I grew up in Scotland. I remember the day I became interested in girls. I was 12 or 13, sitting on a wall near the river (the Wateer of Leith) with the boys - we literally would have looked like Little Rascals or Stand By Me, and one of the crew said, "
Hey, did you hear about Susie Smith (name changed to protect the actually innocent)? She'll let you look at her boobs for a quid." I hopped off the wall right there and then, because that was the moment I became... A MAN.
However, I didn't have a quid, and if I did, I'd have spent it on Tizer and Kola Kubes. Maybe a 2000AD comic.
A couple of years later I dated a girl I had developed a crush on, delivering newspapers to her house. One day the same kid who told us about the Bargain Boob Show, told me that he'd heard through the grapevine that Newspaper Girl was going to dump me. So I ran as fast as I could to her house, rang her doorbell, and before she could say anything, breathlessly told her we were through, that I was breaking up with her. Stunned into silence she stared at me as I walked away, relieved that I hadn't been dumped yet and had gotten out in front of that shame. And that was the moment I became... A MAN.
Later, it transpired that he had invented that rumor out of spite, and she was not going to dump me and she was devastated and humiliated and it was too late to fix it. However, one thing he did tell me that was true, is that dating is like getting into the housing market - once you have a foothold, you have mobility to upgrade and stay in the game. I became more confident about it, and by the time I went to college, I had been through the various stages of dating and breakup a few times. And that was the moment I became .... A MAN.
I also just realized that my childhood was
basically the "Wee Gary" cartoon from Limmy's Show. This realization is the moment I become ... A MAN.
