Crushed

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,914
battler would actually pick up the death note by accident at the start of events. then someone would have half-jokingly suggest that light is kira based on his dad being a cop within like 30 seconds of starting, but then he would get distracted and spend all of his time trying to investigate ray penbar or light's dad or whammy house or misa or whatever, while insisting that kira must use some kind of long range poisonous gas or tiny self destructing drones that fly into the victim's aorta to block it or something


at one point he would see ryuk (because of the earlier death note touching) next to light and insist that it's a guy in a costume who must have used a mirror trick which is why nobody else in the room could see him


Genuine question as to what counts as true name though, because in theory Battler's "true name" via Shinigami Eye rules might actually be "______ Sumadera" based on whatever name Kyrie might have chosen for him before he was swapped with the stillborn Battler that Asumu gave birth to. But Battler Ushiromiya is the name he was given as a newborn, legally registered as, and listed in the family registry under, so it could very well count?
 

PlanetSmasher

The Abominable Showman
Member
Oct 25, 2017
123,801
Columbo would have him dead to rights before it even got to the point we saw copy-cat killers.

I think some folks probably need to actually watch an episode of Columbo to have an understanding of HOW QUICKLY Columbo tends to figure out who the killer is most of the time.

Like Columbo's "one more thing" is a meme, but in the actual episodes you can almost always see the exact moment Columbo locks onto the suspect and it's almost always VERY early. The "one more thing" is usually the END of a scene, and it's usually intended to throw the killer off and provoke them into making a mistake, or it's the very end of the episode.
 

Jisgsaw

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,787
Dirk Gently should be somewhere on here.
Yeah shame he isn't there.
Does stumbling uppon the solution count as intuit?

(God I wish we'd have a season 3)


Conan has the entire case and death note solved lol. He has so many advantages it's insane, especially if he's allowed to ask for help since he's not even the best detective in his show
Eh, I'm with the others, he wouldn't accept a supernatural solution so wouldn't intuit the death note (though he'd definitively solve the case)
 

Apollo

Corrupted by Vengeance
Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
8,683
I think some folks probably need to actually watch an episode of Columbo to have an understanding of HOW QUICKLY Columbo tends to figure out who the killer is most of the time.

Like Columbo's "one more thing" is a meme, but in the actual episodes you can almost always see the exact moment Columbo locks onto the suspect and it's almost always VERY early. The "one more thing" is usually the END of a scene, and it's usually intended to throw the killer off and provoke them into making a mistake, or it's the very end of the episode.

100%. One of my favorite things about Columbo is how the more you watch, the better you get at zeroing in on the moment when he "gets" it. It's so subtle but very deliberately there, just about every time. Peter Falk is truly legendary.
 

WPS

Member
Oct 25, 2017
398
Having played Ghost Trick recently I think Sissel should probably be further to the right on the chart. He needs nearly every concept, both mundane and super-natural, explaining to him and also can't read.

Edit: got the chart the wrong way round. Closer to the bottom, even.
 
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B-Dubs

That's some catch, that catch-22
General Manager
Oct 25, 2017
35,367
I think some folks probably need to actually watch an episode of Columbo to have an understanding of HOW QUICKLY Columbo tends to figure out who the killer most of the time.

Like Columbo's "one more thing" is a meme, but in the actual episodes you can almost always see the exact moment Columbo locks onto the suspect and it's almost always VERY early.
He's quite good at finding the initial holes in someone's alibi and intuiting motive. Most of a given episode is him just trying to get the evidence needed to either prove his theory beyond a reasonable doubt or to force the killer into a position where they confess of their own free will.

Light's huge ego would make the latter child's play, it'd just be a matter of forcing the confrontation in such a way that Light felt like he could get away with it.

For example:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnQIOm2KimA
 

PlanetSmasher

The Abominable Showman
Member
Oct 25, 2017
123,801
100%. One of my favorite things about Columbo is how the more you watch, the better you get at zeroing in on the moment when he "gets" it. It's so subtle but very deliberately there, just about every time. Peter Falk is truly legendary.

One of the best moments in the entire show:


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7ZeDtWLspY

"That's my specialty - homicide." *WHAM.*

Falk and Cassavetes play off each other so unbelievably well.
 

Rackham

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
8,532
Nah, he's too bounded by logic to think about the supernatural aspects of the Death Note. I think that's the best spot for him.

My issue is with Phoenix and Edgeworth being in the same tier. Phoenix is way more in tune with the supernatural aspects of his series, so I think he could find out what the Death Note is all about.
A detective who drank a mysterious magic potion that got him turned into a kid is "bound by logic"?

Damn..Conan sucks.
 

Unknownlight

One Winged Slayer
Member
Nov 2, 2017
11,044
I feel that Battler should be in the lower-left or lower-right quadrant. His whole shtick is that he was hilariously inept at working out the howdunnit, but nailed the whodunnit and whydunnit (well, eventually, once he was emotionally willing to suspect his friends and family).

I can absolutely see Battler knowing that Light is the culprit, but being completely wrong about how it was done.
 
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Zan

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,854
Do we want to trust Sam and Max (Max specifically) with the knowledge that the Death Note exsists?
 

L Thammy

Spacenoid
Member
Oct 25, 2017
51,706
Columbo is an enigma. We'd never really know for sure how much he understood about the Death Note, all we know if that he'd win.
 

Crushed

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,914
I feel that Battler should be in the lower-right quadrant. His whole shtick was that he was hilarious inept at working out the howdunnit, but nailed the whodunnit and whydunnit (well, eventually, once he was emotionally willing to suspect his friends and family).

I can absolutely see Battler knowing that Light is the culprit, but being completely wrong about how it was done.
he would manage to start to get the idea that it has something to do with names, but he would get it wrong by going like, "the culprit writes down the victim's name in blood which activates a poison," and after being told that that's wrong completely gives up on the whole concept of writing and goes off on a completely different tangent
 

Billfisto

Member
Oct 30, 2017
16,207
Canada
Isn't the 'impossible' he eliminates in The Hounds of the Baskervilles the supernatural? That the answer *cannot* be the supernatural even if the natural explanation is really improbable? Forgive me if I'm remembering this wrong.

He immediately thinks the curse is bullshit, but most people would do so in that situation, especially when he's already dealt with people exploiting "curses" a bunch in the past. He then finds a bunch of evidence that makes it pretty clear that it's a scheme, so he never really has to consider the supernatural.

It's hard to say because he never actually encounters the legit supernatural in the canon. He does admire Irene Adler and chalk one solution up to "the guy was taking monkey blood injections", though, so he does show that he is willing to change his mind and accept solutions that may be outside of the norm. It'd be interesting to see how long and to what extent he'd need to rule things out before he got there, though.

Of course, if we're including later works he deals with the supernatural all the dang time, moreso than his regular cases.
 

Azerth

Prophet of Truth - Chicken Chaser
Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,442
The issue with alot of these detectives is that dont people know there name already?
 

PlanetSmasher

The Abominable Showman
Member
Oct 25, 2017
123,801
The idea of this genuinely has me in tears jesus christ. 😂

There's actually one episode in like season 2 or season 3 where Columbo goes on vacation to London and IMMEDIATELY gets wrapped up in a murder investigation with Scotland Yard when a wealthy theatre patron is murdered. Entirely because he's friends with the Detective Chief Inspector who we never actually see.
 

Poltergust

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
12,544
Orlando, FL
A detective who drank a mysterious magic potion that got him turned into a kid is "bound by logic"?

Damn..Conan sucks.
Not only is this literally the only supernatural thing in the series, but he's also familiar with the "science" behind the poison since he's friends with the person who designed it. It's not that big of a stretch.
 

B-Dubs

That's some catch, that catch-22
General Manager
Oct 25, 2017
35,367
There's actually one episode in like season 2 or season 3 where Columbo goes on vacation to London and IMMEDIATELY gets wrapped up in a murder investigation with Scotland Yard when a wealthy theatre patron is murdered. Entirely because he's friends with the Detective Chief Inspector who we never actually see.
There's also the time on the cruise ship with his wife and then when he's on vacation in Mexico with his wife. We never see her in either instance lol
 

Crossing Eden

Member
Oct 26, 2017
56,910
There's actually one episode in like season 2 or season 3 where Columbo goes on vacation to London and IMMEDIATELY gets wrapped up in a murder investigation with Scotland Yard when a wealthy theatre patron is murdered. Entirely because he's friends with the Detective Chief Inspector who we never actually see.
Admittedly I've never watched Columbo but the fucking memes get me every time. The idea of Columbo going "There's just one more thing.." to Light is profoundly hilarious to me.
 

Apollo

Corrupted by Vengeance
Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
8,683
Eh, I'm with the others, he wouldn't accept a supernatural solution so wouldn't intuit the death note (though he'd definitively solve the case)

He'd get there. He'd fight really hard not to buy into the concept of a Death Note, but it would be a formative experience for him in the end. As is, he's fairly close to the Sherlock Holmes tier of "might as well be superhuman" in terms of deduction, and with the frequent absurdity of Light's kills, I'm confident he'd recognize that the "impossible" must be possible eventually. Any time he'd waste exhausting extraneous possibilities before coming to a supernatural method of murder is easily bought back tenfold by the fact that "Conan Edogawa" doesn't exist.

The downside to that though, is that Conan risks serious collateral damage in that due to his methods of investigating, Kogoro might die in his place early on while Conan wastes his time seeking non-supernatural explanations.
 

Doggg

▲ Legend ▲
Member
Nov 17, 2017
15,139
Dunno if I agree with Battler from Umineko. He kind of needs to have everything explained to him so I'm not sure he'd be able to figure out how the Death Note works on his own. However, he does eventually figure out what's going on.
I'm guessing the reasoning there might be that Battler is used to working with mysteries involving strange rules. But yeah, those rules did have to be explained to him.
 

DrForester

Mod of the Year 2006
Member
Oct 25, 2017
22,884
I would swap Benoit Blanc (who I think could accept a supernatural cause) and Sherlock Holmes (who could never accept a supernatural cause)
 

PlanetSmasher

The Abominable Showman
Member
Oct 25, 2017
123,801
Admittedly I've never watched Columbo but the fucking memes get me every time. The idea of Columbo going "There's just one more thing.." to Light is profoundly hilarious to me.

If not for the fact that I only ever watched Death Note ONCE, I would've already written an entire Columbo monologue about this. I've done it a couple times, lol.

The funny thing is that he doesn't always do the 'one more thing' thing. Sometimes he slams the trap shut in even more masterful ways, like the time he spends an entire gondola ride with a serial bomber fucking around with a box that's been mocked up to look exactly like one of said bomber's incendiary devices, specifically to make the bomber have a panic attack and confess inside of a sealed, inescapable location.
 

Apollo

Corrupted by Vengeance
Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
8,683
Clearly we need to set serious ground rules when it comes to Battler. He's probably fucked either way, but to what degree he is fucked very much depends on if he gets to have a hot witch bully him with freebie hints until he cries
 

Naijaboy

The Fallen
Mar 13, 2018
16,401
I have a couple questions.

1. Would CW Nancy Drew have a better chance due to dealing with supernatural beings?

2. How would the Winchesters handle this?

Is that Constantine left of MIB? Just making sure.

Dirk Gently should be somewhere on here.
I think he'd be in the upper left. Being holistic would help a lot in figuring out the connections.
 

Rassilon

Member
Oct 27, 2017
10,903
UK
smh not even the David Suchet Poirot


Poirot / Miss Marple would resolve the case, but not before the untimely deaths of a few English aristocrats

I see this as a net win
 

Crossing Eden

Member
Oct 26, 2017
56,910
If not for the fact that I only ever watched Death Note ONCE, I would've already written an entire Columbo monologue about this. I've done it a couple times, lol.

The funny thing is that he doesn't always do the 'one more thing' thing. Sometimes he slams the trap shut in even more masterful ways, like the time he spends an entire gondola ride with a serial bomber fucking around with a box that's been mocked up to look exactly like one of said bomber's incendiary devices, specifically to make the bomber have a panic attack and confess inside of a sealed, inescapable location.
😂
 

PlanetSmasher

The Abominable Showman
Member
Oct 25, 2017
123,801
1. Would CW Nancy Drew have a better chance due to dealing with supernatural beings?

All of the CW detective characters would solve the case but get killed when they take a load off to have sex.

Jughead would solve it, but it would take 20 episodes and the show would literally forget he's chasing a serial killer for half the season until Kira kills someone close to him and he solves it an episode later. And Archie would somehow get in a fistfight with Ryuk and lose.
 

Unknownlight

One Winged Slayer
Member
Nov 2, 2017
11,044
Clearly we need to set serious ground rules when it comes to Battler. He's probably fucked either way, but to what degree he is fucked very much depends on if he gets to have a hot witch bully him with freebie hints until he cries
In Battler's defense, he successfully solved a case that I was utterly baffled by and completely wrong about on every level, which is more than I can say for a lot of these other detectives. Like, what on earth is Shuichi doing right next to Columbo? I like Shuichi, but really?
 
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KujoJosuke

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,128
The idea of any player's version of Harry from Disco Elysium trying to tackle the Kira case is the funniest thing to me.

You can solve the case in DE by never even inspecting the victim's body/doing an autopsy.

Harry would solve the Kira case as a side task.
 

Pendas

Member
Oct 28, 2017
5,319
I'm curious at how the hell Frank Drebin would solve the case???
Does he accidentally shoot the bastard and ask questions later?
 

Erik Zarkov

Member
Dec 4, 2017
293
The thing with Columbo, is that he walks into the scene and within moments he's spotting every mistake the killer has made. Every single one of them. He's usually got the killer pegged shortly after that. The one thing he's missing is though is hard proof. And that's when the bumbling, confused detective act comes in and starts hammering away on the killer. Making them nervous, letting them make mistakes, until the killer figures out that the bumbling detective shtick is just that, a shtick, and the realization sets in that the walls are closing in on you. But he still doesn't have the killer quite dead to rights.

And that's when an overconfident Light is going to give Columbo exactly what he needs.
 

Doukou

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,603
Phoenix Wright should be top right or top left. I get that he regularly needs help solving a case but he really doesn't fit with anyone of the Bottom right and has supernatural elements.