But I did admit my issues yesterday.
I'm just saying today she was picking on me a little again, I thought we had talked about how we wouldn't do that and work on not doing that. Then she got annoyed hearing that and said basically, "I'm not even allowed to joke?", shut down and when I asked what's wrong, she said she feels miserable. Went on her phone, I asked her what's wrong and she said, "nothing". Now she's laying away from me.
Let me tell you a little story OP. It's a little different to yours, but the situation is somewhat similar.
But let me preface it with a simple, honest and upfront truth: If you continue as you are, and don't stop trying to justify your crappy behaviour, your relationship will end, and you will lose everything.
I know, because it happened to me.
Similar situation. Lived with my then partner, 10 year relationship. Over time we were very different in some ways, and the same in others- like most relationships. But we loved each other, for a long time.
I developed anxiety, and had some issues which she stuck with me through, could never have asked for more love and support with it. Some stuff happened with our house, and we bought another- it's a long story I won't bore you with, but it was the shittiest year and a half we had seen.
I thought moving would resolve my anxiety, but it didn't, it continued and the effect drained both me and her on a daily basis.
"She should support you" you think, "you were sick, she shouldn't leave for that"
No. My actions changed, and I didn't see it. Like you, I'd spend more time gaming, or more time in bad moods. I'd spend less time cleaning and helping and looking forward to doing the things we wanted to do in the house, instead everything was a massive chore.
She thought it would be short term and ploughed on, taking these things over and cooking, cleaning, planning- all the rest.
And I let it happen, little by little. At first I thought "Well, I'm struggling, I'm not well, she knows this because she's been so good with me". But eventually that became normal, and slowly it becomes that little bit more selfish, until that's the norm
Looking back now, with clarity, I realised she would work all day, come home to find nothing done, do it all, cook and clean, play with and feed the cat, and then sit down infront of the telly, and what would be there? Me playing games. In my own world, worries about me and my anxiety and all the rest without a thought of what she was doing.
It went on, without me ever realising she was walking on eggshells and becoming a different, unhappy person because she no longer had my support day to day.
She spoke to me many times, and I never took it seriously. I eventually agreed to go to counselling, and for the first time she became happy at the thought it would be fixed- she stuck around because that's what she wanted, for me to be me, and us to be us again.
it sounds similar to you right? She supported you while you were jobless? What did you do when things were better and you had a job and could contribute? ... Well, you started ignoring her, letting her cook, not spending time with her and started slagging off HER way of coping with the crap situation around her with trash TV? Don't you think that cuts her a bit?
I ended up getting a new job, and the counselling was going to overlap with the new job- so without a thought I cancelled it- and justified it by saying the job was more important.
About a week or two later, 3 days after starting the new job, I came home to our new house and she was gone. Took all her stuff, took our beloved cat which I adored, and left me a note saying she couldn't be in the relationship anymore.
My actions up to that point was a constant drain on both of us, and I selfishly only saw my point of view and didn't take her into account at all.
10 years of life built up, gone. And my beautiful cat what I adored and was basically my therapy cat was gone too.
If you listen to any post here- listen to this one from someone who has been through it. You are being selfish. You are thinking of no one but yourself. That's not a slight against you, I know how easy it is to happen- but trust me when I say if you don't acknowledge it now, everything you fear- your relationship, and your dogs.
The gaming is a red herring. The issue here is your behaviour, so stop focusing on discord and games- the fact is, your lack of understanding and empathy for the effects of your actions are the problem.
Don't let what happened to me, happen to you.
Please.