So my girlfriend just had a screaming fit at me in front of a large group of strangers and I'm kind of ticked off

[the magical kitsune]

As others said, you could have at least texted her and ask where she is. Doesn't matter if separating in shows feels normal to you, you knew that this kind of thing has upset her in the past and it was on you to not make her feel that way.

But anyway, making a thread about your personal relationships under the banner of "am I right or what" is kinda iffy yeah

 

[Deleted member 49482]

I don't mean to be rude, but I really do not understand how this requires explanation...

You know a person had a bad experience at a concert when it became more rowdy.
You go to a concert with them and lose sight of them because it starts to get more rowdy.

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I think this is where we differ then. I think the OP handled things incorrectly in that situation even if his girlfriend never had that prior history and bad experience.

 

[Disclaimer]

It's not gaslighting to say they should have been mindful of their partner's previous bad experience. Personally, in that situation, I think they should have immediately checked they were okay.

Click to shrink...

It sounds like he was mindful of it, considering from his recounting, they were consciously positioned in the back, well clear of the pit, and they had attended multiple concerts together in the past free of incident.

People are rolling with the narrative that he "abandoned" her, but they were separated for mere minutes — not the entire concert, nor even a full set, just 15 minutes. Immediately going outside the venue would not be anyone I know's first instinct upon separation.

If she was that uncomfortable with the situation, it was her responsibility to express that before they separated, or afterward via text — not by lashing out. In dark and crowded situations like that, the OP cannot have been expected to keep tabs on vague facial cues to puzzle out her comfort level.

There's no infatilisation, the Girlfriend made it clear how she felt and OP genuinely didn't give a shit when she went missing.

Basic social behaviour is that you try to find your friends when they dissapear, and that's in regard to people having a good time. People don't take well to friends that wander off or abandon them.

To do that to an SO that's vocal about how they are scared of situations like that is some shocking anti-social behaviour.

It's not callous, it's actively being as disinterested as possible in that person's well being.

Click to shrink...

This is a ridiculous reading of the situation as presented. Unless I have missed a subsequent explanatory post, the OP's girlfriend had only mentioned her past experience in passing months prior. She did not express any uncomfortability before or after accepting the invitation, or during the event. Further, they'd been to concerts together in the past without issue.

There is absolutely infantilization going on. People are removing this mid-20s adult woman from any communicative responsibility, which is not conducive to a robust relationship. The OP is not an "anti-social" monster who was "disinterested in his girlfriend's wellbeing" and who "didn't give a shit." They were separated for mere minutes.

 

[astro]

If you look later on in the thread, I discussed that in another post.And I specifically that that is what put him in the wrong.

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You might well have, I was talking about your original post that states differently. The one people were complimenting you on specifically.

No it doesn't. She has a bad expeiece in a most pit and she said she didn't want to go to another mosh pit. OP didn't abandon her in a most pit, they got separated in a crowd. As far as we know, she's never said she can't deal with being alone in a crowd.

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Yes, it does. You're being ultra pedantic and dismissive by saying "but, but mosh pit!" here.

 

[IDontBeatGames]

That's my bloody point. So many people here are assuming she was "traumatised" by what she described as a bad experience. Stop doing that. There's no reason to assume that.

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It was bad enough for her to not want to go back into a mosh pit again, which clearly shows on a scale there is some sort trauma there from her bad experiences. It's even in the OP, or are we disregarding this and pretending like that isn't a sign of trauma?

"She's fairly small, and got shoved around more than she was comfortable with, had her glasses broken, and got a small cut on her face. This was over 10 years ago. She said she never wanted to go into a pit again. after that experience."

 

[Cokie Bear]

Yes, it does. You're being ultra pedantic and dismissive by saying "but, but mosh pit!" here.

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Sorry but no. Being alone in a crowd for 15 minutes is not the same as having your glasses smashed in a mosh pit. OP clearly said he made a conscious effort to stand at the back and away from the pit for her benefit. There's nothing to indicate that simply being separate would be enough to cause panic in her, and that's not something people should just assume of someone.

 

[astro]

I think this is where we differ then. I think the OP handled things incorrectly in that situation even if his girlfriend never had that prior history and bad experience.

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You misunderstand. That would mean assessing it on different criteria. The key here being the bad experience. In a different situation, it would depend on the factors at play there.

Sorry but no. Being alone in a crowd for 15 minutes is not the same as having your glasses smashed in a mosh pit. OP clearly said he made a conscious effort to stand at the back and away from the pit for her benefit. There's nothing to indicate that simply being separate would be enough to cause panic in her, and that's not something people should just assume of someone.

Click to shrink...

Sorry, but yes, as explained.

It doesn't matter if the new experience doesn't perfectly match the last. I guess you've never experienced anything like this when old fears begin to resurface in a similar situation? It is not rational, and it doesn't need to match 100%.,

 

[LuigiMario]

Shoulda been more considerate of accommodating her given that she's had bad experiences at concerts before. A lot of women fear for their own safety when left alone at a bar or a concert. It's kind of the responsibility of a male partner to make sure they're safe. My girlfriend would be pissed if I left her at a show for more time than what it takes to get a drink or go to the bathroom. That said, people make mistakes, it's fine that you didn't necessarily know this during the concert if it had never been communicated to you, but you should probably have a conversation with her and see where she's at and maybe talk about how you can prevent it in the future beyond "never go to a show again"

 

[IDontBeatGames]

You might well have, I was talking about your original post that states differently. The one people were complimenting you on specifically.

Click to shrink...

Here's my post addressing him not looking for her and why I think it puts him in the wrong:

I tried to play fair and justify both of your feelings in my other post but this kind of throws it out the window for me. You knew she had issues prior to mosh pit like situations. And even after asking her once, you didn't try to have another conversation just to ensure she is mentally and emotionally okay with going to this concert before buying tickets. Hell, you could have double checked after and get a refund days prior to the concert if you had the conversation and she said no or you could have asked a friend to go.

However, the fact you willingly sat through the rest of the set rather than looking for her makes you an asshole. The first thing you should have done the minute she disappeared was look around to see if you make eye contact with her within your surroundings. It doesn't matter how much you love the band etc, anything could have happened to her literally anything. Fucked up shit happens all the time man, you're supposed to make sure she's safe at all times. That's where you fucked up in my opinion.

Click to shrink...

Click to shrink...

 

[Cokie Bear]

It was bad enough for her to not want to go back into a mosh pit again, which clearly shows on a scale there is some sort trauma there from her bad experiences. It's even in the OP, or are we disregarding this and pretending like that isn't a sign of trauma?

"She's fairly small, and got shoved around more than she was comfortable with, had her glasses broken, and got a small cut on her face. This was over 10 years ago. She said she never wanted to go into a pit again. after that experience."

Click to shrink...

it doesn't show trauma, stop using that word. Wanting to avoid something doesn't mean you were traumatised by it. That's a massive assumption on your part and it's incredibly unfair to assume that she was traumatised, both to her and the OP. They've been to other gigs together in the past without incident. She's clearly fine being in crowds.

 

[astro]

Here's my post addressing him not looking for her and why I think it puts him in the wrong:

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Yes, I know. I was talking about the post that those people were complimenting you on.

it doesn't show trauma, stop using that word. Wanting to avoid something doesn't mean you were traumatised by it. That's a massive assumption on your part and it's incredibly unfair to assume that she was traumatised, both to her and the OP. They've been to other gigs together in the past without incident. She's clearly fine being in crowds.

Click to shrink...

Trauma can be smaller. You're the one being incredibly unfair to those whose trauma wouldn't meet your arbitrary standard.

This is not just "a crowd". It is a crowd in the same place as the previous experience building up to the same thing she experienced.

 

[Cokie Bear]

It doesn't matter if the new experience doesn't perfectly match the last. I guess you've never experienced anything like this when old fears begin to resurface in a similar situation? It is not rational, and it doesn't need to match 100%.,

Click to shrink...

Again, they've been to gigs together before, so she can deal with being in crowds.

so again, sorry, but no. OP had no reason to assume this gig would be different than any of the others they've been to together.

 

[xaosslug]

lmao @ everyone telling OP you're in the wrong. What the fuck.

 

[TaterTots]

Mosh pit story aside, the problem is that she agreed to go to a show with you, where she knew no one else. You two got separated and you decided to watch the second set without looking for her or reaching out. She isn't just one of your buds. You're in the wrong, but I would dump her ass for yelling at me in public. I do not play that game.

 

[Siggy-P]

It sounds like he was mindful of it, considering from his recounting, they were consciously positioned in the back, well clear of the pit, and they had attended multiple concerts together in the past free of incident.

People are rolling with the narrative that he "abandoned" her, but they were separated for mere minutes — not the entire concert, nor even a full set, just 15 minutes. Immediately going outside the venue would not be anyone I know's first instinct upon separation.

If she was that uncomfortable with the situation, it was her responsibility to express that before they separated, or afterward via text — not by lashing out. In dark and crowded situations like that, the OP cannot have been expected to keep tabs on vague facial cues to puzzle out her comfort level.



This is a ridiculous reading of the situation as presented. Unless I have missed a subsequent explanatory post, the OP's girlfriend had only mentioned her past experience in passing months prior. She did not express any uncomfortability before or after accepting the invitation, or during the event. Further, they'd been to concerts together in the past without issue.

There is absolutely infantilization going on. People are removing this mid-20s adult woman from any communicative responsibility, which is not conducive to a robust relationship. The OP is not an "anti-social" monster who was "disinterested in his girlfriend's wellbeing" and who "didn't give a shit." They were separated for mere minutes.

Click to shrink...

It's hard to say anything bad to her when she's not here. Her behaviour was pretty bad too and she can't expect people to be mind readers, but the OP is not absolved for what they did.

 

[Cokie Bear]

Yes, I know. I was talking about the post that those people were complimenting you on.


Trauma can be smaller. You're the one being incredibly unfair to those whose trauma wouldn't meet your arbitrary standard.

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Trauma by definition isn't "smaller". That's an oxymoron. The word trauma is used to describe very distressing or hurtful situations and the effects of it, not something "smaller".

She's been to to other gigs with OP with no issue. Where was the trauma then?

 

[astro]

Again, they've been to gigs together before, so she can deal with being in crowds.

so again, sorry, but no. OP had no reason to assume this gig would be different than any of the others they've been to together.

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Did OP ever say they were in rowdy crowds having been separated before?

 

[Calamari41]

Always stick with your girlfriend/wife and, if you find yourself separated from them, look for them.

That being said, she should have told him she was leaving before stepping away. But that lack of info should have triggered a search by OP, not a casual "oh well I guess I'll see her on the way home or something lol." This is totally foreign thinking to me.

 

[astro]

Trauma by definition isn't "smaller". That's an oxymoron. The word trauma is used to describe very distressing or hurtful situations and the effects of it, not something "smaller".

Click to shrink...

Yes it is... trauma isn't only outwardly extreme. It's on a scale, personal, and you are not the arbiter of where it cuts off and on.

 

[Sumio Mondo]

Mistakes happen, this will be a lesson, of which there will be many. If I was you I'd go to the concert solo or with friends next time since it's obviously something that she hates. Hope it all works out.

 

[Cokie Bear]

Did OP ever say they were in rowdy crowds having been separated before?

Click to shrink...

Did OP say anything to indicate that he knew his adult girlfriend couldn't handle being by herself for 15 minutes?

 

[astro]

Did OP say anything to indicate that he knew his adult girlfriend couldn't handle being by herself for 15 minutes?

Click to shrink...

Yes, when he told us about her previous bad experience in this very situation.

 

[Sensei]

regardless of the mosh pit story, i feel like its normal to text/call/go look for the person if you lose track of them at a concert

ive never known anyone to consider it normal to NOT do this

 

[Cokie Bear]

Yes it is... trauma isn't only outwardly extreme. It's on a scale, personal, and you are not the arbiter of where it cuts off and on.

Click to shrink...

Wverything is on a scale. "Small trauma" isn't a thing though. That's like saying "well it's was only a minor disaster". If it was minor then it isn't a disaster.

You're assuming she was traumatised. If she didn't use that word I'm not sure how you feel you're in a position to make that judgement.

 

[Deleted member 33533]

There are like 4 or 5 different crazy places that stalk these forums, archive as much as possible and in many cases try to doxx people.

Click to shrink...

I feel like that's a very separate issue from what's happening in this thread.

Even then, there are several degrees of separation between a third party deciding for some reason to dox someone over a random relationship thread they made and telling people you actually know or know your SO about the fight you had. Realistically no one knows or care who OP is and their SO isn't effected by this. It's still not an issue in the way screaming at your SO in a very public setting is. Something that's not only humiliating to endure but also intimidating to stand up against.

 

[Cokie Bear]

Yes, when he told us about her previous bad experience in this very situation.

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which has nothing to do with being alone in a crowd. Because the situations here aren't the same.

 

[meow]

like this. I swear people are reading a different thread than me. She never said she was "scared of situations like that". They've been to concerts together before. OP said she mentioned once in a jokey tone that she had a bad experience in a mosh pit once. The weren't in a most pit in this situation.

No one is in the wrong here, there was miscommunication and they had a dumb argument that any couple would be over by the next morning. Thinking your adult girlfriend will be fine on their own for 15 minutes while you enjoy watching one of your favourite bands live isn't something anyone should have to second guess unless she explicitly told him that she didn't like being alone in crowds, which as far as we know she never did.


No it doesn't. She has a bad expeiece in a most pit and she said she didn't want to go to another mosh pit. OP didn't abandon her in a most pit, they got separated in a crowd. As far as we know, she's never said she can't deal with being alone in a crowd.

this wasn't a repeat of what happened to her previously.

Click to shrink...

Luckily some people (but not you or OP apparently) have the foresight and emotional intelligence to recognize and extrapolate when situations and the characteristics of those situations are stressful to people, instead of just being extremely pedantic for the sake of being "technically right."

 

[astro]

which has nothing to do with being alone in a crowd. Because the situations here aren't the same.

Click to shrink...

They are not 100% the same, but they are similar enough to trigger the past trauma.

Wverything is on a scale. "Small trauma" isn't a thing though. That's like saying "well it's was only a minor disaster". If it was minor then it isn't a disaster.

You're assuming she was traumatised. If she didn't use that word I'm not sure how you feel you're in a position to make that judgement.

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Small trauma as in a small thing can cause trauma. Trauma can be experienced by people for many different things. The event doesn't need to be huge, and it doesn't need to be cowardly obvious.

You are being very dismissive here.

 

[Ethical Hedonism]

Both are kinda immature and have to communicate their feelings to eachother in better ways, maybe both can learn from this.

 

[Kaelan]

it doesn't show trauma, stop using that word. Wanting to avoid something doesn't mean you were traumatised by it. That's a massive assumption on your part and it's incredibly unfair to assume that she was traumatised, both to her and the OP. They've been to other gigs together in the past without incident. She's clearly fine being in crowds.

Click to shrink...

Actually, yes it does. psychologically speaking people who have been traumatized typically COULD avoid those situations, per the fight or flight response. She was clearly "not fine" with the crowd, because she indicated something bad happened. On the outside it could be seen as a joke, however humor is a common coping mechanism when it comes to traumatic events and things that have happened to an individaul. Any post trying to compare trauma is ignorant, and down right disrespectful. I'm not saying the OP should have been a "mind-reader", and know the warning signs that the girlfriend did not what to go there. Most of this can be solved in a simple conversation.

A lot of un-educated guesses in here about what trauma could be, which is very frustrating. As someone working on their masters in counseling, we need to educate the public much better on what trauma is.

We don't really have a "types of trauma" in the scientific field. The closest we have is this: https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/assessment/te-measures/index.asp

Which is a common trauma exposure measure, how significant it was, etc. On a 1-5 scale. We also have the ACE scale for child trauma.

 

[Cokie Bear]

Luckily some people (but not you or OP apparently) have the foresight and emotional intelligence to recognize and extrapolate when situations and the characteristics of those situations are stressful to people, instead of just being extremely pedantic for the sake of being "technically right."

Click to shrink...

Luckily my girlfriend communicates to me when she's uncomfortable so I don't need to try and guess how an event from 10 years ago that she mentioned in a jokey tone could somehow trigger her in unrelated circumstances.

 

[astro]

Actually, yes it does. psychologically speaking people who have been traumatized typically COULD avoid those situations, per the fight or flight response. She was clearly "not fine" with the crowd, because she indicated something bad happened. On the outside it could be seen as a joke, however humor is a common coping mechanism when it comes to traumatic events and things that have happened to an individaul. Any post trying to compare trauma is ignorant, and down right disrespectful. I'm not saying the OP should have been a "mind-reader", and know the warning signs that the girlfriend did not what to go there. Most of this can be solver in a simple conversation.

A lot of un-educated guesses in here about what trauma could be, which is very frustrating. As someone working on their masters in counseling, we need to educate the public much better on what trauma is.

Click to shrink...

Bingo. Thank you.

 

[Cokie Bear]

Actually, yes it does. psychologically speaking people who have been traumatized typically COULD avoid those situations, per the fight or flight response. She was clearly "not fine" with the crowd, because she indicated something bad happened. On the outside it could be seen as a joke, however humor is a common coping mechanism when it comes to traumatic events and things that have happened to an individaul. Any post trying to compare trauma is ignorant, and down right disrespectful. I'm not saying the OP should have been a "mind-reader", and know the warning signs that the girlfriend did not what to go there. Most of this can be solver in a simple conversation.

A lot of un-educated guesses in here about what trauma could be, which is very frustrating. As someone working on their masters in counseling, we need to educate the public much better on what trauma is.

Click to shrink...

I didn't say it couldn't be trauma, I said it doesn't automatically mean trauma and I don't think people here are in a position to try and claim that someone they don't know was traumatised by an event they've heard third hand in incredibly basic detail.

I'm not saying she wasn't traumatised, Im saying that unless she used that word then no one is in any position to make that assumption.

 

[astro]

I didn't say it couldn't be trauma, I said it doesn't automatically mean trauma and I don't think people here are in a position to try and claim that someone they don't know was traumatised by an event they've heard third hand in incredibly basic detail.

Click to shrink...

Yes you did.

Having a bad experience isn't the same as "past trauma". Neither she nor the OP used the word trauma so I don't know why you and so many others are. Trauma is a word that has baggage, not all bad experiences cause trauma.

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No it doesn't. She has a bad expeiece in a most pit and she said she didn't want to go to another mosh pit. OP didn't abandon her in a most pit, they got separated in a crowd. As far as we know, she's never said she can't deal with being alone in a crowd.

this wasn't a repeat of what happened to her previously.

Click to shrink...

God, you're dishonest.

 

[Murfield]

I think you are in the wrong. Sounds like she only went in support of something you wanted to do. You should of stuck by her especially if you had reason to believe that she felt vulnerable.

I think you have to apologise, maybe bring a gift.

 

[excelsiorlef]

I feel like that's a very separate issue from what's happening in this thread.

Even then, there are several degrees of separation between a third party deciding for some reason to dox someone over a random relationship thread they made and telling people you actually know or know your SO about the fight you had. Realistically no one knows or care who OP is and their SO isn't effected by this. It's still not an issue in the way screaming at your SO in a very public setting is. Something that's not only humiliating to endure but also intimidating to stand up against.

Click to shrink...

All I'm saying is show this thread to his GF and see how she feels.

 

[IDontBeatGames]

Actually, yes it does. psychologically speaking people who have been traumatized typically COULD avoid those situations, per the fight or flight response. She was clearly "not fine" with the crowd, because she indicated something bad happened. On the outside it could be seen as a joke, however humor is a common coping mechanism when it comes to traumatic events and things that have happened to an individaul. Any post trying to compare trauma is ignorant, and down right disrespectful. I'm not saying the OP should have been a "mind-reader", and know the warning signs that the girlfriend did not what to go there. Most of this can be solved in a simple conversation.

A lot of un-educated guesses in here about what trauma could be, which is very frustrating. As someone working on their masters in counseling, we need to educate the public much better on what trauma is.

Click to shrink...

Told y'all I learned from my best friend. About time you assembled in here

 

[Mudkip Xbox Series X]

I'm a big dude and even I hate the mosh pit. There's definitely assholes that go on them just to push and start fights lol

 

[Cokie Bear]

Yes you did.

"Having a bad experience isn't the same as "past trauma". Neither she nor the OP used the word trauma so I don't know why you and so many others are. Trauma is a word that has baggage, not all bad experiences cause trauma. "

"No it doesn't. She has a bad expeiece in a most pit and she said she didn't want to go to another mosh pit. OP didn't abandon her in a most pit, they got separated in a crowd. As far as we know, she's never said she can't deal with being alone in a crowd.

this wasn't a repeat of what happened to her previously. "

God, your dishoenst.

Click to shrink...

I'm not dishonest, you're just so keen to argue you're not actually reading what I'm writing.

Me: "It doesn't show trauma"
Someone else: "Actually it can"
Me: "I didn't say it can't, just that it doesn't automatically mean it"

Where's the dishonesty?

 

[astro]

I'm not dishonest, you're just so keen to argue you're not actually reading what I'm writing.

Me: "It doesn't show trauma"
Someone else: "Actually it can"
Me: "I didn't say it can't, just that it doesn't automatically mean it"

Where's the dishonesty?

Click to shrink...

It's always gross to see people in this situation try to creep out of admitting they were wrong.

 

[DigitalOp]

The other weird thing is, if she was abducted or worse, OP was fine just chillen at the show like
"I'll find her afterwards"

Haha and he's wondering why she was mad.

 

[Cokie Bear]

It's always gross to see people in this situation try to creep out of admitting they were wrong.

Click to shrink...

So you can't point out any actual dishonesty or inconsistency in my posts.

 

[astro]

So you can't point out any actual dishonesty or inconsistency in my posts.

Click to shrink...

I have done. Your posts are clearly dismissing the idea it could be trauma.

 

[pokeystaples]

How you lose your gf at a show and not immediately go look for her?

 

[ty_hot]

Im guessing she drunk a bit, which helped with the reaction, but being alone in a place like that sounds like a thing you should know she didnt want. Didnt you guys have phones with you? I have a problem with my gf that she is the easiest and most clueless person to be pickpocketed in any setting so when we go out she never has her phone (or anything really) with her and I have to be 100% vigilant to not lose her because of that happens I know that at some point, rightfully or not, I will get the blame.

 

[Kaelan]

How you lose your gf at a show and not immediately go look for her?

Click to shrink...

This is the biggest key here. I don't give a damn if I knew my gf didn't want to be there or not. If she ended up MIA I'd go after her. Too many pigs and disgusting people at moss pits and concerts etc

 

[Cokie Bear]

The other weird thing is, if she was abducted or worse, OP was fine just chillen at the show like
"I'll find her afterwards"

Haha and he's wondering why she was mad.

Click to shrink...

What if she gets abducted while walking down the street. Is that OPs fault too? What a ridiculous thing to try and pin on someone. She's an adult, not a child. You know damn well you wouldn't be fear mongering abduction if the genders were reversed. Even if the absolute worst thing imaginable happened and she did get abducted, that's still wouldn't be OPs fault and it's pretty disgusting to try and put any amount of guilt on him for that.

I have done. Your posts are clearly dismissing the idea it could be trauma.

Click to shrink...

My posts are dismissing anyone claiming it IS trauma. People are claiming she was traumatised when there's no reason to think that. Saying she COULD be is different from the flat our assertion that she is. You'll note I never said she wasn't traumatised, just that people here aren't in a position to claim she was.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

it doesn't show trauma, stop using that word. Wanting to avoid something doesn't mean you were traumatised by it. That's a massive assumption on your part and it's incredibly unfair to assume that she was traumatised, both to her and the OP. They've been to other gigs together in the past without incident. She's clearly fine being in crowds.

Click to shrink...

Doesn't sound like you understand trauma very well. Even something as minor as being injured in a mosh pit can be traumatic, especially depending on how old she was when it happened.

Just because she was fine at other shows doesn't mean this one couldn't be triggering for her when she got separated from OP. Look, she has SOME responsibility for blowing up and acting irrationally, because the way she handled the situation was poor to say the least. However, OP also has some responsibility given he knew large, rowdy crowds were a problem for her and he didn't make an effort to find her until after the show. This is a pretty common type of miscommunication between couples, where each person judges the situation by their own comfort level/perception, without considering that of the other person.

 

[TissueBox]

This shouldn't be an ethical thing HONESTLEH. If someone in a relationship felt hurt, even if you are right, even if it was a 'misunderstanding', that's not going to immediately correct the course of things, or make them feel better.

The fact is that a lot of times there's always middle ground. One can argue that she misunderstood your staying as leaving her behind; and that you misunderstood her story of the mosh pit as being something worthy of note and playful, but not THAT severe a trauma for her.

But the point is that if you really care for, trust, and are a part of her, then trying to make amends and apologizing must be in the nearing future in your relationship. And then, one day the both of you will look back at this, and all will have been forgiven.

But you must first approach this with gentleness, with consideration -- not bitterness, or compulsion, or anger, if you want that forgiveness to be as genuine and healing as possible.

On the other hand, if the two of you are unable to really work things out after this... well, hey babeh, not all good things last a long time. xP Relationships can dissolve over things we cannot control, over things at the wrong place at the wrong time, over dogs and cats in a tophat. All depends as well on the deepness of the relationship and magnitude of the incident. Maybe it was just not meant to be, and you must prepare to cut things off and move on.

But if you still have feelings for her, and trust her to meet you halfway at some point, then try to reconcile with her, and as best you can, try to offer as little judgement on your part, however true. Sometimes, people get emotionally shaken and they just need some reinforcement. Even if they don't offer it to an equally hurt companion... sometimes for a relationship to overcome its humps, you need to let it be unfair. 'Cause maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next month, but one day, it will be appreciated. And somebody has to be that anchor, if at this moment, she can't.

That or some breathing room could do; some time to think, to yourselves.

G'luck..!

 

[DigitalOp]

What if she gets abducted while walking down the street. Is that OPs fault too? What a ridiculous thing to try and pin on someone. She's an adult, not a child. You know damn well you


My posts are dismissing anyone claiming it IS trauma. People are claiming she was traumatised when there's no reason to think that. Saying she COULD be is different from the flat our assertion that she is. You'll note I never said she wasn't traumatised, just that people here aren't in a position to claim she was.

Click to shrink...

Fuck are you talking about?

They went to a concert together, she went missing and he didn't take one second to look for her.

You sound dumb af.