I don't know why I bother anymore

[PlanetSmasher]

I don't know how to make it through the day anymore. Every day I just feel worse and worse. Gaming side hates me, and even participating in discussions makes me feel like I'm some kind of intruder who no one wants around. I can't talk about politics anymore because everything the Republicans do makes me feel like the world is two steps away from armageddon. Just about the only discussions I feel like I'm not wrong for getting involved in seem to be the ones about TV, and I barely watch any anymore.

Meanwhile, my work situation continuously gets worse day after day after day, to the point at which I feel like I'm breathing poison 5 days a week just to pay rent for an apartment I don't want to live in in, a city I've wanted to leave since before the pandemic started. My weekends barely even count as rest at this point because of how horrible my work-day stress has become. I hate my body - just the feeling of living in it makes me want to scream 24/7. I'm isolated from my friends, meaning I'm constantly alone in my own head, and there's no one I would rather be alone with less than myself. I don't even like waking up in the morning anymore because it just means going through the same cycle of being beaten down repeatedly and having virtually nothing to pull me out of the abyss.

I'm sorry I'm so negative all the time. I really wish I wasn't. I wish I had things to feel good about, to be excited about. I miss it. I really do. I'm sorry I'm such a burden on everyone.

 

[Dodongo]

You're not a burden at all. I've noticed tons of good posts from you over the years. We appreciate having you here.

Part of having anxiety/depression is that it's hard to fairly evaluate your own worth. Hang in there homie. It's been a shit couple of years for all of us.

 

[Spaggy]

You're not a burden, even if it feels that way to you. I know how you are feeling, I've felt it too, in my life, for long periods. But things can get better, believe me.

 

[aevanhoe]

I'm sorry I'm so negative all the time. I really wish I wasn't. I wish I had things to feel good about, to be excited about. I miss it. I really do. I'm sorry I'm such a burden on everyone.

Click to shrink...

I'm sorry you feel like that.... I know this won't make much of a difference, but even though I often disagree with you, I honestly enjoy all of your posts and you explain your thoughts well.

You seem like a smart and good person - hang in there.

 

[Dark Knight]

Anytime I've ever seen you post you've been perfectly cool and fine as far as I remember, so consider yourself a valued and important member of this community. Sorry you feel you're in such a funk, I very much hope things improve on Era and at work/home for you. Never a bad idea to vent if you're feeling a lot of pressure, and maybe the community can be made more aware by this if people have been rude on the gaming side to you.

 

[Issen]

I don't know how to make it through the day anymore. Every day I just feel worse and worse. Gaming side hates me, and even participating in discussions makes me feel like I'm some kind of intruder who no one wants around. I can't talk about politics anymore because everything the Republicans do makes me feel like the world is two steps away from armageddon. Just about the only discussions I feel like I'm not wrong for getting involved in seem to be the ones about TV, and I barely watch any anymore.

Meanwhile, my work situation continuously gets worse day after day after day, to the point at which I feel like I'm breathing poison 5 days a week just to pay rent for an apartment I don't want to live in in, a city I've wanted to leave since before the pandemic started. My weekends barely even count as rest at this point because of how horrible my work-day stress has become. I hate my body - just the feeling of living in it makes me want to scream 24/7. I'm isolated from my friends, meaning I'm constantly alone in my own head, and there's no one I would rather be alone with less than myself. I don't even like waking up in the morning anymore because it just means going through the same cycle of being beaten down repeatedly and having virtually nothing to pull me out of the abyss.

I'm sorry I'm so negative all the time. I really wish I wasn't. I wish I had things to feel good about, to be excited about. I miss it. I really do. I'm sorry I'm such a burden on everyone.

Click to shrink...

First of all, I'm really sorry about your situation. You feel stuck in a feedback loop of negativity that becomes even more negative as it goes on. And it's a complex and multi-faceted loop, so just thinking about it feels overwhelming, adding to the negativity. Believe me, I get it.

If you just needed to vent, that's okay. However, if you were looking for some advice to help you break the cycle...

...You listed a few issues. Some of them are more under your control than others. My suggestion is to sort them from "more under my control" to "less under my control". Then pick the one that's most under your control and set a short or medium-term, specific, achievable goal.

You talked about your body. I am very sorry if this assumption is wrong or if it causes offense, but is it possible that the issue has to do with your level of fitness? If so, maybe that's a short term goal you could set for yourself. Designing a better diet for yourself (making sure it is sustainable, it shouldn't really feel like dieting) and even working out are things that not only will work towards solving the specific issue of fitness, but will also massively improve your mood in general, increasing your ability to relax and tackle the bigger problems.

You can do it, and I hope you'll feel better soon.

 

[MechaX]

For what it's worth, while I see that you are pretty intense on the gaming side a lot (and I am not blaming you at all for this because Era in general has been super intense especially on the gaming side as of late), I still find myself agreeing with you much more often than not.

I sincerely hope things on your end gets better, offline and online. If you feel like you just need a break from online for a bit, that is also a valid approach

 

[Era Uma Vez]

This board is full of trolly drive-bys, console warriors, knee jerk reactions, and people that come into threads with the single purpose of derailing the conversation just because.
Your "negative" posts are a drop of water in this ocean, if you have to apologize, then half of this forum would have to apologize as well. At least your negative opinions feel sincere, and it's just your frustration coming out and that's fine, unlike the rest who just want to get a reaction out of others cuz they need their daily dose of attention.

I'll gladly take 100 posts of saying that Sony doesn't make RPGs anymore, and there's nothing to play over a single thread of someone going "IS THIS THE WORST E3 EVER=???1!!"

Also, I've seen a lot of good posts from you, you're not always a debbie downer.

That being said, getting into a circle of negativity, specially with something you love, like videogames, will cause you more harm than good. Before thinking about how others feel about you, you should think about how you're feeling, and if you should take a stepback.

 

[super-famicom]

Might be a good idea to take a break from the forum and do other things that can help improve your mood?

 

[PlanetSmasher]

You talked about your body. I am very sorry if this assumption is wrong or if it causes offense, but is it possible that the issue has to do with your level of fitness? If so, maybe that's a short term goal you could set for yourself. Designing a better diet for yourself (making sure it is sustainable, it shouldn't really feel like dieting) and even working out are things that not only will work towards solving the specific issue of fitness, but will also massively improve your mood in general, increasing your ability to relax and tackle the bigger problems.

Click to shrink...

I'm extremely skinny and no matter what I do I can't gain weight or muscle. My metabolism is so high that I've been told I would need to eat an absolutely insane amount of calories day by day to increase my mass and I just can't manage it. My anxiety won't let me overeat.

On top of that, as a sexual assault victim I constantly just...hate my own physical shape because the presence of being in it makes me uncomfortable.

 

[Euler007]

It's gonna be allright man. For a while I was doing a job I really hated and was under a ton of stress due to a lawsuit and what really helped me was going hard into powerlifting, like 4 days a week. There's just something about being crushed under a bar with blood pressure that makes it feel it like your head will explode that forces you to be in the moment. The routine of it (going straight there after work) really changed up my days, and the health benefits will be apparent soon, you will sleep and feel better.

As far as the personality and butting heads I know lots of people in real life like that, and I'm like that too. You can't really change who you are, just need a bit of self-awareness and avoid negativity. Do tangible efforts to gravitate towards positive conversation (for you), talk about things you like, not things you dislike or feel are overrated.

 

[TheLastOfPizzaCrUSt]

This board is full of trolly drive-bys, console warriors, knee jerk reactions, and people that come into threads with the single purpose of derailing the conversation just because.
Your "negative" posts are a drop of water in this ocean, if you have to apologize, then half of this forum would have to apologize as well. At least your negative opinions feel sincere, and it's just your frustration coming out and that's fine, unlike the rest who just want to get a reaction out of others cuz they need their daily dose of attention.

I'll gladly take 100 posts of saying that Sony doesn't make RPGs anymore, and there's nothing to play over a single thread of someone going "IS THIS THE WORST E3 EVER=???1!!"

Click to shrink...

to be fair, this is the worst E3 ever.

 

[Kientin]

I don't always agree with you, but I do enjoy your posts PlanetSmasher. I'm glad your here.

Also you're rocking that Dave Rapoza FF6 art for an avatar. You're alright in my book. :)

 

[OrakioRob]

You're not a burden at all. I've noticed tons of good posts from you over the years. We appreciate having you here.

Click to shrink...

^ this

 

[Burt]

The good news is, once you've calloused every square inch of your soul into granite with your own self-loathing, stuff strangers on the internet say to you will cease to bother you in the least

 

[Era Uma Vez]

to be fair, this is the worst E3 ever.

Click to shrink...

 

[MarsipanRumpan]

Hey Planet.

As I wrote to you over DM, I totally know where you're coming from.

I think where the general problem at ERA, and I guess gamers, is a weird sense of "hateful" pride. I know people view you as negative, but I often find that the "negativity" you bring to the thread is... Nuanced in some ways. Like complaining that Horizon isn't the best game, or that Playstation has some flaws, even in the PSOT shouldn't be considered something bad.
I take a way bigger problem on the doomposting, in every thread, whether Playstation, Xbox, Smash, or whatever. When Playstation had an amazing month, releasing 3 exclusive games, showing Forbidden West, announcing a new partnership + Death Stranding for PS5 - Jeff Grubb simply says "I heard of potential acquisitions for MS" and for, no joke, two days straight people are in absolute panic mode and attacking each other...

I kinda feel like my comment won't go down that well, but for me it got to a point where this forum; Not the internet, not Twitter, not social media; This forum started fucking with my mental health (For different reasons, sure, but overall a feeling of being hated, while I desperately just wanted to talk to a lot of people)

Aside from that, I'm so, so, SO, sorry to hear about your working situation, and the other feelings you feel like. It sounds like you have a general major depression, which fucking sucks and is... Hell :(
I don't know if I can tell you anything, but during the time I had requested a selfban I continuessley checked the PSOT, and felt so angry and sad at how people treat you, while at the same time being absolute assholes that derail conversations that can't keep calm because their brand doesn't... Buy more companies, lol.

Saddest part; I know so many people in similar positions on this forum. People that moved to DMs only, twitter, or Discord servers. I'm not complaining about the moderators, but I do think it's so sad to see you feel this beaten down by a fucking forum discussing our hobby.


I don't know if you give a shit, PS, but know that I'm here for you. And I trust you. And I love your posts, EVEN when I disagree with them. Because, do you know what? Even though I love what Playstation is doing right now, I think it's equally important that people that aren't can voice that opinion.

 

[Bufbaf]

Let me assure you gaming side doesn't hate you, firstly. There's always gonna be the typical passive aggresive posts on Era in regards to literally anything, be it slightly veering off-topic, not liking a particular thing or liking a particular thing. I know the feeling of miswording something just oh so slightly and having to deal with a whole parade of ppl telling you your opinion is wrong, it sucks and it really can make you feel like you royally fucked up without intent. Just know that it happens to lots of people, and that lots of people have nothing better to do than to jump on it, I guess.

In regards to your private issues, I can also tell a short glimpse into my life I guess, I'm ~40yo now, and up until 2020 I worked in a complete hellscape of a job. The boss was an absolute egomaniac of an asshole, the work was dull and pointless, and every day felt like torture if it would't have been for some collegues.
It went to a point where I had to visit a psychiatrist because I honestly felt depressed and just.. done with everything. I'm not the youngest guy, and I'd surely have trouble finding anything, especially in my branch.
Now, I will not say this somehow saved my life, because it wouldn't have, but what it did was giving me at least a temporary out, some mild medication and time to find a new job - which is far, FAR better and more fun than the last one. I started a little streaming channel as well and kinda lost myself in improving it (ofc without having any sort of "userbase" to speak of, but that's not the point. I got a new hobby to invest time and motivation into, and from time to time got some feedback on it. I'm still not happy with myself, my looks, my expression, various things about myself I caused myself at some point, I dunno. I still fall into depression holes sometimes. But I feel better than back then. Also, I have cats now!

I would seriously consider a move when listening to your story. It doesn't have to be tomorrow or next week, but start planning, figure out where to go, search for a few jobs over there, maybe they can help you relocating. Put some money aside if possible (but don't ask me about that, I'm REALLY bad at it). It doesn't matter if it happens as quickly as possible, but it will give you something to look forward to, and you sound like you could use something like that :)

If you really think about self-harm, please don't. Get help. There's people for helping you, and it's their literal job, so don't expect them to "not to help anyway". They will help. Check for psychological doctors or hotlines within your area, or talk to your regular doctor. Just.. don't think it's all for nothing. It really isn't. Things change SO much in SO little time sometimes, please don't give up on a whim because it sucks right now.

Man, I wish I could help more :(

 

[Instant Vintage]

I'm sorry I'm so negative all the time. I really wish I wasn't. I wish I had things to feel good about, to be excited about. I miss it. I really do. I'm sorry I'm such a burden on everyone.

Click to shrink...

You are NOT a burden. Please know that. You are a welcome addition to any conversation. I thoroughly enjoy your posts; I've told you this before and will happily tell you again.

I really really hope that you feel better and that you get some time to vent and release some of that pressure you have built up. You are a good person, don't think differently of yourself.

 

[GYODX]

I'm surprised to hear that you feel unwanted here.

You're one of the most recognizable posters here, and I've always enjoyed your contributions.

 

[eXistor]

Gaming side is nuts. I post there more than in offtopic, but I hardly ever agree with ERA at large on things gaming-related. I tend to just keep quiet. If anything we need more people like you, who aren't afraid to say it like it is (even if I don't always agree) and if people don't like it they can gtfo.

 

[Daysean]

Gaming Side has so many low quality interactions and threads, and god forbid Gender/Sex/Race gets involved, please trust me when i say that their opinions on you mean nothing in so many ways

You aren't a burden, here and outside of ERA

 

[Lunar Wolf]

I don't know how to make it through the day anymore. Every day I just feel worse and worse. Gaming side hates me, and even participating in discussions makes me feel like I'm some kind of intruder who no one wants around. I can't talk about politics anymore because everything the Republicans do makes me feel like the world is two steps away from armageddon. Just about the only discussions I feel like I'm not wrong for getting involved in seem to be the ones about TV, and I barely watch any anymore.

Meanwhile, my work situation continuously gets worse day after day after day, to the point at which I feel like I'm breathing poison 5 days a week just to pay rent for an apartment I don't want to live in in, a city I've wanted to leave since before the pandemic started. My weekends barely even count as rest at this point because of how horrible my work-day stress has become. I hate my body - just the feeling of living in it makes me want to scream 24/7. I'm isolated from my friends, meaning I'm constantly alone in my own head, and there's no one I would rather be alone with less than myself. I don't even like waking up in the morning anymore because it just means going through the same cycle of being beaten down repeatedly and having virtually nothing to pull me out of the abyss.

I'm sorry I'm so negative all the time. I really wish I wasn't. I wish I had things to feel good about, to be excited about. I miss it. I really do. I'm sorry I'm such a burden on everyone.

Click to shrink...

If it helps, I genuinely enjoy your commentary a lot and notice you right away when you're posting on gaming side or over here.

I think what you have to say is pretty good nearly all of the time.

 

[Zen]

Hey dude, I like reading your opinions. FF Era wouldn't be the same without you. I want you to know you have worth and are deserving of love and friendship. You're cool with me.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

Hey, I definitely appreciate you. I like reading your thoughts and I enjoy discussing with you even if we disagree sometimes and I enjoy occasionally trolling you (sorry about that)

"PlaSma hates everything" is a meme at this point. If you can, try not to take it seriously. Easier said than done when everyone is jumping down your throat of course.

It does sound like you are suffering from some kind of depression though, so I hope you take care of yourself and manage to find some joy where you can. If modern games don't bring you joy, there is nothing wrong with replaying old games you know do. Gaming comfort food if you will. Disengaging from discussions that bring you down can also help with your mental health. A religious friend of mine had a "digital fast" a couple of years ago and he said that some time away from screens gave him more time to focus on family and things that mattered in his life and did wonders for his mental well-being. That is another option you may consider to help shut out the constant stream of depressing news. I wish you the best

 

[Redcrayon]

Ive always enjoyed talking about RPGs with you mate, and have done for years. You're appreciated, eloquent and we agree a hell of a lot more than we don't. It's easy to see the most vocal clashes on the site as representative of the entire community, hell, I've done it often enough. In the long run though, a handful of disagreements over computer games isn't indicative of anything about you, the site or anything else- we've all had a rough year, some more than most, and including you by the sounds of it. I'm always around if you want to sound off or talk about anything.

 

[DoctorPlayer MD]

Those are signs of depression, and you should seek professional help. It's not something that you can get over just by "cheering up".

 

[astro]

Don't beat yourself up for being human. If you feel like certain behaviours of your own upset you, then try to be mindful of them. All you can do is try.

Sure, you can argue like many of us... you also make a lot of positive contribution. Place is better because you are here imo, not worse.

I'm extremely skinny and no matter what I do I can't gain weight or muscle. My metabolism is so high that I've been told I would need to eat an absolutely insane amount of calories day by day to increase my mass and I just can't manage it. My anxiety won't let me overeat.

Click to shrink...

I have this issue due to slightly different reasons. If your body can take it a high carbohydrate diet mixed with a HIT workout routine will really help. It is really intense if you are not used to regular workouts, though. I'm about to start back on it and not looking forward to it much... but it does work.

I found a course that was really good. It comes with planned meals and routines etc... If you're interested let me know via DM and I can send you the files to try. The meals are easy to make, really nice, the workouts are only 20-25 mins a day.

 

[Sidewinder]

I know how you feel, it really sucks, alas I've got no advice to give you as I didn't manage to get out of my hole for over a decade now. All I can give you is a virtual hug.

 

[Rowsdower]

You're not a burden at all. I've noticed tons of good posts from you over the years. We appreciate having you here.

Part of having anxiety/depression is that it's hard to fairly evaluate your own worth. Hang in there homie. It's been a shit couple of years for all of us.

Click to shrink...

This.

I've had some good discussions with you; I like that your not overly hyped like most of this forum.

 

[Tatsumaki Senpuukyaku!]

For what its worth, ive always loved reading your posts PlanetSmasher. They are welcome in every discussion <3

 

[PMS341]

I don't know how to make it through the day anymore. Every day I just feel worse and worse. Gaming side hates me, and even participating in discussions makes me feel like I'm some kind of intruder who no one wants around. I can't talk about politics anymore because everything the Republicans do makes me feel like the world is two steps away from armageddon. Just about the only discussions I feel like I'm not wrong for getting involved in seem to be the ones about TV, and I barely watch any anymore.

Meanwhile, my work situation continuously gets worse day after day after day, to the point at which I feel like I'm breathing poison 5 days a week just to pay rent for an apartment I don't want to live in in, a city I've wanted to leave since before the pandemic started. My weekends barely even count as rest at this point because of how horrible my work-day stress has become. I hate my body - just the feeling of living in it makes me want to scream 24/7. I'm isolated from my friends, meaning I'm constantly alone in my own head, and there's no one I would rather be alone with less than myself. I don't even like waking up in the morning anymore because it just means going through the same cycle of being beaten down repeatedly and having virtually nothing to pull me out of the abyss.

I'm sorry I'm so negative all the time. I really wish I wasn't. I wish I had things to feel good about, to be excited about. I miss it. I really do. I'm sorry I'm such a burden on everyone.

Click to shrink...

I don't know you very well but I've seen you post in the Genshin thread prior and you seem perfectly fine lol. I know we are all our own harshest critic, but I promise you it takes a LOT for someone to actually hate you on a forum - different than being annoyed/disagreed with. All I can tell you is that the universe is chaos and often makes us feel unwanted, even around those we cherish the most. I personally have depression and anxiety and a lot of these feelings get turned up to 11 whenever I make someone upset, or feel like I do, etc. Especially when it comes to politics - which, right now (especially in the US) should be a cause for massive concern. You aren't alone there - it is scary as hell, but it is absolutely perfectly okay to take a "media" break from all of it sometimes. It can be overwhelming.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, truly, and I only hope things get better for you. But you are not a burden - to you, this forum, or anyone. Remember that.

 

[Zero-ELEC]

Honestly? I actually really appreciate your gaming-side posts. Sobering though they may be at times (and I don't always agree!), I think we'd be lesser without them.

 

[TaySan]

You're not a burden at all and it would hurt seeing you gone. :(

 

[Issen]

I'm extremely skinny and no matter what I do I can't gain weight or muscle. My metabolism is so high that I've been told I would need to eat an absolutely insane amount of calories day by day to increase my mass and I just can't manage it. My anxiety won't let me overeat.

On top of that, as a sexual assault victim I constantly just...hate my own physical shape because the presence of being in it makes me uncomfortable.

Click to shrink...

I'm very sorry about your experience, first of all.

I would still recommend regular exercise. As it should help increase your appetite, you probably won't gain weight but you probably won't lose it either, so you shouldn't be afraid to at least give it a try. But the more important aspect, and the one I think you need right now, is that it'll greatly improve your mood. That might give you a different outlook on things and sometimes that's all you need to set things in motion.

In any case, I'm not a professional and also don't know all the specifics about your situation. Consider what I said before about analyzing the things that are in your power to change and setting small, achievable goals.

Again, I wish you all the best.

 

[shnurgleton]

Gaming side hates me

Click to shrink...

this means you're doing something right

 

[Deleted member 511]

Those are signs of depression, and you should seek professional help. It's not something that you can get over just by "cheering up".

Click to shrink...

This. As someone who struggled with depression, isolated myself from friends, almost tried to kill myself once, etc. I recognize these signs. Please try to seek some type of help PS - see if your area has free options or if you can find a therapist who works on a sliding scale based on income. You don't have to go through this alone.

Hey dude, I like reading your opinions. FF Era wouldn't be the same without you. I want you to know you have worth and are deserving of love and friendship. You're cool with me.

Click to shrink...

Hell yeah.

 

[Arttemis]

Hey, just wanted to chime in and say I always enjoy reading your posts. I don't post often, and usually browse EtcetEra 95% of the time, gaming here and there (though I probably post in gaming most often), and even when I disagree with your opinions, I enjoy your well written posts. Truly, I would be saddened to see them disappear.

So sorry to hear about your work situation. It's hard on my family members right now looking for work, too; so many people are in dire straights.

 

[Noctis]

You're not a burden planet and you always bring something to do the table when it comes to discussions. However, you got to try to be more optimistic and cheerful, not everything is so bleak/doomsday at times.

We all have our ups and downs, but it's our demeanor in how we approach things that counts.

 

[Elandyll]

I will very honestly say that for the most part I have not enjoyed your overbearingly negative postings about pretty much everything on the gaming side over the years, as I have often said.
But this is not why I am posting here, and I am sorry your life seems so miserable.

The only advice I can give is by describing my situation when I was in my mid 20s:
No girlfriend, a job in sales I hated, a gloomy 1 person appartment and friends, the few I had, that I was rarely seeing.
But then I took chances when I saw them, I took risks and decided to make changes.

That's the hardest part, change. And fear of the unknown, as hard as your everyday "known" might be.
Now, 25 years later? Happily married for 20years, 2 great kids, my own house in a different country, and a job I love.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to embrace change, and take a chance.

 

[Arttemis]

this means you're doing something right

Click to shrink...

Yeah, this seems more and more accurate lately. An increasing amount of opinions on that side are hot-take, reactionary and inflammatory garbage - not that it's completely unique to the gaming side.

 

[Chopchop]

Hey, I've seen you around, and you're not a burden at all. You make good posts, and you're certainly welcome. The odd complaining post happens to everyone, and you definitely aren't one of the people who do nothing but post negatively. It's okay to rant and complain now and then. It's only human.

If the political/world situation is depressing you, this might sound weird, but you might want to try putting the entire etcetera forum on ignore for a few days and see if that improves your mood. I find that etcetera produces this never-ending wall of bad news at all hours, and it's very depressing to see day in and day out because there's always something to get upset or angry about. Stepping away from it entirely for a few days might make life seem less hopeless. I did this a few days ago and I was surprised at how much of a difference it made.

 

[Deleted member 13101]

Always enjoy hearing from you. Not a burden, at all. I'm glad you're here.

This forum has been taken over by a form of nihilism that gives people easy excuses to not understand others' perspectives. It's too easy for people to say "doomposting" or "get help" or "your post/thread sucks" when all they really mean is "get this content out of my way". Not even the people with legit despair or nihilist outlooks based on their lived perspectives have room here. That wasn't supposed to be what this forum was about. It is not your fault.

 

[Tokyo_Funk]

I think you're cool OP

 

[Deleted member 34949]

I don't know how to make it through the day anymore. Every day I just feel worse and worse. Gaming side hates me, and even participating in discussions makes me feel like I'm some kind of intruder who no one wants around. I can't talk about politics anymore because everything the Republicans do makes me feel like the world is two steps away from armageddon. Just about the only discussions I feel like I'm not wrong for getting involved in seem to be the ones about TV, and I barely watch any anymore.

Meanwhile, my work situation continuously gets worse day after day after day, to the point at which I feel like I'm breathing poison 5 days a week just to pay rent for an apartment I don't want to live in in, a city I've wanted to leave since before the pandemic started. My weekends barely even count as rest at this point because of how horrible my work-day stress has become. I hate my body - just the feeling of living in it makes me want to scream 24/7. I'm isolated from my friends, meaning I'm constantly alone in my own head, and there's no one I would rather be alone with less than myself. I don't even like waking up in the morning anymore because it just means going through the same cycle of being beaten down repeatedly and having virtually nothing to pull me out of the abyss.

I'm sorry I'm so negative all the time. I really wish I wasn't. I wish I had things to feel good about, to be excited about. I miss it. I really do. I'm sorry I'm such a burden on everyone.

Click to shrink...

For what it's worth, you're one of my favorite people on here. We don't always agree, but I've always appreciated your perspective no matter the discussion. You're far from a burden, man.

 

[Makoto Yuki]

I'm extremely skinny and no matter what I do I can't gain weight or muscle. My metabolism is so high that I've been told I would need to eat an absolutely insane amount of calories day by day to increase my mass and I just can't manage it. My anxiety won't let me overeat.

On top of that, as a sexual assault victim I constantly just...hate my own physical shape because the presence of being in it makes me uncomfortable.

Click to shrink...

Gaining weight has been difficult for me. I had to gym and ran 3-4 times a week, swam 2-3 times a week, and would eat out for almost every meal. Terrible terrible food. Though calorie rich dollar menus go a long way.

Have you talked to anyone about your assault? Therapist, counsellor?

I do enjoy your content, I don't always agree with it, but you at least post arguments that make sense and are level headed enough to engage in discussion. If you just need to vent or talk feel free to DM me man.

 

[ClearMetal]

You can be quite negative in your opinions at times and I guess it makes people think you're just being contrarian for the sake of it. Whether that's true or not, at least your posts have substance. Even if I don't agree with you a lot of times, your posts are always worth reading.

But if you're not actually having fun posting, maybe you could try and change your posting patterns. Personally speaking, in the past I have always been very... aggressive... in expressing my opinions. But then I suffered from a burn-out which manifested as an anxiety disorder. Since then I just can't do it anymore. I can't mentally handle heated discussions and arguments. So most of the time I try to post my opinion in a manner that doesn't get people riled up and if I do get multiple responses I just bow out. I mostly stick to OTs and simply post what I'm doing in a game.

Changing your mentality is easier said than done of course. I know from experience. But it's worth trying. And if you can't do it on your own, don't be afraid to ask for professional help. People are there to help you with whatever you're going through. Asking for help is not a failure; it's a triumph.

 

[Lunar Wolf]

Actually a little embarrassing to admit but might as well, you're probably one of my favorite posters on this forum.

And I personally don't think there's anything wrong with being an inherently negative person. My best friend and girlfriend are both that way too so maybe I just gravitate toward them more.

 

[thewienke]

The one (and definitely biggest) downside to not having a reaction/likes system is that most of your interactions with others on this forum will be somewhat negative simply because 95% of the time you get quoted it's someone disagreeing with you. We're all guilty of it and I definitely only do the "agree with this" post when I vehemently agree or feel someone has captured about every thought I have on something.

 

[Thugnificent]

For what it's worth, since I don't think we've even talked before, I think your posts are great and I always enjoy reading them. While I do notice some posts seem to be on the negative side, I mean you like what you like and you dislike what you dislike. It's not like you, or anyone, should ever change their tastes just to be liked. And I never really see you do any drive-by posts. You always articulate and explain your thoughts well and I tend to never feel angry at your posts because of that, even when I strongly disagree. And it's a weird thing to say, but whenever I do see you express interest or have something positive to say, I'm usually thinking "damn I should really check that game out" or something.

I'm really sorry to hear about the other things you're going through, but I just wanted to comment about that. Hope everything works out. I really appreciate your presence on the site!