Hey
TheGummyBear.
I just wanted to let you know I had a lot of the same feelings last night. And I continuously have these same feelings. But here's the thing, I'm still here. I've lived 30 years with these feelings. I take meds, get therapy, and I still feel like this somedays.
But here's the thing, I don't feel like this EVERY day.
I don't know your situation. And throwing out superlatives like "It gets better" and "You aren't alone" a lot of times only hurts, not helps. I get that. But it sounds like you've been through some shit, and a lot of it isn't your fault. I get that. In High School, I was put on a watch list by teachers and students because, being the depressed, bullied, suicidal kid, I was the one most likely to shoot up the school. I was basically put into child labor at 14 years old working full-time, so rather than spending time with friends (which I didn't have, tbh), I was working.
But here's the thing - I keep going. That's because the human body has this amazing mechanism that wants to stay alive when it is put in a dangerous situation. I can't tell you how many times I've stared down off a bridge, held a knife to my neck, tied a noose. But every time, I can't do it, because while my brain wants me to die, my body wants me to live.
Sometimes, don't listen to your brain. I know that's hard, because your brain essentially is you. But it is just a part of you. You are loved by people more than you know. And if you don't believe that, look at this thread. Everyone wants you to live, dude. We don't even know you, and we want you to live.
Just put it off. Say you'll go to the bridge tomorrow. Just relax and play video games. Reach out to me on PM if you want. Call someone. Stay with us, man.