Re: Asking racist Asian women to examine themselves...
meph and I actually had this discussion, thanks to this thread, about that. What he said was essentially the raindrop never thinks it's responsible for the flood, and he questioned the effectiveness of telling those women to look at themselves if the racial and social power dynamics/issue continue on in the US (white people being seen as the acceptance).
Is it beneficial for an Asian woman to date a white man? Yes. We can't deny this. A part of it may be self hate, but there's definitely self interest. Even if those people KNOW that they're perpetuating stereotypes, it's still more beneficial for them. It's selfish, but they believe it's better for them and they're willing to be the "oh he married an Asian girl."
Myself, personally, have NO idea how to bring this up. I have a couple cousins in my family who were raised out in Minnesota, and I adore them as people but both of they don't "like" Asian guys and want to only marry a white guy (one of my cousins did marry a white dude.) They KNOW that they've been through a period of self-hate but deny that that's an issue now (I have serious reservations). But, how do you bring this up tactfully, without it coming across as "you should not be with someone who isn't your race." It's racist. My dad has straight up told them that they shouldn't date nonChinese and he'll find them good husbands in California... cringe all around.
They're educated, bright, attractive, accomplished women. There's no getting through to them. I don't know how to broach this topic. I assume if they grew up here in CA, they'd date Asian men, but they didn't. In fact, they view the family in Cali as "weirdly Asian," and they definitely don't see it in a positive way (they aren't into the whole being Asian thing). So, I don't think that their obsession with white people is so much just an AF/WM thing, but rather a reflection of what it means to be Asian in America. It's not about Asian men or Asian women, but rather just racism against Asians (and more importantly, how white America still wants to insist that being white is better than anything else.)