This is seriously depressing, i don't have an IG account and don't plan to get one. Hope you find someone a bit less superficial.
-
For our US members, be sure to check on your voter registration status and if you are not registered it will only take a second to do so!
DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes
- Thread starter Salamando
- Start date
- OT
This is seriously depressing, i don't have an IG account and don't plan to get one. Hope you find someone a bit less superficial.
Its a little intense to bring it back up after the fact. if youre seeing her again you got another chance. "Love your outfit"!
Its mutually understood you like the look
Of the other if theres a second date.
Less is more. Could try to show your enthusiasm this week as you talk to her this week, or, if you would rather wait until later in the week to contact her, tell her you are looking forward to it when you contact her to confirn your saturday date
Think this is a good lesson to practice to better your flirting: be honest with her in the moment. If shes looking banging, let her know!
Last edited:
This is it for me. Had a great 3 hour long convo with a girl on hinge about music. Checking up on each other the whole week and she's telling me specific artists I recommended and how much she enjoys them. I ask if she would be open to a call today and BAM off the que and disappeared. Pretty debilitating
Don't get attached to anyone you haven't met, shit like that is super common. Really you shouldn't emotionally invest until you both agree to go exclusive. I've been ghosted so many times and it doesn't even phase me anymore unless I've had sex with her.(and I don't think there is any way to make it not hurt in that situation), but take it from someone who has been broken and worn down by online dating in the past, let the ghostings just not phase you.
If you sleep with her, it's a bit different because the very act of being physically intimate can cause one or both parties to catch feelings.
I was chatting with a woman for a week and when she asked for my insta handle she then ghosted me without even starting to follow me.
I've also had others who've made up excuses not to go out on a a particular day only to give away on Instagram that all they were doing that morning was asking their insta followers what fucking linen to put on their bed. Very tempting to call them out but I just deleted them instead.
Anyways thanks everyone for your earlier advice, surprised no-one told me to avoid dating someone from my workplace. 😂
I've been lurking for a while since I come and go. This month marks four years of my dry spell. I went on a bike date back sometime in October but felt no chemistry; it was mutual. It's been a while since I've had a genuinely great date. I've been trying out Bumble's speed date Thursdays thing which is fun. But it's led to a few matches if any and the convo fizzles out after matching to the point where I either unmatch or get unmatched.
Anyway, tonight I had my first date this year after taking a break for three months with a 28-year-old Brazilian Jew. We had cocktails at a bar she liked which was so much better than my past pandemic dates. Additionally, she offered me a weed edible since she blazes up; I obliged and got a mix of head high and buzzed. She was super into me on paper since she complimented me on my smile and liked everything. Plus she was super flirty even IRL; at one point she touched my face and my legs were between hers.
I was worried she wouldn't look like her pictures. So when her long winter coat came off, I was impressed; she was nice and thick like her pictures. She was also super flirty and touchy-feely which I love in a woman. The chemistry was off the roof and the sexual tension was high. We have a ton of interests in common. In the end, we briefly kissed; she got in a cab to her place and I biked up home.
At the moment I thought about hopping in the cab with her since we live about 17 blocks apart or almost a mile then going up the rest way home from there. But I didn't want to come off as desperate. In the end, we agreed it was fun and asked if she wanted to do it again. She said yes, to text her when I get home, etc. So I followed up with her tonight. But haven't heard back from her yet. Yet, I'm not gonna stress it since she probably went to bed or something. So I'm going to be chill. In fact, was one of the dates I had in ages! I know she's looking for a relationship since she asked what I'm doing on Bumble (I said meet new people and look for a romantic relationship that could potentially lead to more.)
So yeah, fingers crossed that this is promising because it was a really fun date since we have so much in common. She reminded some other women I dated in the past that I had great chemistry and several dates with. For some reason, the women I had success with dating-wise that led to sex (mostly) have been White, Jewish, and Mexican. I've never hit it off with other women. My best friend and I often joke that I will end up with a Mexican-Jewish woman. 😆 But obviously, I keep an open mind.
TL; DR: Had my first date in 2023; it was successful. I followed up with her to ask her out for another date after she replies so fingers crossed. 🤞
Anyway, tonight I had my first date this year after taking a break for three months with a 28-year-old Brazilian Jew. We had cocktails at a bar she liked which was so much better than my past pandemic dates. Additionally, she offered me a weed edible since she blazes up; I obliged and got a mix of head high and buzzed. She was super into me on paper since she complimented me on my smile and liked everything. Plus she was super flirty even IRL; at one point she touched my face and my legs were between hers.
I was worried she wouldn't look like her pictures. So when her long winter coat came off, I was impressed; she was nice and thick like her pictures. She was also super flirty and touchy-feely which I love in a woman. The chemistry was off the roof and the sexual tension was high. We have a ton of interests in common. In the end, we briefly kissed; she got in a cab to her place and I biked up home.
At the moment I thought about hopping in the cab with her since we live about 17 blocks apart or almost a mile then going up the rest way home from there. But I didn't want to come off as desperate. In the end, we agreed it was fun and asked if she wanted to do it again. She said yes, to text her when I get home, etc. So I followed up with her tonight. But haven't heard back from her yet. Yet, I'm not gonna stress it since she probably went to bed or something. So I'm going to be chill. In fact, was one of the dates I had in ages! I know she's looking for a relationship since she asked what I'm doing on Bumble (I said meet new people and look for a romantic relationship that could potentially lead to more.)
So yeah, fingers crossed that this is promising because it was a really fun date since we have so much in common. She reminded some other women I dated in the past that I had great chemistry and several dates with. For some reason, the women I had success with dating-wise that led to sex (mostly) have been White, Jewish, and Mexican. I've never hit it off with other women. My best friend and I often joke that I will end up with a Mexican-Jewish woman. 😆 But obviously, I keep an open mind.
TL; DR: Had my first date in 2023; it was successful. I followed up with her to ask her out for another date after she replies so fingers crossed. 🤞
Oh yeah that sucks. I wonder if when that happens it's because it suddenly becomes too real or something.
Even worse when the sex was preceded by an evening of wholesome stuff like walking around in the snow hugging and kissing 🥲
I think it's more than that, because the other two I actually went on a date with. But their tune changed after the instagram follow.
Yeah, like I said, I find it kinda funny. Some people my age are instagram obsessed and I couldn't care less.
I don't wanna derail too much but as a fellow Metro Detroit Michigander, there's definitely a resurgent leftist movement. I also don't know a ton of young centrists. I put leftist in my profile because I think it's important that a potential partner knows what my values are. There are some political disagreements I'll allow but if I'm gonna be in a relationship with someone, it's important to me that we are on the same page about what's important.
Another question I had for the thread, how do you feel about splitting the check? I'm sure I'm not the first to ask ITT, but I haven't seen it discussed.
As a guy who exclusively dates women, I just assume most of the time I'm expected to foot the bill. There's only a handful of times I remember not paying for both. Coffee and hanging out with others they usually cover their own. But it's usually on my buck if it's a dinner date.
As a guy who exclusively dates women, I just assume most of the time I'm expected to foot the bill. There's only a handful of times I remember not paying for both. Coffee and hanging out with others they usually cover their own. But it's usually on my buck if it's a dinner date.
There's some, but outside Ferndale they are still in the minority, at least for the women who are looking for similar things as me. I'm also not a leftist myself(I'll always vote blue, but at this point I'd say I'm center left), so I tend to avoid them, and what they want in a relationship is never the same as what I want.
I see a lot of conservative women in my stack on Hinge(which is an auto X for me), so it's not like a theoretical conservative dude would need to lie about his political positions to find someone online here. There are also a ton of the stereotypical "white liberal" types in RO, Clawson Berkeley etc.(which tbf, I'd probably be considered)
I always just pay before she has a chance to say anything for the first date. (Why I like coffee or drinks first date) I'll pay for the second date, but if she doesn't even offer to pick it up that's a… not necessarily red flag, but a missed opportunity for her to jump to the top of the list. Fortunately for me, like 80% of the time she will try to pay for the 2nd after I paid for the first. I think this also has to do with the fact that I almost exclusively date professionals with 4 year degrees and good careers themselves.
This is actually a good question with multiple layers, but at the end of the day is a case by case scenario. Ultimately, do what feels right to you. With that said…
I was brought up that whenever you invite someone out especially on the first date it's on you, because well you suggest as such. Granted, everyone is different.
1)Some women expect that and will not follow up on you on a second date if you offered to split.
2) some offer to split for a variety reasons being: they don't want to follow up with you and don't want to feel indebted/obligated to a second outing. Some don't follow the "traditional rules" and are more than okay with splitting.
It's complicated indeed.
Last edited:
I got unmatched on the app and no reply back several hours later. I deleted the number. I'm probably gonna delete the texts soon. On to the next one. We split our bill too as Noctis mentioned above.
I'm probably gonna meet up with one of my best friends at a bar to watch a game today as planned. 🤷♂️
I'm probably gonna meet up with one of my best friends at a bar to watch a game today as planned. 🤷♂️
I don't even add names to numbers until we hook up 🤷♂️, also never bother to either unmatch or delete text conversations. That's how often first dates don't work out, everything leading up to actually meeting in person is meaningless(or rather the setup to meet in person)
Since I tend to plan simple first dates, I will pay but I will make the comment "I will get this one, you will have to get the next one." Since the first date is lower cost and investment, I really don't mind paying. Plus if the chemistry is there, it prompts them to either move the hell on (nothing lost for me) or the interest is there and they will get reminded on the next date. People who burn big bucks on the first date to impress the girl make me laugh. 🤣
I am sure people are still stuck on the whole "men should pay" stuff I don't lead with my money. That just attracts the hungry girls.
For me it's so I'm not texting the wrong person even though most of the friends I text are male; I delete the texts so I don't drunkenly text an old flame one day. It's never happened so I'm pretty good about that. I agree though! I always go for an IRL meeting; I had one video chat date last year that didn't lead to an IRL date.
After letting it sit for several hours, I realized I was on different wavelengths with the date from last night. I'm not into 420 given my past experience dating a stoner in the past and it didn't work out. Would I try an edible again someday? Maybe. Especially since it's legal here. But smoking is gross to me. Plus my living situation makes it tricky since my parent would freak out if I were to come home reeking of weed. I wished she advertised it in her bio.
Also, one can have everything in common in the world and it still won't work out after the first date. 🤷♂️ So it's good to keep a slight air of cynicism going into it.
But on the upside, I'm a smart, tall, dark, and handsome guy with nerdy tendencies who likes to volunteer at events so I can get dates if I want to. I just don't have a full-time job/career yet. But that's what I'm doing a fellowship for.
I'm horrible at telling if someone's into me or not so I need the threads help if possible
At school we meet almost 5 days a week and I saw this one girl who immediately recognized me from a class a few months back and started talking to me in particular and we continued to talk every day this last week but only in person
Talking about pretty much anything and everything, how she's single etc. then I text her on friday just something random and funny and she took a while to get back but she did, then it took her all day to respond to the next text and I didn't text back u til just this morning
Like she's giving me a lot of signs that FEEL real but I honestly can't tell because sometimes people are just super nice at school etc. but I don't have these interactions like this that often where I feel like she's straight up into me
It doesn't help that she's a few notches above me if you know what I mean
At school we meet almost 5 days a week and I saw this one girl who immediately recognized me from a class a few months back and started talking to me in particular and we continued to talk every day this last week but only in person
Talking about pretty much anything and everything, how she's single etc. then I text her on friday just something random and funny and she took a while to get back but she did, then it took her all day to respond to the next text and I didn't text back u til just this morning
Like she's giving me a lot of signs that FEEL real but I honestly can't tell because sometimes people are just super nice at school etc. but I don't have these interactions like this that often where I feel like she's straight up into me
It doesn't help that she's a few notches above me if you know what I mean
I get what you're asking, but if you want to ask her on a date, just do it. Make it respectful, make sure she can feel comfortable saying no, and just ask.
The texting is a little weird, but some people are apparently really that bad at it so who knows.
Yeah, she might not know i'm interested but I told her to text me on like friday if she needed anything and she didn't so I didnt push it
Like in person she send every sign possible, I was even talking to someone else for like an hour about our class stuff and she came up to me the next day saying "where's your friend lol" kinda stuff
Ill probably just ask her if she's down to chill next week some time
January is a horrible time in Michigan for the apps. I'm still doing "well" as in I'm not having issues getting matches and dates, but it's definitely slower than "cuffing season".
Really the dead time is Mid-December through Mid-March in the Midwest. People hibernate here during the winter.
Just be damn straight with her. Stop dancing around the subject.
Remember.
Rejection Is Better Than Regret. Burn that into your brain!
Stop over thinking the vibes/chemistry etc. Know what you want, say what you want. Deal with the repercussions later.
Thanks, I think you are right. Probably better to wait until I see her again.
I'm not sure what to do about texting in the meantime. I've never been great at texting so I'm inclined to do very little this week but I also don't want to give the impression that I'm not interested.
Not the kind of Dry January you want? 😅 Singles events seems like a good call.
Def at least text her once. "Yo hows your week going? Im looking forward to a relaxing stroll!"
"Where do you wanna go walking this weekend?" *insert inside joke relating to something you talked about in the last date*
Just chill stuff like that! Then match her timing and energy if she gets back to you. Lock down a time and a place, and 24 hours beforehand confirm the plan. Ezpz!
So I have now scheduled a second date with the lady from last Thursday night (guess my "awkward" hug was all in my head, or it didn't bother her enough to drop me). I always do sushi for second date because it's always a lot more fun than a typical dinner date and everyone loves sushi, and it's never steered me wrong before.
I asked the girl from yesterday if she was interested in seeing each other again as well. I was pretty sure she would say yes (as she straight up said yesterday that she wanted a second date as we were leaving), but haven't heard back which has me confused.
Also kinda talking to one other girl on Hinge still, but I may drop her as adding a third one to who I'm seeing in person will probably be too much.
I asked the girl from yesterday if she was interested in seeing each other again as well. I was pretty sure she would say yes (as she straight up said yesterday that she wanted a second date as we were leaving), but haven't heard back which has me confused.
Also kinda talking to one other girl on Hinge still, but I may drop her as adding a third one to who I'm seeing in person will probably be too much.
Dont ask her to chill. Ask her on a date.
And "text me if you need anything"? Huh!?! Thats a new one. Whats she gonna ask you for? To pick up food for her??? Lol.
Youre complicating this. Relax and ask the question.
You have a pattern of being worried about asking people out again and not getting a reply within a few hours. Give her a chance lol.
Thats dope first girl wants to see you again! Im gonna poke the idea of mixing up date ideas again for future dates, but glad everything is working out so far :)
Actually checkout page 518, about 5 pages ago, we had a pretty interesting discussion on this topic and also talked about date ideas that won't break the bank.
But I've noticed a similar thing that when I date professionals, they are usually very forward with splitting the bill by the 2nd date or so. But if I'm on a date with a student or someone between careers, they tend to be content with me picking up the bill for multiple dates.
My personal expectations is that I'll gladly pay for the 1st date since I'm asking them. I usually grab the bill before it even becomes a topic. The 2nd date I'm still willing to pay but similar to jfkgoblue she gets brownie points from me if she contributes to the cost of the date in some way. Maybe she buys the food and snacks on an activity date. And once we get to the point where we're doing an all-day activity/adventure, I expect her to definitely contribute by then.
I am trying to reduce the cost of my first dates this year though. I'm sure there's going to be exceptions, but generally I'm going to try to stick to coffee/drink/walk first dates until mutual interest is confirmed. Planning and spending money on thoughtful dates can be draining when the girl ends up "ghosting" or "not interested". So my advice would be if you're going to pay for the first date and plan something, only put in what you're willing to completely "lose" and be able to mentally let go if the date doesn't go well. They don't owe you anything. So that's why I would save the pottery classes and such for the 2nd dates and beyond once you know both of you are on a good mutual vibe.
Yeah and those elaborate first dates also give you "false positives". Someone she is very much on the fence about can more easily get a first date if he's planning these elaborate and expensive dates, but if she isn't really into you, it's not gonna lead to a second. My philosophy is this: if the attraction/chemistry is there, a second date will happen regardless of if it's coffee or an elaborate class that you take.
I've only been denied a second date twice after a simple first date(drinks, coffee or ice cream are my go to's), and one of those I felt almost no chemistry on, but was willing to give a second chance. I've had quite a few where I either never followed up because I'm an idiot or absolutely didn't want a second date, or where the vibe was just off.
But never have I had a "great" first date and it not lead to a second regardless of what we did on the first date.(Though for a second there thought it was gonna happen from the first date this past Thursday due to my awkwardness at the end)
So IMO spending a lot of money or emotional investment on a first date just isn't worth it.
It's a nursing program where everyone collaborates constantly so that's where the question came from lol I get asked stuff every day because of experience
In my experience, an awkward hug/kiss at the end isn't enough to change someone from a Yes to a No about you if they're already interested in you. The one girl last year where things progressed pretty far, I actually had an awkward / failed kiss on the first date. But we laughed about it later. Apparently, the garlic appetizers we both ate, gave me a "strong" breath. I actually dealt with it because I popped in some gum after dinner before we did our activity, but she was self-conscious about her own breath because she forgot to bring mints/gum. I had no idea this was going on in her head, lol, I just assumed she wasn't ready to kiss me. We had a great date (holding hands, physical touch, etc) so I didn't think she was rejecting me completely, but the rejected kiss did throw me off.
So I would just focus more on the date as a whole. Yeah a smooth hug or kiss can be a nice way to leave a final impression of the date, but any mature woman isn't going to turn a Yes to a No over some awkwardness at the end.
And yeah it does suck when you ask someone for a 2nd date and they leave you hanging for a day or so. It frustrates me too because I generally respond within a few hours to those type of things. My advice would be to adjust your coping mechanism, instead of jumping back on the app, swiping, and scheduling a 3rd date. Go do something else, play video games, see a ball game, or whatever. Take a brief timeout and get out of the dating headspace for a couple of days. After a few days you'll probably know if a particular person wants a second date or not, and then you can move forward from there. Especially near the weekends, you have to give people a little extra allowance to respond. I know some women really compartmentalize their dating life, so when they're with family & friends, they put the guys they just met from an app on the side-burner.
Last edited:
Oh all my profiles have been paused for like 10 days at this point, so I'm not swiping or adding any new "prospects", but when someone goes from answering texts within 20 minutes every time to not responding for several hours when asked out again, it fucks with me.
The third "prospect" that I have is barely one. Like we've exchanged maybe a half dozen messages over the course of 5 days. I could see a date materializing in 2-3 days if I keep talking to her, but I'm close to dropping.
Im in love, but i don't think she feels the same way 😔 whats the best way to move on while still remaining friends?
You should ask. Just ask.
The best way to move on is to not be friends. Harsh I know but deep down, it's the truth. DO NOT FORCE YOURSELF INTO THE FRIENDZONE!!!
Ask her. Wait for response. Yes, great. No, great and move the hell on with your life. You acting indifferent to her is your best reaction if she says no.
I agree with this, have had it happen quite a few times and just had to detach myself from the situation after I asked the question and get the wrong answer
I dated my best friend and it was the biggest mistake of my fucking life as well
I've been "dating"(taking her out shopping and going out for dinner etc) with her for the past few months even though technically we aren't official. She tells me she has a lot going on in her life and wants to take things slow, but she never shows me any signs of affection outside of giving me hugs. I'm afraid I'm going to get too invested when things are going nowhere. She's all I think about. :/
So to be clear… you take her shopping? As in you buy her things, and she hasn't even kissed you or shown any affection?
Sure sounds like she's taking advantage, no one "takes it slow" to the point of seeing each other for months without showing any affection. You gotta get away from this woman.
I can at least say this is a thing in the gay dating world. I don't do Insta at all and I think a lot of people use it as a way to measure someone's social value or worth, or they just simply think there's something wrong with you if you don't participate in the Insta life.
Yes. No kissing, holding hands, or anything verbal. She's a co-worker, but maybe moving soon and wants me to move with her
Move in with her or move to wherever she moves? Honestly dude, this is super exploitative and she's playing you like a fiddle if we heard all to the story. Why are you buying this lady things if she can't show you any respect? Or, if you haven't mentioned being in a relationship, ask her ASAP what her intentions are and that you want to be in a committed relationship. If she plays it off, says she has too much going on or in any way shuts you down YOU NEED TO MOVE ON. Literally it sounds like she lets you take her out occasionally and buy her things just for fun. If you are fine with that, great I guess? But it sounds like you are interested in this lady, so you need to make a decision. Bad news does not get better with age. Personally, I would move on man but I know that's easier said than done when you are in it. Best of luck either way
So all this relationship between you two is, is you taking her out shopping to buy things for her and buying her dinner over and over while she shows you literally zero signs of affection? Has she spent any money on anything for you?
Last edited:
We have gone to the movies and went to a work party together. But that's the gist of it we don't have a lot of free time together due to our work schedule. I ask her about our relationship but she never gives me a clear answer.
If you don't mind me asking, what's the age gap between you two?
I'm in my early 40s and for some reason I seem to attract people who are in their mid/late 20s and early 30s. It can be flattering, but I'm also always on my guard for women who are just looking for a sugar daddy or want to exploit a guy who's already established.
If there's zero affection (physical or verbal) by the 2nd date and I'm still paying for things, that's the last date. We can take things slow if needed but we're splitting the bill (that happened last fall actually).
I know you're dealing with a co-worker, not someone you met from an app but clearly she's exploiting your relationship. You absolutely should tell her you're looking for a romantic relationship. And if she only wants a platonic friendship, then you have to set some clear hard boundaries (ie. no more shopping trips). But I'm getting the vibe, she's the type of person where you'll either have a romantic relationship or nothing at all. A friendship can't be a consolation prize. Speaking from experience, it needs to be able to standup on its own. For example, do you think she will actually be a good friend? Not just some cute girl you desperately still want to be around. And even then, you'll probably need some space for a bit (and date other people) before trying to build a friendship.
I'm 29 and shes 20. But I've little dating experience. She initially mentioned that as a concern, but seemed to look past as we are hanging out more now.
Okay the age gap is definitely playing a part in this.
If you still want to try to pursue things with her, pull back entirely from the shopping and extraneous spending. Others may disagree, but I think it's okay if you still treat her to some meals occasionally (assuming it's not overly extravagant). But it needs to be paired up with you moving things in a romantic direction. She can't get all the perks of being your girlfriend when she's treating you like a platonic buddy. You said you've asked her about your relationship, but she doesn't give you a clear answer. Best case scenario, she's actually unsure herself and wants to spend more time with you to figure it out. Worse case, she doesn't want the shopping to stop, so she just keeps playing coy to string you along.
Either way, you need to cut off the shopping. I imagine you'll get some clarity very soon once you do that. If she still wants to hang out even if you're not spending money on her, then maybe you can invest your time & energy into it and see where things go if you're feeling up to it. But if her interest fades in parallel with the shopping, then you know what she was about.
Another thing you can ask is what specifically made her concerned about the age gap. With some people it's just about aesthetics or worried about having enough common interests. While others may be worried about being in different stages of each other's lives. There may be a fundamental issue that she can't look past, despite hanging out with you more. So once you stop the spending, you can also revisit that conversation.
Do not move in with her. Things aren't going anywhere. You're just spending time with her and that's not love, it's an obsession. This just seems like a one sided transactional relationship. You deserve someone who shows you affection and does things for you. It has to be a two way street.
Social media is basically the is this a real person test.
Keep in mind JFK is a stud and his dating experience won't be common for most unless you are an in shape 6'3 Caucasian male.
In general I'd say it helps. Think of it as another dating app where you regularly post pics that you'd be happy to put on your other apps