Does the phrase "I'll be your girlfriend" count? Before that, she said stuff like "I wish more guys were like you." I didn't read too much into that phrase back then.
That's on you. You can be amazing but you can't force chemistry and people should respect that.that's such a diss though lol....maybe I'm a bitter soul but if someone told me "hey man, you're fantastic in all the ways, but lets be friends" I would just be annoyed and think they are full of shit and blame myself in some way. Because usually that line is bullshit.
OP might have to fake his death or move to Africa for a couple years.
is this what my future in dating is going to look like
cause damn
RIP me i guess
Chin up! Lots of people out there will want to "save you" or will relate to your brokenness. Humanity does have its redeeming qualities.is this what my future in dating is going to look like
cause damn
RIP me i guess
What is the difference here of someone openly telling you their baggage early compared to someone hiding it for months and only giving you little bits at a time? If you can't handle supporting this partner, do you think you could handle someone that lets it out in bits but same issues in the future? I don't know, you do you OP, either way its going to hurt, but I think its an odd thing to walk away for if you vibe in every other way.I can't say I'm not looking for a relationship cause she knows I am looking.
I do feel guilty.
I've been rejected before, but for shallow reasons. Those reasons don't sting. Rejecting someone cause of their traumatic experience in the past is just... urk.
Fucking KLAXXONS.Does the phrase "I'll be your girlfriend" count? Before that, she said stuff like "I wish more guys were like you." I didn't read too much into that phrase back then.
Are you dealing with it in a healthy way? She's not. Or rather does want to. Not sure if the latter is true. She's kinda vague about it and I never try to pry into it if she doesn't want to say.
"I'm very flattered that you like me. I think you're beautiful and interesting, but I feel strongly that we are not a good romantic fit, because of several shortcomings of mine that I am not proud of and would rather not discuss at present."
OP really steals? No dignityNext best thing besides what I said earlier: Act like the weirdest fuck possible. Pick your nose and eat its contents in front of her, screech like a deranged donkey for no reason, say that you like The Godfather Part III the most, etc. In order to get out of this without following any of the other advice in this thread that you probably won't go through with anyway because you'll likely make your own decision, you have to make her not interested in you.
is this what my future in dating is going to look like
cause damn
RIP me i guess
As long as you've gotten treatment and are processing what happened to you in a healthy way then it isn't nearly a problem.
My ex-wife didn't, which is why she didn't find out until after she had already cheated on me twice that she seeks validation from men as a result of her trauma.
I am a year into treatment and have worked very hard on myself this last year but I've avoided dating entirely as it can be daunting when you've recovered from severe trauma.
Jesus Christ so many "be honest with her" terrible takes.
It's not always helpful to know why someone doesnt want to be with you.
Tell her:
"I'm very flattered that you like me. I think you're beautiful and interesting, but I feel strongly that we are not a good romantic fit, because of several shortcomings of mine that I am not proud of and would rather not discuss at present."
"I would love to be your friend and wingman though!"
It's true (the shortcomings being your selfishness and impatience) and it puts the blame solely on you without going anywhere near mentioning or even implying her past or traumas are involved.
If you tell her you don't feel chemistry without explanation, as most people in this thread are suggesting, she'll think she's ugly.
I am a year into treatment and have worked very hard on myself this last year but I've avoided dating entirely as it can be daunting when you've recovered from severe trauma.
Do not tell her that her trauma is why you don't want to be with her. You should feel a little guilty, your attitude is why people don't speak out about abuseI can't say I'm not looking for a relationship cause she knows I am looking.
I do feel guilty.
I've been rejected before, but for shallow reasons. Those reasons don't sting. Rejecting someone cause of their traumatic experience in the past is just... urk.
I'm sorry but you are really starting to come off as a POS.I'm sorry you have to deal with that. As long as you're actively trying to get better then your future is bright. I tried recommending to the girl I know and she just keeps making excuses.
As someone who can relate to the girl you're rejecting, don't bring up her trauma.
She needs to take care of her relationship with herself and her trauma before dating will ever be a possibility. You know that though.
Be simple and clean. Hey, I think you're rad but I'm not in a position to date someone with needs I do not feel I am capable of meeting right now. I sincerely hope things work out for you.
Its okay you don't want to date someone who isnt seeking treatment for their damage.
Stop dropping hints. If you dont want to hurt her feelings by rejecting her you want HER to dump you.
Start by talking about era and go full gaf on her. Rant about cucks, SJWs, woke feminists and throw in a lot of shit talk about gamergate. then tell her how you want a woman who will stay home and look after the kids all day. then make you food when you get home and then be ready for some sex whenever you want. if for some bizarre reason that doesnt put her off, take it a step further and admit you are a trump supporter.
if she is still with you after all this, marry her. she is the one.
1) You shouldn't date someone if you don't feel comfortable, totally fair
2) You're making a massive assumption regarding her ability to deal with her mental health challenges, and expressing that assumption in a way that further stigmatizes those of us who are already judged for the trauma inflicted on us
I really don't know if you had to share any of her personal details in order to ask this question. Just tell her (if she approaches you about this) that you're not looking for that with her. Just be kind.
And for the record, people who have gone through things like that - like myself - are fully capable of having successful relationships. I encourage you to reconsider your assumptions (not toward changing your mind about dating her, just to examine why you reject her).
When OP walks away, he won't hear her say "please, oh baby, don't go."Be simple and clean. Hey, I think you're rad but I'm not in a position to date someone with needs I do not feel I am capable of meeting right now. I sincerely hope things work out for you.
Just tell her you only wanna smash
Her response to this can be win win for you op đź‘€
I agree with most of your points but personally for me it has been difficult to be in a relationship with someone who has not experienced similar traumas. It is sad that she gets hopeful, but the fact that he judges her this way and scared of being with someone with lot of baggage means that she deserves to be wjth somebody else instead.
People with serious traumas need a partner who has a lot of patience and empathy. I appreciate that the OP is thinking about how to communicate a rejection.