My whole family just got into a major argument like I've never seen before

[DrScruffleton]

This is about to be a drama filled post, venting, looking for any advice on how to deal with the aftermath

Guess I should start this story by saying I have 2 brothers, 1 sister, mom in the picture. One brother has 3 kids. Sister has 2 kids. Other brother childless.

The brother with 3 kids is moving away in June. We came up with the idea that we should have a family get together once a month until he leaves. We have all pretty much accepted that we will basically never see him and his family again. Only in very rare instances.

So the argument over this happened just while trying to plan it. We were trying to plan one around our moms birthday so we could all celebrate together. My brother without kids is a Doctor and has a very busy schedule. We pretty much always plan around his schedule. He started this conversation by stating there was one specific weekend he could come over and that was it. Which alright, that's kind of a sucky situation, but its his job. Another thing that my sister and other brother do all the time is say they CANNOT go to any gatherings if their small children have literally any other plans. Softball games, tball, friends birthdays, church, etc... Like they will NOT under any circumstances cancel any other plan whatsoever to accommodate any gathering, even birthdays.

So the doctor brother and my mom started planning out a weekend outing that we can do for my moms birthday...He then brought it up on our family chat, which immediately set my sister off the fucking rails. Saying they were planning stuff when she couldn't go, activities that would exclude her small children, she'd have to get a babysitter so her and her husband could go, they didn't have time to check their child's sports schedule...so on and so on....

This then set our mom off. "Its my fucking birthday, I can pick what I want to do. you're telling me I cant do what I want to do for my birthday because it would inconvenience you!" Stuff like that. And I really feel for my mom. She is 70, to put it frank, we don't have many birthdays left to celebrate with her in the grand scheme. I would drop anything to be there for her.

This set my sister off even more to the point where she called our mom and screamed at her on the phone. I was there for the whole time and could hear my sisters booming voice on the other end and my mom started crying.

Now this set me completely off, I cannot stand seeing my mom hurt. Its one of the only things in this world that gets my blood boiling to a point where I cannot back down. I went back into our chat and called out my sister and my other brother with kids directly out. Saying that I couldn't believe that they wouldn't skip their children's "stupid ass sports games" for our moms birthday. And that they are basically telling our mom that her birthday is less important than a 4 year old's t ball game. Its not even like we do this all the time. Its ONE gathering a month until June.

I don't have kids, I don't know what its like. But I could never imagine in a million years telling my mom that I couldn't go to her birthday because a small child has a sports game that they wont even remember in a weeks time. As I said, our mother is getting older, do they not have any perspective of this? I am the youngest of the family, and I feel like a lot of the time what I say gets glossed over. Nobody even replied to me directly, just passive aggressive comments after, and they kept arguing amongst each other in chat.

Now the chat has gone silent. I've never seen anything like this before in my family. I have never witnessed my sister scream at our mom. My sister is in her late 30's. None of us are teenagers, we are all adults. Like I don't see a way coming back from this. This was not just a little spat. My brother is moving away in June and this is where we are at now. Anyone ever get over any major arguments like this in the family?

I personally cannot imagine looking any of them face to face again. I guess I shouldn't of said what I said. I was planning on just leaving the chat when the arguments started, but my sisters phone call with my mom sent me over the edge. Now my brother and sister with families of their own are definitely going to be thinking about me in some ways, probably thinking I don't give a shit about my nieces and nephews.

 

[sfedai0]

Sorry OP, but your sister is an entitled selfish piece of shit. I've cut off my uncle who is a giant selfish manipulative asshole and as a result, I dont see my 2 cousins who are more like nephews to me. Its a regrettable sacrifice but its not worth having toxic family members in your life.

 

[ToddBonzalez]

Sounds like a disagreement that got out of hand. Just give everyone some time to simmer down and let cooler heads prevail. As for your siblings not prioritizing your mom's B-day- Maybe talk to them one-on-one outside the group chat and apologize for popping off and tell them that you were getting emotional over your thoughts about how your mom is getting older and spending time together will mean alot to her. If they still prioritize their kids over the get-together there's not much you can do. They're adults and they're making their own choices. Kinda shitty, but that's the way it is.

Also I don't really get your statement about how you'll never see your brother again after he moves away... Is he moving to another continent or something?

 

[AceStrimmer]

The kids can indeed survive missing a sports or social. My boys have missed things before because.....family is important. There will be other parties and ball games but only one 70th birthday.

Wonder if your bro and sis actually asked the kids what they would like to do?

 

[MayorSquirtle]

My sister (around 30 at the time) completely lost her shit at my mother (around 50) several years ago over something relatively trivial. And then proceeded to block her on FB and completely cut her out of her life. She has a daughter of her own and even went so far as refusing to allow her to visit my mom. Which was fucking devastating for my mom. I'd never seen her cry so much or be so depressed. And it's completely unfair to the granddaughter to not be able to see her grandma over petty bullshit. I thought it would never be fixed because my sister is an extremely stubborn individual.

But eventually, over the course of several years, she gradually took the stick out of her ass, letting her daughter visit again sometimes, eventually communicating through text here and there, then having us over for (admittedly awkward) holidays. I wouldn't say we're all on great terms but things have returned to a sort of "normal."

I know your own mother's age is more of a concern, but I wouldn't assume that things are irreparable. Give it time for people to cool down.

 

[Hound]

OP's sister sounds absolutely awful and what I would expect from an entitled and spoiled asshole. If she's not coming to a family gathering, good. In fact, I'd make a point not to include her and her family in the future after that blow up.

 

[Falchion]

Hopefully once everyone has a day to cool off they'll realize things got out of control and that they should do what it takes to make your mom's birthday. That blows though. They're obviously in the wrong if they can't move anything around to spend time with her.

 

[TissueBox]

Has this sister and your mother had rough patches in the past?

This is probably destined to be a sore spot for a while--or at least, won't simmer down in time to go back to making plans calmly before your brother moves away. If it does, great. I don't know your family's dynamic. But if apologies from either party (yourself as well) don't go anywhere, then best to just let it sit for a little.

 

[Kinketsu]

I dont see there is much you can do about it. As you said, everyone is a grown up. Your sister has her own priorities and I guess her own feelings about the relationship she wants with your mother. You have told everyone how you feel so I think the next thing to do is just let everyone cool off. If the spat was not long seething or based on something else, it could well blow over once everyone has calmed down.

 

[DrScruffleton]

Also I don't really get your statement about how you'll never see your brother again after he moves away... Is he moving to another continent or something?

Click to shrink...

Its dumb political reasons they are moving, i left it out because its not really relevant to this argument. I love him as a brother and what he has done for me throughout life, but god damn do I disagree with him on almost everything. He has no desire to ever come back here, and most of us have no desire to go visit where hes moving. one of the big reasons they are moving is because they dont want to get their kids vaccinated for school. That should tell you enough lol

 

[ToddBonzalez]

Its dumb political reasons they are moving, i left it out because its not really relevant to this argument. I love him as a brother and what he has done for me throughout life, but god damn do I disagree with him on almost everything. He has no desire to ever come back here, and most of us have no desire to go visit where hes moving. one of the big reasons they are moving is because they dont want to get their kids vaccinated for school. That should tell you enough lol

Click to shrink...

Well that sucks. Definitely sounds like your siblings have some issues of their own to work on...Hopefully you they can put this stuff behind them for a day for your mom's sake.

 

[DrScruffleton]

Has this sister and your mother had rough patches in the past?

This is probably destined to be a sore spot for a while--or at least, won't simmer down in time to go back to making plans calmly before your brother moves away. If it does, great. I don't know your family's dynamic. But if apologies from either party (yourself as well) don't go anywhere, then best to just let it sit for a little.

Click to shrink...

I honestly cant remember anything like this before. Theres not one instance where something as serious as this has happened, the only argument I can remember them even happening is goofy high school shit that every teen goes through.

 

[Deleted member 14518]

Sounds like Brother with kids stayed out of it?

Its fine if they can't come to the specific thing, let them plan something else with their mother to make up. Not all the family will make it to all the gatherings.

My own experience is that its very hard to organise a regular event with busy families and have 100% attendance. Best you can do is pick a day you think most can and then do it.

I'm sure when heads cool the sister might make up. She was totally out of line anyway..

 

[Razmos]

Both your brother and sister with kids sound incredibly selfish and of the opinion that they and their immediate family are more important than anyone else. I've seen it before in other families.
This really sucks for your mother but at least you and your doctor brother not only care but would go out of your way to celebrate her birthday

 

[DrScruffleton]

Sounds like Brother with kids stayed out of it?

Its fine if they can't come to the specific thing, let them plan something else with their mother to make up. Not all the family will make it to all the gatherings.

My own experience is that its very hard to organise a regular event with busy families and have 100% attendance. Best you can do is pick a day you think most can and then do it.

I'm sure when heads cool the sister might make up. She was totally out of line anyway..

Click to shrink...

Yeah, The brother with kids only replied a couple of times, one comment being "we have to wait for the kids sports schedule to come in". Then when the shit really started to hit the fan, he wasnt even looking at the chat anymore.

 

[sangreal]

Saying that I couldn't believe that they wouldn't skip their children's "stupid ass sports games" for our moms birthday. And that they are basically telling our mom that her birthday is less important than a 4 year old's t ball game. Its not even like we do this all the time. Its ONE gathering a month until June.

I don't have kids, I don't know what its like. But I could never imagine in a million years telling my mom that I couldn't go to her birthday because a small child has a sports game that they wont even remember in a weeks time. As I said, our mother is getting older, do they not have any perspective of this? I am the youngest of the family, and I feel like a lot of the time what I say gets glossed over. Nobody even replied to me directly, just passive aggressive comments after, and they kept arguing amongst each other in chat.

Click to shrink...

The only time my kids' schedule trumps anything is if I already don't want to do something and it's a convenient excuse

Now, if this once a month gathering is scheduled in a way that will always conflict and they have to skip 25% of some weekly activity I could see that being an issue. But not being able to celebrate a single birthday because of t-ball? nah, no excuse

 

[Neece]

Call them and talk to them?

Ask to come over to talk with them?

 

[Deleted member 14518]

Really just sounds like your Sis needed to call and apologise to your Mam. Give it a day or to.

Sorry to hear about your brother (moving and the anti-vax), but you never know how things will work out. You might seem them more than you think.

 

[Ramathevoice]

Celebrating your kids' grandma's milestone birthday and making memories with her should take precedence over an extracurricular, especially if it's a regularly occuring one.

And even if it's an important extracurricular, just say you'll join the family for dinner afterwards or something.

 

[junk]

Your sister sounds like my sister in law, which in that case, she can go fuck all the way off. Bravo to you OP for calling them siblings out, you absolutely have the right perspective in regards to your mother. I'm sorry you're family is going thru it over this tho. Ugh I've been there. Prayers to you and your folks that it sorts itself out.

 

[Vilam]

I don't know how someone manages to reach 70 years old and still cares about birthdays.

Stop putting emphasis on specific days, and specific events, and just see each other when you can. This isn't difficult.

 

[Jombie]

You're right in calling them out. Ball games, especially when they're little, are nothing but time wasters. Them refusing to budge over of a t-ball game is ridiculous.

 

[Frodo]

Honestly, sounds like your sister doesn't want to be involved in your family's celebrations. As someone pointed out already, when you're that young, those sport events are literally time wasters. I'd just make plans and if she wants to come that is fine, if she doesn't want to come, you know where her priorities are. I'm not saying either is right or wrong, she has the right to not want to be involved.

 

[JigglesBunny]

Purely based on your account here, your sister is definitely the one at fault. If she - or your brother with children - refuse to accommodate your mother based on trivial things like a tee-ball game, then their priorities are seriously out of whack. Logically, you wouldn't want someone like that at a party anyways, but obviously it's not that simple with family.

I would let everyone go back to their corners and cool down. Maybe once things have started to simmer a bit, a levelheaded discussion about things can take place between each party individually. If they still refuse to back down, well, there's only so much you can do.

 

[GUArutha]

So the doctor brother and my mom started planning out a weekend outing that we can do for my moms birthday...He then brought it up on our family chat, which immediately set my sister off the fucking rails. Saying they were planning stuff when she couldn't go, activities that would exclude her small children, she'd have to get a babysitter so her and her husband could go, they didn't have time to check their child's sports schedule...so on and so on....

This then set our mom off. "Its my fucking birthday, I can pick what I want to do. you're telling me I cant do what I want to do for my birthday because it would inconvenience you!" Stuff like that. And I really feel for my mom. She is 70, to put it frank, we don't have many birthdays left to celebrate with her in the grand scheme. I would drop anything to be there for her.

Click to shrink...

Well I can relate a bit to your sister that she prioritise her children. I do that myself also. But frankly it is just some small sport acitivities her children will have many chances to attend another time. Unless they're on the verge of becoming professional athlete in the sports this shouldn't be a huge problem.

I'd call her and tell her that nobody wants to cut her out of any gathering. Its her choice of coming or not.

At our family (I have 2 brothers and 1 sister) we set dates (usually plan it a long time ahead). Whoever set the priority of the gathering high enough will be there. Sometimes its not working out that everyone can join due to work or other things. But mostly we can see us all together.

 

[Tendo]

Your sister is an asshole. I could never imagine yelling at my mom. Especially over something like this. Good on you for having her back.

 

[Tangyn]

Sadly a few huge explosions in my family - 5 siblings all in our 30's and we don't get on alllll that well.

You will get over it in time though. There was one a few years ago between me and my sister around my mums 60th weirdly and i was sure we would never come back from it - it's never been the "same" since but we can be around each other without wanting to murder one and other so thats progress.

 

[Soda]

Your sister yelling at your mom seems uncalled for. Your mom guilting your sister into coming seems uncalled for. You calling your sister's kid's sports worthless is uncalled for.

I'm not saying your sister is right, but a lot of folks here saying your sister just should drop all her family's pre-arranged plans to accommodate your mom... Idk... I think a lot of folks don't understand what having a couple of kids is like in the midst of a pandemic. It's incredibly challenging and immensely stressful. Having any plans at all is a miracle, and having to deviate is awful.

It sounds like a shitty situation all around with no one being totally right or wrong. Very complex with a lot of history.

 

[Grug]

Your sister yelling at your mom seems uncalled for. Your mom guilting your sister into coming seems uncalled for. You calling your sister's kid's sports worthless is uncalled for.

I'm not saying your sister is right, but a lot of folks here saying your sister just should drop all her family's pre-arranged plans to accommodate your mom... Idk... I think a lot of folks don't understand what having a couple of kids is like in the midst of a pandemic. It's incredibly challenging and immensely stressful. Having any plans at all is a miracle, and having to deviate is awful.

It sounds like a shitty situation all around with no one being totally right or wrong. Very complex with a lot of history.

Click to shrink...

I can't get with this TBH. While everyone may have been able to handle things a little more calmly, I really don't think it is an incredibly "complex" situation. The sister is clearly the most out-of-line.

I have a 6 year old and have lived through a pandemic too, so it's not some incredibly unique insight required. Kids have activities all the time, and very few of them are so important that you can't cancel them for a special family occasion.

My son skipped soccer training this week so we could go visit his grandad who just had surgery. The world keeps turning.

 

[mbpm]

If this is the first time and there's not like a history of bad blood...idk, I would just assume people need time to cool down? Like it's the first rough patch, it fucking sucks to have a screaming match, but why would it be world-ending?

 

[Soda]

I can't get with this TBH. While everyone may have been able to handle things a little more calmly, I really don't think it is an incredibly "complex" situation. The sister is clearly the most out-of-line.

I have a 6 year old and have lived through a pandemic too, so it's not some incredibly unique insight required. Kids have activities all the time, and very few of them are so important that you can't cancel them for a special family occasion.

My son skipped soccer training this week so we could go visit his grandad who just had surgery. The world keeps turning.

Click to shrink...

I mean, on a fundamental level, does a grandparent have a right to tell their kid to cancel the grandparent's grandkid's plans to accommodate the grandparent? It would be a nice gesture for the OP's sister to accommodate the situation, but I don't think OP's mom has a permanent right over OP's sister's free time and freewill. The OP's mom can express disappointment, but it sounds like she lashed out towards OP's sister. I don't think that's fair in the slightest.

OP describes the sister's initial messages as "off the fucking rails" but it sounds like she said "Hey if you plan event X, our kids can't make it" which... Sounds reasonable? I guess it depends what OP defines as "off the fucking rails" e.g. was the sister being an asshole with how she spoke about the situation? It's certainly possible. I don't think saying "We can't make it if we have to get a baby sitter" is unreasonable, though.

 

[Dan Thunder]

I can't get with this TBH. While everyone may have been able to handle things a little more calmly, I really don't think it is an incredibly "complex" situation. The sister is clearly the most out-of-line.

I have a 6 year old and have lived through a pandemic too, so it's not some incredibly unique insight required. Kids have activities all the time, and very few of them are so important that you can't cancel them for a special family occasion.

My son skipped soccer training this week so we could go visit his grandad who just had surgery. The world keeps turning.

Click to shrink...

Yup, there's nothing complicated here. The OP's mum is asking her daughter to minorly inconvenience her family for one day to celebrate her birthday, her kids can miss one sports event for that. I've got a son and it's not a big deal to change plans, if the OP's sister's kids have lots of activities outside the home on then it really doesn't seem that the pandemic is affecting them too much on that front.

OP, If your sister places more value on a child's activity - that they do every week - over her own mother's birthday then they deserve to be called out.

 

[Siggy-P]

You're all also being kind of demanding.

End of the day you have to accept that a big family get together is just not gonna happen much. Even as rarely as you've all planned.

It shouldn't be that big a deal if one or two people don't come. Even for birthdays.

Edit: I changed my mind. Your sister isn't being unreasonable. Its been decided that she is the one who has to change her plans to accommodate everyone else.

I don't mean to sound rude and you obviously love your mother dearly but like... its not that hard for your mother to get over it.

 

[Praetorpwj]

Your sister sounds unreasonable and it is a significant birthday but 70 is not that old these days. Average life expectancy for a 70 year old female in US is 87.

 

[Embedded]

Visit your sister, tell her you care for her children and you were upset because of your mom.
Ask her if there is something else in her life pressuring her.

Please don't seek family related advice in this forum. A lot of people will tell you to just cut ties, it's really depressing.

 

[ty_hot]

You are not in the wrong but it's a shitty situation to be in. A 4yo sports game is nowhere close to a 70yo mom b-day. Anyone thinking those things are even in the same ballpark don't have their priorities straight. And as I understand there would be more kids involved so it is not like one kid would be alone in the middle of adults a whole day (btw, if that was the case it would also be fine).

 

[SCUMMbag]

It sounds like a fairly normal family blowout to be honest. Everyone will most likely cool down, have a cry and get over it. If it lingers for a long time, there's more like deeper issues/conflicts than this single event.

One of the problems with posting threads like this is that trial by internet often leads to people inflating the tensions of a situation based on their own experiences and reflecting them back on the OP and their situation. Your sister sounds like she's being an ass and a bit selfish here but if your relationship is normally quite good I wouldn't stress on anything.

 

[Deleted member 26591]

If this set your sister off so hair-trigger like, it sounds like perhaps she has other shit going on? To just explode like that is extreme, I'd wonder if something was up her end. Don't just cut her off, perhaps try to reconcile and see if there is anything wrong.

We've had something similar here with my father-in-law. I clocked him as a manipulative bully as soon as I met him, and lo and behold he turned out to be even worse of an absolute shit heel. He seperated from the MiL, but when my kids arrived he tried to reconcile, but it ended up in an absolute blazing row and I told him to fuck off and never return. Not seen him since, but he's since remarried someone younger than his daughter (my wife) and become an anti-vaxxer right-wing douchebag.

Best thing to do is see if it's repairable, repair it, but if they're a douche, they're a douche and there's nothing you can do. Cut them out.

 

[Dr. Mario]

I don't get your mom in this to be honest.

I don't know how someone manages to reach 70 years old and still cares about birthdays.

Stop putting emphasis on specific days, and specific events, and just see each other when you can. This isn't difficult.

Click to shrink...

This. It's incredibly hard to plan anything. Her kids have their own families now. No point in demanding they all abandon them over a birthday when you're seventy.
Like obviously your sister shouldn't have yelled at her, but still. Also for you OP, it's not that your brothers and sister have kids on the side. This is their family now. What you have with your mother and siblings, they now have with their kids. Their new family strongly trumps the familial bonds they had before. They will prioritize these people over the grandparents and also you. I know that's hard to empathize with, but you're going to have to accept it.

 

[lunchtoast]

The part about having to schedule around your Dr. brother stood out to me. Your sister has her own life and family. Do you think she might feel angry that everyone feels his time is more important than hers? This could have been a breaking point. T-ball might be stupid and unimportant to you but might be important to her, or she got angry thinking her life isn't as important as your brothers.

I would just appreciate the time you can spend with your mom and not worry so much about when you can all get together. Hopefully your sister calms down and you can all schedule something.

 

[Grug]

One of the problems with posting threads like this is that trial by internet often leads to people inflating the tensions of a situation based on their own experiences and reflecting them back on the OP and their situation. You're sister sounds like she's being an ass and a bit selfish here but if your relationship is normally quite good I wouldn't stress on anything.

Click to shrink...

That's a fair point. My older sister is an ungrateful, jealous and self-centred person so I probably projected a little of that onto the the OPs sister. Some other posters may also do the same with the mother.

There are also cultural lenses that influence perceptions too. People from Asian and Mediterranean countries for example tend to put elderly relatives more front-and-center than some other cultures where there is more of a "moving away from the nest with your new family" tendency.

What I would say to the sister though is that, yes, parenting is very hard, thankless and undervalued work. Presumably however her mother made similar sacrifices for her when she was younger and that now is the time to show her mother that is is appreciated and not forgotten. One day it will be too late.

 

[pizoxuat]

The part about having to schedule around your Dr. brother stood out to me. Your sister has her own life and family. Do you think she might feel angry that everyone feels his time is more important than hers? This could have been a breaking point. T-ball might be stupid and unimportant to you but might be important to her, or she got angry thinking her life isn't as important as your brothers.

Click to shrink...

This is what stood out to me too. Especially since it sounds like the other brother isn't coming down on the sister and his time is especially precious since he will be gone forever soon. It sounds like the siblings with kids may feel like the doctor brother has been getting preferrential treatment and this was just the last straw situation for the sister. Throwing that out there as an alternate way of viewing the situation.

 

[maloney]

Man I feel your pain. I once threw my sister out of my house and never spoke to her for over 6 months because she called my mum a c*nt to her face (and in front of me). I don't really have much advice really, only what I experienced. I have 2 kids and sometimes it is a juggling act trying to fit in their activities with family get togethers. Luckily myself and my wife are pretty level headed and we both agree that missing a week of sports isn't going to do much harm in the long run.

I guess time is a healer is the bottom line. In the above instance it was my mum and sister that settled their differences first. Then mum pleaded with me to let it go, which I did. Part of me was reluctant and digging my heels in, stuck in principle. Another part of me was life is too short, and this is what was the decider.

 

[SCUMMbag]

That's a fair point. My older sister is an ungrateful, jealous and self-centred person so I probably projected a little of that onto the the OPs sister. Some other posters may also do the same with the mother.

There are also cultural lenses that influence perceptions too. People from Asian and Mediterranean countries for example tend to put elderly relatives more front-and-center than some other cultures where there is more of a "moving away from the nest with your new family" tendency.

What I would say to the sister though is that, yes, parenting is very hard, thankless and undervalued work. Presumably however her mother made similar sacrifices for her when she was younger and that now is the time to show her mother that is is appreciated and not forgotten. One day it will be too late.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, I'm not trying to call anyone out. I think when this thing arises that people are trying to being helpful. It's just like what Tolstoy said, "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way".

 

[Ronin]

I don't know how someone manages to reach 70 years old and still cares about birthdays.

Stop putting emphasis on specific days, and specific events, and just see each other when you can. This isn't difficult.

Click to shrink...

This is where I'm at.

 

[The Big Short]

I have to say I am really curious where the brother is moving to if he's moving for anti vaccine reasons. There aren't exactly many well developed nations as strongly anti vaccine as the US.

 

[CesareNorrez]

This is where I'm at.

Click to shrink...

I don't get how you are faulting the mother here. It's clearly not just about her birthday. It's about having her whole family together. A birthday is an easy idea to plan around. And it doesn't even seem to be on her Birthday but around that time.

And it seems children's sports is what is keeping the family from getting together, not the Birthday date. And the other brother's Doctor schedule.

If the Doctor brother has such limited time, then your family is going to have to accept that you will have events that miss him or another sibling. You should try to just plan 1 event with everyone to start. Then see what you can manage after that. And keep cool heads until everyone comes to an agreement.

 

[Marvo Pandoras]

The part about having to schedule around your Dr. brother stood out to me. Your sister has her own life and family. Do you think she might feel angry that everyone feels his time is more important than hers? This could have been a breaking point.

Click to shrink...

Agree 100%. This stood out to me as well. Sounds like OP is caught in the middle of some drama between the Sister, Dr. brother, and mother.

 

[sonnyboy]

Hey OP, I'm a dad with a 9 year who plays lacrosse and basketball. We're not missing a big family event over a game. Nobody is getting paid/sponsored for tee-ball lol.

 

[OrangeNova]

Have they considered going over, after the game? I assume kids sports aren't going late into the night on a weekend and they can probably stop by when the game is done, or get them through a bath quick and bring them over.

Anyone in an even moderate sized family plans around this shit.

My sibling has a kid and their partner plays baseball. My mom, my sibling and my partner all work retail and have wildly different schedules, I work week days, my dad works weekends, and my sisters partner is on call. We still get together we just find the most open day, and anyone who can't make it immediately that day, just comes a little later.

Your sister is being unreasonable for making it a big deal that they can't do anything else on a day, it is contrary to their belief, possible to do 2 things in a day.

I don't know how someone manages to reach 70 years old and still cares about birthdays.

Stop putting emphasis on specific days, and specific events, and just see each other when you can. This isn't difficult.

Click to shrink...

The fuck?

Let people enjoy things, and that includes birthdays. If you don't care about your birthday, that's cool, but everyone is different, don't tell someone "How could you be that old and care about a birthday?"