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I don't understand how having kids improves one's quality of life by any measure

Deleted member 2834

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
7,620
I'm well past the age where my parents got me, so don't ask me if I'm a teenager - I'm not, and easily past Era's median age. Now that we've settled that, I'd like to get some perspective on how kids (often in conjuction with marriage) had a positive impact on your life. I honestly lack the imagination. I couldn't possibly envision how devoting a significant portion of my life to raising children would be any sort of improvement over having fun, traveling, gaming, partying, dating etc. It's not like I'm growing out of any of that; I've already given up hope of ever getting tired of any of that. If anything, the older I got, the less tempting a family life became.
 
Nerdyone

Nerdyone

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
1,723
I never felt that when I had my son it was to improve my life but it did change it. Love that little fucker!
 

JealousKenny

Banned
Jul 17, 2018
1,231
Seeing my son smile and laugh has given me the greatest joy in my life, and he is only 2. Just experiencing his growth every day is outright amazing. Just last week he started to say "Daddy, i eat eat" when he is hungry and it reached a part of my heart nothing else ever has.
 
WillRobBanks

WillRobBanks

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
420
It's not as you described, but it's fulfilling. You are shaping and raising another human being who will potentially do great things. And it's a legacy you leave behind.

My daughter is now almost 3 and I have a son on the way. For the first 10 weeks I was miserable, for the first year I couldn't imagine why someone would have 2 kids. Now she's my little best friend and so much fun. Seeing the world through her eyes is amazing and I love being apart of her growth and development.
 
Vern

Vern

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
5,097
I'm with you dude. Freshly graduated 22-24 year old me wanted a kid with my then gf, but since I've hit about 27 or so the desire to have kids or a wife has continuously dropped to the point now at 33 I don't think I ever want either. I spend most of my life doing what I want, traveling around the world and dating many different pretty girls and i find that it is quite fulfilling. I can't see how plopping down in one place with one woman and a kid or kids that I got to take care of could improve my situation at all.
 
gutter_trash

gutter_trash

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
17,124
Montreal
don't get kids out of peer preasure or societal norms preasure.

only get kids if you really want them and can support yourself financially.

it's perfectly okay to not get kids.

Being an adult is also being able to admit that you don't want kids for what ever reason and that's fine
 

Deleted member 18095

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
205
We'll never know how it feels until we have them. How you feel now about having kids is not how you'll feel whenever you have them, if you happen to.
 
Herb Alpert

Herb Alpert

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,035
Paris, France
In my case I 'd say it helped me to counter my auto destructive habits.
And of course having a family isn' t the alpha and omega of one's life, lots of my friends don't want kids, and I totally understand them.
 
Cookie

Cookie

Member
Oct 26, 2017
2,258
Improving quality of life is very subjective. For my wife and I right now, our quality of life would plummet if we had kids. We have no interest in having kids for a long time, if ever.
 

Deleted member 5593

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,635
You could use those same arguments against people getting dogs or cats as pets.

Anyways judging by this:

Imp the Dimp said:
I couldn't possibly envision how devoting a significant portion of my life to raising children would be any sort of improvement over having fun, traveling, gaming, partying, dating etc.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

What you value out of life isn't necessarily what others value.
 
MrKlaw

MrKlaw

Member
Oct 25, 2017
33,313
It is arguably impossible to properly explain in a way that you would understand. That isn't meant to be condescending, just that I probably felt like you before I had kids.

There are many, many times when the lack of time to yourself or lack of money etc is a pain. Or their behaviour makes you want to lock them in a soundproof box for a month. But then there are silly little moments that mean nothing to an onlooker or an outsider, but instantly melt your heart.

I suppose the closest you could get is perhaps trying to compare it to having a beloved pet? how they're part of the family and you love them, even though they sometimes shit on the carpet?
 
LegendofJoe

LegendofJoe

Member
Oct 28, 2017
12,101
Arkansas, USA
Having children has made me stronger, better, more productive, and more responsible. And it's brought my wife and I closer together. There's more to life than personal gratification.
 
Blackpuppy

Blackpuppy

Member
Oct 28, 2017
4,247
After a while, traveling around the world and going out all the time gets boring. At least it did for me. I had a daughter when I felt I was ready and it's the best decision I've made. I love that little squirt.
 
Praxis

Praxis

Sausage Tycoon
Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,292
UK
For me, it's having something in my life I love so much it's hard to describe. I know that sounds cheesy, but it is true. Even when he's having a tantrum, refusing to eat, get dressed etc. It's all worth it, to see something you love so much developing, learning to talk, learning right from wrong, to dance and forming their own sense of humour. All the things you mention, other than those I can still do with my kid is just superficial now, I now know they never really meant that much to me in comparison.

Obviously it's not for everyone, not all people have the patience or the emotional connection to be able to make the sacrifices. Not everyone needs to have kids, just do what feels right for you.
 
Violence Jack

Violence Jack

Drive-in Mutant
Member
Oct 25, 2017
42,230
You gain an entirely new perspective on life when you're responsible for raising a child. I'm also learning more about myself as my son continues to grow up. It's hard to describe, but there's a feeling of pure love and determination that wasn't there before as well as not knowing that part of me existed. There's nothing I wouldn't do to protect my boy, and ensure that he has a happy life. But don't take my words as me trying to push everyone into having kids. That's ultimately up to you.

As far as giving up things you enjoy, most of the stuff I did I can still do (gaming, exercising, have a social life, etc), but they aren't necessarily things I would hate doing less of in lieu of having a child. My wife and I discussed this at great lengths before making our decision.
 
Hollywood Duo

Hollywood Duo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
42,574
You say now that you aren't growing out of any of that but honestly that's an incredible naive way to look at life. You haven't even lived half your life yet you already know how the rest of it will play out. Not likely. Having said that, kids aren't for everyone but we are genetically wired to take satisfaction in raising our kids. You can't really understand if/until you are one.
 
Shadybiz

Shadybiz

Member
Oct 27, 2017
10,146
It's for some people, not for others.

I know some couples who have them, and they are clearly miserable.

I know some other couples who have them, and they are as happy or even happier than when they didn't.

It's definitely not for me, though. I'm 38, wife is 37, and neither of us ever had a desire (got snipped several years ago).

Clear case of "Different Strokes."
 
AHA-Lambda

AHA-Lambda

Member
Oct 25, 2017
11,865

Deleted member 35204

User requested account closure
Banned
Dec 3, 2017
2,406
It's not a matter of quality of life improvement but it's a shift of perspective, you don't live for yourself anymore but for the kid so the happier the kid is the happier you are.
Of course you have to feel ready to do this jump because it's huge so don't feel too bad if you don't see the appeal.
 
Wamb0wneD

Wamb0wneD

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
18,735
I would like a kid but I'm in no way shape or form ready when it comes to the financial side so...

Just don't do it OP.
 
Chrno

Chrno

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,602
whenever you have a kid they take over the main campaign and you become a side character.

not sure how I feel about that.
 
dred

dred

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,533
Life is about more than your own selfish desires. No point trying to explain that to someone who doesn't understand it.
 
Roubjon

Roubjon

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,310
I don't have children, but it's easy for me to see how having a child could improve someone's life. Most people value relationships with others and it's when they are spending time with loved ones where they are happiest. I'd imagine having a kid and watching that relationship grow and evolve is a very rich experience that is uniquely itself. You'd probably learn a lot about yourself and your partner, and you'd grow a lot as a person too. And it just brings about a new perspective on life.
 
bionic77

bionic77

Member
Oct 25, 2017
30,905
Praxis said:
For me, it's having something in my life I love so much it's hard to describe. I know that sounds cheesy, but it is true. Even when he's having a tantrum, refusing to eat, get dressed etc. It's all worth it, to see something you love so much developing, learning to talk, learning right from wrong, to dance and forming their own sense of humour. All the things you mention, other than those I can still do with my kid is just superficial now, I now know they never really meant that much to me in comparison.

Obviously it's not for everyone, not all people have the patience or the emotional connection to be able to make the sacrifices. Not everyone needs to have kids, just do what feels right for you.
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Yeah in the end it is about love.

You give up a lot for your kids though. That sacrifice is easy to make if you love them.

I didn't understand it until I had kids but I would always hear these great athletes or famous people say they were more proud of some accomplishment of their children (never as great as what they did) than of their own achievements. I totally get that now.
 

Johnny956

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,934
LegendofJoe said:
Having children has made me stronger, better, more productive, and more responsible. And it's brought my wife and I closer together. There's more to life than personal gratification.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...


Yup it's amazing the effect our daughter has had on my wife. She just gives my wife purpose when she felt like she didn't have it before. Having kids isn't easy nor is it fun all the time. Yes it's going to change your priorities and it should.

I remember feeling like the OP (maybe not as extreme) and people describing kids to me and thought "it just sounds like a terrible job and I have to pay to do it". Hard to explain how different it is but having kids isn't for everyone so each their own
 
Captain Goodnight

Captain Goodnight

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
765
"getting kids" .. ..... Never heard it described like that.

You seem to be approaching this topic from the wrong angle.
 

Deleted member 4976

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
13,246
Having a kid has improved my life considerably by giving me more joy and of a quality that simply can't be matched by the activities you've listed.
 
HarryHengst

HarryHengst

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,063
Maven said:
As I'm getting older I would like to have a kid.
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Please take into consideration you will force that child to live through the worst effects of climate change, a world that is dying, an economy that is more and more fucked and a number of other fun things. Dont have a child just for your own selfish reasons.

dred said:
Life is about more than your own selfish desires. No point trying to explain that to someone who doesn't understand it.
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Not having a child isnt selfish, its the moral thing to do. Having children is usually done for selfish reasons though.
 

Deleted member 11039

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,109
Because if everything is "me, me, me" then what's the point? Your life would just be disposable and kind of meaningless.

Passing on your experiences and knowledge learned in hopes that someone will take it and make the world a little better from it is the goal. You don't have to necessarily have kids to pursue that I suppose but it's the most direct way I guess.
 
Vincent Grayson

Vincent Grayson

Member
Oct 27, 2017
5,907
Mount Airy, MD
I created a human who creates art. I feel pretty good about that. Adding more to the world and being a part of the grand epic tale that is an unbroken chain of ancestors back to the dawn of life feels like something I want to be a part of.

But I like people. So making more humans and doing what I can to add love to the world and all that hippie peacenik bullshit is my jam. And really, despite adding responsibilities to my life, I don't really feel like the things I want to do are impeded by having children. My kids are pretty fun, and at 12 and 14, pretty independent these days, so it's not like I have to just sit around the house doing nothing. I have an active and enjoyable social life alongside being a parent.
 

Deleted member 31333

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Nov 6, 2017
1,216
Think of it on a smaller level and replace "kids" with "a dog or cat". Not sure if that helps you relate but kids or sort of like pets but with 10+ times the work and cost and 10 times the reward.
 
Lidl

Lidl

Member
Dec 12, 2017
2,568
In my experience: when workplaces are contemplating layoffs childless employees are more likely to be fired even if they are objectively better than employees with children.

Not being laid off can improve your quality of life so there you go.
 
Br3wnor

Br3wnor

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
4,982
It's not for everyone, I have friends with kids and shudder at what my life will become if we have them ourselves. But I also think about the future and if I really want to be old with no children, I don't know. The bargain you make is the first 18 years being pretty rough and hopefully as your kids become self sufficient they are an amazing addition to your life. This past week my dad came to my house and helped me renovate my bathroom, it was a super cool experience that he only had because he had me.

All that being said, I love how my life is now with a wife and 2 dogs, it's selfish but so easy and enjoyable.

It's also hard to get complete honesty from someone who has kids because once you have them you're stuck with them so even parents who regret their decision are very unlikely to share that. Biggest thing is if you do decide to have kids you need to nut up and do everything you can to be a good parent because they don't deserve anything less, you decided to bring them into the world.
 

onadesertedisland

Member
Oct 27, 2017
10,660
You don't have children to improve your life. They change it. That new life will be different, and sometimes better and sometimes more difficult. The best thing is seeing my child do something new or learn or give me a hug after a hard day. Nothing else comes close to that. Then again, the kiddo smearing peanut butter all over the couch was pretty tough, but will always have a fun memory of the the whole mess.
 
mujun

mujun

Member
Nov 1, 2017
2,876
It's a form of love I'd never experienced before. Intense in ways I didn't understand until I actually experienced it.

It gives you a purpose that just enjoying yourself can't, in my experience. It's nice to have a bunch of free time and do a bunch of things that you enjoy doing but for me that got old. I needed something more.

You learn so much and have to deal with so many different situations. If you take it seriously it helps you mature.

Now you've got someone who will help you when you get infirm and be there your entire life and someone that you will always want to take care of and want to leave as much as you can when you kiss it all goodbye. That is a very different thing than only having to worry about yourself.

There is so much to look forward to. I can't wait to see my kids get married. I can't wait for the chance to take care of my grandchildren.
 

Deleted member 19003

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Oct 27, 2017
3,809
It's a huge commitment, but man does it feel good when they're doing awesome things and they're really easy to love.
 
Wackamole

Wackamole

Member
Oct 27, 2017
16,971
I wish more people would think better before they had children.
Nothing wrong with not having kids. We need responsible thoughtful loving parents who raise great kids.
 
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