The Walker stuff kind of gets pushed under the rug because of his death.
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Henry Cavill: Hesitant to date in fear of being called a rapist
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The Walker stuff kind of gets pushed under the rug because of his death.
Whatever happened with that whole Azis Ansari thing anyways? Seems we never got any follow up on that IIRC.
I don't see any other celebrities expressing concern over being called a rapist for approaching women. Or being upset over "no means no".
Society's biggest problem is not being genuine. I won't argue that you're right, but I would argue that men need to stop chasing women who behave in such a way, so that maybe they'll stop behaving that way and we'll actually make some fucking progress instead of endlessly muddying the waters and never getting anywhere.
This is what people don't want to discuss. They don't want to try to see things from a perspective of a woman that might play hard to get and try to understand WHY. For many women it's deeply upsetting when they put themselves out there and after a man has had sex with them, he disappears and only reappears when he wants sex again. This is the whole genesis of the "cat and mouse" type thing that Cavill and other men have expressed. There ARE women who do this and they have a REASON for doing it. Its disingenuous to rob women of their agency and assume that they don't send a signal to a man that is intentionally difficult to understand for the purpose of protecting herself. I'm not saying it's the way things should be or that it's right to do that, just giving more context to this thing that DOES happen regardless of how many people want to act like it doesn't.
The rationale being that if the man is able to expend his time and energy into convincing her that he's worth a chance, then he is a good man. The idea is that if he tries to convince her that he's a good man even after she initially said "I'm not sure I want to date right now" or something similar, she'll recognize that he's serious and not just using her.
There's too much dichotomous thinking and a stubborn unwillingness to even consider that A. Some people do certain things and B. They do it for reasons that make sense to them.
The common thread with these men is "things are different from what I used to experience and see" and it's obviously not a rational reaction to assume that every woman you interact with sees you as a potential predator and thus you should avoid them. But it is important to understand that people are complex and often say things that contradict or don't make sense to us. This moment may lead to more earnest communication between men and women.
For the men saying "that's bullshit women should be able to just express sexual interest and not worry about seeming too easy!" There are men who use those exact words to pressure women into sex. I've actually met a woman who told me that she was speaking to a man who tried to convince her that she should send nudes because "I'm a feminist and would not body shame you." And tried to convince her that it is an act of resistance to patriarchal norms if she had sex with him on the first date. People are far more complicated than people here seem to think.
Things are changing and for some people they just aren't as quick on the uptake
Theres literally nothing wrong with dating a 19 year old lmfao, it would be a pain in the ass immature relationship tho sure but legally, no.
The mental gymnastics in this post are truly a sight to behold.
Your options are:
1) Accept no means no, potentially leaving a women single if she was actually playing hard to get
2) Don't accept no means no, potentially sexually assaulting or harassing a woman who did not in fact want your dick
It's a pretty easy choice to me!
I mean it's pretty easy to just accuse me of mental gymnastics(to what end?) Or you can tell me why you disagree with me. Its up to you. My goal is to understand and explain that things aren't as cut and dry as people think and that it's important to try and understand people. Like I said in the post, I don't agree with his overreaction or his choice of words, but I can understand where he and a lot of other men are coming from as well as women who find themselves in certain situations.
I expected a jokey video based on that thumbnail. It was actually a really clear and well presented breakdown that should help to dispel any confusion people have about consent. Good recommendation!
Those are still bs. Even if someone consents to sex, they don't consent to every act out the gate.
That's ridiculous if true, and consent can be retroactively revoked anyway.
True true. And they can still change their mind midway.
Edit:
Definitely a thing among musicians and their more eager fans. But yea, it's pretty pointless once you think about it.
Implying Bieber didn't have a whole section dedicated to what she's willing to do
Not really, at will employment ... it's terrible on employees. It's scary how tenuous employment is in the US. One person saying something about you without proof, and you're done.
You might have already done this but check out if your state has any statutory exceptions. Being defamed like that and not being informed of it may well be an avenue.
Are the numbered rules for everything and anything his own statements or are they creative writing from the article author/interviewer? It's a bit OT and maybe I was raised a savage but I never heard of someone reciting numbered rules for firm handshakes and the right time to not take a phonecall lol
If I'm not mistaken I think some of them might be NDA/gag orders too
I guess, I read it as the old school view of perusing a woman is being lost these days. Which I agree... then again I agree if the other person gives a no, its time to move on.
You can have expressions of commitment without having to tempt men to cross boundaries of consent. That's kind of what dating is all about, really, it's about building a relationship with someone you like and find interesting through mutually assented social engagements/performances. The cat and mouse thing may have served well in an era where women were considered inferior (more than now, anyway), and thus didn't have the permission from society to arrange dates or set boundaries, but it doesn't really work that way anymore. If you want to test a man's committment, I can think of quite a few date ideas that fit that criteria.
The "no" comment is him saying people who enjoy the chase game can't go at like they usually do. Some men and woman like to be chased or the chaser. Believe or not some people actually say no with the intent of being chased. That's what he's talking about.
He's not even saying this is a thing going on or personal experince. As everyone pointed out its a bad choice of words but its fucking odd some of these reactions here as if he's defending creepers.
He's not even saying this is a thing going on or personal experince. As everyone pointed out its a bad choice of words but its fucking odd some of these reactions here as if he's defending creepers.
Because society (at least here in the US) has reinforced the 'chase' time and time again.
I agree. It is an easy choice, especially when you look like cavill which makes his statement even more ridiculous. I would say though, there's no way to know if someone is ACTUALLY interested especially when you're famous because they may say yes but only because they feel pressure to not have to explain why they rejected a famous and powerful individual or be mocked for doing so. There is inherently a power imbalance when you're famous and you can never be sure if someone is actually okay with you or if they're just overwhelmed by what the response by their social group or media might be if they had said no to you.
When you date a powerful person they could ruin you if you rub them the wrong way, so are you ever actually truly giving consent under fair conditions if approached by a celebrity? (Speaking generally not about Cavill specifically)
Handsome, "powerful", rich, famous, egomaniac, white dude, thinks he is the shit and the world is unfair with him and now he sad very very sad. What a douche. Where was his publicist. The Cruise isn't going to be happy with this statement.
Couldn't you have sued the woman who accused you for slander/wrongful accusations and tried to tell your employer what kind of person they are still employing?
Definitely. I've heard musicians/DJs talk about it in person but have not seen one of these forms for myself personally.
Call me crazy, but as a man dating in 2018, I find it's pretty easy to just discuss clearly and honestly what I want/am interested in with the people I'm interested in, and if we're both into it, then things happen. It's really not complicated.
Some people just like the thrill of the chase? Isn't it kind of sad in a way that it only boils down to two choices? Situations are different and don't necessarily boil down to A or B. What a boring, uninteresting life that would be
Did people actually read the article because that snip seems abit cherry picked.
I don't know how anyone can read this in a negative his very open with out he sees the Metoo movement and seems like a great supporter of it . But his very self aware of what can go wrong if his signals are interpreted the wrong way so he keeps his distance. For someone of his fame that's a responsible thing to do.
I don't know how anyone can read this in a negative his very open with out he sees the Metoo movement and seems like a great supporter of it . But his very self aware of what can go wrong if his signals are interpreted the wrong way so he keeps his distance. For someone of his fame that's a responsible thing to do.
-Potentially harass a woman
-Do not potentially harass a woman.
Yep, those are some REALLY difficult choices to make.
Wow thanks for posting to this. So basically we made a story out of/hated on someone taking quotes out of context. What are we ESPN now?
I completely agree, I'm saying that more people than people here seem to think may actually have trouble doing that. I had a partner who dated me for 2 months and we weren't sexually intimate. I respected her boundaries, but on the third month she just broke up with me randomly. I couldn't understand what had happened or why. Sometimes people do things that just don't make sense to us until we try to see things from their perspective. Its much harder than we as men could ever imagine to be a woman navigating the dating scene. Men and women can be exceedingly cruel to women who are perceived to have a "reputation" and that "reputation" attracts men who are vicious predators.
The world SHOULD be such that women can date without fear of being labeled and men can approach women knowing confidently that when she said she's not interested that she genuinely is not interested. We aren't there yet, but this kind of world that we OUGHT to have will just take a lot of time and we'll see some alarmism and over the top reactions like the interview in the OP as time goes on.
... I posted the full thing earlier as well. Cavill is not a bad guy here. Dude had some word soup, but you can tell he meant well with all the other stuff he said before that. To crucify him over this is mind boggling. He hasn't done anything wrong.
What he said is still problematic no matter if the earlier stuff wasn't.