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So, is this girl into me?
- Thread starter fanboi
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So a serious answer from me.
Yes, I have thought about this (and to be frank, working together isn't a huge deal for me if we got together), and the biggest issue is if, let say, I declare that I have feelings and she doesn't... she might be in a awkward position. I did date the prev. woman from work (another work place) which worked out fine... but yes, this might be different.
Ah, I am so confused.
I met my wife of 11 years at work and we've been happily married ever since.
However, obviously the OP needs to abort this mission due to the husband.
And in the meantime you just stay away romantically. Vent to eachother if you need to and can, that's great to have, but don't be the guy who wrecks them as a couple; they can do that just fine themselves and come out healthier in the process without your intervention.
Apparently it didn't work....
I'm not trying to be mean, just pointing out the obvious.
Removing the (already covered) moral issue from the equation my advice would be to wait for her to end things with the husband. Otherwise you could have a very awkward and ongoing issue where she's seeing both of you and really that is just going to cause you both (and specifically you) more problems down the line where everything gets messy.
However, looking at this without emotion this could cause you real issues in your career, or at the very least in the company you're in.
I do however expect none of the advice in the thread to be followed as we're all imperfect creatures who generally end up following our emotions anyway, so I'd like to wish you good luck and I hope it all turns out the best it can!
However, looking at this without emotion this could cause you real issues in your career, or at the very least in the company you're in.
I do however expect none of the advice in the thread to be followed as we're all imperfect creatures who generally end up following our emotions anyway, so I'd like to wish you good luck and I hope it all turns out the best it can!
No, she's not. She probably thinks you are a good friend she can talk to. Saying that you can get whoever you want is not a hidden message and she's not secretly into you. She said that to help you build some self-confidence that you told her you lack.
C'bon man, being coworkers is bad enough, but married? C'bonnnnnnn
Any scenario where you poke at her breaking up her marriage to be with you is not going to end well even if you get together for a bit after.
Any scenario where you poke at her breaking up her marriage to be with you is not going to end well even if you get together for a bit after.
You're not going to take anyone's advice here because you're in a bad place and want every bit of validation anyone gives you, especially this particular person. You're going to make a move eventually, and things will be nice at first, but then it's all going fall apart. I will await the aftermath thread in the future with a bag of popcorn.
Don't fuck your coworkers ever. Especially married ones. Jfc. Everyone flirts and fantasizes but it's another thing to actually take that leap and wreck a home. It's not your place to determine if the marriage is in a good place or not. You've been told X by Y about the marriage but you still don't have the complete picture, so unless you want to marry this person (you would have known this right away instead of having to ask us) just leave it as it is.
This is where I was with that as well, and called her out on it.
Definitely.
but I wouldn't bother, you're gonna be in for a world of complexity.
No.
You are an outlet for her to discuss her marriage problems and that is creating a case of transference. You are listening and she's opening up, which in turn is making you think she's interested in you and any feelings she may forming are based on misguided feelings.
You are an outlet for her to discuss her marriage problems and that is creating a case of transference. You are listening and she's opening up, which in turn is making you think she's interested in you and any feelings she may forming are based on misguided feelings.
It's ok man, you're asking for advice and that's the wisest thing anyone can ever do.
You're on the path towards making the right decision, you just need to make the right choice.
This is 100% accurate. Don't conflate her needing someone to talk to about a bad situation with feelings.
OP, it sounds like you already know what you're going to do. Don't do it. It's not worth it.
It doesn't seem like you're confused, you're just caught between what you know you want and will badly, and the smart, clean play. Do the clean play.
Think of her. The most generous understanding of your situation is that she's very confused, torn between her husband and a possible new flame. Do you want to make this harder for her by trying to start something up or would it better for her to find her way in her marriage/leave it without distractions?
If this is the real deal with your feelings, then please keep her emotional (not to mention professional) wellbeing in mind.
To clarify, I'm rooting for you. I just think you should probably pump the breaks on escalating things until this woman is no longer married. :)
OP did you purposely put the fact that she was married as the fourth bullet point hoping people would skim and overlook it?
But seriously don't pursue it. If she deserves better, she needs to end her relationship.
But seriously don't pursue it. If she deserves better, she needs to end her relationship.
She is married, but also according to your description she is just being your friend and trying to prop you up because of your self-esteem issues IMO.
Agreed! What she needs right now is a friend who's not trying to get into her pants, and what you need is someone who isn't emotionally attached with someone else.
No one is saying that. They are saying its her marriage and up to her.
As soon as I read this, the answer was obvious to me: Don't do it.
Regardless of how bad her relationship is going, it is a terrible idea (and honestly pretty fucking shitty) to try to pursue this.
You know I used that as a hard and fast rule, and I've still never done it
But I came to the realization the other day that a bunch of my idiotic coworkers are married, and I wonder if their spouses know that they're total dumbasses at work? Like these people are prob walking around all day thinking their SO is great at their job, when the reality is opposite, and I feel bad for them
So maybe dating a coworker is a great way to weed out the dummies, since you know, you work with them and all
that being said, OP you gotta bail
Wait did you break up with your gf of 14yr because you wanted your married coworker why is no one noting this
is it morally wrong to bait him
is it morally wrong to bait him
Yeah, no. I was in a similar situation once. I've known my coworker for a year without talking much, but we suddenly clicked one night, and we pretty much went through the same thing as you. Talking all day, her telling me how I'm such a great guy and how she could imagine spending her whole life with me, etc. I also thought she was into me, but she wasn't. She just viewed me as a good friend, and said all those things to bolster my self-confidence. Thankfully our relationship survived after my embarassing "confession" as she is still one of my best friends to this day, but I definitely wouldn't recommend the experience.
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