Is it ok to go through your significant others phone and read all the texts?

If they are in agreement and it's not just simply her spying on him, not sure what everyone is getting on about.

A lot of people have been emotionally hurt in previous relationships, and sometimes it can be VERY hard to rebuild trust even in a relationship that has shown no signs of being damaged... If both sides decide they want to be together, and this helps ease one or both of their minds, why not?

The world is not NEARLY as black and white as so many people seem to think it is on this board... especially when it comes to relationships.

might make sense for a young hot couple that is vapid and not really in it for the long haul.

If it's come to that point, you need to break up.

And, no.

Forearms said:

I get nervous when my wife touches my phone, but that's only because she has no clue how Android phones work (she's been on iOS since the 3GS).

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

I get nervous about people on my phone but for the sole reason of them potentially seeing my embarrassing internet posts.
Like this one.

Just because there's nothing exciting going on doesn't make it any less uncomfortable for someone to read through my conversations with other people. I feel like it's the same thing as if they went through my texts with friends or listening in on my phone conversations. No, there's nothing scandalous going on. Yes, it's still feels like a weird invasion of privacy that you're eavesdropping. Let me be an internet nerd in peace.

Straight people love their toxic relationships, I swear.

Never hear about everyone else practically bragging about stupid stuff like this.

My wife can see my phone whenever she wants and I can look at hers whenever. We just don't. There needs to be a level of trust or else you might as well call it quits.

Tom Penny said:

I was listening to the radio and a woman called in and said she and her boyfriend have a rule that at any time once a week they can ask for each others phone so they can go through it and see all the phone numbers and text messages.

Would you agree to that? Yay or Nay?

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Just asking for a friend?

It baffles me that either of those people would want to be in a relationship like that. That's like being on Starship Enterprise during a Red Alert and going about your business like everything's fine.

Having a set date to swap phones is actually genius because then you can schedule your text & call history deletion day before that.

Edit: Oh, they said at any time. The dream is dead. And it's a stupid practise anyways.

No, I don't. I trust my partner enough to know she'd never do anything - and I've had no desire to look through her phone.

Yes and no. We don't consider it snooping. We both added each other's prints to our iPhones so we could use each other's phones whenever we wanted.

No.

Yeah, it's fine. I don't care if she wants to go through my phone or not.

No. Jesus.

Fuck no. I'd never go through my wife's shit.

No. Don't do it. Even if they say yes, don't do it. Where the fuck is imagination and fun anymore.

Letting any person on this planet micro-manage every communication I have with other people is my personal nightmare, just shoot me instead

Straight people love their toxic relationships, I swear.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

that's cause some straight people get into relationships with people they're lukewarm about or have red flags just to do it, and then desperately do anything to keep it working

Lol no.

No.

That relationship won't last.

If there's no trust in a relationship then there wasn't a relationship to begin with.

We read each others' not as like a thing but I'll hand my husband my phone to talk to someone and vice versa, usually family stuff, but we don't just roll through each others' phones as a policing tactic. That's gross.

That's not normal nor healthy.

If you and your partner have a mutual agreement that each others phones are fair game to look through, then I don't see a problem. If you are sneaking through their phone without their permission, then yes that i kinda messed up.

If a girl I dated ever demanded to see my texts randomly I'd immediately consider breaking up. That's obviously a sign of trust issues, they might even be cheating themselves.

You mean my regular phone or my second phone that I use to arrange affairs?

Nope, I'm an adult.

Nah, that's not a healthy thing to do. If you gotta do that you don't trust em and that's not a good sign

if it's consensual then yeah it's fine

if you're just doing it without the other partner knowing hell the fuck no

also if you're in a relationship where once a week you have to swap phones because you can't take your partner at their word maybe consider what that says about whether your relationship is gonna work out or not

No. We have a relationship built on trust.

subpar spatula said:

It's just a phone. My fiance uses my phone, tablets, and laptops all the time. Well, she's not snooping but she can read whatever she wants. I am in a few juicy whatsapp gossip groups so she sometimes reads the daily 100+ messages those losers make. I see so many people get so nervous when their SO even uses their devices. That's the most suspect thing.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Yeah, this how I am with my girlfriend.

No? If you don't trust someone why are you dating them?

My wife is free to do so if she wants, but she don't want to. And I don't care to read her texts either.

Sounds like there's no trust. You aren't each other's prison wardens.

I mean, if your partner is gonna fuck around on you or something, it's pretty simple to coordinate that stuff not on the app/messaging service they're letting you look at.

in theory i wouldnt have a problem with people going through my stuff but i honestly really don't want to ever hear their commentary on what porn i look at (unless i ask) and what inane google searches i do

so that combined with the fact that my privacy is a cornerstone of how i feel comfortable in life means that no i believe that would not work for me

of course

There is so much more to trust than just "is he/she having an affair". Adults should be allowed confidential conversations when they need to, and reading texts is the equivalent of eavesdropping on a phone call.

I've definitely bitched about my wife through text and wouldn't want her seeing it. Likewise, she should have a safe outlet for complaining about me if she needs to. Or getting/giving advice that is none of my business.

I understand that it's not a usual case, but my husband and I tell each other passwords and codes from everything, from social media to phones, etc. I mean, neither of us make a habit of going through the other person's junk, but it's occasionally useful at times, like checking an email when the other person can't or things like "hey did you see the message so-and-so sent me yesterday?". Some people say that not sharing passwords is a sign of trust, but we see it the other way around, our lives are fairly well integrated and we have nothing to hide from each other so why not?

No, but those that got nothing to hide, have nothing to fear about right?

I haven't ever but I could if I wanted to. I know my wife's password and she knows mine. It's not a big deal unless I am planning her Christmas/birthday stuff but I warn get about those.

Pretty sure my wife does not want to read a bunch of innocuous texts between me and my mom, and I certainly don't want to read her texts to her friends.

Like I wouldn't mind handing my phone to my SO or whatever...but to deliberately check it with the intention to find something damaging? You're literally calling me a liar to my face. How do people do that?

I wouldn't ask anybody to go through their phone either. You either trust them and stay with them, or you don't and you leave.

Our phones are interchangeable and so are emails. No secret.

No.

Nah, its a massive sign of mistrust and paranoia. Friend had a nasty breakup cause of this and his gf not knowing context for messages he got, particularly from women.

1) Something like this on the table is a doomed relationship

2) If you can't let your SO have your phone for a day, you are lying about something

...just be normal...

Yes I don't care. I have nothing to hide.

I guess if they've both agreed to it, it's OK, but otherwise no.

My girlfriend and I have each other's fingerprints added to our phones just for ease of use in case we want to grab the closest one to look something up, see a recent photo we took, etc.. I've never looked at her messages, email, or other apps to snoop even though I can. As far as I know she doesn't do it to me either, but she might. I have nothing to hide from her.

I had a relationship when I was in uni with a gal who kept getting closer and closer with her ex. When she and I started dating, she and her ex were not even on speaking terms. I spoke with her about it, and she said I was being weird. This was after she had gone to visit home and stayed over at his dorm after they drank too much to drive. Reason to feel suspicious, I think.

At that point, I really didn't trust her about what was going on. Opened her phone to find very romantic messages. Our relationship ended. I think the urge to check her phone after speaking with her about the issue a number of times showed me all I needed to know. I should've known then that there was no trust in the relationship, and checking the messages was really useless.

Since then, I've just tried to be more communicative in relationships, and be more aware of red flags. Never wanted to check my SO's messages again.

Absolutely not.

Nah, but it shouldn't be off-limits... but reading texts always misses context. Nothing good will come out of looking at that shit.

My wife can see my phone anytime.. and I can see hers. Nothing hidden, but I'm not about to go through her history and texts and shit.. don't care.