LGBTQIA+ peeps, has it been difficult for you to find a partner?

[Tethered Penguin]

So recently I discovered this article from Wikipedia detailing LGBT demographics, and unsurprisingly there aren't that many queer folk.

Given this I've been wondering.... how do LGBT folk the world over fare in finding a partner? With an already small dating pool and with people bearing a variance of personalities and characters , how do y'all find the "one" or a "one" for that matter?

Also , if any of y'all have any types of articles or studies concerning the LGBT population of any other country, a link would be very much appreciated!

 

[Platy]

So much it is ridiculous.
But I am a bisexual trans woman in a country that straight men find gay to date me and a scary amount of lesbians are TERFs
And I am ugly so that also helps xD

 

[i_am_ben]

Obviously, I use gaychubbydating.com

Spoiler

old joke is old

 

[Deleted member 24907]

Bi male, and quite surprisingly I've been able to go on dates with guys with far more ease. With women it's been a total ghost town and next to completely impossible. Some combination about my age, height, being a grad student, and nationality that manages to turn off every woman but with guys there's zero issue.

No word on finding an actual partner so maybe it's a tortoise and hare thing, idk.

 

[lake]

No, but I live in the SF Bay Area.

 

[YellowBara]

Bi guy here.

Nope, not really, I never got to be single long after my first ex since people would kinda come my way and it'd work out from there without me having to reach out and introduce myself/go out/etc.

 

[OwOtacon]

Casual sex is easy to get, but a relationship won't happen for me. I hate myself and my body too much. I don't even like the sex any more but I do it to convince myself life is worth living for me any more. I don't pass enough by any definition and nobody will accept me. I try to make myself look and sound better, but to no avail. Surprised I haven't killed myself yet.

 

[Reverse Giraffe]

Not at all. I'm married now but my straight friends have always envied how easy I had it when I was dating.

 

[metalslimer]

Feels like sex is far easier but finding people you are compatible with that are actually looking for a real relationship is hard especially because it is much harder to just happen to run across a random person that you also have a chance with.

 

[Snagret]

Feels like sex is far easier but finding people you are compatible with that are actually looking for a real relationship is hard especially because it is much harder to just happen to run across a random person that you also have a chance with.

Click to shrink...

This is pretty much my experience as well. I've even started basically just completely avoiding hooking up for at least the first couple dates, and I've found it's been incredibly hard to actually get anybody to have a second date with me if I don't fuck them on the first one.

I don't really know how to meet other gay men outside of the apps, and the culture of the apps just leans so strongly towards hooking up that most of the time I've already seen a guy's dick and asshole before we've even had a full conversation. When you're tired of having NSA sex and are looking for a deeper connection, it feels like there's not really a good space for you to find that so you have to be willing to do a LOT of filtering. It gets exhausting, I basically have to have dating be this side hobby that I don't take that seriously because when I actually try to put more effort into it the results are depressing.

 

[hateradio]

I'm not looking to date anyone or even sex for that matter.

Currently just focusing on my career. At least that's what I tell myself. :p

Most of my life I've just had crushes on people and never tell them or do and get denied anyway.

 

[Koo]

I tend to receive a lot of dick pics on dating apps even though my profile specifically says I'm not looking for casual sex. I'm not sure anyone reads anything you write on them. They look at your picture and then decide to just send a dick pic. Then the guys I message never message me back or ghost after a few messages.

 

[GCX]

I found my partner quite a long time ago on a local gay dating site. Grindr style apps weren't really a thing back then so I don't really really know how I'd fare in today's dating world. Hopefully I don't ever have to find out, especially since I live in a small country so the pool of candidates isn't too big.

 

[Meows]

I met my boyfriend at a Halloween party and that was pretty much it. Been together five years. I think I pretty much got good luck in that department. Before that, went on dates based off of people I was in class with and mutual friends.

 

[Deffers]

I've had some difficulties finding a partner, yeah. Am bi. Doesn't help that I'm perpetually shy and picky about what guys I'm into.

 

[Alcoremortis]

I attempted to use a dating app but was too awkward to really use it properly and then kinda forgot about it. Past that, I haven't really tried.

 

[Apal_ytos]

Hookup apps have been a blessing to me. Living in a small town, with no gay spots, apps made it easy to meet up with people.
And all my relationships started as hookups from apps.
I met my bf about a year ago, for sex, but we found out we also had a good connection outside of the bed.
So we gave it a go, we are approaching our one year anniversary and about to move in together.

 

[whitehawk]

Been out as bi for a couple years. So far no, but I'll let you know.

 

[Gigan]

I found my boyfriend in the most random way, which is good since I'm a shy dude and don't like the whole dating process. My brothers made me create a blog where I posted some random edgy stuff and I got quite quickly bored with it. Stopped checking the blog and logged on one year later to delete it. One dude had left a comment on one of my posts the day prior and we started talking. We've been together for the last 13 years. If I had deleted my blog one day prior, I would have never met him.
(sorry for my grammar, I'm tired af...)

 

[Dremorak]

Casual sex is easy to get, but a relationship won't happen for me. I hate myself and my body too much. I don't even like the sex any more but I do it to convince myself life is worth living for me any more. I don't pass enough by any definition and nobody will accept me. I try to make myself look and sound better, but to no avail. Surprised I haven't killed myself yet.

Click to shrink...

Please talk to someone. We all have low points, some last longer than others. If you hold on long enough you'll see things turn around.

 

[Rendering...]

Hookup culture has made socializing as a gay guy a mixed experience. On the one hand it's easy to find sex partners, and physical intimacy is almost an icebreaker. (But then there's the issue of people assuming your sexual role based on your appearance, which is a bit of a downer when you don't match a stereotype.) On the other, it would be nice if more guys were interested in making friends and getting courted without the expectation of immediate or inevitable sex.

As I get older and more interested in long term relationships and authentic connections, gay promiscuity is kind of an obstacle.

If you're going to use an app, which is obviously by far the most convenient way to meet local guys, sex is kind of like your entry fee into a potential friend's life. It's a little awkward to be all like "I'm not sure if we should be friends" after some guy has gargled your dick. You know what I mean?

 

[Arsene no Kiseki]

I'm not interested in sex, Like at all. So thats pretty much a dealbreaker for 99.9% of gay men it seems.

So yeah I have trouble.

 

[Miles X]

Met my BF last year around the time I hit 30, previous 12 years of dating were awful, have about 7 ex's but spent about 8 years single. My current was a one night stand but when I saw he was into the same hobbies and stuff I was into (never seen a gay guy into Pokemon Cards) we went on a date and now one year later moving in together :)

 

[cupcakeunicorn]

Outside of large cities the potential dating pool tends to be... lacking in both quality and quantity. Apps help but tend to be better for more casual connections.


The Office of National Statistics has some information on the UK population. According to the 2017 data, 2% of the adult population identifies as LGB, rising to 2.6% in London. Young adults (16-24) have a higher rate of identification, 4.2%.

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopula...ity/sexuality/bulletins/sexualidentityuk/2017

 

[11037]

Not for me, my partner and I started dating when we 16, still in High School. Both 20 now and still going strong :)

edit: I guess I should say I'm a bi male, my partner is a bi trans-girl.

 

[Marin-Lune]

Haven't been that difficult for me, but yeah I've got the feeling i kinda got lucky. We met each other thru one of those smartphone gay "dating" app, although I clearly stated in there my expectations. Almost 7y together now :)

 

[Interframe]

Contrary to popular belief, I've actually met people on grindr who I've made made deep connections and relationships with beyond only sex, and have dated of course. I think it depends on the first impression you give people. I think a lot of gay guys actually want a relationship but are also a little concerned about full commitment (either sexual or in terms of a life commitment), but that's not too different for heterosexual people either, in case my queer peeps feel low from hearing that. I live in the suburbs outside of Toronto, for reference. Your milage may very depending on where you're located.

 

[Novel]

Too nervous to go out and find someone at the moment. Though I get hit on all the time by a buncha people who don't even know me....not exactly what I'm looking for though.

 

[Catvoca]

Casual sex is easy to get, but a relationship won't happen for me. I hate myself and my body too much. I don't even like the sex any more but I do it to convince myself life is worth living for me any more. I don't pass enough by any definition and nobody will accept me. I try to make myself look and sound better, but to no avail. Surprised I haven't killed myself yet.

Click to shrink...

Hang in there bud. Us "just because we post obsessively about Kanye, people think we're stans" folks gotta stick together 😉

 

[Lozange]

I've somehow ended up in a situation where most of my friends are queer, and I have one or two token cis straight friends. I can only assume I'm infecting the water supply or something. :P
But on a serious note, most of my friends are women, so it took me a little while to find my current BF? Especially since I'm not a fan of night clubs and stuff like that. But finding him at 21 is still pretty good imo.

 

[Raxus]

Bi male, and quite surprisingly I've been able to go on dates with guys with far more ease. With women it's been a total ghost town and next to completely impossible. Some combination about my age, height, being a grad student, and nationality that manages to turn off every woman but with guys there's zero issue.

No word on finding an actual partner so maybe it's a tortoise and hare thing, idk.

Click to shrink...

I mirror this sentiment. I already am dating a guy now so whatever.

 

[Masquerader]

Meh, being Bi, I sometimes feel it's best to pretend I'm straight/gay depending on who I interact with. The unfortunate reality is that people think I'm a total slut by default, be they gay or straight. It hurts a lot, tbh.

 

[Deleted member 3038]

Pretty difficult, I'm a gay man in an area where being gay is in and there's a ton of them, but that also makes it much more difficult to find others. Everyone just looks for hookups on grindr and I'm just not into the thought of NSA sex.

It's been pretty soul crushing, especially when toy fall for someone who you really enjoy but they turn out to either be straight or in a relationship.

 

[魑魅魍魎]

If you are not a gay white male then dating in the gay scene is hard.

 

[ZiggyPalffyLA]

Never. Holding onto one is another story.

 

[Ambient80]

This is pretty much my experience as well. I've even started basically just completely avoiding hooking up for at least the first couple dates, and I've found it's been incredibly hard to actually get anybody to have a second date with me if I don't fuck them on the first one.

I don't really know how to meet other gay men outside of the apps, and the culture of the apps just leans so strongly towards hooking up that most of the time I've already seen a guy's dick and asshole before we've even had a full conversation. When you're tired of having NSA sex and are looking for a deeper connection, it feels like there's not really a good space for you to find that so you have to be willing to do a LOT of filtering. It gets exhausting, I basically have to have dating be this side hobby that I don't take that seriously because when I actually try to put more effort into it the results are depressing.

Click to shrink...

Sooo true here. Guys get almost offended sometimes if they message you wanting a hookup and you say you're just looking for a relationship. Replies I've gotten range from the nice "Oh, no thanks then, good luck! to the shitty "You're too fat anyway." Lmao.

That being said, out of all the dating apps out there that I've used, I just started talking to a guy on Twitter who is just exactly who I've been looking for. Cute as hell, incredibly sweet and seems to have a solid plan for his career/education. We spent this past weekend together and it was amazing 🥰☺️ I'd have never found him with a traditional dating app cause he lives about an hour and a half away. So yeah, maybe try that! Or Facebook? More users probably by an order of magnitude than the traditional dating apps and covers a larger area. You'll find someone!!

 

[Lockheartilly9799]

I'm dating the same girl I was dating pre-transition so I haven't had issues. While being trans and poly-amorous though, I haven't been able to find a second partner. Most of my trans friends are single too and can't find partners.

 

[IzzyRX]

I'm dating for years now, never found difficult to find a partner.
But my trans friends seem to have trouble with it.

 

[Aeriscloud]

11 years in June with the same partner. We met on Final Fantasy XI in 2008, he was 18 and I was 22.

 

[Inki]

I met my husband (been together 12 years) in an online chat site (before Tinder/grindr/etc). We met in person eventually and been together ever since. Growing up in rural MN it was difficult to meet people, I had to travel 2 hours to go to a gay bar. If you want to find someone in person, you need to be somewhat close to a metro area. I think dating/hookup apps have kinda ruined it though (gay bars are cruisy enough already).

 

[gofreak]

Yes.

Dates are easy, finding real chemistry is not so easy.

The demographics are part of it obviously. If you click with maybe 10% of people, and your pool is already a couple % of people, well...

That's before we even get into what I'd anecdotally say are higher rates of relationship-souring issues our people carry out of often shame-filled childhoods. Co- and counter-dependency issues, trust issues, etc.

Of course it's not impossible, but I'd say it's probably more difficult than it might be for straight people. Have never walked in a straight person's shoes, though, so maybe they'd beg to differ...

 

[viskod]

I lucked out and clicked so well with the first guy i dated that we're going to be having our 16 year anniversary next month.

 

[skipgo]

I work in a LGBT bar, so meeting new people and hooking up have never been an issue.
Finding people i'm compatible with for a relationship is considerably more challenging, I've had long breaks between relationships where I thought I'd never find anyone.

But me and my SO just celebrated 5 months together a few days ago, and I hope to keep it going much longer.

 

[DJGolfClap]

100%. Transgender asexual woman with anxiety? Forget about it.

 

[Izzard]

I started looking when I was late teens, and in those days there was no internet and I was hung up on being gay, so it was answering ads in the personal columns in the local papers. Nothing ever really came of it though, apart from a few meets.

30 years later and there's internet, and I'm still hung up on being gay, so it's answering messages on apps. Nothing really comes from it though, apart from a few meets.

I've resigned myself to knowing I'll never have someone special in my life.

 

[crimsonheadGCN]

Yes, it's been hard.

 

[DigiDom]

Bi male here. I'm kinda lucky that I'm now involved with my local bi and poly groups and live in a big city. So finding people is not too much of an issue anymore. However before that it was quite difficult. Its just that you just need to know where to look. I have my 3, 2 year anniversarys coming up.

 

[TFGB]

I started looking when I was late teens, and in those days there was no internet and I was hung up on being gay, so it was answering ads in the personal columns in the local papers. Nothing ever really came of it though, apart from a few meets.

30 years later and there's internet, and I'm still hung up on being gay, so it's answering messages on apps. Nothing really comes from it though, apart from a few meets.

I've resigned myself to knowing I'll never have someone special in my life.

Click to shrink...

You should never think that way Utio. Someone will come along.

 

[BDS]

I came to accept that I wouldn't find someone a long time ago, which makes it a lot easier.

 

[Wiibomb]

What about a man that while finds sex important, doesn't care about it outside a meaninful relationship?

That's my case, and that's may be why I've never been in a relationship. It's really hard, even harder when I am in a country were we are marginalized and humiliated for what we are.

I truly hope i can find someone some day, but I know my chances are so low.