The weirdest thing a co-worker has ever said or done

[Smitington]

I was working at a trailer factory, cutting sheets of aluminum that would later be welded. It's a large factory floor, a co-worker was way way way on the other side of the floor. Out of the side of my eye I notice him stop the work he was in the middle of, and he bee-lined walked all the way across the whole floor directly to me. (It was at least a 1-2 minute walk). I assumed he was missing a part or something.

He says: "Have you ever seen the movie Bad Boys 2?"

Me: "uhh.....no".

He turns around, walks straight back to the work he was doing.


We had another guy who only had enough money for his water bill or his cable bill. Guess which one he picked?

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

I work in a blue-collar maintenance shop so I get a lot of racist, republican shit. I guess it's not weird but just stupid/sad.

Lady in her 40's who goes to the chiropractor like once a week. Swears by it even though she's never properly fixed because she has to go back. She has her kids on it, too. "Oh Madison has a headache, guess she needs an adjustment." Just fuck. Makes me so goddamned mad.

Had a person get fired for showing a lady his dick. He REALLY wanted to date her. She was not amused. Neither was HR.

Had someone ask me how often I pray. Backed the fuck out of that conversation real fast.

Once had someone turn the AC on in the middle of winter to "kill germs." One of the few times I've called someone fucking stupid at work. But in my defense, he was fucking stupid.

Got a cowworker that if he makes a joke and you don't laugh, he repeats it like six times like you didn't hear or understand him. His favorite actor is Vin Diesel.

 

[Jakten]

My old boss thought Obama was a reptilian so probably something revolving around that. He also once screamed at us that "having the internet turned on (what ever that means) was stealing his internet and preventing him from looking at facebook." Also his brother once confessed to me in a very concerned manner that he despised his young children (like 1-3 years old) because they are lazy don't do anything to benefit him in anyway so what is the purpose of them? There's a lot from them tbh. Just the most bizarre fucked up shit constantly.

Video games is an amazing industry to work in.

 

[nded]

One time during lunch an office girl began talking about how "Chinamen" were experimenting with teleportation tech and materializing mangled corpses in various locations in the world.

 

[nded]

Also his brother once confessed to me in a very concerned manner that he despised his young children (like 1-3 years old) because they are lazy don't do anything to benefit him in anyway so what is the purpose of them?

Click to shrink...

Does your boss' brother hate his own kids or is he concerned for your boss' kids?

 

[piratepwnsninja]

Me, ordering at Jason's Deli: "I'll have a BLT."
Coworker, ordering after me: "I'll have a BLT, too. What meats are on that?"

 

[julian]

One coworker to another: "I don't mean any offense, but you kind of look like Ted Cruz."

Needless to say, he was offended.

 

[faceless]

when i was a mover, we were at a red light at the intersection of Houston and Bowery and one of my coworkers got out of the truck and started dancing in the street.

 

[Airegin]

How do some of these people even survive? Why is my life a struggle while these people are doing fine?

 

[acheron_xl]

I had to fire a guy once because I caught him sleeping in some fiberglass. He also liked to lock himself in a remote bathroom and snort heroin.

 

[hwalker84]

My mother isn't racist she just thinks all black men want to rape her...

 

[Powdered Egg]

I was working at a trailer factory, cutting sheets of aluminum that would later be welded. It's a large factory floor, a co-worker was way way way on the other side of the floor. Out of the side of my eye I notice him stop the work he was in the middle of, and he bee-lined walked all the way across the whole floor directly to me. (It was at least a 1-2 minute walk). I assumed he was missing a part or something.

He says: "Have you ever seen the movie Bad Boys 2?"

Me: "uhh.....no".

He turns around, walks straight back to the work he was doing.


We had another guy who only had enough money for his water bill or his cable bill. Guess which one he picked?

Click to shrink...

Lmao at the Bad Boys 2 scenario.

 

[MistaTwo]

I had a fairly eccentric programmer on my team some 5-6 years ago.

He used to just drink the little containers of coffee creamer and syrup straight up all the time.
Would have a little pile of empty ones on his desk every day.

There was an empty hall that we used for storage, including an old copier that was awkwardly shoved into a corner.
There was still some space between the copier and the corner of the room. There was a small table near it that could
be used for breaks. I was finishing my lunch when the guy came crawling out of a hobbit sized space between the copier and the wall and surprised the eff out of me. Seems he liked sleeping in tight spaces and used it that dark little corner of the room to nap??????

 

[Leandras]

One of mine is an anarchist but hates socialism because of social justice. One day during december I shared the monarchy video from philosophy tube with some of my colleagues as it's pretty damn funny and no one locally gives a crap about the royal family.

He then laughs and says he agrees that we dont need them and sends me a follow up video with some christian cultish pastor talking about how abortion only exists so the royal family can eat the fetuses to maintain their human like appearance and not the serphentine look because they are the descendants of the snake in the garden of eden.

He's the online athiest type so it left me extremely confused

 

[Leandras]

Double post

 

[Airegin]

I once had a co-worker who's never seen Bad Boys 2.

 

[Classicrock78]

Had a coworker piss in the drain in produce at Walmart cause he didnt want to walk to the bathroom.

 

[Rory]

Im hard of hearing and wearing visibly hearing aids. Everyone at work knows. (Beside that also other handicaps but that one everyone knows.) im working in early childhood childcare 0-6 years.

Someone had applied for unpaid work, just 2 weeks, and I was waiting for her arrival. She had a handicap and at the beginning everyone referred to her by that. (Down-Syndrom) our trainee suddenly asked me out of nowhere "Can a handicapped person work in kindergarten?" with a dead serious face. Im hestitating for a minute, to not say something impolite too, and respond "I'm not hearing good either, remember? Im handicapped too." For a split second you can see that he had forgotten, then he waves with his hand and says, "That doesn't count! You can't see it.".

I was so baffled by that ignorance.

 

[Macheezmo]

At a place I worked a while ago there was a guy who once said he could never change a girl's diaper because their naughty bits gave him bad thoughts. He also once talked about sitting on the roof with a gun and shooting people coming in that he didn't like. He got fired and they changed the locks on the building.

 

[Shiloh]

At an old job, due to a crazy wardrobe malfunction, I saw the cleavage of a female coworker. She was unaware and I had to alert her of it. She was standing in an area of whatever you call those mid-high cubical walls too, which means everyone else probably saw it too.

We joked about it for months.

 

[sleepnaught]

Worked at a restaurant several years back. Was slicing raw steaks and the grill cook, who I assume was high on meth or something, walked into the meat room and started eating one completely raw. He took a few bites, spit it out, looked around in confusion, and walked out. It was pretty weird lol

 

[Deleted member 8257]

At an old job, due to a crazy wardrobe malfunction, I saw the cleavage of a female coworker. She was unaware and I had to alert her of it. She was standing in an area of whatever you call those mid-high cubical walls too, which means everyone else probably saw it too.

We joked about it for months.

Click to shrink...

...and?

 

[supremeplatypus]

My trainer during training who was some old guy whose breath smelt of cigarettes and who was like 70 or something was weirdly affectionate with this much younger woman who was another trainer. We saw him with his head in her lap one time and did stuff like rub her shoulders and he didn't even hide it. Lady didn't seem to care either. We basically called him a dirty old man behind his back and sometimes talked about how much of a weird dude he was when he wasn't around to hear us and joked (maybe wasn't too off the mark based on how he was acting around her) that "yeah, those two are totally fucking".

 

[joecanada]

Uh, was this the kind of porn that the police would be interested in? Is this why his girlfriend wanted out?

Click to shrink...

Actually it's funny you ask because one was a very strange German film that had animals in it. But he had bragged about that earlier I think he just had it as a joke. However I doubt either party would be interested in that. They just had a domestic dispute and he was covering his ass

 

[JAT]

I worked at a warehouse with a group of 5 other guys. We were all in our 20s except one. He was in his 50's and an alcoholic. He'd constantly show up drunk and not do any work. Management just didn't care.
One day we're all in the back of a semi and the manager comes in asking for him to step out. When he does he sees 3 cops and instantly sprints in the opposite direction. This old drunk dude managed to evade the cops inside the warehouse for 10 minutes before they caught him.

We sadly never figured out what he did.

 

[Prolepro]

It was me.

 

[Shiloh]

...and?

Click to shrink...

....Was just talking about awkward coworker stuff

 

[Ashhong]

I don't know if this counts but my co-workers lunch was stolen today. Straight out of a Friends episode.

Yesterday he bought 2 chicken bowls from Waba Grill. Today he finds his leftover bowl in the fridge, EMPTY. Some fucker ate his food and then put back the empty bowl! Who does that?? He's like the nicest guy too

 

[boi]

I dont know who did it but once I found an apple in the toilet.

It did taste pretty good still.

 

[Pankratous]

A coworker of mine (now no longer with us) told me that if he wanted sex with his partner, he would get it even if it meant forcing her.

 

[Koo]

Meeting one of my co-workers for the first time he asked me to help him get dressed. I don't know why he was having difficulty with our uniform as it's just slacks and a button up shirt. He hasn't had any problems since.

A different co-worker recently stripped down to his underwear in front of everyone on his last day to turn in his uniform so he wouldn't have to come back. I was just like; okay more power to you. Walked out to his car in just his shoes and undies.

Another co-worker broke our coffee pot and tried to hide it in a different break room and pretended like he didn't know how it happened. Should point out we work in security.... there are cameras everywhere. Maybe he thought nobody would bother looking at the footage?

One weekend I came in to my shift and on our shared laptop found the co-worker before me was viewing a whole lot of 'fart porn' which I'm surprised I didn't know was a thing before that moment, but of course it is. Looking through the search history showed he was doing this for his full 8 hour shift. I disinfected the whole work station.

Yet another co-worker was working with me on 3rd shift late one night and out of nowhere just removes a bunch of his teeth and tells me how he used to get in fights as a teenager so most of his front teeth are fake.

Same co-worker, same night told me how he had recently picked up some underage (16-17) girl from McDonald's, went to buy them both drugs, and he ended up passing out in front of her apartment and she stole $2k from his glove box (because he doesn't believe in putting his money in banks?????). Said cops found him in a bunch of his own vomit and gave him the choice to either go to jail or the hospital. He chose hospital so they called an ambulance to pick him up. He didn't want to tell them about the money because the girl was underage. I did not work with him after that night and he ended up being fired a short time after that.

He had refused to take a drug test because he said he would fail it, we were so desperate for people at that time they kept him on, but then he was acting jittery on a shift and asked a manager at the site we service if he could sell him drugs, then ended up falling asleep on his shift. They let him go after that.

 

[BigDes]

Me, ordering at Jason's Deli: "I'll have a BLT."
Coworker, ordering after me: "I'll have a BLT, too. What meats are on that?"

Click to shrink...

Beef
llama
Turkey

 

[Primal Sage]

Male coworker slapped me on the ass for fun to surprise me. He got a sprained wrist. Yeah, my ass cheeks really are that firm.

I laughed for a week.

 

[mavericktopgun]

I had a former female coworker who lived in an apartment down the block from our office. One day she came in wearing a t-shirt and pajama pants and loudly announced that she wasn't wearing a bra. I also recall at least one instance where she sat in my lap while I was trying to work. She was also the person who would bring her little dog to work and then leave so the dog was wandering around the office wondering where she went.

Click to shrink...

Damn... Sounds like a perfect coworker :D

 

[bjork]

Let's see...

- I was working at a McDonald's when Tupac was shot. My shift manager was like, "yo I need to go to Vegas, I need to go be with my BOY!" I asked who and he said Tupac, and went into this big thing about how his dad or uncle or something produced Tupac's albums and I was like, "if all that's true, why are you boxing up egg mcmuffins out in the sticks?" He tried to write me up for disagreeing with him.

- When I worked at Wal-Mart, there was a guy who tried to get drunk by drinking mineral spirits, like you use to clean shelving.
- Also when I worked at WM, there was a vegan kid I hung around with, and when we had store meetings on fridays, they brought donuts so everyone could have one. He couldn't eat them due to whatever ingredients, but they wouldn't supply something for him. So he would get right in there with everyone else, pick a donut, then walk over and drop it in the trash.

- When I worked at a grocery store, there was a guy who was buying meth from a customer. My coworker started developing speed bumps on the top of his shaved head, but he tried to cover them with his wife's foundation and when he sweat a lot, the foundation ran and made streaks down his face. When the dealer got busted stealing a toothbrush and wasn't around for a little while, this coworker was coming down super hard, and wound up shitting his pants after falling asleep on the break room couch for three hours in the middle of his shift.

- There was a love triangle at the anime shop (at our other location, but since we worked both places sometimes, I'm counting it). The way I heard it was like so: the guy who got cheated on, went on a brief escapade through the mall. He took a bunch of aspirin and called 911 from our store's restroom, then ran out into the mall tipping over displays and stuff, threw our store's phone somewhere out in the mall, then was found freaking out in some other store's dressing room. From what I understand he's in a far better place now, but that was definitely a low point for him, I'm sure.

There are probably many others I can't remember offhand but those spring to mind first.

 

[tommy7154]

Probably a lot I can't think of, but a funny one was the time someone was stealing people's lunches. They reviewed the security footage and the thief had taken a chicken leg from someone's lunchbox and straight put it in his pants pocket.

 

[Deleted member 47700]

One time a coworker made fun of me for having "pansy pockets," which he described as dumb and inadequate compared to the six kangaroo pouches he had on his neon yellow JNCOs.

This was in 2011.

Click to shrink...

This is like a dril tweet.

 

[SurrenderDorothy]

Something about beating his gf but it wasn't that bad, said he didn't deserve the charges.
I was like...where tf did this come from? We were talking about forms. It's weird because he was all right until I heard that bombshell.
I guess you never know huh. Some people are fucked.

 

[Fart Master]

A guy had enough of his job and started pissing in the clothes steamer, not a joke. Was obviously fired.

Click to shrink...

Lol

 

[Eila]

Italian lad worked for us once, got in the car for a boys lunch and he had to be told to wear a seatbelt.

Are seatbelts treated a bit differently in Europe or something?

Another guy once informed me he was going to 'practice his singing' in the office because the boss was out.

Click to shrink...

In many countries having the seatbelts on is not enforced, and they're seen as lame or an annoyance. I can only talk about Mexico, but I'd say more people don't wear seatbelts than they do. And that's drivers. Co-pilots wear them even less often. Even though it's the same risk, lol.

 

[H.Protagonist]

I found a smashed iphone in the freezer at work once. When I asked around, our accountant said that she had put it in there because it "was too loud." She didn't elaborate further.

 

[Lcs]

He got caught cleaning his dick on the bathroom sink. When questioned about it, he said he was was going out later with some new chick and was preparing just in case a little head happened.

 

[Rendering...]

How do some of these people even survive? Why is my life a struggle while these people are doing fine?

Click to shrink...

Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

 

[GymWolf86]

So my co-worker:

He Doesn't like films like mad max fury road, sin city or every great movie in the last 15 years
He likes utter shit like terranova or the last ship or every shitty serial or film with action...

He's also my cousin :(

 

[Deleted member 8257]

....Was just talking about awkward coworker stuff

Click to shrink...

No, not that. What I mean is, is there more to the story? I don't see how joking about cleavage with a female coworker can stay in a strictly platonic manner, if you know what I mean...

 

[thesoapster]

I really don't know where to begin. Not even ten minutes ago my boss told me "snitches get stitches." So. Yeah...

 

[Shiloh]

No, not that. What I mean is, is there more to the story? I don't see how joking about cleavage with a female coworker can stay in a strictly platonic manner, if you know what I mean...

Click to shrink...

Oh yes, context. I'm a gay male.

 

[Seirith]

When I was like 20 I was a cook at Friendy's part time while in college. A guy in the 50's started and was asking the general get to know your coworkers type questions.

He asked if I had a boyfriend and I said, I was engaged, he then asked me if I had any kids, I said no. He replied you're engaged but you don't have any kids yet why not? I replied well, I'm only 20, in college and living with my parents, also we don't want kids.

He replied you don't want kids? Then why get married or stay with this guy? He must not be a very good guy if you don't want kids. I'm single if you want to have kids with me, I'm a good dad. Also, God wants you to have children.

I was like WTF?

 

[captive]

this was all the same dude


- showed up to his interview in slacks and collared shirt with tennis shoes
- told us his wife wont let him watch any movies with guns or military or any violence
- asked a coworker he barely knew if he could sleep on his couch when he was in a fight with said wife
- would pick his buggers and eat them in front of us
- and finally, dude ripped the longest and loudest fart i've ever heard in my life. I'm not talking about a quick rip. im talking like 3+ seconds brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp and it was LOUD. I turned and was like dude? this was in the middle of our helpdesk area which was a cube farm with the rest of IT. I later found out from the other helpdesk person who wasn't there at the time that one of the apps people that was there told her about it and we all got a hearty laugh.

 

[Joe Shlabotnik]

"Rock Lobster" is playing on the radio and this guy I work with (I'd say he's about 55 or so) says, "Who is this? They sound like AC/DC."

Might have been the first time in human history that song, or The B-52s in general, have been compared to AC/DC.

Click to shrink...

I probably have a weird co-worker story but all I'm thinking about is how this is kind of a fascinating comparison because both bands could be considered on opposite cusps of punk, and if you metal-ed up the Rock Lobster riff it *does* kinda suggest AC/DC.