One year at a Christmas gathering my cousin's wife admitted to a bunch of mostly women that she just stopped taking her pill and didn't tell her husband because otherwise he was taking to long to go along with it.
Instead of being fucking horrified the room of my aunts and cousins just laughed and nodded. Yup, sometimes you have to do that, they seemed to all say. A few admitted to literally the same thing.
My girlfriend and me at the time both WTF'd hard after that day.
I still don't understand why folks would want the love of their lives... their life partner...etc... to constantly take birth control pills.
Maybe I need to read up on it more, but growing up I was led to believe it wasn't a healthy thing to do long term.
Even though I wasn't married to them.. I didn't want my ex'es to do it... We did our part regarding pre-cum.. and then I did my part in pulling out. Worked out all my years with relationships where we eventually started to go bare.
I still don't understand why folks would want the love of their lives... their life partner...etc... to constantly take birth control pills.
Maybe I need to read up on it more, but growing up I was led to believe it wasn't a healthy thing to do long term.
Even though I wasn't married to them.. I didn't want my ex'es to do it... We did our part regarding pre-cum.. and then I did my part in pulling out. Worked out all my years with relationships where we eventually started to go bare.
One year at a Christmas gathering my cousin's wife admitted to a bunch of mostly women that she just stopped taking her pill and didn't tell her husband because otherwise he was taking to long to go along with it.
Instead of being fucking horrified the room of my aunts and cousins just laughed and nodded. Yup, sometimes you have to do that, they seemed to all say. A few admitted to literally the same thing.
My girlfriend and me at the time both WTF'd hard after that day.
I live in Wisconsin. These were all Wisconsinites, born and raised.I think this is a southern thing in America, the idea that it's ok for women to "drag" their man into what will surely be a happy, stable, equitable co-parenting family relationship.
As the startling number of single moms in my dating pool can attest to, this doesn't always work out.
If a woman consents to protected sex, but a man forces her into unprotected sex, then I think that ought to be called rape.
Agreed. Stealthing is a form of rape in my book, and logically therefore, so is deliberately misleading/sabotaging a male's attempt to use birth control.
I live in Wisconsin. These were all Wisconsinites, born and raised.
Granted they're Wisconsinites that have in the past either defended or actually flown the confederate flag, so... you know.
Ive been waiting for this procedure for years, im so glad its finally coming, holy shit
it's fineI still don't understand why folks would want the love of their lives... their life partner...etc... to constantly take birth control pills.
Maybe I need to read up on it more, but growing up I was led to believe it wasn't a healthy thing to do long term.
Even though I wasn't married to them.. I didn't want my ex'es to do it... We did our part regarding pre-cum.. and then I did my part in pulling out. Worked out all my years with relationships where we eventually started to go bare.
Not that simple when your SO wants kids.
I empathize but it is also the reason i made the choice to be fixed before having any kids. Makes those conversations a lot easier in dating.
Definitely not. That dude has a kid and didn't want more and he apparently was very proactive about contraceptives
My marriage ended over this very issue.
During dating / engagement, we discussed at length the desire to not have kids, and we were both on board. We were together for 14 years.
Then my ex flipped a switch in her brain and all of a sudden had baby fever (probably because a string of women in her office had recently had kids), and then it was all or nothing with zero room for compromise.
So, she left, and "started over", and five years later she's no closer to having a kid because she hasn't 'found the one' yet.
I don't think that this is the correct answer, but I've met people who basically tried to answer this question with "Getting a dog"
My marriage ended over this very issue.
During dating / engagement, we discussed at length the desire to not have kids, and we were both on board. We were together for 14 years.
Then my ex flipped a switch in her brain and all of a sudden had baby fever (probably because a string of women in her office had recently had kids), and then it was all or nothing with zero room for compromise.
So, she left, and "started over", and five years later she's no closer to having a kid because she hasn't 'found the one' yet.
I don't think that this is the correct answer, but I've met people who basically tried to answer this question with "Getting a dog"
Maybe it works for some people, I guess, but it seems to me that if you want a kid and you can be satisfied by having a dog, maybe you didn't really want a kid, and just something to look after and cuddle. Idk.
Yeah. If you just need something to love, lots of doggies in shelter looking for love and to give love.
Coward.
But I have troubles calling it rape, really. This doesn't feel right to me, to call it rape.
This always scares me about getting into a relationship again. Granted, I'm okay with eventually having kids - with plenty of planning and consideration beforehand - but that biological clock/peer pressure phenomenon is real.
it's fine
and actually a lot of women see improvement in mood/mental health and things like acne because of the changes in hormones from taking birth control
We had two dogs already.
My compromise came during marriage counselling where I offered up if she could wait 5 years for us to get a bit of a nest egg / get properly prepared for the mountain of work having a kid was.
We were 30 at the time, and she said 35 would be "too late" for her and she wanted to have one ASAP.
So the "wait 5 years and we can try" wasn't good enough.
She is probably too old now.My marriage ended over this very issue.
During dating / engagement, we discussed at length the desire to not have kids, and we were both on board. We were together for 14 years.
Then my ex flipped a switch in her brain and all of a sudden had baby fever (probably because a string of women in her office had recently had kids), and then it was all or nothing with zero room for compromise.
So, she left, and "started over", and five years later she's no closer to having a kid because she hasn't 'found the one' yet.
From what I have heard from the women in my life, you really have to find the right one for you, because the wrong one throws all of your systems out of wack, while the right one can help balance you out. This is all anecdotal and doesn't account for other medications they are on and each person's specific brain chemistry, though. Saying "it's fine" was probably too broad on my part, especially speaking on secondhand experience.I'd argue that for many women, it's the total opposite. I took birth control pills for quite a while, they resulted in a deep dive to my libido as well as a nice depression to deal with. Birth control pills fuck with a lot of brain chemicals we barely fully understand, and while it might greatly improve the quality of life of many people with uteruses (I have friends taking them in order to reduce the pain and incomfort their endometriosis is putting them through), it equally can just screw over the quality of life of many other (libido, mental health, and even cancer can be huge side-effects).
It's a tough one, but let's say that birth control pills definitely aren't the perfect solution to this problem at all. The more options we have, the merrier. But let's not put the onus on people with uteruses and push them to make birth control pills a priority while it can screw over us big time as well, more often then you'd think. I always find it interesting how birth control pills were never made for people with penises, nor publically pushed by them to be created, and that's because more often than not they're pretty damn glad and happy to not have to be the ones that have to have the discipline and responsibility to maybe screw over their health (or maybe not) by taking them in order to take charge of their own fertility. There's a certain level of comfort some people aren't willing to give up on. That and the toxic masculinity making most of them feel "lesser than" if they happen to have to be the one expected to become infertile, even if temporarily.
I'd kill to take a male birth control pill, assuming it was 99% effective and didn't make me suicidal or something.
I've always hated that the only two options for men are condoms and vasectomy.
It is toxic, and it happens.
Same. Wish men had a pill version. Putting a condom on every time is a serious downer. Plus my anxiety starts to rise every month if my fiancé's period doesn't start right in time. Always makes me think the condom malfunctioned during use but then finally her period starts and I breathe a huge sigh of relief.
Kinda turns me off sex entirely tbh.
Yep, and it scares the shit out of me because I know that if it should ever happen the choice for what happens next is more-or-less out of my hands. Agency gone. If she wants to keep a baby, then we're having a baby.
Consent can be conditional. It is rape if for instance a person's consent is conditional on the other person using birth control. This is known as rape by deception.No it isn't, at all. You can give consent to having sex with someone, while at the very same time not give consent to also have kids with that person. Please do not equate it to rape, thank you.
Legally "stealthing" is classified as rape in the UK as it violates "conditional consent" laws. IE, that the person would never have had sex had they known a condition had changed.