Is flirting with a 19 year old at 28 creepy?

[Bee.Cups]

So I (F28) have recently been flirting with a (F) 19 year old. I let her take the lead and respect her boundaries and all that.
She seems pretty mature and confident for her age and there's no kind of power dynamic but a few people I've spoken to have talked about a huge difference in our level of life experience and it's hard to dismiss that.

On my own end I recognize she wants me and I'm trying to respect her agency as an adult by taking her seriously.

I'm ace so there won't be any sex between us regardless of if we end up together or not, just romance. But I wanted y'alls opinion on if I'm being creepy by flirting with someone so much younger.

 

[Brazil]

I'm 29 and I can't see anyone below 23 or so as anything other than children. You can infer my answer to the poll from that.

I don't really care, though. You do you.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

Depends. What do y'all have in common? Everyone who dates younger says "mature for their age" but most mean the sex is good, that's not an issue for you but you should probably share the context of y'all meeting and her being a romantic option.

 

[Poppy]

i guess just i wonder why you want to hang out with an upgraded high schooler, just in terms of what you'd get out of it

also yeah saying mature for their age is a thing i assume creepy people say, just putting that out there

 

[Kadey]

Ask Mick jagger.

 

[deejay8595]

She's of legal age, you're good! If you both find each other attractive, go for it!

 

[BobbyB]

That's not that big of an age gap imo
Plus you are both adults so who cares what other people think

 

[MazeHaze]

I'm 33 and anybody under 25 seems like a high schooler.

 

[Disco Infernal]

Is me choosing the option that states, "No, you're fine." creepy?

 

[TheRyzzl]

Half your age plus 7. Sry OP. Thems the rules.

 

[Hey Please]

No.

 

[Bee.Cups]

Depends. What do y'all have in common? Everyone who dates younger says "mature for their age" but most mean the sex is good, that's not an issue for you but you should probably share the context of y'all meeting and her being a romantic option.

Click to shrink...

We met on a discord for lesbians. What I get is good conversation, a different perspective, and ... Fantasizing about hugs from a muscular lady -_-

In common we have video games and our appreciation for martial arts, as well as just getting along well.

 

[Xiaomi]

Kind of. You're not a monster but there's not much there for you that's compatible with your life assuming you've been working/supporting yourself for 5-6 years at this point. Realize that she doesn't have any knowledge of or access to most of the structures and interests that late-twenties people do.

 

[Auros01]

It's borderline. The difference in life experience between those 2 ages is significant. But hey... If you two connect, then maybe it works.

 

[blue_phazon]

Yes its very creepy

You would have much more power over her and you're at different stages of life

 

[snail_maze]

It's not so much the age gap in years, but rather that they are still so young. She is a teenager.
I wouldn't go so far to say it's wrong but it is at least somewhat odd. At least expect them to not know who they are yet and still grow as a person in the next few years

 

[NuclearCake]

I would feel weird about it.

 

[Deleted member 83599]

As someone who works every day with 19-20-year-olds, just be careful.

Young adults that age are like 90% of the way to full maturity, but that remaining 10% manifests in some really unpredictable and inexplicable ways. You're all the way there. She isn't. So keep that in mind and proceed accordingly.

Do I think it's unethical? Not necessarily. But you should probably be prepared for some messy shit if things go south.

 

[kirby_fox]

I believe the "rule" is half your age plus 7.

I "dated" an 18 yr old at 25 and afterwards I said never again because of the maturity difference. But I ain't got an issue with age differences if everything is legal.

 

[Deleted member 4461]

Difference in life experience is kind of major. She knows barely anything about existing yet.

That is all I have to say on the subject.

 

[NickHyde]

I'd say it depends from the maturity of said person istead of the number, since she's in the legal range

 

[JonnyTorso]

Everyone's situation is different, but generally someone at 19 just has soooo much less life experience that I wouldn't do it myself.

I had to work with recent college grads when I turned 30 and fuck I could not relate in the slightest lol.

 

[Euphoria]

I guess at the end of the day both are consenting adults, but I would also view this with you being almost 30 and your partner is too young to drink and fresh out of high school.

You're going to get very mixed reactions.

 

[Weiss]

I mean I personally wouldn't, but you're both adults. It's not like you deliberately went out of your way to find someone younger than you.

 

[jph139]

Depends entirely on what you're looking for, what sort of people you are, what the dynamic is, how/when you met, that sort of thing. There's a power differential there, but how big an issue that is will vary from relationship to relationship.

It's definitely a flag, though, and something to be careful of.

 

[platocplx]

I cant imagine flirting with anyone that cant even have a drink with me on top of two diff stages of life.

 

[TaySan]

Both of you are at different stages of life, but who cares what I think you both are legal adults. Just be prepared to get mixed reactions.

 

[Milennia]

Id only date someone below 24 as a 28 year old if they were mature for their age and it didn't feel weird, otherwise id feel weird, I was an absolute dumbass at 17-20

Below 21 is a big stretch for me also, even if the maturity factor was there, below drinking age is ehhhh

 

[EroticSushi]

It's legal and everything but I would feel weird knowing that she just graduated high school. Their mindset and place in life would just be completely different from where I am.

 

[Deleted member 79451]

I've never had problems with that, because you may or may not have a maturity gap. When I was 30 I hung out with a group of friends that included someone who was 20, and this 20 year old was roughly as mature as the rest of us. I met many people as old as me that were clearly not as mature as myself and reminded me of a middle schooler.

 

[hey it's that dog]

You're both adults, do what feels right as long as you're careful and respectful. Don't let era get in your head about it.

 

[Common Knowledge]

Only if the age difference is part of the appeal for you (which doesn't seem to be the case). Like it's one thing to be interested in someone who just happens to be a lot younger than you, but when it's apparent that someone is deliberately going out of their way to date much younger people, then yeah, it becomes questionable.

 

[krazen]

I mean, you guys are both legal age. Something super casual, even sex but casual…I can't cast judgement.

That said, gonna be weird if you wanna go hang at a bar with your friends and you gotta drop her off home, lol. You're in completely different stages in your lives which means even friendship is a bit weird (she's confiding in you about college classes, you're confiding in her about buying a condo)…and romantically…eesh.

I dated someone much younger (mid 30's vs early 20's) and I realized I had to check myself once because I was talking to her like a mentor and not a partner regarding something she needed advice on; I knew it wasn't going to last because of the age difference and I blew it up (sloppily I might add).

Basically dont feel bad, but anything remotely above the level of casual, I would be careful.

 

[crimzonflame]

What do you even have in common?

 

[Bee.Cups]

I mean I personally wouldn't, but you're both adults. It's not like you deliberately went out of your way to find someone younger than you.

Click to shrink...

I usually go for people older than me. I almost broke it off when I learned how young she is...

 

[Uncle at Nintendo]

I had a fresh out of high schooler (18) come onto me and it felt weird, but if you like her I would say go for it.

 

[Deleted member 9035]

Half your age plus seven - learn it, live it, love it.

 

[Friskykillface]

No imo of course
When I went back to finish college I was 27 and made friends with a 19 year old during the semester and we were flirty so in different situations it can work but we were both adults

I see how it can be viewed as creepy though

 

[Vanillalite]

It's not totally creepy or anything, but I wouldn't call it fine either.

 

[Doom]

As a 28 year old who went out with a 19 year old one time last year, it's creepy. You won't feel good about it when you start to realize you have nothing in common with them.

 

[Chopchop]

I think the difference in life experience is the key factor here. A 38 year old flirting with a 29 year old isn't as unusual because both people are functioning adults by then. But at 28 and 19, you're a functioning adult while the 19 year old is probably still in school. You're at very different points in life.

 

[NunezL]

I probably wouln't feel super confortable but I don't think it's creepy. Kinda depends on her personnality.

As a 28 year old who went out with a 19 year old one time last year, it's creepy. You won't feel good about it when you start to realize you have nothing in common with them.

Click to shrink...

I think there is a difference between having nothing in common and feeling weird about the situation, and it being creepy.

 

[Weiss]

You're both adults, do what feels right as long as you're careful and respectful. Don't let era get in your head about it.

Click to shrink...

Yeah I think the best advice is just be aware of what it could be if you approach it the wrong way.

That you're questioning right from the start if it's okay and seeking outside opinions shows that you want to do it right.

I usually go for people older than me. I almost broke it off when I learned how young she is...

Click to shrink...

Well there you go then.

You're not going out of your way to perv on some kid. You connected with someone and they're a young adult instead of an older adult.

 

[Balphon]

You fail the half your age plus 7 test, so yes.

 

[Deleted member 83599]

If you haven't already, I'd be very up-front about the fact that you're asexual, because that seems very likely to be an issue for a 19-year-old.

 

[bananab]

If you're both happy I suppose that's what counts. But 19 is awful young and I don't think there's really any such thing as being mature for your age. There are going to be significant experience and knowledge gaps with someone that little.

 

[mpak]

Before 30, usually everybody who is more than 5 years younger has a very different mentality. There are exceptions of course, but in general 5 year different makes a difference.
After 35, I think even 5 years won't make much difference. Hard to explain.

 

[hjort]

Yeah, there are differences in life experience there, but that doesn't necessarily equate to some sort of hierarchy between you, which is what I might consider problematic. There's also no telling how long a relationship might last since you're in different stages of life, but that's a different story. As long as you're both consenting adults and know what you're getting yourselves into I don't think you should overthink it or go too much by what anyone else says about it. If someone else wouldn't go for it, that's up to them.

 

[DSN2K]

No. Your both adults

 

[The Namekian]

No, the difference between 28 and 19 doesn't reflect maturity or interests and sometimes chemistry and attraction supersede all that. Life is short and if the two of you can find happiness together, then do it.