Yeah...and I said I don't want to fuck with white women like that...what's the issue
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Online dating as a POC kinda sucks
- Thread starter jwk94
- Start date
I thought gay men didn't give a fuck? Interesting...
There was one girl in collage that was "into me" until it started to get physical. She totally clammed up and got really weird about it. A few years later I asked her why nothing ever happened between us and she basically said she really like me as a person/personality but she had never been physical with an Asian dude before and didn't know how to deal with it. Basically she liked everything about me except for the fact that I wasn't white. That one took a while for me to come to grips with.
The funny thing is, I went to Hong Kong a few months ago and realized I was the equivalent of being "white" there. It totally blew my mind. Girls were looking at me on the street, I was getting more Tinder matches than I knew what to do with. And then I totally got it why no one in NYC wants to settle down. I get literally no matches here but in HK it was like 4 a day.
All my friends in NY think I'm only into white girls but the truth is that statistically there are just way more white people in America (obviously) so I will see more white girls that I think are attractive compared to others. But now it takes me literally 2 seconds of interacting with a white girl to know if they are even remotely interested in talking to me- as a person, not even a potential partner. In the past when I made it known that I was interested in them, they would literally not know what to do since they've never had an Asian guy into them before. They literally freeze up. They have never even thought about dating anyone other than white dudes. It's really weird, especially in NYC where you almost have to go out of your way to not talk to a minority.
I've pretty much given up on seriously dating in NY and trying to go live in HK for a while lol.
LMAO this couldn't be further from the truth
Ah. Never been but I would have thought it would be fairly diverse like a lot of bigger cities in the south. I've been to places like Savannah and Atlanta and those were diverse.
I honestly thought the same. Don't know why.
"Like that" implying there is not "like that" that you would presumably or maybe you don't mean either and your in this topic being a hypocrite. Dude you need to calm down as your getting way too brash and ahead of yourself.
Man Knoxville is small as shit compared to Memphis
Going from the 25th biggest city in America to a city with like 187k niggas...yeah
That is so so so so so so so so wrong
The stories I got from my LGBT friends
woof
What are you even saying
OK, grew up in Pakistan guy. You don't have firm grasp on what American women of any color want, I assure you.
Yeah, they're honestly just women. You put these broads on too much a a pedestal, you'll never be with one for long; that goes for women of all races, obviously. IRL, I've had asians throw themselves at me from small interactions. I've placed a middle eastern woman on a pedestal and totally fucked up because of that. I probably broke one Indian woman's heart, sorry to say; she was from India too. Really, Asian American girls are just regular american girls for real.
At some point, you have to consider people as individuals, especially if you want to get to know them personally. Can't get caught up thinking asian women only want sloppy white guys if you want to get to know a certain women personally... just shot your shot
I'll tell you why - because you would think an oppressed minority would be less shitty to oppressed minorities. But it's not the case at all and it's kind of mind blowing.
The person made a thread complaining about White women preferring White men, whern his own race of women prefers him but that's apparently not good enough. And we all know the reasons why. Quit arguing things in this mythological vacuum when there are historical racial and social contexts within a White supremacist society why some Black people in the African diaspora might find that behavior embarrassing.
Gay people are still susceptible to biases imparted by society. It's not uncommon to see profiles with "NO [INSERT RACE HERE]" or dumb nicknames being dished out for people who do date outside of their race ("rice queen").
Lots of people who identify as gay males idolize those who have features of white men.
Being a black wheelchair-bound brother, it's hard out here. Online dating just sucks. Have had women just ghost on when I answer the question of "Why are you in a wheelchair?" for a hundredth time, nobody looks beyond physical appearance on those sites. I know people, have a preference but it can be painful when a profile reads so good and it says "No blacks" in the small print.
Welcome to the dating game OP! good luck
Welcome to the dating game OP! good luck
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Fellow black men really need to stop gassing up these white women with that sort of behavior.
Especially since it give weight to stereotypes that the rest of us end up having to deal with.
Uhh if you live in a majorly white area where the women aren't interested in dating your race then I think you've got bigger problems to worry about (like, moving) than complaining about online dating apps/websites. Also, from my experience most times these kinds of complaints come up they are from black men who are only interested in going after white women and who ( ironically) don't even bother looking into women from their own race.
I wonder if they could do a similar chart but with other physical traits besides race? So instead of ASIAN/BLACK/LATINA/WHITE women/men preferences, if it had TALL/SHORT/FIT/FAT/PRETTY/UGLY women/men preferences.
seems like black men have it bad but Asian men and black women have it worse
according to this you should have more luck with black women. is that your experience?
i dunno, match.com always came off to me as the whitest of white sites. i'd use other ones if i were a poc
I feel like HK is a special case, because girls outnumber guys there.
As a British Chinese, I met my wife through online dating. I feel like it varies on different platforms. I struggled for a few months on one before I switched. I met my wife within the trial period of that one, she was the first date I got from there and now a few years later we are happily married and expecting a kid.
She is also Chinese btw so that doesn't contradict any of the stats. Some friends assume that it's me who is selective about my own race and at the same time dismiss the idea that racial preference in online dating could work against me.
Oh no
Some LGBGTQ folks are racist as fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Its a marginalized group that isn't based around an ethnicity, so it allows for that. Similarly there have been a lot of women for feminism , who are also racist
Yeah that's pretty weird, and makes no sense . But racism tends not to make sense
Thank you for sharing
I feel like there are a lot of assumptions being made in these posts , that aren't helping anyone
This is...strange? Did the guy live in a diverse area? I unfortunately did not grow up near a lot of black women, my only option was pretty much anything else but I never had initial trouble to the point of lamentation, it was mostly adolescent drama like anyone else would have. In school the only ones to call my house, ask me to dance were white so I never really considered color while I was younger, kind of just took what I could get. While working in coffee shops in college, same thing, only ones to show interest were white.
As I've had more time to meet more people, I think black women, at least the ones that I have been around longer seem to be able to reserve their attraction (or unattraction) towards people better than others in some cases. I also noticed that how I kept my hair changed who showed interest in me. There are also things that seemed to really be important to them than other women, in a consistent pattern, like I came work one day with a hair cut and they all excitedly came out of their offices just to see it. Besides trying to keep well groomed, I'm not particularly stylish and don't keep up with trends so that may have been a factor.
They're not strawman arguments. They're the recognition of a deeply disturbing sadness expressed by black men who feel hurt that many white women aren't interested in dating them. I'm black, have experienced the same snubs, and kept it moving. With so many beautiful black women out here, why does it bother them so much that most of the white women they encounter online have a preference for non-black males? If anything, I feel insulted when reading that stuff, since it strikes me that they're actively pursuing white women and snubbing black women. Having a black mother, I appreciate their beauty and find it odd that rejection by white women would arouse any feeling from them but amusement.
Reread the OP. The person never said Black women weren't good enough. You need to get out of your own head. You're projecting to an absurd degree. Just because a black man dates a white women doesn't mean he dislikes black women.
I'm not even arguing in a vacuum. Not everyone is so squarely focused on an individuals race when it comes to dating believe it or not. I've dated black women, asian women and white women before - I've swiped right on many other races on dating apps and have approached them in bars and other social settings. If two people like each other, why the hell should they have to consider historical, racial and social contexts? So people of their own race can approve of their relationships? Be embarrassed if you want. Seems like a waste of energy.
As a minority I never had a problem with online dating, but then again I don't chase after white women
Yep, I would say short men have it worse than POC
Yep, I would say short men have it worse than POC
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My friends think I'm being selective too but the fact is that there just isn't as many asian girls here when compared to white girls so I'm just seeing less girls that I am attracted to here. In HK, attractive girls were literally everywhere and of course almost all of them were Chinese. Also I think Black/Latino girls are even less interested in Asian dudes than white girls are if thats even possible.
Online dating as a non-white, non-tall non-male kinda sucks in general. Reducing humans to "stat" spreadsheets and giving everyone full power to filter and ignore entire populations results in rampant bald-faced discrimination. Who knew?
I've dated several but I've never tried to proactively go after one online, so I have no idea what my success rate would be. Hell even IRL I have no idea what my success rate would be as the the one's I've dated I just happen to meet out or through friends and there was instant chemistry or they were flirting hard at your boy. LOL
Jesus Christ, the amount of time this happend to me is insane.
I ultimately gave up. I want a partner, not a quick fuck.
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I think OP is more frustrated that so many people think that way in the first place.
There was an AA podcast that talked specifically about your previous story and this post. Schemas are really powerful like that. A lot of people assume that Asian guys only date Asian ladies too.
Never tried, never interacted with very many, closest I've ever gotten was compliments on then saying I was handsome.
Yeah I've noticed the difference even being a light skinned latin guy. It was a night and day difference in dating when I left my city, Salt Lake City, as opposed to where I went to trade school in Denver.
Not being religious probably doesn't help my situation lol
Not being religious probably doesn't help my situation lol
It is a strawman argument. Because instead of engaging in the discussion set by the OP, people have decided to say he hates women of his own race and only wants to chase the "forbidden fruit" of the white woman without any proof of such. If you disagree with something, challenge the statements made instead of making assumptions about the person and attacking them verbally as a way to knock them down.
And to your last statement, rejection sucks in general. It's not a good feeling. We aren't wired to naturally to somehow only be hurt by rejection from people of our own race. Why the hell would you be amused?
charts 7 and 8 in this blog post relates self-confidence and sex drive to self-described body type
here's one contrasting how men and women view beauty, and how beauty influences their messaging tendencies
here's one post about how having a polarizing look may give you more success than being considered relatively attractive by many people
here is one post aboutage gaps
Think again:
LMAO! Fair point.
There is always a group of women (or men) that will have interest in you... any race. You just have to keep looking. And don't go in all negative when you come across one. Shake that shit off first.
Sure, it's easier for some people. Oh well. That's just life in this generation. Keep moving forward.
Sure, it's easier for some people. Oh well. That's just life in this generation. Keep moving forward.
I'm a dark-skinned black dude who cleaned up (and met my current fiancee) with basically all races of women on OKC, but I also live in New York City, so I'm wondering if that skews the results a bit. Interestingly enough, I seem to remember doing the worst with latinas, which was kind of a bummer, given I've always been a huge fan.
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At the same time it's important to note that online dating is amplifying these problems tenfold, especially its prevalence in today's dating culture worldwide. Online dating may not be creating new issues in dating, but if it propagates, legitimizes, and/or facilitates issues that already exist I think it's worth pointing out.
A better question would be why he requires validation and acceptance from white people. If a white woman doesn't want to date you based on race, keep it moving. I can't fathom being 20+ years old and being frustrated or upset with white people...acting like white people. If you put yourself out there enough and do your own thing, you'll run into some cool white people I'm sure. Most people prefer to date and marry within their own race/community, that shouldn't be a surprise. But for those who take it a step farther and are racist about it? Fuck them. Plenty of women out there to date breh, of all colors.
I'm black, tall, in good shape, and have a good job... I have zero problem attracting women from various races, my girlfriend is Latina. I will say Asian women don't fuck with me though.
It could be something beyond race. If you're under 6 feet you gonna have problems, for instance.
When I used to use OkCupid I just contacted women who gave me a like. I assume they are okay with my skin color if they do that.
What other conclusion are we supposed to reach when a black man expresses this kind of frustration with online dating? Strikes me as someone who has his own odd hangups with race that need to be addressed.