Why can’t people admit they’re well off?

[entremet]

I remember this vividly when I went to college. It was a rather expensive school on the northeast. Not Ivy League but it had a lot Rich Kids.

But the Rich kids were in denial it seems. One had a brand new SUV bought by dad. He went on regular ski trips and international vacations. But when we would chat he would say his middle class. I get he wasn't rich rich. But he was clearly upper middle class at least.

I remember working two part time jobs, including Friday and weekends shifts and this guy was getting hammered at frat parties. I was like, must be nice lol.I wondered where did he get all this money without a job. Obviously it was parental support and no shame there.

But that was an interesting revelation on how the well off can think they're Regular Joes. I continued to notice this throughout college and when I went into the working world.

I get no one wants to be a braggart, but there was also a delusion coming from him that he was a regular dude.

Why are well off people so unaware they're well off?

 

[Rosebud]

Some people don't want to be rude or show off. Others don't want to feel like they are the "enemy" or something lol

 

[Kreve]

Everyone takes their experience as baseline unless they're exposed to contrary experiences.

 

[t26]

I mean OP are you going to admit you are well off?

 

[mbpm]

Same reason fighting game players can't admit they're playing top tier sometimes

 

[super-famicom]

Because there are richer people than them.

 

[entremet]

Some people don't want to be rude or show off. Others don't want to feel like they are the "enemy" or something lol

Click to shrink...

Oh but he was a show off lol. All designer clothes, top of the line electronics in college, brand new SUV, etc.

We actually teased him about it because he was denial.

 

[Lkr]

I was just having this "argument" with a friend actually, who was trying to pretend he didn't come from a well-off family. I know him and his family, he comes from a good background, but his argument was they're not multimillionaires lmao

it's just the toxic consumerist society where he feels worse off than everyone else on instagram

 

[CharlesAznable]

Yeah this is something that i've also experienced and also drove me up the wall. Like i've known someone who went to one of those super fancy New England border schools (not on a scholarship) and they tried to tell me they weren't well off.

I think it's because they're around other well off people, and as a result there's bound to be people richer than them, which skews their perspective. In their head, they're like "i'm not as rich as that guy so I can't be rich myself"

 

[echoshifting]

I don't think there's any one reason. Limited perspective, the high value of modesty in most societies, social needs, the inclination to compare up the ladder but not down, etc

 

[Dekuman]

Everyone is middle class in retail politics. This is how our politicians also talk to the voters. It's also kept intentionally vague for the reason of getting the most votes.

I wish we returned to talking about the working class. These are the wage earners who may earn a good wage but are not executives and people collecting income/rents outside of work as their primary income stream

 

[entremet]

I mean OP are you going to admit you are well off?

Click to shrink...

I wouldn't go to a country club and say I'm middle class lol. When there so many markers and clear denial, it's weird.

I get stealth wealth but class cosplay? I find that strange.

Everyone is middle class in retail politics. This is how our politicians also talk to the voters. It's also kept intentionally vague for the reason of getting the most votes.

I wish we returned to talking about the working class. These are the wage earners who may earn a good wage but are not executives and people collecting income/rents outside of work as their primary income stream

Click to shrink...

Good point. Remember Joe the Plumber?

 

[Cassius Africanus]

Everyone takes their experience as baseline unless they're exposed to contrary experiences.

Click to shrink...

Man thank you. I feel like OP totally missed this. The reason OP thought they were well off is because of their own experiences. It's right there in the example. I would be glad the kid was not a rich asshole I had to deal with.

 

[jph139]

Everyone is middle class. If you're not, you're a rich person (evil to pretty much everyone) or you're a poor person (lazy leeches to conservatives, poor uneducated wretches to liberals).

That's the default framing for the American experience, and everyone naturally assumes their experience is the default until they have some sense forced into them.

 

[Booshka]

It serves the owner class that are writing the checks for the workers to not talk about their wages. Wealthier people can entrench this social norm under the guise of modesty, but really it's just because it's a source of class agitation that few people are willing to engage in and our liberal politics shuns.

 

[entremet]

Man thank you. I feel like OP totally missed this. The reason OP thought they were well off is because of their own experiences. It's right there in the example. I would be glad the kid was not a rich asshole I had to deal with.

Click to shrink...

No he was well off. In the freshman dorm it was an open joke because he would talk about things like it was nothing. Going to golf events, frequent international travel. His parents were attorneys. He thought we were dumb. And we would tease him in good fun.

He was cool. We just found the denials weird

 

[echoshifting]

Man thank you. I feel like OP totally missed this. The reason OP thought they were well off is because of their own experiences. It's right there in the example. I would be glad the kid was not a rich asshole I had to deal with.

Click to shrink...

Yeah that guy knew better than to talk about it, I'm skeptical that it's "denial." Sounds like social skills to me

 

[subpar spatula]

A bought suv and trips isn't that much. That's like saying those luxury condos built all over are actually luxury at 650sf. Until you start seeing watches worth 75k or more on some arms will you realize the difference.

 

[Annubis]

They don't want the beggars to know.

 

[Ring Dings and Pepsi]

Ive also observed that and think it's a combination of two things:

1. People rarely like to acknowledge their privilege
2. They probably have a skewed perspective as they always see people more wealthy. "Sure I'm driving an SUV bought by my dad, but have you [insert classmate]? He's driving a Ferrari!"

 

[Deleted member 174609]

I find this sentiment with say, actors and wrestlers who use steroids too. Personally, I don't give a shit if someone uses as long as they're not competing against someone else who isn't. They can do what they want to their bodies, and if it makes them feel better, then great.

It just gets annoying seeing dudes jacked on testosterone preaching about hard work and discipline, where that does come into play to some of it, you don't look like fucking Thor having lean chicken, protein shakes, and a multivitamin.

I get sick of the personal 'everyman' lecturing from people where it's abundantly clear its not.

 

[StrangeRoboMemory]

Part of it is just trying to downplay it, to not come off as a dick.

 

[entremet]

A bought suv and trips isn't that much. That's like saying those luxury condos built all over are actually luxury at 650sf. Until you start seeing watches worth 75k or more on some arms will you realize the difference.

Click to shrink...

There are way more conversional examples he mentioned. And we would tease him because he thought everyone lived like this.

 

[Planx]

People think if they or their parents work a job, even one that pays absurdly well, then they are firmly in the middle class. I guess it's better for the petty bourgeoisie to identify with the middle class than the ultra-wealthy? Though they're probably only doing it as cosplay like you said and not having it impact their political beliefs at all.

At the very least I'd say it ties into nationalist ideas where being American means being middle class. Which also expands the other way where people who are paycheck-to-paycheck are told they are also middle class. It's American culture's attempt to paper over these issues.

 

[Cassius Africanus]

No he was well off. In the freshman dorm it was an open joke because he would talk about things like it was nothing. Going to golf events, frequent international travel. His parents were attorneys. He thought we were dumb. And we would tease him in good fun.

He was cool. We just found the denials weird

Click to shrink...

No I didn't mean he wasn't rich, just that to him this was normal, baseline. To you, he was...more well off than you. Put it like this, his international travel seems expensive to you, for him it was just...Tuesday.


View: https://youtu.be/sjZ5I8l32CI?si=57ro6h8AtKt6k6ts&t=79

Sorry OP just having some fun!

 

[davepoobond]

eat the well off

 

[Henry Jones Jr]

Some of it is probably to not come off as gloating.

Some is likely to defend their ego. If they acknowledge their privilege, even to themselves, it makes their accomplishments seem smaller. Things they have "earned" (money, possessions, jobs, education) were much more easily earned than most others.

 

[Friskykillface]

Everyone wants to struggle without struggling

 

[grang]

This was definitely something I had to come to terms with. I grew up in a rich town that these days is a SUPER rich town, my parents had both been there for several generations and we were not well off, especially when my dad got laid off, I resented that I was lumped in with my peers in school, who often lived in mansions and took annual vacations and all that shit...but we were fine. We lived in a house, shared an entire floor with my brothers and we had our own beds, owned a van and a 20 year old Camry that my brothers and I got to use when we got our licenses, I didn't HAVE to work as soon as I was able and when I started there was no expectation that I had to give that money to my parents, we had food on the table, presents for birthdays and Christmas, a vacation every 5 years or so, video game systems usually within a year of them coming out. I recognize my great privilege now.

 

[julia crawford]

Everyone takes their experience as baseline unless they're exposed to contrary experiences.

Click to shrink...

How in this world does anyone who lives with other people, and is not afforded extreme exclusion by their money, not exposed to contrary experiences?

This is a common argument but I don't think it holds to scrutiny. I think "everyone" is exposed to contrary experiences. But they learn/are taught not to consider them enough to change their own perception of themselves.

 

[Lumination]

You do see people admit to it. It's all the people flaunting their wealth.

Otherwise yeah, some combination of:

• Not wanting to stand out
• Not the type to boast
• Everyone can see the person in the next rung on the ladder, so they are always comparing above

 

[L Thammy]

To my understanding, my grandmother used to have to watch out for burglars regularly because people thought she was rich from the money my grandfather occasionally sent home from abroad. On at least one occasion she was wounded in a knife attack from a home invader.

Her side of the family couldn't afford stuff like chocolate.

 

[Torpedo Vegas]

I'll never forget when me and a coworker were complaining about rent prices and someone hopped into the conversation to complain about spending more than both our rents on boarding their horse.

 

[Sayre]

How in this world does anyone who lives with other people, and is not afforded extreme exclusion by their money, not exposed to contrary experiences?

This is a common argument but I don't think it holds to scrutiny. I think "everyone" is exposed to contrary experiences. But they learn/are taught not to consider them enough to change their own perception of themselves.

Click to shrink...

It's not hard to imagine that peoples social circles tend to be folks in the same class/lifestyle, but I do agree that people aren't taught to think about others and their situations

 

[Bing147]

The idea that someone is buying their kids a vehicle likely worth 40000 at least but isn't wealthy is some real cognitive dissonance.

 

[Kevers]

It's not polite to be flashy with your money generally.

 

[discogs]

When the Revolution comes, they want to slip by...

 

[Ubik]

A bought suv and trips isn't that much. That's like saying those luxury condos built all over are actually luxury at 650sf. Until you start seeing watches worth 75k or more on some arms will you realize the difference.

Click to shrink...

 

[demi]

Have you not seen any of the savings account or credit card threads? People here have no problem admitting they are well off

 

[TheCat]

Oh but he was a show off lol. All designer clothes, top of the line electronics in college, brand new SUV, etc.

We actually teased him about it because he was denial.

Click to shrink...

For him it is normal.

Its his baseline and he probably looks up to people that have better stuff.
You rarely look down.

 

[PtM]

I don't want Era to hate my guts.

 

[julia crawford]

It's not hard to imagine that peoples social circles tend to be folks in the same class/lifestyle, but I do agree that people aren't taught to think about others and their situations

Click to shrink...

Not just social circles, people go shopping, they go to school, they have jobs, they live in towns, cities, they pass by other people, they read the news, see books, watch movies, etc etc

 

[Mr Swine]

I have a somewhatlow paying job compared to others but I don't complain and I think atm I'm well off.

Not the "Oh I eat avocados on toast each morning and lobster for dinner" tow of well off. But that I can but a pizza now and then whenever I feel like it or save enough money to but a new tv

 

[Tathanen]

Everyone takes their experience as baseline unless they're exposed to contrary experiences.

Click to shrink...

End of thread, really. There's a larger convo around hiding wealth to not be a dick or to not want to appear as the enemy, but in OP's case the guy was just stuck in his baseline and it's real hard to snap him out.

 

[subpar spatula]

Click to shrink...

How wealth and luxury is defined nowadays is a lie. People think owning a house is a luxury cause of a backyard. It's a lie by wealthy people to make you not realize they are sucking your money away slowly. Vacations and a new car is nothing.

 

[CupOfDoom]

"middle-class" and "upper middle class" and "rich" and "well off" are all meaningless and arbitrary terms.

unless your the poorest of the poor or richest of the rich, your always going to be between two income brackets. Like sure your parents can afford to take you on international vacations, but maybe you still have to fly coach and stay in 2 star hotels. Maybe your parents can afford to buy you a SUV, but not a new one.

maybe that kind of person is more than well off than you, but they are no where near as well off as the people who could afford to fly first class or own a private jet, or live in an mansion on an "estate" or whatever.

everyone thinks they are middle class, and would never admit to being "rich" unless they have Kardashian type money.

 

[PtM]

I do think hesitance to admit privilege plays a role.

 

[Speedstersonic]

This does swing both ways too. A lot of people where i grew up are in denial about being poor and make barely enough to get by still call themselves "middle class" as to them being homeless is below middle class. Our perception of wealth in general is fucked.

 

[Ryu_Ken]

Maybe they don't feel like they are well off?

 

[Soda]

Oh but he was a show off lol. All designer clothes, top of the line electronics in college, brand new SUV, etc.

We actually teased him about it because he was denial.

Click to shrink...

Just because he has nice things doesn't mean he's a show off? Was he specifically flaunting them and bragging?

And if y'all mocked him for being wealthy yeah no shit he didn't want to talk about it, lol.