It's not a strawman. Rape is bad. Rape is frequent. Rape isn't usually stranger in a dark alley. But that's not kinky, so I don't see the point of going down that path. Rape is sex with lack of consent.
Anyhow, when we talk about consent in the kink scene-- uh, you should NOT be playing with new partners without verbally establishing first what is okay and not okay, and you should NOT assume sex is okay unless you specifically verbally establish that beforehand.
If you're not talking specifically about play partners and BDSM parties, then whatever you do you.
But if you're going to play parties and playing with new people, you better damn well be sure you get actual verbal consent to penetrate them. This is basic etiquette and any party that doesn't follow those rules is a shitty party with shitty behavior. No thanks.
Bless your heart, but the only person who looks like an idiot here is the person who doesn't obtain consent.
Though I will add that the reason why I, and most people (especially subs), refuse to play with scene newbies is because so many of them fail to understand consent and don't respect boundaries. So you're not alone, if that makes you feel better :).
