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I am planning to stop talking to two of my closest friends

SilentEagle

SilentEagle

Member
Jan 9, 2021
7,485
It all happened so fast. But at the same time I planning this for 3-4 months.

I have been friends with these two guys for more than 10 years. We are good friends, but I think they don't respect me. One of them never speaks. I'm not saying this as a joke. When we meet, he says a maximum of 5 sentences. Anyway, yesterday the other one told this asocial friend that he had found a girlfriend for him. He said that the girl saw his photo and wanted to marry our friend. Just from his photo? Anyway, after he said this and we start talking about it, whenever I expressed my opinion on the subject, our friend, who was the girl's friend, interrupted me. Finally I got angry but he didn't listen to me. I didn't enjoy any of the topics we talked about. It felt like I am a redundant person in there because the woman and two of my friends all had part for the topic but I was redundant. Why I was there? The girl joined us when we ate a lunch together and this nerdy friend of ours is starting to think he's Brad Pitt. He even cursed at me. I never understood that because he didn't talk that way ever. We talked on Discord and I am giving short answers. I guess I don't want to hang out with these guys because why would I stay where I'm not respected?

What I said is not just about this issue. For example, we are talking about computer parts and the man says to me, "I will not buy an AMD processor." Yes, I can understand his preference, but he does not even want to listen to the rest. He tries to putting me down and praising himself on every issue. I told him that you can't eat 1000 calories a day and build muscle. He said "No you don't know". The guy thinks he's Ronnie Coleman. Another time a woman was trying to talk to me and I talked about this to my friends and he immediately say "Yeah this happens to me too but she is probably 4/10 at best." I think these two friends of mine don't give me pleasure and I'm going to have a talk with them.

"Looks like I am not an actor in this topic and I get bored so I am not interested guys. Just hang out together if you want to focus on this topic"

Do you think it will work? Era likes to criticize me haha but understand me this time because I can't enjoy these friends anymore.

I will find new friends as soon as possible and invest completely in myself. I don't want anything to do with people who try to bring me down.

I am going to gym since may, working hard, spend more time with my personal care. The only problem is I don't have "true" friends and when it comes to relationships, I don't want something serious, maybe friends with benefits thing? But that's all. I just miss talking to people just for fun. I don't want to overthink about conversations.

Edit:
Thank you all of your responses. I am 100% certain that I am cutting ties with these two without making an explanation. No matter what they do, I won't talk to them again. If they didn't change in 10+ years I don't think they'll change.

Now time to make new, healthy friendships.
 
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Sir Wiart

Sir Wiart

Member
Mar 11, 2024
696
Canada
Majority of the time certain friends are only around for a short period of time and I find like to use whoever they hang out with for their own enjoyment/perks.

I see this a lot re friends: I hate when people ignore family for example (when they are on really good terms) due to having friends, that eventually create conflicts with their loved ones.
 
Triggerhappytel

Triggerhappytel

Member
Oct 27, 2017
15,843
At the very least if you're not enjoying their company and you feel like they don't value yours then have a break from them for a few months and see if you feel differently or you prefer not having them in your life.

Friends come and go and maybe you've just grown apart.
 
psynergyadept

psynergyadept

Shinra Employee
Member
Oct 26, 2017
17,053
How on earth did you survive 10 years of this; they don't seem like friends…barley acquaintances at best.
 
cartographer

cartographer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,146
Is this the same group of friends you've been making threads about for a long period at this point?

If it is, no I don't think it will work, because I believe you've brought up wanting to stop being friends with them before. I believe it will work when you want it to work.

I think it's important to have friends you enjoy and who enjoy you. Whatever that means for your specific situation, I don't know. But you aren't forced to be friends with them, and if you don't want to spend time with them anymore, you don't have to.
 
TrueSloth

TrueSloth

Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,232
"Looks like I am not an actor in this topic and I get bored so I am not interested guys. Just hang out together if you want to focus on this topic"
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You could also just stop talking to them. You don't need to make a scene of it if you're truly bored of them. I'm sure that a deeper discussion will occur when the time is right.
 
OP
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SilentEagle

SilentEagle

Member
Jan 9, 2021
7,485
Rukland said:
Have you talked to the girl you have never met yet that you want to marry?
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Not yet.
cartographer said:
Is this the same group of friends you've been making threads about for a long period at this point?
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Yes.
psynergyadept said:
How on earth did you survive 10 years of this; they don't seem like friends…barley acquaintances at best.
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Plot twist: We hang out at least once in every week.
 
Surakian

Surakian

Shinra Employee
Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
11,807
I'm very confused, but mostly like…don't hang out if you aren't having a good time with these people?
 
Tagyhag

Tagyhag

Member
Oct 27, 2017
13,766
Just drop them. I don't see why it's so hard to drop people. Ghosting is sooooo easy.
 
Yahsper

Yahsper

Member
Oct 29, 2017
1,733
I mean, just don't hang out with people you don't really like anyway? No need for a speech or a talk or whatever. If they ask to hang out and you're not feeling it, just say 'nah I'm not feeling it'. If that feeling persists x amount of weeks, well...

SilentEagle said:
My friend count will drop to half lol
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But you made this thread about how they're not really your friends?
 
ReginaldXIV

ReginaldXIV

It's Pronounced "Aerith"
Member
Nov 4, 2017
8,722
Minnesota
If you don't care to be around them, just stop hanging out with them. It really is that easy. Doesn't have to be grandiose, don't have to make a point, don't have to keep tabs on them. You just move on.
 
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SilentEagle

SilentEagle

Member
Jan 9, 2021
7,485
ReginaldXIV said:
If you don't care to be around them, just stop hanging out with them. It really is that easy. Doesn't have to be grandiose, don't have to make a point, don't have to keep tabs on them. You just move on.
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Yes but I also wanted to talk to them. Maybe they'll notice their mistake and feel guilty about it for this time.
 
The Albatross

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
40,582
If you've been friends a long time and you're done with them, I'd just kinda peace out and seek happiness elsewhere. I wouldn't confront them especially with how you're phrasing it, which comes off as very self righteous.

Personally I'd recommend just kinda dropping out from them, not following up, just kinda ghosting them and seeing how it goes for a few months. If you don't miss them then just move on and let it go. Some of the descriptions of your conversations read a bit like you might be the asshole in these interactions, and it might be best to just save face, peace out, and let things play out. If they reach out to you, then consider repairing it, otherwise just kinda let life take its course.
 
The Albatross

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
40,582
SilentEagle said:
Yes but I also wanted to talk to them. Maybe they'll notice their mistake and feel guilty about it for this time.
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If someone came to you and approached your behavior when they're trying to meet someone who liked them, woood you feel guilty about it that time and change, or feel like you handled it right and they handled it wrong? Think about that convo, your buddy found a potential date for your mutual friend, and "you're expressing an opinion about it," like, a negative opinion? I can see how someone might be like, cmon man, let it play out for your friend before pouring cold water on it.
 
sph3re

sph3re

One Winged Slayer
Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
8,763
SilentEagle said:
Yes but I also wanted to talk to them. Maybe they'll notice their mistake and feel guilty about it for this time.
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SilentEagle said:
I guess I don't want to hang out with these guys because why would I stay where I'm not respected?
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Yeah man, I can't tell you what to do with your "friends" or whatever, but if you're not getting satisfaction from being around them, you're just being around them out of habit. No sense being around people who make you feel like shit. Life is short man, lol.
 
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Tavernade

Tavernade

Tavernade
Moderator
Sep 18, 2018
9,992
Droopy_McCool said:
What happened to becoming a ghost for 6 months?
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That's what I essentially did when I felt like I was doing 80% of the work in keeping some old friendships open. I just stopped trying to keep things running, figuring either they'd notice and miss me and reach out and the friendship would be fine or that they wouldn't and I was trying to keep things going for no good reason. They never reached out again (well one did a couple times years later, but in a way that made it seem like he didn't notice we hadn't spoken for five years).

Also got over a crush that way.

Though some people are just really bad at reaching out so it can backfire.
 
Sayre

Sayre

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
741
SilentEagle said:
Yes. And the dude claims he can gain muscle and lose fat if he eats 100 calories in a day lol
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Honestly who cares if that's what he thinks. Don't get why you need to convince him. Just mention to him and if he disagrees then let him try and figure it out himself. People think a lot of stupid things and it's not worth arguing over.

I don't know the dynamics with your friends but generally I don't see the point of making a grand statement like that. Communicate the things they do that bother you in the moment sure… and if they don't respect you then just stop hanging out with them.
 
NaDannMaGoGo

NaDannMaGoGo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,350
Sounds like you're addicted to them. Or less ludicrously expressed: it's simply your routine to be around them?

As usual, you gotta take an active step at the beginning that's gonna be difficult. In your case, that's simply stopping hanging out and keeping the remaining communication to a minimum. And then see how you feel after 2-4 weeks when your habitual behavior isn't quite as strong anymore.

You legit might have a "huh, that felt weirdly freeing! What did I ever even see in their company?" situation and that's that. Or not. In any case, act accordingly.
 
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SilentEagle

SilentEagle

Member
Jan 9, 2021
7,485
NaDannMaGoGo said:
Sounds like you're addicted to them. Or less ludicrously expressed: it's simply your routine to be around them?

As usual, you gotta take an active step at the beginning that's gonna be difficult. In your case, that's simply stopping hanging out and keeping the remaining communication to a minimum. And then see how you feel after 2-4 weeks when your habitual behavior isn't quite as strong anymore.

You legit might have a "huh, that felt weirdly freeing! What did I ever even see in their company?" situation and that's that. Or not. In any case, act accordingly.
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This is a good advice, thank you. Now I have to think about how to dodge them in this weekend.
 
Jaymageck

Jaymageck

Member
Nov 18, 2017
2,170
Toronto
Good luck. For me I value ongoing continuity more than I do necessarily continuing to have a lot in common. So I continue I be friends with people in cases where it takes a bit of work.

I just don't personally like to view human connections as just a means to an end. It's not just about whether I enjoy every second with them, for me it's about the value of the continued connection to both of us. So it would take an awful lot for me to throw one away.

I understand that's not for everyone though, do what you need to do.
 
Arttemis

Arttemis

The Fallen
Oct 28, 2017
6,675
Ride away into the sunset and make new friends. I couldn't imagine willingly choosing to continue engaging with those people.
 
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OP
SilentEagle

SilentEagle

Member
Jan 9, 2021
7,485
Sayre said:
Honestly who cares if that's what he thinks. Don't get why you need to convince him. Just mention to him and if he disagrees then let him try and figure it out himself. People think a lot of stupid things and it's not worth arguing over.

I don't know the dynamics with your friends but generally I don't see the point of making a grand statement like that. Communicate the things they do that bother you in the moment sure… and if they don't respect you then just stop hanging out with them.
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The problem is they have the problem of not accepting my opinions. When they listen to me, it means they wonder about my life. The guy who is the woman's friend, asks me questions even though he knows the answer, and his only purpose is to satisfy his curiosity. One day, he asked about work for 40 minutes and finally they hired him, he said. I mean why he didn't say directly? He does it often and I hate it. This thread made me notice I have to ghost them ASAP.
 
Mesoian

Mesoian

▲ Legend ▲
Member
Oct 28, 2017
28,518
Homie, you've been talking about this for MONTHS.

Soon it will be literal years.

Act or realize that you're never going to act.
 

Suichimo

Member
Mar 17, 2021
1,092
Here are the wisest two words with respect to this situation, that I can come up with, fuck 'em.
 
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Drain You

Drain You

▲ Legend ▲
Member
Oct 27, 2017
5,059
Connecticut
I can only speak from experience, but if you don't enjoy you time with them speaking/hanging just drop em. If they reach out to you and feel like responding do so, if not whatever. As for friends you keep around I think that's the sort of thing you just need to let happen naturally. My closest friends have all moved either out of across the country or at least out of state. Sucks, but we still keep in touch and see each other when we can, and it's not a chore.
 
Lkr

Lkr

Member
Oct 28, 2017
10,878
sounds like you hang out with them out of habit?
you can just tell them you can't hang out this weekend and see how they react to something as basic as that lol
 
Big Powder

Big Powder

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,304
If you're not having fun, stop reaching out to them. You don't have to make it a big grand statement or anything, just peace out. There's no need really to stir things up definitively when you can still get the same outcome by letting the conversation trail off and not responding anymore. Put yourself into hobbies and stuff instead, especially stuff that can get you out in the real world doing things with other people, and you'll meet people through that sure enough. That goes for both friends and relationship partners. You're under no obligation to keep hanging out with people you're not having fun around.
 
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