If thats not victim blaming I dont know wtf it is.
Spineless? No reason to just walk out? Yeah... Im sure all mistreated women would be also delited to hear your wisdom of how to get out of abusive relationships.
And you know?
The only thing we can say right now if that if THIS is true, the guy needs help, even psycholgy help (becuase he cant handle abusive relatioships), and need to get out of that relationship. Oh the guy cheated? Maybe he cheated becuase he needed love and still was scared shitless of her current girlfriend becuase of what she usually does? Shit like this sometimes happens, geto off you high horse (and i say this hating cheating, and in this same thread i have said i was really angry at a friend for doing it with her ex).
If we discover this is just the imagination of the OPs friend, then you can say whatever you want of the guy.
You can see I didnt call the girlfriend names or anything, becuase I still dont know if its true, so dont want to condemn her completely. Im just saying on my 3 posts in this thread, that if its true the guy needs help, thats it.
No i understand that sounds weird.If you're having some difficulty visualizing this as abuse because it's a dude, try looking at it this way: girlfriend tries to break up with boyfriend. He refuses to let her leave him and locked the door from the inside and hid the keys, then kept her there until she agreed to stay and they had sex. Sounds pretty bad, yeah? That's straying into 'the implication' territory
The place I'm staying at now has a key on both sides.
She probably locked the windows if she was planning to trap him inside. I would.
...if I was crazy I mean.
Did she treaten to kill him or something? She just can't take "no" for an answer. She'll have to live and cope with that.
To be clear, i understand men can be terrified of women and abused by women just as women can be terrified of men.
But in this case he could just end it i think.
It does all sound a bit like that movie.. what's the name?... With Kathy Bates. Edit: Misery.
But it's not that bad yet. He just needs to stand up for himself and end it.
I'll sum up all the updates before this one, my friend told the other woman everything and she dumped him, he went home with the intention of confronting the gf.
He gets home and finds her there, she has prepared a nice dinner, the romantic kind. She was apparently dressed nice even wearing lipstick (She hates wearing lipstick). My friend tries to speak but she keeps interrupting and telling him to sit down. He sits down and she brings food from the kitchen to the table and sits down and he tries to tell her we need to talk and she asked him about what. My friend said he had a speech prepared but after a few moments of silence he forgot the speech and blarted out that the wanted to break up. At this point the gf made a smile or a chuckle of some sort and said NO, she immediately followed it up with how was your day. My friend was left speechless and tried to bring up the breakup again but she wasn't interested and he kept persisting until she slammed the forks and table knife into the table tells him no again. He decides to get up and leave but when he gets to the door he finds it locked and his keys aren't at the counter where he normally leaves them.
He asked for his keys back but she refused and keeps telling him to sit down, he brings up the breakup and she became angry. She brought up the cheating said how much it hurt her, how he should have been begging for her forgiveness instead he's trying to cause her more pain. My friend says now her eyes became watery, he tries to apologise and she said she forgave him and was willing to make their relationship work and then she brought up the times he hurt and began begging and told him how she was hurting imside and mt friend says he started to overwhelmingly bad and she moved from her chair to his and begged him more, told him she won't live without him and kissed him and my friend folded and gave in and apologized for trying to breakup with her, saying he'll give it another shot. They had sex and when to bed (Am ashamed of my boy), she slept soundly but he didn't, he was think about what to do. She told him where she put the keys in the morning.
My friend still wants to breakup with her but doesn't know how to do it, she clearly won't accept it this time.
This update was hard to write trying to remember all of those little things be said, while writing this I realized I need to get a life.
Sure that happens and it's terrible. Bit in this case the story is a bit off imo. They both ended the relationship multiple times so it could have ened long ago. Of course i do not know for sure but we'll have to wait and see.Women don't usually use phsycial force or threatening violence to intimidate men in these situations. My brother's ex-fiance kept on threatening to kill herself until he finally broke it off with her.
Not saying that's what this woman doing but just an example. And remember this ain't just some person OP's friend had known a month, it's someone whose seemingly been pulling this sort of behaviour for years. That he got back with her like how was described is textbook.
so that's you and you don't know how to dump her? Leave the apartment yourselfI'll sum up all the updates before this one, my friend told the other woman everything and she dumped him, he went home with the intention of confronting the gf.
He gets home and finds her there, she has prepared a nice dinner, the romantic kind. She was apparently dressed nice even wearing lipstick (She hates wearing lipstick). My friend tries to speak but she keeps interrupting and telling him to sit down. He sits down and she brings food from the kitchen to the table and sits down and he tries to tell her we need to talk and she asked him about what. My friend said he had a speech prepared but after a few moments of silence he forgot the speech and blarted out that the wanted to break up. At this point the gf made a smile or a chuckle of some sort and said NO, she immediately followed it up with how was your day. My friend was left speechless and tried to bring up the breakup again but she wasn't interested and he kept persisting until she slammed the forks and table knife into the table tells him no again. He decides to get up and leave but when he gets to the door he finds it locked and his keys aren't at the counter where he normally leaves them.
He asked for his keys back but she refused and keeps telling him to sit down, he brings up the breakup and she became angry. She brought up the cheating said how much it hurt her, how he should have been begging for her forgiveness instead he's trying to cause her more pain. My friend says now her eyes became watery, he tries to apologise and she said she forgave him and was willing to make their relationship work and then she brought up the times he hurt and began begging and told him how she was hurting imside and mt friend says he started to overwhelmingly bad and she moved from her chair to his and begged him more, told him she won't live without him and kissed him and my friend folded and gave in and apologized for trying to breakup with her, saying he'll give it another shot. They had sex and when to bed (Am ashamed of my boy), she slept soundly but he didn't, he was think about what to do. She told him where she put the keys in the morning.
My friend still wants to breakup with her but doesn't know how to do it, she clearly won't accept it this time.
This update was hard to write trying to remember all of those little things be said, while writing this I realized I need to get a life.
You are acusing an abuse victim of being mentally weak (spineless). Yes, that's what mental abuse does to people, it weakens them mentally. Calling emotionally abused victims weak is victim blaming.No i understand that but he shouldn't have cheated and he should have ended it. He's a spineless guy.
That she is fucking crazy is another matter. That's also true. There seems no reason for him to just walk out and end this.
Let's not make this into something more than it is.
That's not really relevant. If this story was clearly fiction, for example a movie, it would still be wrong to victim blame. Victim blaming is also about perpetuating stereotypes that blame victims. That can also be done with fiction
Sincerely, I'm tempted to say that, as told, it is rape.If you're having some difficulty visualizing this as abuse because it's a dude, try looking at it this way: girlfriend tries to break up with boyfriend. He refuses to let her leave him and locked the door from the inside and hid the keys, then kept her there until she agreed to stay and they had sex. Sounds pretty bad, yeah? That's straying into 'the implication' territory
I agree that's not relevant. Something seems off and there were many other opportunities to end the relationship for good by both people. Maybe the guy is scared and then it's an abusive relationship. Maybe he's a spinless shit and totally okay with her not breaking up having sex with him.You are acusing an abuse victim of being mentally weak (spineless). Yes, that's what mental abuse does to people, it weakens them mentally. Calling emotionally abused victims weak is victim blaming.
That's not really relevant. If this story was clearly fiction, for example a movie, it would still be wrong to victim blame. Victim blaming is also about perpetuating stereotypes that blame victims. That can also be done with fiction
How are people getting hung up on the door lock, doost of you not have a system where it's keyed on both sides?
We have a word for it in our country: disaster tourism. People love seeing a glimpse of other people's misery.
Page 1: How dare you call her a psychoWow, skipping from page 1 to page 14 of this thread is one hell of a tonal shift.
Where do you live. This is just another day of stories I hear in Florida lol
Don't victims of abuse often return to their abusers? If a person is good at manipulating someone and has a certain hold over them, they can probably easily pull them back in if they're still vulnerable even after a relationship has ended. "Why don't you just leave?" is easy to say from the outside looking in. Even then, you've never heard of toxic on-and-off-again relationships?Sure that happens and it's terrible. Bit in this case the story is a bit off imo. They both ended the relationship multiple times so it could have ened long ago. Of course i do not know for sure but we'll have to wait and see.
Honestly, the last update made me have doubts. It seemed too... theatric. At this point though, it doesn't really matter to me if it's real or fake. The "hypothetical" situation is still interesting to me just due to the thoughts people have on it, who they think is in the wrong, the double standard when it comes to victim blaming and thoughts on abuse or manipulative behavior in toxic relationships. That discussion is the only reason I'm still engaging with the thread.
hahahahaPage 1: How dare you call her a psycho
Page 14: Well that was proven true but what about them locks
I don't really "believe" anything on the internet; it's all possible or possibly lies.
I'm pretty sure keyed locks are against code where I live because I'm old as fuck and have literally never seen a deadbolt that required a key from the inside.
4. Doors from individual dwelling or sleeping units of Group R occupancies having an occupant load of 10 or less are permitted to be equipped with a night latch, dead bolt, or security chain, provided such devices are openable from the inside without the use of a key or a tool.
Yep. that happens a lot.Don't victims of abuse often return to their abusers? If a person is good at manipulating someone and has a certain hold over them, they can probably easily pull them back in if they're still vulnerable even after a relationship has ended. "Why don't you just leave?" is easy to say from the outside looking in. Even then, you've never heard of toxic on-and-off-again relationships?
I'm not. But keep trying.Also you keep saying you know men can be abused but from your posts it seems like you are still struggling with the concept because OP's friend is male. You still seem to think he could've/should've just got out and I'm not sure you'd be that way if the genders were reversed.
OP does your friend have a bear rugThis is overall pretty close to her giving him a paralyzing agent and setting fire to the place
The only thing I'm trying to do is understand what you're trying to say here.
The only thing I'm trying to do is understand what you're trying to say here.
I'm sorry if I'm misinterpreting what you're saying but you say stuff like "I know men can be abused" then say stuff like "they ended the relationship before so he could've gotten out of this but he hasn't so he's ok with it." Then when I questioned that you say "yeah, I know people can return to abusive relationships." Ok so... why doubt this because it's a relationship that ended then started up again?
No i do understand. I just don't think this is the case here. Like i already said.It reads like he understands that men can be abused, and that victims of abuse often have trouble getting and staying out of abusive relationships.
What he doesn't understand is that this particular guy was in an abusive relationship, and is having trouble getting and staying out of it.
He also doesn't understand that suggesting the victim should 'just grow a spine and leave' is a classic example of victim blaming.
Based on what though? That's what I don't get.No i do understand. I just don't think this is the case here. Like i already said.
Based on the info. Just like you. We just reach different conclusions. Now i have to work though.
I enjoyed this. I think if the OP posted it some people would still believe it even though nothing about this thread is believable.New update...
So my friend was crawling on all fours with his Gameboy Micro in his mouth (not sure why) when my gf surprised him with pictures of his gf holding photos of his former side chick. All three women were dressed in garb befitting the Antebellum period even though the former side chick warned my gf it might be confusing for my friend. My friend's gf jumped on my friend while he was still on all fours with his Gameboy Micro in his mouth and they both collapsed and had sex (am ashamed of my boy).
At this point my gf tells my friend's former side chick about the nuclear vessels. Apparently the empty spot on his wall where the photo of the former side chick used to be is a hollowed out bit of plaster that leads to a secret entrance into a frigid bay where several nuclear submarines are kept in secret. Each of them is fully armed and painted in the likeness of one of my friend's ex gfs. I told my friend when he told me about the nukes not to go down there with them because it wasn't safe and when my gf tried to pretend there weren't any nukes things got nuclear between us and she had sex with my psychiatrist (even though I asked her not to but she told me I'm crazy and she wants to be with someone more stable even though I pointed out to her that stable people don't supply people with secret nuclear arsenals with physical embraces unless there's emotional connectivity which there wasn't to which my gf said I lost the game and I asked what game and then I realized what she meant and after she left I ate a $30 Italian meal).
It turns out that the nuclear subs are property of a former KGB group who are now mercenaries and my friend's gf is their de facto leader. But at this point I have to admit she's a chess master among chess masters because she hid the keys to the subs inside my friend's considerable scalp so when her former KGB underlings arrived at my friend's apartment she told them they aren't allowed to break up with her (I guess they were planning on giving up the criminal lifestyle in favor of a desk job) and when they got angry and said it was their decision she started crying and everyone had sex all at once including my brother (who I should add is 62 years old and happily married). Everyone slept soundly except him and when he woke up and discovered the nuclear keys inside my friend's considerable scalp he drove all the subs to the Better Business Bureau and turned them in and my friend and my gf and my friend's gf and my friend's former side chick and my friend's gf's former KGB underlings all got arrested and are awaiting trial.
Apparently she wouldn't even need to drug him, just take the key and leave.This is overall pretty close to her giving him a paralyzing agent and setting fire to the place
I'm trying to understand you because what you say you believe about abuse and what you say about the situation seem contradictory to me. Don't know why you're choosing to be antagonistic with me. Probably is a good idea for you to take a break.Based on the info. Just like you. We just reach different conclusions. Now i have to work though.
Have fun pointing all kind of fingers and patting yourself on the back all the time.
I don't really "believe" anything on the internet; it's all possible or possibly lies.
No i do understand. I just don't think this is the case here. Like i already said.
There i NOTHING you and the other person are saying that i don't understand (or even disagree with).
Aside from the conclusion of this story.
No that's obviously an abusive act. Terrible. The whole thing is how the guy himself perceives this. We don't know that yet. Or do we?If you don't think it's the case here, then you don't understand.
Entrapping people in a relationship, emotionally and physically is abuse. It's not a matter of difference of opinion. It's a matter of fact.
Once you can accept that the person in t this story has been abused, then to suggest he should have just left is victim blaming, period.
My friend got some of his clothes and other essentials out of the apartment, he's staying with one of our friends. He sent her text basically telling her it's over, the text was sent over 2 hrs ago, he's worried she hasn't replied or called.
My friend got some of his clothes and other essentials out of the apartment, he's staying with one of our friends. He sent her text basically telling her it's over, the text was sent over 2 hrs ago, he's worried she hasn't replied or called.
My friend got some of his clothes and other essentials out of the apartment, he's staying with one of our friends. He sent her text basically telling her it's over, the text was sent over 2 hrs ago, he's worried she hasn't replied or called.
You know, I don't like to post much or drive by but when I see posts like these I get triggered and then feel sadness for people like you because it is clear that you have no friends irl or just simply think everyone behaves according to your way of life. Seriously, do you think it's ok to ask someone why they're friends with another person simply because they do dumb shit? Do you think every relationship is some magical shit where nothing goes wrong and everyone is perfect? I'm not calling you out personally but I am curious as to why you and some others think this wayI think the bigger question is why are you friends with this person