broke up with my girlfriend of eleven years last year
time will heal you bro, just focus on your friends and future
time will heal you bro, just focus on your friends and future
I've been with this girl for ~1/3 of my life. Now, we barely talk.
I guess time is the only solution. But it stings a lot and I'm not sure how I'll rebound. The mere idea of having to date another girl and basically redo everything from scratch feels bad...
So I broke it off with my gf of 9+ years earlier in the decade...but I did it out of necessity, I should have left years earlier. I loved her with all my heart and I am at peace with the time I spent with her, but it took me a long time to get here.
fuck that, if she wants to end things then she should leave.We have a house together and a dog. She wants to keep both (and rebuy my house share)
The mere idea of having to date another girl and basically redo everything from scratch feels bad...
OP, I know this has been said before, but I will just echo it for emphasis: Do not simply give up your share of the house to your ex. Sell it entirely.
Yep the house has almost certainly gone up in value so you deserve that as well.OP, I know this has been said before, but I will just echo it for emphasis: Do not simply give up your share of the house to your ex. Sell the house entirely.
Pretty much all of this. I has a similar experience. Known her for almost 10 years, married for 8, broke up/divorced 5 years ago.So I broke it off with my gf of 9+ years earlier in the decade...but I did it out of necessity, I should have left years earlier. I loved her with all my heart and I am at peace with the time I spent with her, but it took me a long time to get here.
A few bits of key advice that I can only give now that I'm in my late 30's:
- Accepting the end takes time. Stop trying to self-analyze and figure out what you did wrong. It's not easy, but practice. There is a very high chance that you didn't "do something wrong" but that you both grew apart over time- realizing in different ways or at different moments. It doesn't matter anymore.
- Don't obsess with mistakes or hound her for more information. If you have any "eureka" moments where you realize you did fuck up, don't destroy yourself with those thoughts or go back to her with a drunken apology. Use it, grow from it and be better for it.
- Balance personal space with social interaction. let yourself be alone when you think you need it, but don't isolate completely. If you're feeling vulnerable or emotionally unstable then vent to someone who you trust implicitly, write your thoughts, create something, listen to music, exercise and sleep. If you get lonely, seek out activities- Sports, board game nights, reunite with an old group of friends. This balance is key.
- Be careful with dating. Do not force yourself to "get out there" if you don't feel ready yet. Some people will tell you that having some fun is important, but be safe about it, stay sober and do not sleep with a friend. Now that you're single, you may have a friend suddenly express sexual interest. Be very, very careful about this. I thought I was ready, I had an attractive friend proposition me to start a casual thing- at first I played it cool but after a while my vulnerability and sadness put her off. Even worse, because of my vulnerability, being treated this way fucked me up really bad. I felt used and hurt, I was too ashamed to show myself around a very important group of friends. I've seen other friends make this mistake too. It's a common one. If you want to date soon after, try to meet someone new.
- Pace yourself. It's ok if you're not ready to move on emotionally. It's ok if you're not ready to be intimate with someone. It's ok if you're not ready for a serious relationship. Resist the urge to fill this empty hole with another partner. Take care of you first.
- Therapy. I know some people are uncomfortable with this but it probably saved my life. I found the right therapist, I started to learn how to value my own self-worth and take better emotional care of myself. It matters.
Happy to talk any time. It sucks now, it will suck for a little while---but it does get easier.
It's going to depend on how angry you are about the whole thing, but this would be a pretty vindictive approach that's likely to put unnecessary boundaries on your (and her) personal growth after the split. I'd say a more mature middle-ground would be to have the house valued, let her buy your share at current market value, then take your money and go and buy a new house for yourself and start fresh.Sell the house, don't let her buy you out. Have it valued properly. If you insist on letting her buy your share make sure there is a sell on clause so you benefit if she sells it within 10 years for more.
it is not being petty it is about being financial sensible. You have to put Emotion aside.
Clearly you haven't been in a situation like this or you wouldn't make such a dumb ass comment.