Couples share the fight that ended their marriages. What ended yours?
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Not divorced, happily married going on 4 years. But I will say that for the first 3 or 4 years of our relationship (together 8), I had a bad explosive anger issue. Inherited by my dad, worsened by familial and academic stress, I would get pissed at anything, no matter how minor. And the real issue was that I would withdraw, isolate, and become despondent and refuse to talk with my wife. I couldn't accept that my responses to things were unhealthy and inappropriate. It took a couple of real genuine fights to make me see reason.
My dad was fired from his job for his anger outbursts. I dealt with being poor from 8 years old onward. I knew that if I didn't correct my behaviors, I'd end up like my dad. I'd ruin the life my wife and I had built. Regardless of divorce, there is always a moment in relationships that presents a fork in the road and you either accept change or remain stubborn and risk the continued hurt of a marriage.
My parents divorced about 15 years after they should have. My dad was an physically/emotionally abusive alcoholic cheater. My mom stayed because they were together since she was 16, and she always felt like it was her fault that he was like that. She also was cheating when my dad was in the Gulf War, and she was doing drugs. I had great role models as to how not to be as a grown up and how not to treat your kids.
She finally filed for divorce after 24 years. Both of them are completely different people now. They are also a lot older lol. If you me them today, you couldn't believe who they were before.
She finally filed for divorce after 24 years. Both of them are completely different people now. They are also a lot older lol. If you me them today, you couldn't believe who they were before.
Seemed like the oldest was from a different relationship so the wife disliked the daughter. I can see that. My dad's family always treated my older sister like shit because she had a different dad than me and my brothers.
How coincidental, my boss and his wife were getting into yelling matches this morning. Apparently she overheard something he was boasting about to a customer and she's currently diving through his facebook finding out all kinds of things.
I really need a new job.
I really need a new job.
I'm kind of glad most of these seem like genuinely awful events. One of my fears is that a mundane argument with my wife spirals out of control, and before either one of us know what's happening something irrevocable has damaged our relationship. We're both pretty giving (and forgiving) so our communication is good, but you never know. The story about paying for lunch begins in a way that's very familiar, but by the end it's like Oh, she's cheating on you, so of course you got divorced.
Intresting article, I always have that in the back of my mind. What if a fight about doing the dishes with my wife exploded into something much more.
For the record, I would divorce this lady too. She sounds awful:
For the record, I would divorce this lady too. She sounds awful:
I wouldn't worry about this. If this happens, you'd know you were already in a really bad spot
My marriage of 10 years ended with a combination of my ex's mental problems, self medication, child endagerment, and inability to keep her legs closed to other men.
I was faithful throughout, supported every venture she tried, tried to "fix" our marriage for 3 years for my kids at the end, then finally bailed out and took full custody of both of my daughters.
Things are 2835367372827282626 times better now than when I was in that relationship.
I was faithful throughout, supported every venture she tried, tried to "fix" our marriage for 3 years for my kids at the end, then finally bailed out and took full custody of both of my daughters.
Things are 2835367372827282626 times better now than when I was in that relationship.
No I mean her, really. You get to go to France and all you want to do is go to an espresso cafe and sip coffee all day? There's a whole world to explore and see.
The fight that ended it for me at least was refusing to participate in marriage counseling. The guy we met with was right, I was dealing with a child, someone that needed to grow up. She lied, went about cheating, and in the end tried flipping shit to say it was my fault. I tried everything to hold the family together, but she wouldn't engage.
Now she sees that life isn't as easy, but manages. She tries being friendly to me, but I want nothing to do with her. She gets annoyed at me for not engaging in conversations with her, taking forever to reply to her messages, how I ignore her during events with our kids. I have nothing left invested in that woman and refuse to be bothered with her as my life and mind is at peace without her.
Now she sees that life isn't as easy, but manages. She tries being friendly to me, but I want nothing to do with her. She gets annoyed at me for not engaging in conversations with her, taking forever to reply to her messages, how I ignore her during events with our kids. I have nothing left invested in that woman and refuse to be bothered with her as my life and mind is at peace without her.
I get married next month, so I'm reading between all the lines here. Learn to communicate seems to be the underlying lesson but HOW to do that is the real issue. Communication and finances. Don't Lie.
Yea sorry but holidays are for relaxing and having fun. No one should be forced to do anything just because they are abroad.
Happily married guy here. Open communication that is supportive and collaborative is key.
There was an incident that signaled the abrupt end of our marriage. My brother was dating a girl who I was also friends with. They broke up, and right after that she told me she had something to get off of her chest- my then-wife had made a drunk confession to her. Not quite three years before that, while I was home with our newborn baby daughter and a two year old son, my ex got out of work and went to a house party with some co-workers, her and her best friend who worked together. They both ended up drunk, and high, and fucked two of their coworkers. She got pregnant, went to this dude, and had him pay for an abortion, since she didn't know who the baby's father was for sure.
I found this out as I was on my way home from work (I got off around 3 pm, and she worked until 6 pm). So I went to my ex-wife's job immediately, pretending like I was bringing her a romantic surprise, had her meet me outside, confronted her with the truth, and told her that I'd be divorcing her.
We had plenty of other problems, but this one did me in. Our daughter was about 8 weeks old at the time. It was unforgivable.
That's fucking atrocious. I have a blended family. I can say this with experience- it doesn't work when you treat some kids differently than others. I'd have left her too.
I found this out as I was on my way home from work (I got off around 3 pm, and she worked until 6 pm). So I went to my ex-wife's job immediately, pretending like I was bringing her a romantic surprise, had her meet me outside, confronted her with the truth, and told her that I'd be divorcing her.
We had plenty of other problems, but this one did me in. Our daughter was about 8 weeks old at the time. It was unforgivable.
That's fucking atrocious. I have a blended family. I can say this with experience- it doesn't work when you treat some kids differently than others. I'd have left her too.
That was a depressing read.
Marriage is really about both partners working towards what's best for the relationship and the family. When one person decides to do something the other person disagrees with, then doubles down with an "I'm gonna do this and fuck you if you don't like it" mentality, that needs to be stopped quickly or else it'll eventually torpedo the relationship.
Marriage is really about both partners working towards what's best for the relationship and the family. When one person decides to do something the other person disagrees with, then doubles down with an "I'm gonna do this and fuck you if you don't like it" mentality, that needs to be stopped quickly or else it'll eventually torpedo the relationship.
It's just so terrible to be "forced" to go to the Louvre. She sounds like a fuddy dud and this is only her side of the story, who knows how much her husband actually pressed to go to one million places. Even still, why fly halfway across the world just to drink coffee, you can do that in your own neighborhood. To observe how French people drink coffee?
If my wife told me that she wanted to spend the day drinking espresso in a cafe all day after I just paid 2 grand to fly to France, there would be a problem in my relationship as well.
what is up with that blended family one? Am I missing something there?
I mean, you can do both. I'm a walker on vacation. I like to walk everywhere on the street and see everything. I know not everyone I've traveled with has been into that, so the nice thing to do is accommodate them.
I mean, you can do both. I'm a walker on vacation. I like to walk everywhere on the street and see everything. I know not everyone I've traveled with has been into that, so the nice thing to do is accommodate them.
I mean neither is wrong, it's like she said, they no longer we're compatible. Some people like to just see where the wind takes them, some want to plan out and execute their vacation.
wow. imagine the feeling when you realize you are paying for your wife's date. what a loser. if you are banging someone's wife, at least have the decency to pay for your own lunch.
Playing devil's advocate, he might not have known she was married at the time. She could have taken her ring off and told the guy that they're divorcing or something.
The more I look back at my first marriage, the more I realize how toxic it was from the very beginning. Yes, there was a single defining moment where I knew I needed to leave, but the seeds of emotional abuse and manipulation were there from the start.
It's typically hard for a man to accept that he's the victim of domestic abuse, and I was no different. Even when it became physical abuse, I tried to make excuses. I blamed myself.
But as for the argument that ended it. She convinced me I needed to go to therapy because she told me that all of the problems in our marriage were my fault. I asked her to come along to my first session to support me. She agreed on the condition that she would not go into the room with me and would not speak to the therapist.
After my session ended, I went to the waiting room and she was nowhere to be found. I eventually found her outside the building, smoking and crying (as far as I knew at the time and over the course of 5 years of marriage, she didnt smoke.) She proceeded to scream at me that I was a liar. That i broke my promise.
I had no idea what she meant. Turns out, the front desk clerk called her name to let her know I was wrapping up. She assumed she was being brought into the session and flipped out.
The entire ride home (over an hour) she screamed at me. Told me I was a worthless liar and that I should just kill myself.
I filed for divorce the next day... on our 5th anniversary.
It's typically hard for a man to accept that he's the victim of domestic abuse, and I was no different. Even when it became physical abuse, I tried to make excuses. I blamed myself.
But as for the argument that ended it. She convinced me I needed to go to therapy because she told me that all of the problems in our marriage were my fault. I asked her to come along to my first session to support me. She agreed on the condition that she would not go into the room with me and would not speak to the therapist.
After my session ended, I went to the waiting room and she was nowhere to be found. I eventually found her outside the building, smoking and crying (as far as I knew at the time and over the course of 5 years of marriage, she didnt smoke.) She proceeded to scream at me that I was a liar. That i broke my promise.
I had no idea what she meant. Turns out, the front desk clerk called her name to let her know I was wrapping up. She assumed she was being brought into the session and flipped out.
The entire ride home (over an hour) she screamed at me. Told me I was a worthless liar and that I should just kill myself.
I filed for divorce the next day... on our 5th anniversary.
I would like to think there'd be some warning signs about such an unreasonable person ahead of time. I'm curious how many of these marriages probably shouldn't have happened to begin with.
No one wants to keep walking when they have blisters on their feet after one day.
Not to mention her feet would've hurt even more the next day.
Yea. I mean if you already have a kid then there should be a pretty significant vetting process for the new SO you're bringing around the kid. And I'm sure some folks fake it for a time until they're comfortable to let the "real" them out. But I can't imaging not having a blunt conversation about it before hand: This is my child. I'm never going to treat them as "less than the children we have together. If you disagree or don't like that or aren't 100% on board with that concept don't waste my time. Just let me know now because I'm not going to tolerate passive agressive treatment from ANYONE towards my kid. Point blank."
I am around thirty days out of a nine year relationship. It was the evening before our anniversary, and we were playing board games / card games for the night. On our second round of Monopoly Deal, she was winning by an absurd margin. I let her know that I did not want to play the game anymore. She got frustrated as she said that the fun in the game was playing through until the end even though it was over already. I disagreed as I was not enjoying it and would rather deal out a new hand. She broke up with me right then as she claimed I was not what she wanted out of life or for the future.
I later found out that she was planning it since October as she had already looked at and applied to housing, but decided to buy a home with the help of her parents. She comes from a wealthier family, while I don't really have a safety net to speak of and had to even borrow a couple hundred from her to help pay for a car I bought my Mom. It is weird as she is going into home ownership with over 30k from her parents and I am struggling to find an apartment.
It seems like all the ending fights are not the real issue at least that is what I got out of mine. There is just a tipping point where the person sees their chance to say what they have already decided.
I later found out that she was planning it since October as she had already looked at and applied to housing, but decided to buy a home with the help of her parents. She comes from a wealthier family, while I don't really have a safety net to speak of and had to even borrow a couple hundred from her to help pay for a car I bought my Mom. It is weird as she is going into home ownership with over 30k from her parents and I am struggling to find an apartment.
It seems like all the ending fights are not the real issue at least that is what I got out of mine. There is just a tipping point where the person sees their chance to say what they have already decided.
Im divorced but didn't have one argument or anything lead to it. We never really had a spark and that bugged both of us a lot. Both of us seeing we could possibly have that spark with others kind of made us see the light.
On my side of things I did feel pretty down about things when we got a puppy and my wife just couldn't handle the stress and work of it for a week. We took it back, and it kinda destroyed me. She always had this illusion that she could be a stay at home mom and I kind of didn't believe it some days but after that fell through it was really hard to believe she could. Not just her but us. We weren't a good combination.
But now I'm happily married again and have a baby on the way with an absolutely amazing woman.
On my side of things I did feel pretty down about things when we got a puppy and my wife just couldn't handle the stress and work of it for a week. We took it back, and it kinda destroyed me. She always had this illusion that she could be a stay at home mom and I kind of didn't believe it some days but after that fell through it was really hard to believe she could. Not just her but us. We weren't a good combination.
But now I'm happily married again and have a baby on the way with an absolutely amazing woman.
Just get a prenup. Cause I'm not giving no one half my shit. No one on Earth deserves that much of me for any period of time after me.
My mom had 4 kids, 3 of us are 25 or older with different dads, 1 with my stepdad(the youngest, under 10)
She passed away a few years ago and my stepdad has since remarried.
His new wife fucking hates the 3 of us older kids for various reasons and has basically poisoned our stepdad against us
I'd really like to see the counter statement from the other party in these marriages. Some of them just sound so artificially victimized, like the phone one. Is it controlling to take your phone because you feel neglected? Sure. But why is that already an issue?
You're missing key points;
It wasn't just a spur of the moment, it was clearly something that had been building up for a while with Paris being the breaking point.
With that kind of attitude you're not getting married at all. Also pre-nup are worth jack shit in the UK and can be ignored by judges in the US.
There's a failure to communicate there. Also seems like there's no real respect for what the other desires. Both are at fault.
I went to London for 2 weeks last year. We walked miles everyday, seeing everything and I can barely recall details of most of it. But the moments I do remember vividly are the ones where we just sat on a bench in St. James Park or on the steps facing Buckingham Palace. We made it a point to go to a local tea shop for afternoon tea as many days as we could. Those were the moments where I truly loved London.
When you go on a vacation or go abroad with the expectation of seeing as much as you can, you're not going to have fun. You force yourself into a chore of meeting your itinerary and rarely do you have the chance to stop and look around.
I can't even fathom living with someone else to be honest....that's usually when the "tinder flings" come to an end when the talk of moving in together pops up. I'll be 40 next month, doubt I'm ever going to change