How much should you actually spend on an engagement ring?

[Swig]

You know how made that 2x/3x salary rule?

A jewelry company lol

Engagement rings are the first rung of the scam that is the wedding industrial complex. Don't fall for it.

Click to shrink...

This. It's a joke and diamonds aren't anywhere near as rare/expensive as they market them to be. Go try and pawn a used wedding ring. You're probably not getting $4K for it.

Find whatever makes you happy and buy that. If it's $200, even better. The wedding industry is a scam. I spent $1700 on my fiancees ring, but only because she absolutely loved it (it was a $5K ring on clearance. I had honestly thought that I wouldn't spend over $1000 on a ring, but she loved this one and she gets daily complements on it, so the $1700 was worth it. If it had cost $400, we wouldn't have cared.)

Also, the whole "wedding rings must be diamonds" was made up by a marketing company. It's not some centuries long tradition. They had a surplus of diamonds and wanted to find a way to get rid of them.

 

[Mcfrank]

The paycheck thing is stupid crap invented by Jewelry companies. Get to know what your future fiancée likes, but at the same time randomly have documentaries about blood diamonds and how evil de beers is playing in the back ground. Turn her against diamonds before you propose.

 

[Deleted member 6215]

For those of you who shopped with your partner, did it make the actual proposal less exciting? I haven't actually decided how or when I'll propose... was hoping to do it on vacation. :P

Click to shrink...

Shopped with her, got a lot of good ideas on what she liked, then picked something out without her knowing.

 

[bremon]

Are wedding ring tattoos super corny?.... Because I've really been thinking about wedding ring tattoos if my future SO would be down.

Click to shrink...

Going down that route can involve the pain of laser removal or a coverup tattoo. If it's the only finger you have tattooed the coverup looks a bit suspicious.

 

[Ra]

I spent $300 at the time, because we were broke as fuck, and when she saw it she bawled her eyes out for an hour, because she loved me.

Fuck the monetary value, to a certain extent.

If it's a deal breaker you should be seeking the closest window.

 

[EverythingShiny]

You should talk to your partner about it. Everyone I know who has gotten engaged recently had a say in their engagement rings; most of my friends picked out the rings themselves and they went for non-diamond rings. One friend even got one on Etsy. My fiance and I ended up going with a family heirloom and I'm so glad that we did. I didn't know what it looked like before he proposed, and we discussed it and if I didn't end up liking the ring, then we were going to pick one out after he proposed. Thankfully, I love it. We only spent $100 to have the ring resized and we didn't support the diamond industry.

On the other hand, my fiance's sister got engaged last year and she has a $40,000 massive diamond engagement ring. Different strokes and all that.

 

[Deleted member 12833]

Shopped with her, got a lot of good ideas on what she liked, then picked something out without her knowing.

Click to shrink...

This is what I did as well. And there was a good 8 month gap as well

 

[Castor Archer]

For those of you who shopped with your partner, did it make the actual proposal less exciting? I haven't actually decided how or when I'll propose... was hoping to do it on vacation. :P

Click to shrink...

Neither of us knew our ring size, so we went shopping to get that figured out. You don't have to propose the instant you get a ring lol

 

[Swig]

For those of you who shopped with your partner, did it make the actual proposal less exciting? I haven't actually decided how or when I'll propose... was hoping to do it on vacation. :P

Click to shrink...

She showed me which one she liked (loved, see my post above), I went out an bought it. I took her to Hawaii six months later and proposed. She had no idea and was blown away that I got it for her.

 

[Deleted member 2802]

The 2 months salary is from some debeers ad campaign
It makes zero sense to do that in the present.
And diamonds are almost worthless in the 2nd hand market.

 

[Lozjam]

I know the style they like, and now that this thread has confirmed I'm not crazy in regards to price I am thinking something like this (they love dragons): https://www.etsy.com/listing/541711...f=sr_gallery-1-2&organic_search_click=1&frs=1

We definitely want to get married but we haven't specifically talked about a proposal. I always thought it was suppose to be somewhat of a surprise after you're confident they would say yes.

Click to shrink...

Don't go too expensive for a ring. Really. Getting something custom made in Etsy would be absolutely fantastic. You made a good choice my friend.

 

[Mona]

a quarter out of one of those machines

 

[Ramathevoice]

Get her a nice but inexpensive ring with a semi-precious stone you know she likes, then go actual-ring shopping together. You'll figure out pretty quick (if you hadn't already) how much she expects you to spend. If it's less than you thought based on your online research, she doesn't believe your love should be arbitrarily quantified by what bullshit the wedding-industrial complex sells you and she's a keeper.

 

[Swig]

I spent $300 at the time, because we were broke as fuck, and when she saw it she bawled her eyes out for an hour, because she loved me.

Fuck the monetary value, to a certain extent.

If it's a deal breaker you should be seeking the closest window.

Click to shrink...

This. My ex was super materialistic and I wasn't having it. She had like $2K in her savings account and wanted an expensive wedding because of social media influences and to impress her friends. We argued about it and we ended up breaking up. I'm glad it went that way, because I doubt the relationship would have lasted because I'm not a materialistic person at all and I could care less about showing off for other people.

It's funny because we broke up mostly due to money and her wanting "stuff", but now I probably make more than her and her husband combined. I just save it or buy things I actually need/want and they're most likely in debt.

 

[Marshall]

Not at all directed at the OP.

A person who requires an expensive ring, as well as a large wedding are the kind of person I wouldn't want to spend my life with.

 

[Cow Mengde]

OP, these are like $7.99 on Amazon! Get these, she'll have more fun too.

 

[Power Shot]

$30 for a cubic zirconia ring on Amazon. Can't really tell the difference without one of those special microscopes. I spent the remainder of my budget on a wonderful trip overseas for the proposal. She loved it.

 

[MatchaMouse]

Man, some people in here really hating on women that would like a pricier ring. If you can spend $500+ on a video card that is going to last you ~5 years, I think you can spend a decent amount on a ring that the love of your life will see every day for the rest of your lives. I think it's great when people don't care and are happy with an inexpensive ring. But I don't think we need to be calling women that desire a more expensive ring "princesses" or saying that you need to run away. The ring is a symbol, it carries a lot of weight. Nothing wrong with spending more if that is important to her. People spend a lot of money on things they use or look at far less than wedding rings. I'm obviously not saying to go broke or marry someone who is only with you for money. Just saying I think some people are being too dismissive because the ring isn't important to them, but it might be important to the person they choose to marry. And I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling either way.

Also want to chime in with another recommendation for moissanite - I learned about it last year and thought it was so cool and a great alternative to diamonds.

 

[Fallen Hero]

I thought the right answer was 3 years salary?

 

[shintoki]

This. My ex was super materialistic and I wasn't having it. She had like $2K in her savings account and wanted an expensive wedding because of social media influences and to impress her friends. We argued about it and we ended up breaking up. I'm glad it went that way, because I doubt the relationship would have lasted because I'm not a materialistic person at all and I could care less about showing off for other people.

Click to shrink...

This is a good point.

If what you can afford is 200$, but she wants more. Its telling of the relationship going forward.

 

[Deleted member 8901]

Spend as little as you can get away with. I guarantee your wife will never wear it again after the first 6 months or so. Biggest waste of money ever. My wife literally only wears her wedding band nowadays - I would spend more there as opposed to going crazy on the engagement ring.

 

[Deleted member 12833]

Man, some people in here really hating on women that would like a pricier ring. If you can spend $500+ on a video card that is going to last you ~5 years, I think you can spend a decent amount on a ring that the love of your life will see every day for the rest of your lives. I think it's great when people don't care and are happy with an inexpensive ring. But I don't think we need to be calling women that desire a more expensive ring "princesses" or saying that you need to run away. The ring is a symbol, it carries a lot of weight. Nothing wrong with spending more if that is important to her. People spend a lot of money on things they use or look at far less than wedding rings. I'm obviously not saying to go broke or marry someone who is only with you for money. Just saying I think some people are being too dismissive because the ring isn't important to them, but it might be important to the person they choose to marry. And I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling either way.

Also want to chime in with another recommendation for moissanite - I learned about it last year and thought it was so cool and a great alternative to diamonds.

Click to shrink...

It's a bit funny ain't it. Dropping $20k more than you really need for a car or buying a $3k gaming setup is cool but how dare woman want a expensive ring she is planning to wear and look at for the rest of her life.

 

[shaneo632]

Maybe put most of that money towards a mortgage downpayment instead or a nice holiday or something.

 

[Possum Armada]

You know how made that 2x/3x salary rule?

A jewelry company lol

Engagement rings are the first rung of the scam that is the wedding industrial complex. Don't fall for it.

Click to shrink...

This.

 

[CerealKi11a]

For those of you who shopped with your partner, did it make the actual proposal less exciting? I haven't actually decided how or when I'll propose... was hoping to do it on vacation. :P

Click to shrink...

I don't really think so. They still don't know when it will be or how you'll go about doing it.

Plus, the positive surprise of the engagement is worth less than the negative surprise of having spent a ton of money on a ring they don't like. I found that my SO said that she wanted one thing, but once we went to try them on, that changed. The jeweler corroborated that finding. Rings look different on a finger than in a picture.

I would recommend just picking out a few with them. You can shop the gem later, but the band is something you can get a feel for with them.

Also, I don't think it should be a total surprise anyway. If you're planning on proposing or getting married, I'd assume you've at least talked about it somewhat.

 

[Shadow Walker]

So I am in the market for an engagement ring and am trying to figure out what I should get (I haven't proposed yet). Obviously you can spend as much money as you could possibly want, so I'm just trying to pick out something that is nice quality but won't ruin my finances. When I look this up online it's said that you should spend 2 months of your take home salary. For me that is $10k. Wtf? Am I really supposed to spend 10k on a ring? Is that normal? Of course this great advice seems to always come from jewelry stores who all say "it's tradition for you to give us all of your money. come on, do it!" Honestly I don't even know if I should be shopping the generic jewelry stores or if there are better alternatives. Not to mention this seems like a giant risk since I don't even know for sure if she will like it and it might be hard for her to ask to exchange it.

What say you ERA? Was hoping to find advice for someone as clueless as myself. :)

Click to shrink...

I spent twenty bucks on a tungsten ring looks good doesn't fade or scratch can't ask for more. We also didn't have a wedding just went through the court why waste a bunch of money when we put that down towards a new home. It's the type of people we are though.

 

[Kitsunebaby]

Whoever is going to be wearing it should have some input. Not everyone even likes expensive diamond rings, and everyone has their own color and design preferences.

 

[Possum Armada]

I know the style they like, and now that this thread has confirmed I'm not crazy in regards to price I am thinking something like this (they love dragons): https://www.etsy.com/listing/541711...f=sr_gallery-1-2&organic_search_click=1&frs=1

We definitely want to get married but we haven't specifically talked about a proposal. I always thought it was suppose to be somewhat of a surprise after you're confident they would say yes.

Click to shrink...

Well, what do you think she would want?

My wife doesn't really care about jewelry or that kind of stuff. I spent $1500 on her ring and she loves it.

 

[Br3wnor]

All up to your future wife's expectations. I was in school when I got the ring but knew what ring she wanted and it was 2 grand. Her friend got a 10grand ring and I have a friend who spent a few hundred bucks, all the women were happy and that's most important part

 

[rras1994]

It's a ring that your SO will (hopefully) be wearing for the rest of her life, get her involved in the decision process, especially check if she has any allergies to different metals. Make sure not to buy a ring that'll turn her finger green.

 

[rokkerkory]

Spend what you are comfy with. End of the day your fiance will love it because she loves you.

 

[AppleBlade]

First of all you should figure out how important it is to her. If it is important, do not cheap out, I did and I regretted it. I didn't have that much money and I got her a $700 engagement ring. She never complained about it but I could tell that she was embarrassed when her friends asked to see "the ring". Honestly, even I felt a little embarrassed. Before you think about calling my wife shallow, she almost never spends money on her self and always goes cheap on shoes, purses, etc.

Years later, for our anniversary, I surprised her with a new $5,000 ring and she really appreciated it.

My general advice is if it's important to the girl get her a good quality 1 karat rock if you can afford it.

 

[Shadybiz]

I spent $150. My wife (then girlfriend) had told me multiple times that she doesn't believe in spending large amounts on a ring. And at the time, I worked in a mailroom, and she worked as a massage therapist, so we weren't exactly rolling in it.

 

[mhayes86]

I spent $250 on an engagement ring, and $600 on the wedding ring. There is no "rule". Get what they like that's reasonable if you want rings at all. The price some people expect to pay is ludicrous.

 

[Reckheim]

1 paycheck is what I spent, but also who cares.

 

[freetacos]

There is no rule, spend what you two are most comfortable with. I spent a ton, but it was an ethical one she had her heart set on

 

[Inugami]

Exactly what you can afford that doesn't put you in debt but you think your partner will still like.

If your partner won't marry you because you didn't spend enough on the ring, it's time to rethink the whole situation.

 

[HardTimesFamilyPride]

Yes, DeBeers, the diamond conglomerate, started that rule lol.

Click to shrink...

So not even just a jewelry company, but the company artificially limiting the diamond supply due to monopolizing diamond mining IIRC 😂

In reality it's this:

The key is do what makes sense for you and your SO

Click to shrink...

 

[Typographenia]

Do not fall for the awful "x amount of your paycheck times 4" kind of info online.

Find something reasonable that they will like, but don't go overboard. If the price of the ring becomes a bigger deal than the act of proposing, it's gone too far.

 

[Sayre]

I know the style they like, and now that this thread has confirmed I'm not crazy in regards to price I am thinking something like this (they love dragons): https://www.etsy.com/listing/541711...f=sr_gallery-1-2&organic_search_click=1&frs=1

We definitely want to get married but we haven't specifically talked about a proposal. I always thought it was suppose to be somewhat of a surprise after you're confident they would say yes.

Click to shrink...

It's whatever you or your future wife would like. There's no set rule on how to propose, when to propose or even what ring to buy.

For me personally, I knew she would say yes but it was still a surprise when I did it. The ring I bought was a $5k ring. She probably would have been fine with something cheaper but she was happy with what I gave her and that's what mattered to me.

 

[Lulu]

its not about price but appearance. ask her friends and family what she likes. theres a good chance they know something

Click to shrink...

this looks good to me

 

[Keikaku]

A couple hundred. Weddings and rings are the most pointless waste of money.

 

[entremet]

So not even just a jewelry company, but the company artificially limiting the diamond supply due to monopolizing diamond mining IIRC 😂

In reality it's this:

Click to shrink...

The internet has issues with misinformation and such, but one of the great things is that it breaks down these "traditions" lol. In a pre-internet world, we would've accepted this.

Also, folks are not saying to not value the love in your life, just be responsible and don't drain your entire bank account doing it based on some dumb rule.

 

[whytemyke]

It seems to me that the entire proposal is more important than just trying to boil it down to a ring. Like if you know your partner and can put together something truly magical to showcase both your love and really make a memory for them, I'd think that the ring would only be secondary at that point. "Oh, it was so romantic, OP took me out to an Olive Garden-- and even though I hate Italian food when I saw that he spent exactly 2 months of net pay on a ring, I just couldn't help but say yes! OP really gets me!"

But then again I'm a 30-something that's never been married, so I'm probably wrong.

 

[Zombine]

Do vials of blood

 

[Adder7806]

IMO it's such a massive waste of money. Instead of spending the money on a ring we bought my wife a new mountain bike.

 

[Deleted member 17092]

Buddy of mine is looking and if u remember right he's looking at moissanite rings as well? Much cheaper than diamonds but 9/10s of the look is the claim.

Click to shrink...

They honestly look better than diamonds unless you're buying in the flawless grades, and even then, debatable.

Diamond detection machines are actually fooled by them too.

It's kinda cool that it comes from meteorites too (well originally, man made now but lab grown version of the space rocks).

 

[Deleted member 15240]

I say just do whatever makes y'all happy, though maybe it's a good idea to avoid supporting the diamond industry. Personally, I'd prefer no ring buying at all. I have zero attachment to these kinds of traditions.

 

[Spinluck]

I'm not sure ERA is the best place to ask this.

 

[Easy_G]

For those of you who shopped with your partner, did it make the actual proposal less exciting? I haven't actually decided how or when I'll propose... was hoping to do it on vacation. :P

Click to shrink...

It's what I did and worked out great. We had discussed getting married, but nothing finalized. We then spent a day looking at some jewellery stores and it wasn't until a few months later that I proposed. I ended up finding a really cool ring at an antique jewelry store. The ring itself is from the 20s, is a large diamond, but is imperfect (a pink color) with an unusual cut. Cost was around 1 paycheck.

The other ideas of proposing with a placeholder ring are good as well if you're too nervous trying to pick out a good one.