Have you ever felt like you had a "nexus" event in your lifetime?

[The Artisan]

This year's MCU installments have me thinking about my past. People make decisions everyday. Everyday most decisions could be minuscule, but then comes a time where people have to make a choice that could make a significant impact on themselves and others for a foreseeable amount of the future.

Depending on the decision taken and living with it, I either look back in a sigh of relief and gratefulness in believing I did the right thing, OR, I look back with feelings of nonstop regret and sulking about why I did what I did.

But it doesn't have to be only two options. Sometimes on a road in life you could take multiple paths to a destination, and none of them could be good or bad or anything in between. This is what I mean by a nexus event, long story short. Have you ever felt like you had a "nexus" event in your lifetime?

 

[yellowfury]

The day I met my wife

We both coincidentally ended up in a senior level class as sophomores in college. We were the only two non-seniors in the class. It was relevant to my major but for her it was elective. We also coincidentally lived in the same dorm and shared mutual friends despite never meeting before. Before the semester was up we were dating and have been together for over 12 years.

edit- specifically the event would be either one of us deciding to take the class

 

[Z-Beat]

My life decisions are more cascade success or cascade failure, where it's a combination of events building on each other instead of just one big one

 

[Deleted member 8722]

There was this one time when I was on the freeway in the middle lane and a car was going a little slower then the speed limit. As I was approaching it I felt like time slowed down and I had to make a choice on weather I'd pass it on the left or right. I ended up going left but it was just such a weird moment.

 

[FluxWaveZ]

Honestly, I feel like that's most of my major decisions. What should I study? Where should I live? How should I behave towards this person? I feel the weight of all of these decisions, like going slightly towards the left or slightly towards the right will have ramifications for the rest of my life.

So I hesitate to do anything at all, because it's scary to think about making the wrong decision and regretting it forevermore.

 

[Ravelle]

Yeah, Nexus events for the the best.

When in high school, I got told I was better off a a grade lower because I wasn't cutting it because I failed an group project. I told them to a hard no, did the poject on my own and nailed it like nobody's business. And later after many job interviews later and being talked down a bunch, I one day made a mental switch doing my things my way again and once again this way secured me two jobs.

If I would have let others decide my timeline it would have ended up way differently.

 

[Godfather]

I was within 4 feet of Trump in 2015/2016 on the sidewalk of a busy street. In hindsight, I often wish I had bumped him into traffic.

 

[Weebos]

I was within 4 feet of Trump in 2015/2016 on the sidewalk of a busy street. In hindsight, I often wish I had bumped him into traffic.

Click to shrink...

 

[Version 3.0]

Like, where the TVA would come and get me if I chose differently? I suppose not, but then I don't really know their criteria.

But yes, I've made life-altering decisions, for me. Mostly I'd point to the couple of times when I changed careers and/or states where I live.

 

[maximumzero]

Yep, definitely.

Back in 2005 I posted a "personal ad" or sorts on a message board for a locally grown anime convention, trying to meet new people, and ideally, a significant other.

Someone actually read that (probably super lame) post and contacted me.

We dated for ten years, got married in 2017, and our daughter was just born a few months ago.

Had I not made that personal ad, and if she had not responded to it, we never would have known each other existed.

 

[Ryuelli]

I once stepped on a butterfly.

 

[Torpedo Vegas]

Every time I walk down the cereal aisle.

 

[Magnus]

Career stuff for sure. Choosing to accept defeat in my first career and go back to school for the third time was a big decision, but one that quickly led to a fulfilling and successful path. Then, choosing to take a Gamble and go in a slightly different direction within my field 4 years ago was another big risk, especially into a company I knew nothing about, but it paid off in spades and has led me to the most rewarding career milestones.

 

[Skoje]

I think everyone has. If they say they haven't then they're lying.

 

[Treefrog]

There was this one time when I was on the freeway in the middle lane and a car was going a little slower then the speed limit. As I was approaching it I felt like time slowed down and I had to make a choice on weather I'd pass it on the left or right. I ended up going left but it was just such a weird moment.

Click to shrink...

I like the idea that we can sense when a nexus event is happening to us, be we have no idea wtf it means.

 

[KomandaHeck]

I think everyone has. If they say they haven't then they're lying.

Click to shrink...

Not really.

Yeah, everyone carries out unconscious actions that could've had totally different outcomes every day, but you're probably underestimating how stagnant some people's lives can be as well, or at least they've become so stagnant they wouldn't even be able to trace backwards and pinpoint a nexus, that's not lying.

I've obviously made decisions in my life that could've led to a very different present (I guess choosing to quit some shitty jobs is the extent of it) but none of them stand out to me as an obvious "yep, this changed everything" moment.

 

[NateDog]

At one point, a while after school (maybe 2-3) years, I realised my friends weren't really my friends. They called me to go out on nights out and invited me to stuff like watching matches or playing football, but after realising there were a couple of things I wasn't invited to and that they all had been at and made obvious attempts to not discuss around me. They also began only asking me very last minute to do stuff.

Bare in mind I was pretty low in confidence, hated myself as a person and didn't have any other friends or people I socialised with, I was pretty lonely . But it didn't feel nice on those occasions after this that they called me asking to go for a drink when I knew it was because no-one else was around or because they were just bored and figured I'd be free last minute. So it was either have people to socialise with but all the while knowing they didn't really care if I was there or not, or stand up for myself, give myself some credit and some value and cut connections with them, knowing it'd leave me with no-one to talk to or hang out with.

I went with the latter. I still disliked myself heavily as a person and felt I was worthless, but I guess I felt like they didn't have the right to be like that with me, only I did. It meant a number of years of being lonely, but it was a different lonely, and for the first time really I began to like myself and feel like I was doing something right. Eventually I had different jobs and actually made a couple of friends that seemed to be honest and spoke to me because they wanted to, I met my now fiancée that I've been with for nearly 7 years, and I'm a dad. I'm fairly quiet still and only really am fully myself with my fiancée and son and with those few friends from a past job (although due to covid I haven't seen them in years), and I like it that way, and I'm happy.

 

[Rendering...]

No, it's mostly been a long oppressive slog in a groove that's not right for me, with no obvious branches of escape.

Maybe the closest thing to a nexus event in my life is how my family influenced my educational path for the worse.

 

[VorpalNonsense]

I spent a good long time thinking about it and I can pinpoint one specific moment and decision that could have easily gone either way that completely changed the trajectory of my life in a major way.

I was young, I don't remember exactly, mid teens. I had just split from a significant other and was sitting there considering whether to give it a shot, or leave it be. It really could have gone either way. I decided to try to make it work, and sent the message.
Boy being with that person put me down a hellish path that drastically changed everything. Everything about my life today would be different now if I had made the other choice. I had to go through hell to get here, but I think climbing that mountain ended up giving me everything I have today.
That moment snowballed into years of consequence. My school, my home, my job, my current friends, even my personality my skills and my goals, none of it would have turned out the same.

I wouldn't change it. Ultimately those years of hell forged me and resulted in everything I now have. I honestly don't think I'd be nearly as confident or successful now if that hadn't happened.

Geeze, that was a close one. My branch was hard and sure felt like a huge mistake, but I can too easily imagine the guy in the other branch and I don't want to be him.

Serious nexus moment. And reminder that even horrible things can sometimes open unexpected doors down the road.

 

[Runner]

in 1999 i decided to start a webcomic. that lead to me creating an online card game, getting a job in ontario because one of the people who played it happened to be an executive, meeting my wife, eventually leading to my current job in new york.

 

[molnizzle]

I had signed up to join the U.S. Army, but it's not official until you actually show up to the station and swear in. I had months before shipping out and had decided not to go. Got a job at a local restaurant, moved back in with my parents. I had completely forgotten about the army until I picked up my phone one day and the recruiter asked if I was ready to swear in the next morning. I thought about my student loans, looked around at my parents' house and said "fuck it." Shipped out to basic training the next day.

Absolutely, 100% completely changed the course of my life, for better and worse.

 

[Principate]

Not really.

Yeah, everyone carries out unconscious actions that could've had totally different outcomes every day, but you're probably underestimating how stagnant some people's lives can be as well, or at least they've become so stagnant they wouldn't even be able to trace backwards and pinpoint a nexus, that's not lying.

I've obviously made decisions in my life that could've led to a very different present (I guess choosing to quit some shitty jobs is the extent of it) but none of them stand out to me as an obvious "yep, this changed everything" moment.

Click to shrink...

I mean the career course you chose out of high school is pretty common one. Even if it didn't end where you to where you expected it to if you had any sort of real plan at all, if you chose differently you'd end up at a very different place.

 

[Judau]

For me, it would be my old job. I used to work for my dad, but he paid me fucking peanuts. If he had actually paid me fairly, I wouldn't have needed to find a new job. In a way, I should be thankful that he did that, since I've met some really cool people at my current job.

 

[kelik]

Moving out of my home state for my first career job. If I'd stay in state, my pay probably would've trended the same way as it is now but most likely would've went down the "settle down and start a family" route a whole lot sooner.

 

[New Donker]

I met my wife in college because I decided to use a different computer lab than I usually do.

 

[KomandaHeck]

I mean the career course you chose out of high school is pretty common one. Even if it didn't end where you to where you expected it to if you had any sort of real plan at all, if you chose differently you'd end up at a very different place.

Click to shrink...

People have plans and expectations? I can honestly say I've never chose anything career wise, just kinda stumbled into random shit.

EDIT: Thinking on it, I suppose the closest thing would be the IT course I did after I dropped out of sixth form. Met my best friend there who I chat to most days 10 years later. I still don't really view it as some huge trajectory altering thing but there we go.

 

[Deleted member 24021]

I think I'm currently in the middle of mine.

 

[obin_gam]

Lost my phone in a cab one night in 2016. Went on the computer to find someone who could ring it so the driver would see the phone and get it back. The one who helped me is now my wife.
Wether that was a good nexus or bad remains to be seen.

 

[catskratch]

To make a REALLY long story short, my Nexus event was all based around one of my old cars getting totaled in a hit and run parked outside my house and the car I chose to replace it with. Had my car not been hit and then the VERY specific car I bought to replace it with, I would be in a VERY different place right now that I don't even want to think about.

 

[plagiarize]

This year's MCU installments have me thinking about my past. People make decisions everyday. Everyday most decisions could be minuscule, but then comes a time where people have to make a choice that could make a significant impact on themselves and others for a foreseeable amount of the future.

Depending on the decision taken and living with it, I either look back in a sigh of relief and gratefulness in believing I did the right thing, OR, I look back with feelings of nonstop regret and sulking about why I did what I did.

But it doesn't have to be only two options. Sometimes on a road in life you could take multiple paths to a destination, and none of them could be good or bad or anything in between. This is what I mean by a nexus event, long story short. Have you ever felt like you had a "nexus" event in your lifetime?

Click to shrink...

Sure, deciding to stick with the online relationship with a girl I'd never met in person who lived in the US. I remember that night so well, if not the exact date. I went out for a walk to think on it, to figure out if it could work out and if it was worth all the energy that would be involved.

It was early 2000. We were engaged in 2003. I moved to the US and got married in 2004. We're still very happily together in 2021.

But I wasn't sure what to do when I left the house to clear my head and decide if it was worth letting myself get involved with someone on the other side of the world.

 

[Principate]

People have plans and expectations? I can honestly say I've never chose anything career wise, just kinda stumbled into random shit.

Click to shrink...

I mean yeah but if you stumbled in say an apprenticeship or a retail job or what have you will have shaped what you do there after.if you liked the job you may continue if you hated the job you might have done something else entirely but that first decision will have a lot of impact on your life e.g going to college or not, living with your parents or not etc,

 

[Judau]

I think everyone has. If they say they haven't then they're lying.

Click to shrink...

Absolutely! At any point in time, where you grew up, where you live, where you went to school, and where you decided to work could each have led to 1000 different possibilities; you could possibly have met different friends, a different job opportunity could have arisen, or you could have met a completely different partner based on any of those things. Personally, I probably wouldn't like my life even half as much if I had continued down my old path. I wouldn't have half as much money, and I definitely wouldn't have my current car.

 

[MrHedin]

I think my biggest one was 14 years ago and like most people it revolved around meeting my spouse. I was on a 2 year contract with a large company and a few months before my contract was due to run up my boss had a meeting with me and basically said if you're interested when your contract runs out we would like to hire you as a full employee. I was very excited about this as it was a good company where I would get decent pay, good benefits, and then lots of avenues for career growth. Right before I left we had a meeting again and he explained that he couldn't put in for the position until my contract ended (because they needed budget freed up) and that it would be a week before it was posted and then probably 2-3 weeks after that before I would get hired in. I had planned it out financially and I was good with that because hey, who wouldn't want a month off if they can afford it.

A week went by and nothing was posted. That following Monday went by and still nothing. I was going to reach out to my boss then on Tuesday and he actually called me Tuesday morning. Apparently the company had gone into a hiring freeze the previous week so he was unable to post the job. If my contract had literally ended one week sooner the job would have been posted before the hiring freeze and I would have gotten the job.

So I then went into scramble mode as I hadn't been applying to anything or even thinking about working anywhere else. I wanted to avoid doing a contract job again to try to avoid the same situation but at the time there really wasn't anything out there. The first month which I had planned for financially went by, then the second month which I had to start digging into savings to supplement the unemployment checks. Finally getting into the 3rd month I just needed a job and started broadening my search to include contract jobs. Got one a few weeks later and then two days after I started I met my wife. If my first contract had ended a week earlier or the hiring freeze started a week later and I had gotten that first job I never would have met her.

 

[wenis]

texting the right people probably.

 

[Amnesty]

I'm a suicide counsellor, so people's lives are in my hands in a way. It's a stressful responsibility sometimes, having thoughts in the back of my mind that I could mess up and make someone feel worse somehow and go through with it. But I have stopped people who were on the verge or in the process of killing themselves, so I suppose that could be a nexus event type of thing.

 

[Skoje]

Not really.

Yeah, everyone carries out unconscious actions that could've had totally different outcomes every day, but you're probably underestimating how stagnant some people's lives can be as well, or at least they've become so stagnant they wouldn't even be able to trace backwards and pinpoint a nexus, that's not lying.

I've obviously made decisions in my life that could've led to a very different present (I guess choosing to quit some shitty jobs is the extent of it) but none of them stand out to me as an obvious "yep, this changed everything" moment.

Click to shrink...

Well that's a deal with a nexus event you don't know what your choices could lead to. Also, being stagnant IS a path -- it doesn't lay outside of the "nexus event" criteria.

 

[Deleted member 8593]

Oh, this is easy:
- saying yes to an internship on a whim which put my career into a completely different trajectory (teaching to journalism)
- making the first move with my girlfriend which probably saved my life

 

[jroc74]

I think I had a couple, and it always involved a job.

And its regrets, oh man is it regrets....lol.

Each time a decision I made wound up not being good in the long run.

First time was turning down a stable, better job security position in the federal govt for a higher paying contracting job. I woulda been making more within 2-3 years easily....

Next time was trying to get a higher security clearance for job I already had...was working there for 2 years. Wound up losing my clearance and because of that my job. Fucking polygraphs...lol. I wish I had known then what I know now about polygraphs. Also didnt help that my supervisor was basically giving me bad advice on how to approach the polygraph session.

 

[dallow_bg]

Before I first heard The Smiths. And after.
My life and thinking really did change after that.

 

[Keio]

Met a lady by joining a friend for an ex tempore coffee. Got married and lived together for 15 years, had three kids.

Worked too much. Divorced. Invested in a company that got acquired. Met a lady on Tinder. Have a lovely kid and have my other kids with us 50% of the time.

I see so many moments where things could have gone differently, for better or worse. But I'm happy where I am now; looking curiously towards the next ten years.

There's a great TED talk about how we underestimate change: https://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_the_psychology_of_your_future_self/

 

[Thequietone]

In college I got asked out by two women in the same week. I said something stupid without thinking to one because I didn't realize she was asking me out until after it left my mouth so I messed it up. Other one became my wife and now my ex wife. Her filing for divorce caused me to attempt suicide twice which made me finally consider medication for my depression. Unfortunately I now have PTSD from my failed marriage and can't convince myself to get into any relationship now. I wonder if I hadn't screwed up with the other woman by being an idiot would things have gone differently and where would I be now? Better? worse? The same but the different woman being the only change? If I had a nexus event that would be it.

 

[Petruccis Biceps]

I think one of my biggest one was taking a job in manhattan with a super long commute but excellent immediate benefits, and then a few short months later, I was diagnosed with cancer. If I would've kept looking for jobs, there is a chance I would've been fucked financially. My new insurance covered short term disability for 6 months and basically paid for all of my treatment/scans/testing and my job was still there afterwards. Thank my lucky stars for that.

I'm still at that same job 10 years later, full remote since pandemic, company is super progressive.

 

[RichardHawk]

Going through with an abortion. Thank god that happened I can't imagine having an 11-year-old right now.

 

[MrCheezball]

I had signed up to join the U.S. Army, but it's not official until you actually show up to the station and swear in. I had months before shipping out and had decided not to go. Got a job at a local restaurant, moved back in with my parents. I had completely forgotten about the army until I picked up my phone one day and the recruiter asked if I was ready to swear in the next morning. I thought about my student loans, looked around at my parents' house and said "fuck it." Shipped out to basic training the next day.

Absolutely, 100% completely changed the course of my life, for better and worse.

Click to shrink...

This was me. 2 kids, 10 years of marriage, a house, and a master's degree later, I've basically made it.

 

[ItchyTasty]

Each time I've moved to a different city it feels like I changed in some way. Hard to imagine how life would be if I stayed in my hometown.

I've actually been thinking of moving again to experience this again, maybe out of the country for a few years?

 

[molnizzle]

This was me. 2 kids, 10 years of marriage, a house, and a master's degree later, I've basically made it.

Click to shrink...

Same as me, -1 kid.

 

[SolVanderlyn]

The day I decided to go to a Halloween dance and met my toxic ex, and then the inverse, the day I decided to take a job at a retail store, and then again not to leave during Covid, which led to my coworker setting me up with my current SO. The series of events that put us together, and gave us an apartment, are the perfect series of coincidences.

Spoiler: Loki spoilers

This timeline is definitely watched by the TVA and I'm glad my retail job prevented conqueror Kang.

 

[Deleted member 40853]

I think about this a lot because I met my wife on a dating app. So the algorithm had to serve us up to each other and we both had to swipe right. Living in a big city at the time, I would go through a lot of people on the apps very quickly and not really think too hard about swiping left or right on people. It very easily could have not lined up! She is also a little older than me and told me she changed the age range on the app like a week before we met so that I ended up fitting into her criteria. So many things could have been different and the timing had to be perfect!

Now we are expecting a child this year. It's crazy to me to think that there will be a life in this world that was basically brought into existence by the Bumble algorithm.

 

[themoralcenter]

Moving to fl. Met my wife and got to play in a sorta big vg band. Coulda stayed in va but i needed a change wasnt moving expecting to meet a forever friend or play big shows

 

[AHA-Lambda]

Definitely

My most recent break up,
deciding to study my postgraduate degree,
and past battles with depression