (see this thread lol). The way people here act, you can't celebrate anything JUST IN CASE SOMEONE HAS IT WORSE AND IT WOULD MAKE THEM FEEL BAD. Well you know, there's a difference between being smug and being sincerely happy and wanting to have that validated among friends. There is also a difference with feeling manageable envy and needing therapy for poor self-worth due to perceived disparity.
idk, I have autism so my own idea of what is crass or not is different, and also think finances are really interesting. It would be cool to celebrate some financial milestones, especially if it meant you treating them to a fun dinner or ordered ubereats/drinks delivery for them to have a zoom cheers.
Socially, it's kind of a faux pas, especially when you got a lot of petty-ass people or debbie downers in the world (see this thread lol). The way people here act, you can't celebrate anything JUST IN CASE SOMEONE HAS IT WORSE AND IT WOULD MAKE THEM FEEL BAD. Well you know, there's a difference between being smug and being sincerely happy and wanting to have that validated among friends. There is also a difference with feeling manageable envy and needing therapy for poor self-worth due to perceived disparity.
idk, I have autism so my own idea of what is crass or not is different, and also think finances are really interesting. It would be cool to celebrate some financial milestones, especially if it meant you treating them to a fun dinner or ordered ubereats/drinks delivery for them to have a zoom cheers.
I would say do what you feel is best, but respect the feelings of others who may not want to participate.
Can you explain how you got to "can't celebrate anything"? Also, is it your sincere belief that people who try to be sensitive towards those in financial distress are best categorized as "debbie downers"? Typically, I think most decent people try to remain sensitive towards the feelings and situations of others, especially so their friends, so it seems like kind of a weird take to advocate against that, right-wingers are the ones who would say "eh fuck 'em just celebrate and if they don't like it they are snowflakes" and we don't want to be like them.
Sure, they can be interesting - they can also be and often are a matter of life and death.
I agree with ya there. Situational awareness is probably pretty key in these types of conversations.
There's no right or wrong answer for how people should live their lives, at the end of the day. I understand what you're saying though, kinda lame of me to go straight to the extreme cases... duh. 😣
I was just thinking of scenarios like:
- Oh, you can't celebrate getting pregnant, SOMEONE MIGHT HAVE MISCARRIED. You don't know someone's infertility problems!
- Oh you can't celebrate getting a job, someone might be having trouble getting work
- You lost a bunch of weight. Good job? Or is someone having terrible time losing weight themselves?
A lot of things are a matter of life and death, health and wellness.
If you can't be sincerely celebratory about your own good fortunes, or even about the good fortunes of your close friends, I don't think it's so much about insensitivity but something worse. Yes, society is broken and there is incredible disparity, but if someone gets hives from the successes of others in their own social circles, then I don't have many good things to say about that person. It's close to crab in bucket mentality and also is probably a mental wellness issue (not "just" debbie downing, as I tried to might light of it a bit. Like it can be a serious problem and I know a lot of people here deal with depression + monetary issues).
Someone's success is not necessarily someone else's life and death. They don't have to be related, but that some people can't help but relate them, is as they say, the thief of joy.
The disparity is often not perceived though, especially when it comes to finances which people's lives can be deeply locked into without any reasonable means of escape. Honestly, any kind of celebration that has the potential to make anyone feel sad or sullen, even if they don't show it and instead take those emotions home, is a risky thing to do.
I mean if it's like "Hey I bought a house" or even "Finally paid my student loans off, and wanted to celebrate!" sure. But if it's like "Hey all, thanks for joining the Zoom. Just wanted to have a gathering because my savings account finally hit $10k!" that's a little weird, no matter the amount. I think calling that gauche would be an understatement.
OP
OP
You're right. We could make a killing on
$$$ I GOT MONEY EAT SHIT $$$ banners.
Unless you're making money together or at similar financial level, don't do this.
If you want to celebrate you really could just keep it to yourself and invite your friends out and pay for dinner. If they ask just say you're doing pretty well lately.
If you can't meet up, pay to send pizzas and drinks to their houses and catch up over facetime or something
This is a weird time (amidst mass financial ruin due to a pandemic) to brag about personal success.
Everyone loves free shit though. Treat people to something nice.
If you want to celebrate you really could just keep it to yourself and invite your friends out and pay for dinner. If they ask just say you're doing pretty well lately.
If you can't meet up, pay to send pizzas and drinks to their houses and catch up over facetime or something
This is a weird time (amidst mass financial ruin due to a pandemic) to brag about personal success.
Everyone loves free shit though. Treat people to something nice.
Seriously though, anything beyond getting rid off debt should be kept to yourself. Money and wealth is a very touchy subject to some. I lost a close friend because I did not choose the right words while discussing privilege as it relates to wealth. People handle this subject very, very differently.
OP: I think the only time when it's ok to celebrate it is when you are sharing that wealth with your friends, like a viking chieftain does with his lieutenants. Everybody gets gold, everybody is happy.
Today's version of this is having to take everybody to a fancy dinner when you get a raise. That form of celebration is acceptable as you are bribing your friends with expensive food.
A harder question is how far can you go when you're trying to help convince friends get a better job or make wise investments (real estate, index funds).
Today's version of this is having to take everybody to a fancy dinner when you get a raise. That form of celebration is acceptable as you are bribing your friends with expensive food.
A harder question is how far can you go when you're trying to help convince friends get a better job or make wise investments (real estate, index funds).
Friends are ok, when they have been part of the journey. When celebrating success it's crucial that it isn't just about you and some number, and people joining have a reason and chance to celebration with you, and be motivated. Shared success and experience.
That can be any and every celebration though! Yes, sharing any experience in the world is a risk. Even having a birthday can make someone question their mortality. Nothing is sacred.
I am not saying to railroad everyone and be insensitive by throwing cash or awards in their faces, but you have to give yourself room and risk to breathe and bask and let others bask with you as well.
But like I said, it definitely depends on the crowd you keep. If everyone is open about finances vs no one is open about it and scared to reveal, if you know your friends celebrate successes even if it's not in their own reach vs those who can sometimes be petty-ass bitches (I think we all know such a person at least as an acquaintance or family member and choose to not include them in much personal stuff).
I'd say it depends on your friends and how they are about these kind of things. One of my closest friends shares me how happy he is to have been able to reach x amount of cash in savings, and even though I'm in a rougher shape financially, I don't mind and I just share his happiness. If you think it could make some of your less fortunate friends would make self-concious about their own situation, maybe not with them, but really... I don't have a problem with someone celebrating something like that that they're proud of achieving. Know your crowd basically
Then don't celebrate anything, ever? Sounds like a miserable life to lead.
"Hey gang, I'm doing really well these days and feeling grateful for it, let me take you out for some food and drinks." If this is something you want to celebrate, I'd keep it as simple as that.
OP
OP
If I were to do it, and I'm not, this is about as extravagant as I would ever consider making it post-covid. But like, the inevitable question would be, "how ya doin?"
Even so, you can just say that things have been going well for you and you're just feeling good about where you're, keep the details out of it (plus after covid, this sort of celebration will be easier to explain away, no one will care why all that deeply they're just gonna want to kick it).