Maybe that is the point. That the movie, despite being very objectively clear that Poe is wrong, still ends up with so many people rather wanting to believe the angry hotshot dude.
I don't want to believe the angry hotshot dude because he's an angry hotshot dude. I come away from the film siding with Poe because the film doesn't really delve into the conflict between him and Holdo enough (in my opinion) and we're left with a movie where the person questioning authority is made out to be in the wrong. I just think that's fundamentally an awkward position for Star Wars to take,
especially in the context of military leaders.
Like, consider the series this is a part of. Star Wars movies always feature leaders who are corrupt or foolish who get their way and are either eventually hoist by their own petard (the Jedi et al, the Emperor, Tarkin, all of the Separatists, the more cowardly members of the rebellion in Rogue One) or use their positions of authority to manipulate people (Palpatine many times over, Lando before his change of heart, etc). It is difficult for me, I think to just accept Holdo's "trust me, my plan is
very good" routine as something that's good to just let go unchecked. After all, even with the good guys in Star Wars, how many times has "trust me this is gonna work" nearly screwed things up for everyone?
Granted, I realize the last point is probably exactly what the Holdo plot is trying to subvert, but it just doesn't work for me. Blindly trusting military leaders in Star Wars is about as appealing to me as it is in real life.
Eerily reminding us of, say, every real world interaction where hotshot dude talks over women and all the other dudes cheer for him, rather than, you know, the people actually in the right.
That's why Poe being wrong and the movie actually acknowledging it for a change resonated with so many women. It feels true. As opposed to all the other movies where, of course, the angry hotshot dude is ALWAYS, ALWAYS right, ALWAYS knows better than especially women, priming generations of men to idolize hotshot dudes and ignore concerns of women entirely.
I can totally see why it resonated with some people, I just personally think the film drops the ball with these themes. I
want to love Holdo. Laura Dern is a treasure! I just feel like the movie really bumbles around with some mixed metaphors.