Val Kilmer calls out Anthony Bourdain for ‘selfish’ suicide

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https://www.mercurynews.com/2018/06/08/val-kilmer-calls-out-anthony-bourdain-for-selfish-suicide/

The "Top Gun" actor posted a long missive on Facebook addressing Anthony Bourdain's suicide. But instead of offering condolences on the day of Bourdain's death, Kilmer called out the beloved star of "Parts Unknown" for his "selfishness."

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"How many moments away were you from feeling the love that was universal," Kilmer wrote. "From every corner of the world you were loved. So selfish. You've given us cause to be so angry."

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"Those of us that knew you are shocked and angry and angry and angry selfishly angry, for what you just did to us," he also said.

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Kilmer engaged with a number of commenters to his post and tried to explain the source of his anger toward Bourdain.

"I'm angry because I love him and what he stood for," he responded to a woman who said she had previously struggled with postpartum depression. "I'm so grateful you shared your story. You we're open to Love on that crucial day. Anthony Bourdain was not for whatever reason. I don't claim to know what it was."

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https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment...bourdain-selfish-im-angry-love-192546417.html
Val Kilmer doubles down on post calling Anthony Bourdain selfish: 'I'm angry because I love him'

Kilmer tells a story about "a spiritual guide" who once explained to him why "suicide is the most selfish act."

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"So what? I hear you took your life in paris. What hotel? Did you relapse? Did you just get home from the best meal of your life? Did you cheat on your girl. Those of us that knew you are shocked and angry and angry and angry selfishly angry, for what you just did to us. Millions I should think. At least a million people like me who imagine they know you. Some imagine they know you even well," he writes. "But you heard that phone ringing, you felt it buzzing in your coat or pants pocket, vibrating a million times, but you didn't answer it. You let it ring out. Did you bleed out? Did you suffocate? Did you jump. No you didn't jump. Is it important we know how you did it? No. But that you did it."

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[I Am Captain America]

I just read it I wouldn't say he called him out but more so deeply upset at him not considering his options and I take Val Kilmers post as he really did care about him

 

[Addie]

This is pretty much exactly how I'd react if a loved one committed suicide.

(Plus he's apparently suffering from throat cancer and is still fighting, so there's that nuance too.)

 

[Fiction]

I think right now he's mourning hard, and people react to death in all kinds of ways. Anger is a big symptom of mourning.

Now if he spouts the same bs a few months from now, then we can dogpile him I think.

 

[chubigans]

Yeah, anger has to be common in something like this. I can't even imagine.

 

[Oligarchenemy]

This is part of the grieving process. I know this all too well.

 

[XaviConcept]

Not a pretty opinion but seeing what Kilmer has had (and still has) to deal with ... I can see where he is coming from.

I dont think it helps though.,

 

[Draconis]

Everyone grieves differently in life. Having lost loved ones, far too many, Anger is an emotion associated with grieving I know all too damned well.

 

[Deleted member 8257]

Val is going through horrendous shit with throat cancer and what not, and being friends with Anthony I think he earned his place. I think the criticism is coming from a "good place". We are all upset, confused, frustrated and angry Bourdain left us. I'd be so angry if someone close to me did the same, after the tears dry up of course.

 

[Buzzman]

It's technically understandable, but absolutely misplaced and doesn't help anyone. Depression is a physical disease that sometimes causes death. You would never blame someone with cancer or a heart disease or a brain hemorrhage of being selfish because they died.

 

[Vonnegut]

Why do so many people make someone else's suicide about themselves? It's not about you, Val.

Depression is an illness.

If two people had the same kind of cancer and one survived while the other died, would it be fair for the survivor to say that the deceased was selfish? That he didn't fight hard enough to survive? No. And so it is with depression. Some people fight and make it, but their personal experience doesn't give them them the authority to judge those who lost the battle against depression.

I can't speak as to Mr. Bourdain's personal battle with depression. That was something only he knew about. He died, and it is sad, but it is no time for others to act smug and judgmental. Congrats on you for overcoming your troubles. Don't be a dick.

 

[Wolf]

He's grieving, clearly. Anyone who holds that against him has never had to go through that kind of pain in their lives before.

 

[HardTimesFamilyPride]

I understand Kilmer's shock and anger at losing a person who he felt so close to, and same for the millions who lost an influence, who all saw Anthony in a much more personal way than I ever can. Hearing the selfishness thing come up stings... but I understand.

 

[BocoDragon]

It's a bit harsh and I don't necessarily agree with his condemnation ... but I don't have pitchforks for Kilmer. He's cursing the sad fate of what happened today.. which I get.

 

[NinjaScooter]

If he was close to Bourdain, I can understand his frustration and grief, and I'm not going to hold that against him. But it's seemingly an example of why every personal thought or feeling doesn't need to be shared publicly, as seems to be the norm these days, but who knows, maybe it's helping him grieve.

 

[.Detective.]

Don't be such a Cunth, Kilmer

 

[Squarehard]

I think right now he's mourning hard, and people react to death in all kinds of ways. Anger is a big symptom of mourning.

Now if he spouts the same bs a few months from now, then we can dogpile him I think.

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We all grieve in different ways, and this is by no means to say that he's not allowed to say he's angry, and react angrily to it.

I do have an issue with the common stigma of attaching selfishness when it comes to the topic of suicide.

I sort of take issue not with his initial response, but he later continued to defend it on Twitter, and even provided an anecdote of why he felt it was still considered selfish.

We can all be angry, and in the spur of the moment react to these things in very different ways, but it's really the way that he seemingly tries to justify his position on his position when he should be grieving, just felt really weird. Rather than discussing the reasons why he was angry, he was giving credence to his selfish argument.

I struggled with posting this all day, and in the end, decided to finally because it is an important discussion to have in regards to this topic.

 

[Owarifin]

People that are jumping on Kilmer lack empathy.
Let him grieve for a bit.

 

[The Pot]

I understand where he is coming from with what he is going through right now, but I still don't agree. This whole thing is just so fucking depressing it's hard to think straight.

 

[Fiction]

Why do so many people make someone else's suicide about themselves? It's not about you, Val.

Depression is an illness.

If two people had the same kind of cancer and one survived while the other died, would it be fair for the survivor to say that the deceased was selfish? That he didn't fight hard enough to survive? No. And so it is with depression. Some people fight and make it, but their personal experience doesn't give them them the authority to judge those who lost the battle against depression.

I can't speak as to Mr. Bourdain's personal battle with depression. That was something only he knew about. He died, and it is sad, but it is no time for others to act smug and judgmental. Congrats on you for overcoming your troubles. Don't be a dick.

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This is all 100% and yet...

Right now it is about Val because he lost someone he loved. Anthony is already gone. It's not so much about him anymore as it is the people he left behind.

It's not uncommon for loved ones to get angry at a death, even if it an accident or a murder. Intense emotions follow the death of a loved one and sometimes they manifest as anger.

Once he has time for the wound to scab over I hope he'll feel differently

 

[Squarehard]

People that are jumping on Kilmer lack empathy.

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Ironic, because this comment lacks empathy in and of itself.

 

[Fiction]

We all grieve in different ways, and this is by no means to say that he's not allowed to say he's angry, and react angrily to it.

I do have an issue with the common stigma of attaching selfishness when it comes to the topic of suicide.

I sort of take issue not with his initial response, but he later continued to defend it on Twitter, and even provided an anecdote of why he felt it was still considered selfish.

We can all be angry, and in the spur of the moment react to these things in very different ways, but it's really the way that he seemingly tries to justify his position on his position when he should be grieving, just felt really weird. Rather than discussing the reasons why he was angry, he was giving credence to his selfish argument.

I struggled with posting this all day, and in the end, decided to finally because it is an important discussion to have in regards to this topic.

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No no, I get that, it was a shitty thing to say, but when people are mourning a loved one I tend to give them a pass. You do stupid shit when your grieving.

 

[Trojita]

Kilmer is acknowledging that he realizes he himself is selfishly angry too.

 

[Doggg]

Anger is perfectly natural and understandable reaction. Everyone grieves in their own way.

 

[Skelepuzzle]

I get it. But this is why people should be allowed to mourn in the privacy of their own home and close circle of friends. By allowed, I guess I mean it's too easy to expose your thoughts on social media in times of distress. It's too much to think about and digest.

 

[Aaron Stack]

The selfishness of people who only think of their selves is truly ironic when they try to call out people who commitc suicide.

Fuck Val and any selfish fucks who think like this.

 

[duckroll]

He isn't "calling out" anyone because the dude is dead. He's coping. Not a good public look sure, but does anyone question that Val Kilmer isn't personally affected by this loss?

 

[antonz]

Its a hard thing losing someone you genuinely care about too something like Suicide. When my friend killed herself there was a lot of anger in my initial feelings.

I was pissed when my friend took her life. I can't lie and say I did not think about how it would change my life. A lot of the anger I felt was because of what it meant for my life not even thinking about what they went through that led to them killing themselves. Human Beings are selfish creatures. That stage passed.

It transitioned to self blame and introspective look at myself and what more I could have done to prevent it. I understood the pain she went through and it hurt because it did transition to nitpicking my own life and how maybe if I had done this or that they would still be alive. Eventually it transitioned to just general sadness and even today it still is when I think of that person and all that was lost.

 

[Green Mario]

"selfishly angry"

"I'm angry because I love him and what he stood for"

This kind of speaks for itself. Normally I would be all for calling someone out for disrespecting someone who obviously suffered from mental illness, but it seems like he's just grieving - not to mention what he's going through personally.

 

[Aaron Stack]

Val's comments are doing more harm to people who are suicidal. Fuck I can't stand this fucking prick.

 

[TinfoilHatsROn]

On one hand he's processing his grief.

On the other, it's continuing the harmful "Suicide is selfish" narrative.

Sucks all around.

 

[phantomx]

Well, suicide is an incredibly selfish act. So, I don't see the problem with saying that.

My mom suffered depression and had a disease known as alcoholism...she eventually pretty much drank herself to death over the 27 years of my life (at the time) that she died.

I'm not afraid to admit she was selfish with her actions and the way she dealt with her health/mental issues.

Absolutely she was selfish. So is suicide.

 

[nemoral]

It's a shame that in his anger and sadness Kilmer has resorted to one of the dumbest, most hurtful ways of thinking about suicide. He's not hurting anyone but himself and others. Bourdain is safe from his judgement and his anger.

 

[NightMarcher]

To hell with Kilmer.

 

[HardTimesFamilyPride]

I remember when the Internet was this barren wasteland of a place, where you could find some random corner of deep dark nothingness to scream into an apathetic abyss about whatever was driving you mad.

In the years since that all-but-forgotten time, the web has been interconnected to the point posting something on any given site might as well be the same as walking into a crowded mall and yelling your thoughts to the general public.

I think some people have trouble with that. Lord knows I do.

 

[Jon Carter]

He clearly has a million thoughts running through his head right now and doesn't know yet how to make sense of this. Having simplistic thoughts in the aftermath of receiving shocking news is very common and normal. Give him some time to deal with it.

 

[Coyote Starrk]

I don't blame him for being angry, but that is still an absurdly shitty comment to make in my opinion.

 

[FF Seraphim]

I cannot fault him, I had have love ones die and it made me furious. Not just at the world but at them for leaving. Its just the stages one goes through until you accept your loss. Everyone grieves differently.

 

[Kibbles]

Fucked up. Rational thought is taken over when you have mental health problems. You may know shit is wrong but you can't stop it.im sure he tried his best to fight it

 

[MrRob]

Social media is a mistake.

 

[ZeoVGM]

If he was friends with him, it's hard to fault him. It is shitty but feeling anger is a natural part of the grieving process and those who know someone who committed suicide should be given a bit of space to vent in the early stages.

Plus, Kilmer has gone though his own horrific past few years so he is looking at the value of life in a different way, which can skew his reaction to suicide.

 

[Deleted member 25108]

My only issue with this is why this had to be public.

People who don't know you simply aren't going to understand what you are going through. Keep it to those closest.

 

[Marvo Pandoras]

As someone who lost a loved one to suicide. I felt and expressed the same emotions. When it happened,I was so mad at my cousin for being "selfish". I do not believe that now but man was I not in the right state of mind at that time .

 

[Deleted member 19003]

I'm sure Kilmer feels about it differently since he's been so close to death himself.

 

[Deleted member 29806]

Never heard of him. What was the reason for his suicide? Depression?

 

[Laserdisk]

Kilmer is not well also and has been though a lot that maybe could have lead to him thinking dark thoughts at his lowest.

 

[Coyote Starrk]

Nevermind. Its not worth arguing about. People either get it or they don't.

 

[Deleted member 1003]

I was close to my step father and he committed suicide while my mother was out of town. It was awful and I still don't understand to this day why he did when he knew all those that loves him. I loved him and I still get pissed at him once in awhile.

I can understand how Val Kilmer feels.

 

[Stooge]

This is a friend staring his own mortality in the face greiving the loss of a friend. Kilmer is being selfish here himself, but let him have his time to greive .

When my friend hanged himself I got fucking mad as hell at him. I just wish he had called.me so we could grab a beer and talk it all through. I was so mad he didn't let me tell him how much we loved him. I know better now.

If you have suicidal thoughts please know you are loved and reschedule out t those that love you.

 

[KingOfDyslexics]

Stages of grief happening. Val kilmer is human confirmed.