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Ghosting on dating apps
- Thread starter Nexus2049
- Start date
The worst part of online dating.
Happened a lot. You'd be having a normal, flowing conversation with someone then... nothing. Arrange to meet, then nothing. I saw a woman who ghosted me online in a bar and it was just a weird thing because we might have really gotten on if we'd had a face-to-face conversation, but I'm not going to open with "Oh hey you're the person who ghosted me last month".
Also had some weird excuses like pretending to have a phone so old it couldnt recieve IM or pics. Then that she was moving to a town 40 minutes away. Like... just tell me you're not interested.
But I have to admit I've done it to people too. Some of them were nice people, I just didn't want to deal with it. It didn't feel good but, it is what it is.
The weirdest thing was the people who would ghost or show disinterest, but would lose their shit when you unfriended them - like they just expect you to be silent social media buddies to make them feel wanted or something.
The truth is when you meet the right person, you just click and none of the above bullshit happens.
Happened a lot. You'd be having a normal, flowing conversation with someone then... nothing. Arrange to meet, then nothing. I saw a woman who ghosted me online in a bar and it was just a weird thing because we might have really gotten on if we'd had a face-to-face conversation, but I'm not going to open with "Oh hey you're the person who ghosted me last month".
Also had some weird excuses like pretending to have a phone so old it couldnt recieve IM or pics. Then that she was moving to a town 40 minutes away. Like... just tell me you're not interested.
But I have to admit I've done it to people too. Some of them were nice people, I just didn't want to deal with it. It didn't feel good but, it is what it is.
The weirdest thing was the people who would ghost or show disinterest, but would lose their shit when you unfriended them - like they just expect you to be silent social media buddies to make them feel wanted or something.
The truth is when you meet the right person, you just click and none of the above bullshit happens.
What does that have to do with the app? Did it gave you bad instructions during the dates or smth?
Ya done good. Video game plus sitting on couch doesn't a good profile make.
What instructions? People on these apps waste your time most of time, like if I go on a date with a girl from school I know she likes me and I don't have to worry about her disappearing for no reason.
The way you said it seemed like the dates went bad cause of the app...
How do you know the girl from school isn't also on tinder? Or isn't 't also going out with other people?
Bruh what I'm saying ain't that complicated
Fact is people on these apps aren't great with commitments or actually being adults and IRL people won't just agree to a date for the lols and will usually be straight with you.
Sooo do girls ghost guys more or is it the other way around? or is it equal?
Straight-era, what is your experience when it comes to Ghosting?
Straight-era, what is your experience when it comes to Ghosting?
The people you're talking to are afraid your behavior will mirror what you've displayed in this post.
I've found people on grindr (the app OP is using) that there are certain users just curious on the meat market and just wanting some nudes pictures. Know of others making fake profiles to see if their partner is faithful, multiple profiles of the same person trying different ends like getting certain info or pictures; and other dishonest shit from bored individuals. I appreciate if you are selling your body at least say so in the profile -_-.
Congrats on the sex OP.
There are too many nutjobs out there. Ghosting is fine. In the past week on tinder I've ghosted 4 girls and have been ghosted by the same amount of girls. Part of the game. Also shoutout to Zackie Chen for the Tinder recommendation. I always assumed Tinder was everyone 23 and under.
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OP
OP
If someone isn't interested in my I don't care. It'd just be nice to let me know so I don't think I said something wrong. Or maybe I did say something wrong, but if you tell me so I won't mind and I'll part ways.
If you are just trying to fuck just come out and say it..literally open with that. These online dating apps are not dating apps at all, they're just ego boosters.
Pretty much. I do it in instances where I schedule a date, and then between that point and the date - some massive red flags come up. I consider ghosting a more polite method than saying that I'm lowkey afraid for my well-being.
If everyone behaved that way it wouldn't be an issue, but many, if not most people on dating apps aren't like that.
"Did I do something wrong?"
"Um I was just being nice it wasn't a proposal"
"Wow so you don't find me attractive so you won't even have a conversation? Shallow"
"You're ugly anyway. Bitch."
There are so many things people are trying to avoid.
Question; If someone who ghosted you suddenly comes back into contact or you run into them, its that a "sixth sense"?
I imagine most ghost because they can't find a good way to say it. Dropping "I'm not interested" in the middle of an otherwise fine conversation makes you sound mentally unstable, so you keep the conversation going. Hell, maybe there's something there and you wanna explore it a bit more. But then you talk some more and there wasn't really a spark, and before you know it you accidentally led the other person on and you've set up a date. So THEN at that point you have to break it to them, but chances are if you couldn't work the courage to tell them you weren't interested 5-10 messages ago you're not gonna get the courage now.
Ghosting is just another symptom of a bigger problem for millenials: we don't fucking know how to talk to each other. Since nobody calls each other anymore we've supplanted conversation rich in social interaction with sending bits of characters at each other and expecting some romantic spark.
Texting is hard, you can't really communicate anything about you through it. It's pretty laughable that dating apps have you text as a first impression of the other person. It's bad enough to start a conversation with someone you want to ask out, now on dating apps they want you to do it through texting? Yeah no shit we're going to see a rise in "ghosting" and other bizarre behavior from otherwise well-adjusted people.
Ghosting is just another symptom of a bigger problem for millenials: we don't fucking know how to talk to each other. Since nobody calls each other anymore we've supplanted conversation rich in social interaction with sending bits of characters at each other and expecting some romantic spark.
Texting is hard, you can't really communicate anything about you through it. It's pretty laughable that dating apps have you text as a first impression of the other person. It's bad enough to start a conversation with someone you want to ask out, now on dating apps they want you to do it through texting? Yeah no shit we're going to see a rise in "ghosting" and other bizarre behavior from otherwise well-adjusted people.
You're catching feelings from being ghosted by someone you've never met before? Honestly, you also sound needy in your post so I can only imagine how those conversations were
Yup! I was nice once and that girl turned out to be the biggest psycho/stalker ever. First person I ever had to block her phone number. If I would have ghosted I would have never had to deal with any of the nonsense. Lesson learned.
Am I the only one who likes being ghosted?
I've got a whole lot of performance anxiety, and take rejection badly. (Not in the defensive macho bullshit way way, in the internalising self-hate way.) So not being explicitly rejected, just ghosted, is actually a nicer option and a more gentle let-down.
I've got a whole lot of performance anxiety, and take rejection badly. (Not in the defensive macho bullshit way way, in the internalising self-hate way.) So not being explicitly rejected, just ghosted, is actually a nicer option and a more gentle let-down.
Best to initially detach yourself mentally and emotionally on dating apps.
Have little expectations, and don't wait around for girls/boys to get back at you. They are probably texting or seeing multiple people besides you. So if you think about it too much, you'll just get all in your head about shit and that doesn't really matter and is out of your control.
Have little expectations, and don't wait around for girls/boys to get back at you. They are probably texting or seeing multiple people besides you. So if you think about it too much, you'll just get all in your head about shit and that doesn't really matter and is out of your control.
Seems harsh.
I dont know why you think you are owed anything?
If this was M Seeking F this would be a fucking bonkers attitude.
I dont know why you think you are owed anything?
If this was M Seeking F this would be a fucking bonkers attitude.
OP
OP
I'm not owed anything. Just thought it'd be common courtesy. Obviously I haven't experienced any psychos though, so my mindset is different.
Ghosting on Grindr is absurd. Like, I'd rather someone block me outright at hello rather than the back and forth of hey and "pleasantries" because I don't want to waste my time. Granted, I'm not looking for a bff but I still want to know something about someone before I consider banging them.
also OP is a cutie so they're missing out.
also OP is a cutie so they're missing out.
ive been on POF and Match and Tinder. It has happen to me but I have also done it to others as well. So I can never complain because to me, it's just karma for what I did to others. it hurts but you forget about it when you move on to another person anyway.
I think it is more complex than that. On one end, yes you should not invest yourself too much in dating apps because ghosting is a thing that just happens. On the other end, rejection isn't a great feeling. Especially when it happens repeatedly without any explanation. Overtime that can definitely lead to feelings of confusion, frustration and wondering if there's something wrong with you. Even more so when you're used to a pattern of rejection and then something promising comes along raising your hopes only to end in ghosting. You can say it's pixels but they are real people and for some reason or another they are lining up to reject you.
So like, I agree that you should not take online dating too seriously but at the same time I think it's ok to feel bummed that you were rejected or ghosted or whatever as long as you don't take that out on people and acknowledge that it's a regular thing that people do and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you so you can move on from it.
Oh believe me you're preaching to the choir. I have been ghosted tons (who hasn't?), but have also had some dates here and there. (for context, I gave up online dating and apps years ago).
I just feel like once you realize that everyone (especially in the dating world) isn't going to do things the way you want them, and let it bother you less and less, you find yourself a much happier individual. At some point, you have to realize that you can't let other people's (read:strangers) action (or inaction) affect your self-esteem or mood, or it will ALWAYS be an issue.
Well you already got your dick so congrats. When I am looking for sex on the apps, I'll just write, well, looking for sex and don't really have any other profile info. You can sort of get away with that with gay apps. I doubt that would work with hetero ones haha.
There are many people who respond extremely badly to being told not interested or who start asking "why not? I thought this was going well?" etc.
Keep in mind some people have multiple conversations going and multiple people hitting them up they are not interested in and there is no way to tell who will take rejection well and who won't or who will still try to keep the conversation up even though you are done.
Nobody has the time in their day to take care of every single person they encounter on Grindr.
The people who ghosted you are not interested in you at this point, this means they aren't for you.
People get busy, have lives, aren't as invested in meeting someone as you etc. There are so many different scenarios out there. You can change your outlook and approach more casually.
Keep in mind some people have multiple conversations going and multiple people hitting them up they are not interested in and there is no way to tell who will take rejection well and who won't or who will still try to keep the conversation up even though you are done.
Nobody has the time in their day to take care of every single person they encounter on Grindr.
The people who ghosted you are not interested in you at this point, this means they aren't for you.
People get busy, have lives, aren't as invested in meeting someone as you etc. There are so many different scenarios out there. You can change your outlook and approach more casually.
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