Wouldn't a lot of these topics in the messages be already expanded unless you meet up soon after matching?
The onus is usually on men to ask out, so it doesn't make much of a difference in the distinction of asking out in regards to who's paying.If I asked the person out, I'd pay for the bill. Same as if I ask someone to meet for coffee, just seems like the decent thing to do.
This guy gets itThe basic answer: Whoever invites or initiates the date should pay.
The real answer for people with Game: If you don't feel like paying for the whole first date, then you shouldn't be going on the date. Successful dating is about selling an experience...it's very telling why people are so poor at making it to the second or third date. If you had to choose between going to Disney World and paying, and going to Disney World for free...what would you choose?
Not to mention, the more attractive someone is overall, the more options they have. You don't want $20 to be the difference maker. Now, that doesn't mean going to the most expensive place or anything, which is why it's often better to go to a bar or maybe a park with a food stand or something "light", without planning anything ahead of that and playing it by ear.
But it's not thinking less of you...you are a total stranger and EVERYTHING you do can be seen as a precedent. There is little to nothing you will do on a first date that makes you special or to make someone think you are worth their time.
It's not about social norms...women have more options, and alot of times, those options turn sour real quick. Lots of stories about guys "forgetting their wallets" or suggesting all these places only to get defensive over the check. But again...if you don't want to pay right off the bat then don't go on the date.
It's not shitty, you are a total stranger and that person doesn't owe you anything. Plus, the vast majority of people don't handle rejection well. Not hearing from a person IS being told they are not interested.
And this is the other good point...on the other side, the person should still offer to pay. And I forgot to list this as the NUMBER ONE reason you should offer to pay, how they react tells you everything you need to know. There is no better way to get information about who a person really is then by when the check comes.
Maybe, but I always meet up soon after matching. I think you always need IRL to determine chemistry so why wait?
I agree to a certain extent that it should be based off chemistry and the time spent. I think if the guy makes the attempt, that's all that matters. I remember being on a date with this guy. He insisted on paying, but tipped $2 for the whole meal which shows he wasn't a good tipper and I felt bad. What made it worse was that he paid cash for it and said "keep the change" like it was a lot. I was super embarrassed and the waitress looked at me like "are you fucking kidding me?" Mind you, service was great and all too. :(
And I'm fine with all of this! Then there was no reason to target my posts because I'm speaking to what is the general advice I would give based on the experiences of myself and people around me. I'm not speaking for myself persay or to what either of you specifically should do in your situations. Everyone is different of course. I haven't replied to anyone here that said "no you should not pay", just stating my response to the question.
Telling someone to keep the change with a 2 dollar tip lmaoooo that man had no shameI agree to a certain extent that it should be based off chemistry and the time spent. I think if the guy makes the attempt, that's all that matters. I remember being on a date with this guy. He insisted on paying, but tipped $2 for the whole meal which shows he wasn't a good tipper and I felt bad. What made it worse was that he paid cash for it and said "keep the change" like it was a lot. I was super embarrassed and the waitress looked at me like "are you fucking kidding me?" Mind you, service was great and all too. :(
Nope it's all good. Lost in all of this is the very point you brought up just now...both sides of the date can tell alot by how the check is handled. It's the number one reason I choose to pay because:Ouch, yeah, a two dollar tip is pretty embarsassing, for you as well. If the service and food was good, I usually go for a bit more than ten percent, which is normal here in the Netherlands. But that's more to do with being a decent human being than it has with the date part :p
Also, if I'm having fun and we're doing drinks I often offer to pay. Because I don't mind paying something for someone I like. Just like I sometimes pay for friends. But I'm not rich, so spending 60 to 80 bucks for an actual meal is too much for me.
No worries man, I hope it didn't come of as some sort of attack or something :) I just have my own ideas towards this, and my view on dating. It's not meant as something directed or targeted towards you. I agree that everyone does dating differently, and wants different things from it.
Telling someone to keep the change with a 2 dollar tip lmaoooo that man had no shame
I offer because I don't want to assume they live by the same ruleset that I do. If they respond with, "I got it" I don't fight it.Hm? Why do you offer to split if they did the inviting? Shouldn't it go both ways?
I offer because I don't want to assume they live by the same ruleset that I do. If they respond with, "I got it" I don't fight it.
Edit: Same thing if I go to pay for it all and they stop me cause they want to split it. I don't fight that either.
Never met up for food for a first date, always asked girls out for a drink instead. I usually paid.
When those meetups went well, it usually led to food which I'd also pay for and that didn't bother me too much. We're usually talking about bar food here and not a fancy dinner. I seriously doubt anyone is going to take advantage of me to get some free nachos.
Really bars are just a great atmosphere in general for a first date since you have drinks, some food, darts, and maybe some other games. It allows for that first date to be as long or as short as you want it to be.
this post has made me reflect a lot on my past first dates. I think of every one, I only been on one which started at a bar. But I can't even comment too much on it because we didn't meet up til 1am. We definitely talked a lot but a lot of the times, it was more difficult to hear each other because of the loud surroundings. I think i Prefer a sit down meal instead
Quieter bars existthis post has made me reflect a lot on my past first dates. I think of every one, I only been on one which started at a bar. But I can't even comment too much on it because we didn't meet up til 1am. We definitely talked a lot but a lot of the times, it was more difficult to hear each other because of the loud surroundings. I think i Prefer a sit down meal instead
Well I was early 30s doing the online thing mostly dating girls between 25 and 30 so 1 am would have been late as shit. Usually it'd be something between 4-7pm when bars aren't as crowded or have a live band or something.