My father used to lie in bed with my teenage sister and squeeze her blackheads
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Yeah, if I ever do this to my kid please put me out of my misery. Jesus Christ.
OP even admits that his father was an alcoholic and abuse was involved but we still get "what's wrong with it" posts.
For once, this isn't directed at the OP: Why can't any of you fuckers be normal
OP even admits that his father was an alcoholic and abuse was involved but we still get "what's wrong with it" posts.
For once, this isn't directed at the OP: Why can't any of you fuckers be normal
OP your edit just proves you are out of your depth. There is nothing sexual about a father and his daughter no matter what the age. Are you one of those "men can't control themselves" kind of people?
He edited his post like 2 minutes ago. So get off your high horse breh.
a dad helping a daughter.
"Edit: I can not see myself, an adult male, lieing on top of a teenage pubescent girl in bed with my face within inches of hers. To me that seems inappropriate. That's the image I see."
This just reeks of old man with young girl anxiety that is pervasive throughout society, men cannot even hold their daughters hand in public without some prudish idiot screaming molester.
Honestly you are thinking too much about this OP.
"Edit: I can not see myself, an adult male, lieing on top of a teenage pubescent girl in bed with my face within inches of hers. To me that seems inappropriate. That's the image I see."
This just reeks of old man with young girl anxiety that is pervasive throughout society, men cannot even hold their daughters hand in public without some prudish idiot screaming molester.
Honestly you are thinking too much about this OP.
I mean' sure it's kinda gross to pop pimples and blackheads but unless this was some Junji Ito type stuff going on I don't see the problem.
I dunno OP. Lying in bed (literally, not figuratively) with another person can mean different things to different people. The squeezing blackheads part is definitely weird but not necessarily suspicious. I wouldn't worry about it unless you learn of any worse context or your sister voices that she was traumatized by it.
He doesn't say abuse was involved in any way with this, so I don't know why we should be jumping to conclusions.
His father is a pedophile now?
Well he struggled with alcoholism so that automatically makes him a pedophile too apparently.
As someone with children and as someone who enjoys watching pimple popper videos on youtube I don't really see anything wrong with this.
It might come off as a bit weird to some people but I don't think there is anything wrong with it.
It might come off as a bit weird to some people but I don't think there is anything wrong with it.
This makes me sad. My 18 month old daughter barely lets me out of her sight. I'm not sure how I'm going to feel if we have to stop showing each other affection when she's older simply because people might assume I'm a sexual predator.
The horse you are riding is quite high sir, please hop off for your own safety
Its basically a clogged hair folicle, that develops some puss underneath.
It's like a pimple, except it appears mostly as just a black circle on your skin, when you squeeze it some puss comes out.
OP
OP
I have watched this man beat my mom to the ground for dinner being cold or questioning him for driving home drunk. I've been on the receiving end of beatings (and even worse, the sloppy drunken apologies, followed by the total ignoring of what happened last night the next morning) just for leaving out toys. Combine that with extreme religion, and building an objective "reality" (especially as an adult) of that time is extremely difficult.
Pardon me for being suspicious.
Was looking for some compassion. I'll be sure to post somewhere else next time.
When I was around 12 I was wearing shorts and my mom started stroking my legs telling me I had sexy legs. I never wore shorts again and I sleep in jeans.
That's probably different than the op tho, this sounds fine and I think you may be picturing it differently than it really happened. Parents can also get close without doing or saying anything sexual as well.
That's probably different than the op tho, this sounds fine and I think you may be picturing it differently than it really happened. Parents can also get close without doing or saying anything sexual as well.
This.
Go to see a therapist OP, your dad did literally nothing wrong.
I'm sorry you had to go through that but again there is still a big difference between that and being a pedophile.
Okay. He was violent and an alcoholic. What does that have to do with what you are saying?
The squeezing blackheads is super normal and A LOT of parents do it.
My friend had her grandmother wipe her ass after pooping until she was around 13
That is some weird shit. This is not
That is some weird shit. This is not
Not being suspicious, it's just what you posted in the OP wasn't threatening or harmful in any shape or form. With further context I guess it makes more sense, but that's still assuming being an alcoholic/abusive parent also means you might be a pedophile which is a stretch.
Sorry for your trauma and I hope you're able to work through it
My mom did this with me and my sister when we first went through puberty and starting getting blackheads and breakouts. Hurt like fucking hell. I wouldn't be opposed to doing it for my hypothetical kids, girl or boy, either if I weren't pretty sure this is actually counter productive and bad for their skin and instead would just teach them a good skin care routine to help prevent them in the first place.
Unless OP has memories of other more overt sexual acts or incidents it's hard to say this particular behavior means anything, but given the physical abuse and other horrible behavior mentioned it's not exactly unreasonable for the OP to go down that road of thought and think the worst of anything their father did.
Unless OP has memories of other more overt sexual acts or incidents it's hard to say this particular behavior means anything, but given the physical abuse and other horrible behavior mentioned it's not exactly unreasonable for the OP to go down that road of thought and think the worst of anything their father did.
I am confused. Was he laying next to her or was he laying on top of her? Why were they laying down anyway ?
Abuse does not instantly mean sexual abuse. Having had experience with similar behavior, it's about control.
So then center the topic around that and not your father popping blackheads maybe?
There is another topic of discussion to speak on your father's abuse, and what a peice of shit he was, but what you have brought up with your sister is really not suspicious
It's not really your call if it was traumatic or devious. Your sister's take on the whole thing is the only part that matters.
Parents squeezing blackheads and zits off their kids is fine.
Doing it while over them in their own bed is inappropriate.
People caping for the dad's behavior is fucking depressing.
Doing it while over them in their own bed is inappropriate.
People caping for the dad's behavior is fucking depressing.
This is disgusting. Also heard of dudes that have their moms shave their back hair for them.
Some lines shouldn't be crossed.
Without proper context how can you expect us to give you compassion? I'm sorry you went through this growing up, OP.
Maybe next time start with proper context so we can assess the situation because what you outlined in the op and this are two entirely different things.
My mother used to bathe me.... Google, please tell me it's all okay.
Sounds like you have actual things to not love this guy for. Or you could just talk to your sister?
Sounds like you have actual things to not love this guy for. Or you could just talk to your sister?
Sorry you dealt w/ that as a kid OP, but while you could say what your dad did was a little out of the ordinary it doesn't seem overtly sexual or anything. Laying on top of her is kinda ehhh but there obviously needs to be more context.
The fact that he was squeezing blackheads in and of itself is pretty normal, my wife does it to my nose all the time, if I had a daughter and she asked me to do it I wouldn't have a problem doing it.
The fact that he was squeezing blackheads in and of itself is pretty normal, my wife does it to my nose all the time, if I had a daughter and she asked me to do it I wouldn't have a problem doing it.
It's weird, but it doesn't sound abusive, sexual, or anything like that. I don't think it was necessarily damaging if everything was okay with the people involved.
Gonna watch this thread for more details, but so far, it seems like OP is projecting something onto this behaviour, based on the terrible experiences he has otherwise had. I don't mean this is any judging manner, just stating my thoughts so far
Gonna watch this thread for more details, but so far, it seems like OP is projecting something onto this behaviour, based on the terrible experiences he has otherwise had. I don't mean this is any judging manner, just stating my thoughts so far
Hey, don't be this way. You messed up with the title and focused on the wrong thing. All of this should've been in your OP. Sorry to hear all of that, though.
Try looking up covert incest.
I'm pretty sure that helping someone with blackheads doesn't need to involve a bed at all, or laying on top of them, AT ALL. I believe your instincts are correct on this, and when you imagine putting yourself in that scenario and feel uncomfortable, it's for a damn good reason.
A lot of the stuff my Dad did was similar to this. It was wrong, but in a way that I couldn't articulate or call out, because it flies under the radar of being openly, recognizably, unquestionably sexual behavior. Abusers are often subtle like that. Like, my Dad liked to play with his genitals, and then play with my hair when I got out of the shower. Like marking me with his scent. When I was 12 I said it was gross and I didn't want him to touch me anymore, and in response I was berated for being a "pervert."
The long-term emotional results of such behavior is apparently similar to overt incest. Did my Dad actually have penis-in-vagina intercourse with me? No. Can I still vividly recall the smell of his sexual organs on my hair when I went to school? Yes. Did it make me feel dirty and not want to sit with my friends? Yes. Is the sense of defilement and violation real? Yes. Flashbacks, shame, confusion, all real. Whether your sister would acknowledge the incident you described as covert incest or not, I bet she has those kinds of vivid memories too, of her Dad on top of her with his face inches from hers and "fixing" her.
Being a "Daddy's girl" is more of a red flag, not less -- I was a Daddy's girl too, it was like Stockholm Syndrome. He doted on me and spoiled me, he was the source of most of my parental attention, and to realize he was abusing me was a truly heartbreaking time in my life. A lot of folks who have been through this kind of abuse have a very difficult time recognizing, acknowledging, and getting help with the problem. A lot of folks who have been through this feel complicit, and feel like they're the ones who are dirty or asked to be sexualized or wanted the attention. Of course we want our parents' attention -- they're our parents. There's a lot of shame and guilt, but it's always the fault of the perpetrating adult who takes advantage of their power over a vulnerable child and that child's implicit trust in them.
I'm pretty sure that helping someone with blackheads doesn't need to involve a bed at all, or laying on top of them, AT ALL. I believe your instincts are correct on this, and when you imagine putting yourself in that scenario and feel uncomfortable, it's for a damn good reason.
A lot of the stuff my Dad did was similar to this. It was wrong, but in a way that I couldn't articulate or call out, because it flies under the radar of being openly, recognizably, unquestionably sexual behavior. Abusers are often subtle like that. Like, my Dad liked to play with his genitals, and then play with my hair when I got out of the shower. Like marking me with his scent. When I was 12 I said it was gross and I didn't want him to touch me anymore, and in response I was berated for being a "pervert."
The long-term emotional results of such behavior is apparently similar to overt incest. Did my Dad actually have penis-in-vagina intercourse with me? No. Can I still vividly recall the smell of his sexual organs on my hair when I went to school? Yes. Did it make me feel dirty and not want to sit with my friends? Yes. Is the sense of defilement and violation real? Yes. Flashbacks, shame, confusion, all real. Whether your sister would acknowledge the incident you described as covert incest or not, I bet she has those kinds of vivid memories too, of her Dad on top of her with his face inches from hers and "fixing" her.
Being a "Daddy's girl" is more of a red flag, not less -- I was a Daddy's girl too, it was like Stockholm Syndrome. He doted on me and spoiled me, he was the source of most of my parental attention, and to realize he was abusing me was a truly heartbreaking time in my life. A lot of folks who have been through this kind of abuse have a very difficult time recognizing, acknowledging, and getting help with the problem. A lot of folks who have been through this feel complicit, and feel like they're the ones who are dirty or asked to be sexualized or wanted the attention. Of course we want our parents' attention -- they're our parents. There's a lot of shame and guilt, but it's always the fault of the perpetrating adult who takes advantage of their power over a vulnerable child and that child's implicit trust in them.
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