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Weddings are selfish. Prove me wrong
- Thread starter fick
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This. If you genuinely care about the people you should feel lucky you get to share this day with them. Seems like you can't see anyone's point of view except your own and I doubt this thread backfire will change your point of view
lol wut
No doubt, for the wedding party it breaks even for sure - a suit/tux, time off, gifts etc do add up.
But for most people? Most people buy a $50-$200 gift from their family so that 2-4 of their family can go eat an expensive ass meal, dance all night, and get wasted at the bar for free. Seems like a pretty good deal.
No doubt, for the wedding party it breaks even for sure - a suit/tux, time off, gifts etc do add up.
But for most people? Most people buy a $50-$200 gift from their family so that 2-4 of their family can go eat an expensive ass meal, dance all night, and get wasted at the bar for free. Seems like a pretty good deal.
I mean, if you couldn't afford it then you say so to the bride or groom (whomever invited you). Otherwise, just enjoy it. In fact, it sounds like you're being selfish and thinking of how you're being inconvenienced .
Yeah as you and others have said, weddings are a great value for the guest if you must look at it this way.
I feel you OP. Had a lot of friends / co workers pull the "lets have our wedding in another country / 5 hours drive away" thing and now I have a rule that unless they are paying for my room and flight (which I would only expect if it was immediate family, extremely close friend) I aint going to the wedding unless its near my house.
You are a miserable person. Prove me wrong.
If you aren't happy for these people and don't want to go...don't.
If you aren't happy for these people and don't want to go...don't.
Unless they're like a close relative there's really no social obligation to fly out to someone's wedding.
Also this.
That's the entire point? This is like someone saying "eating keeps you alive, prove me wrong." True, and also who cares? It's a basic fact of life. Get over it.
I would generally agree but I do think it's different if expensive travel/hotel are required. That can easily make a short trip for a wedding cost close to a proper vacation (which, really, might be the healthiest way of viewing weddings like this).
One of my friends got married fairly close to me but then had his reception out in the rural nowhere, so I had to spend a shitload of money on trains/an overpriced hotel, but as an apology to everyone he bought like 500 bottles of beer so I didn't spend a penny on alcohol (open bar weddings aren't really a thing in the UK).
If I'm asked to spend a small fortune travelling for a wedding I'm definitely more likely to view it as presumptuous/self-indulgent, but that will usually come with a lesser social "obligation" to actually go (unless you're part of the wedding party I guess as in OP's case).
Being angry at people declining a place in the wedding party is selfish. Having a wedding is not selfish.
How often in life do you get to even go to a celebration?
Enjoy the celebration. Or just don't go in the future and wallow in your lack of celebration.
Traveling across a country for weddings is tough, but no need to get mad at the people that thought highly enough of you to invite you.
Enjoy the celebration. Or just don't go in the future and wallow in your lack of celebration.
Traveling across a country for weddings is tough, but no need to get mad at the people that thought highly enough of you to invite you.
More seriously, at least you didn't have to wear a hot pink barbie doll dress with 6-inch heels OR buy (not rent) a $300 teal bridesmaid dress and $50 shoes + fitting, OP. You got off light.
Oh it's worth mentioning too that it's easy to gloss over how meaningful it can actually be to the couple until you get married. It really will be a day you remember fondly when its your own, and while you won't begrudge those who can't make it in any way at all, those who could will be burned into your memory as a part of that day. You'll be a part of the conversation whenever that couple look back on the day because everyone played a part. And your only role is to have fun, that's it. Unless the couple are particularly self centered the only thing they want from their guests is to enjoy themselves because that's the atmosphere of a good wedding.
Dude, OP-- weddings are generally one of the biggest deals in someones life. And these people not only wanted you to be a part of that memory BUT also apparently felt you were good enough of a person to stand up and be seen while they do so. The memory that they're having (and that you're contributing to) will far outlast any inconvenience you might feel from having to go to wherever and rent a tux.
Going to a wedding is one of the more selfless things you get to do for friends/family. Calling them selfish for wanting you to be a part of that whole thing for them says far more about you than it does about them.
Going to a wedding is one of the more selfless things you get to do for friends/family. Calling them selfish for wanting you to be a part of that whole thing for them says far more about you than it does about them.
A five hour drive is nothing for a hopefully once-in-a-lifetime event for a couple.
And if it's a destination wedding the couple should be well aware that people may decline for a cost. The three destination weddings I've been to have been very clear that it is an expense and they fully understand if you don't come.
You're angry at them for inviting you to a party and you said yes and now you regret it and that's somehow their fault and they're the selfish ones? Aright sure good luck with that.
"I can't afford that." Don't make it a pride thing. I told my friend this and then he told me I'd be accommodated on hotel and that he'd pick me up from the airport. Also found me the cheapest flight to get. Granted, it helped that I was a groomsmen.
Then don't go. Problem solved. Saves the bride and groom money as well
They are inherently selfish. It is a ceremony dedicated to the bride and groom. If you don't care enough about them to attend, then don't attend. If they put too much of a burden on the guests (lavish requirements, insane travel), then put that in the balance and decide if its worth it.
This is why we tried to make it as easy and fun as possible for our guests.
-Discount rate at a hotel near the airport that offers a free airport shuttle
-Free luxury bus to/from the wedding/reception location from/to the hotel
-Free unlimited food and booze in the hour between the wedding and reception while we got photos taken
-No expectation for people from out of state to come or give a gift, but we invited them anyway, and a LOT of people showed up
I've been to weddings where it was clear they didn't think of the guests at all in planning, and it was miserable. One of them, it was like 4 hours between the wedding and reception while they did photos. Then they didn't have any food at all at the reception for over an hour. It was a nightmare. They got divorced a few years later.
-Discount rate at a hotel near the airport that offers a free airport shuttle
-Free luxury bus to/from the wedding/reception location from/to the hotel
-Free unlimited food and booze in the hour between the wedding and reception while we got photos taken
-No expectation for people from out of state to come or give a gift, but we invited them anyway, and a LOT of people showed up
I've been to weddings where it was clear they didn't think of the guests at all in planning, and it was miserable. One of them, it was like 4 hours between the wedding and reception while they did photos. Then they didn't have any food at all at the reception for over an hour. It was a nightmare. They got divorced a few years later.
Unless you're just there for the ceremony and then bailing, there's a bit more than that. The reception is the highlight for everyone but the couple and their parents. It's one of those rare occasions in our modern, widely dispersed society when extended family and old friends all gather in one place and socialize.
But if that sounds like torture to you, then yes, I get it.
Making up an excuse to not travel huge distances to do something is usually far easier than making that trip.
My wife and I hate going to weddings, and for ours we simply got married in Vegas via a limo and went to a chapel drive-thru, then had In-n-Out for the "reception". Whole thing cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $400. Then we won $600 that night at a Wheel of Fortune slot machine. This year will mark our 5th year anniversary - we got a damn good life.
I definitely feel you about not wanting to go to the wedding, but you committed so it's on you now to make the most of it.
My wife and I hate going to weddings, and for ours we simply got married in Vegas via a limo and went to a chapel drive-thru, then had In-n-Out for the "reception". Whole thing cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $400. Then we won $600 that night at a Wheel of Fortune slot machine. This year will mark our 5th year anniversary - we got a damn good life.
I definitely feel you about not wanting to go to the wedding, but you committed so it's on you now to make the most of it.
Haha I attended my Uncles Wedding when I was 10yrs old.
I noted how Boooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring it was, vowed to never get Married when I grew up. Haven't attended a Wedding since neither any time my other family members (cousins, aunts n uncles etc) got Married I always stayed at home, was in my teens & early 20's, then was in a relationship for 12yrs, BUT actually considered hmmm maybe I would get married & break my vow, but then split up with my ex a year ago.
Now I am 36yrs old, still not married, still not been to a Wedding since I was 10yrs old, thats probably not the best thing to do but hey what you gonna do?
I feel ya OP.
That said if my Sister or Neice & Nephew got Married I'd probably go.
I noted how Boooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring it was, vowed to never get Married when I grew up. Haven't attended a Wedding since neither any time my other family members (cousins, aunts n uncles etc) got Married I always stayed at home, was in my teens & early 20's, then was in a relationship for 12yrs, BUT actually considered hmmm maybe I would get married & break my vow, but then split up with my ex a year ago.
Now I am 36yrs old, still not married, still not been to a Wedding since I was 10yrs old, thats probably not the best thing to do but hey what you gonna do?
I feel ya OP.
That said if my Sister or Neice & Nephew got Married I'd probably go.
To the OP, it's something that you 100% could have declined and you came to us to whine about it so yeah people are going to harp on you.
Also yes it's a personal social event of course it's selfish, it's two or more people celebrating themselves.
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With that said I'm sorry you're having a bad time I guess?
Also yes it's a personal social event of course it's selfish, it's two or more people celebrating themselves.
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With that said I'm sorry you're having a bad time I guess?
Trust me, it's not for the people getting married either. It's mainly for the parents and family of the couple.
This is the most Era fucking thread topic.
I'm a fan a small weddings mainly for family and close friends, but still. Decline if you don't want to be in it.
I'm a fan a small weddings mainly for family and close friends, but still. Decline if you don't want to be in it.
Not even a friends wedding? Once the obligatory crap is out of the way (ceremony, dinner, photos) they're a lot of fun. At 10 you'd have probably missed out on a lot of that since for adults the booze is a lot of it. But funny you say that, at ours we had a giant box filled with silly props we'd made and a bunch of cheap toys etc like lightsabers for the kids and adults to mess around with in silly photos etc. The adults loved them too, we have so many photos of even 50+ year old people messing around posing with sabers and silly face props, like Mario's hat and stash, that gave us a lot to look back at that we'd missed on the day, plus the kids had fun all day long.
The kids and adults alike took most of the props and toys home then we gave the rest to a nursery school. I'd highly recommend thinking of the kids too if you do ever get married. It also takes some weight off the parents so they can enjoy themselves more.
Don't the bride and groom usually take care of the expenses for people in their wedding party? If someone asked me to be in their party, and then said I would have to pay for all of that, I would kindly say I simply can't afford it right now. That's a huge commitment that not everyone can handle.
I mean I guess it's better to make an ass of yourself on the internet for strangers anonymously than it is in front of friends and family. I'm not sure what you expected from this though OP, obviously people are going to call you out on being selfish because you are being extremely negative about what is supposed to be a positive experience.
There was a report a few months ago how the modern wedding industry is basicly a scam made up to support the businesses that support it. I forgot where I saw it, but basically weddings used to be rather small until the past 40 or so years.
This is (partly) why the misses and I are eloping.
I ain't putting that pressure on people. We're going across the country without making my family either go broke or feel shitty for being unable to attend.
I ain't putting that pressure on people. We're going across the country without making my family either go broke or feel shitty for being unable to attend.
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