Is it ok to go through your significant others phone and read all the texts?
- Thread starter Tom Penny
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No, because I wouldn't and she shouldn't even consider the idea. If they're that distrustful, get ready for the fuckin ride. Can't deal with that shit.
As a married man, sure a one-off is fine but if she/he is scrubbing through the phone, then that should be ringing alarm bells for what they're actually looking for and can't just go by your word. You're still your own person, they are still them. You're not symbiotically part of them like a Borg where every thought and feeling is shared.
No, I have no want to snoop through my significant other's phone. I have faith that she is who she presents herself to be. We have open communication to discuss issues or problems that we are having, so problems don't fester. Having trust in your significant other shouldn't be so hard to achieve.
I see these kinds of topics pop up all the time, but my personal answer is no. If you're already suspicious enough of your significant other's dealings to go through their belongings, the relationship's already in stormy waters.
No, your first post literally stated there should be no issue with them going through your phone when that comes with its own set of issues.
So you can stop being dishonest now.
Did you read the thread?
The main on each being re-enforcement of insecurity and the need to demand access to private things to appease it.
If you can't see how damaging that can be I'm not sure you should be in a relationship.
I think its a possible way to ease someones anxiety if they have trust issues. I can think of two scenario where its OK for me (with consent and without pressure) - If it's really just to mitigate some form of anxiety not incurred by the relationship itself, or if there's something wrong with the relationship and there are actual trust issues (going through someones stuff in that case might not be the best way to go about it though). If it stems from controlling or abusive behavior then its a hard no.
To me, there is a difference between seeing your messages and/or using your phone with or without your permission. To going through your messages to see if something is going on. One I am okay with the other I am not.
For example.
Oh, your mum just text you it says X. <-- this is fine.
why do you have messages from bob? Why are you two talking.<- This is not fine.
For example.
Oh, your mum just text you it says X. <-- this is fine.
why do you have messages from bob? Why are you two talking.<- This is not fine.
Yes I would ... Because anyone I would trust to be my SO I would trust enough that they wouldn't do so.
I did not literally say that at all.
My post:
All I said was that letting someone go through your phone could get your SO past whatever issue they are having.
Obviously some of you people have issues with letting people go through your phone; I do to at a basic level. But if my SO is having a major issue I want them to feel better. In the moment I'll give up privacy to get them past their issue.
Then we can deal with the trust issue at hand and why it occured.
I said your first post in the conversation mate, not your previous post.
As in this one:
Which would not solve the issue, it would just band-aid the issue.
So yes, you did imply that.
I don't think it's about that. I think it's about LOOKING for something to be mad about. I've had incidents in the past where someone has gone through my stuff because they wanted to find an issue. Hell, my own mother when I was a kid tossed my room because she didn't like the girl I was dating. Found some personal letters that were written to me, and then called that girl's parents. It's a violation of privacy and a show of distrust. Even if you're married you're entitled to a bit of privacy. Every person is.
Now everybody has everything on their phones. And conversations between people can always open up a can of worms that doesn't need to be opened if viewed by an outside party. Most people who are going through phones are doing it to look at texts, emails or whatever so they can look for issues. Either you trust who you're with or you don't. I don't go through my wife's phone and I won't because, A) I trust her. And B) If she's venting to someone about her life or about me she's free to do that. It hasn't even occurred to me to go through her phone. I'm not going to go looking for a problems, I have enough problems as it is.
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No.
My wife and I have been married 8 years and it has never once crossed my mind. To the point that even if I thought she was cheating on me I wouldn't do it (not that we'd ever have that issue).
Privacy is sacred and part of a healthy relationship. Doing weird shit like that shows you don't trust your partner.