Shit texters (and how you deal with them)

[MIMIC]

Nothing irks me more than a person who who doesn't respond to your text in a reasonable amount of time. Call me sensitive but I take it personally. For me, I'll respond pretty quick (or in a few hours), even just to say, "I'm busy, I'll get back to you." But I'll match your energy (or even be worse) if you're one of those "I'll get back to you when I get back to you" kind of people.

For example:

I went on a kinda-sorta date with a guy over the weekend (we saw the new Quiet Place movie). We had been messaging on and off for more than a year (long story) but we finally met up. Afterwards, I told him I had a great time and he said "likewise."

LOL. OK.

So I later told him "goodnight." He read it and didn't respond. Then the following day I messaged him asking if he wanted to meet up again and hang out or whatever. He read the message and didn't respond for more than a day. So I basically more or less said nice meeting you and take care.

Then he sent me these super long paragraphs about how he had fun with me and how he didn't respond because he had to go to the hospital because of a spider bite (he even sent me a picture of the "bite") and how he'd love to hang out again.

My eyes almost rolled out of my head. I haven't opened the message and I don't know if I even want to respond. The fact that he viewed my IG story during this "fatal spider bite" incident was even more annoying.

Once a guy ghosted me, messaged me back, I didn't respond, and he messaged me saying that his mother died. For reasons I won't get into, I think he was 100% lying, but I figured that if he'd go to that extreme just to get me to respond, I might as well forget it.

Another guy took 7 days to respond to me. I told him I'd get back to him in 8 days (which I did).

Usually, if someone takes more than a day to respond to me, I don't respond back (if they do end up responding).

For my close friends, I usually don't have to worry about this (they know me well enough to know that I take it personally lol). I usually respond as soon as I see the message and they usually get back to my messages pretty quick, too.

The only person I let get away with shit texting is my dad lol. He'll call me if he wants to talk and rarely responds to my texts (I rarely text him because of this).

So how do you handle shit texters? Are you a shit texter? Do you take it personally like me? Or do you not really care?

 

[Fiction]

I don't take offense but then again I have ADHD and sometimes just don't have the mental fortitude to keep up a conversation cause of all my other baggage

 

[Mattmo831]

Thank god I live with my partner cause they are the worst texter in the fucking world. I honestly believe it's genetic, you should see the texts with their mom. Full of texts with 0 context, 3 words, no explanations. You read them and go "wtf are they talking about" but somehow they both understand.

 

[Rosebud]

Then he sent me these super long paragraphs about how he had fun with me and how he didn't respond because he had to go to the hospital because of a spider bite (he even sent me a picture of the "bite") and how he'd love to hang out again.

My eyes almost rolled out of my head. I haven't opened the message and I don't know if I even want to respond. The fact that he viewed my IG story during this "fatal spider bite" incident was even more annoying.

Click to shrink...

But why you think it's a lie? It's much easier to scroll than to write

As a bad texter I don't bother with excuses unless they are true lol

 

[platypotamus]

I am the bad texter

 

[skeezx]

some of my closest friends and family will take hours to days to respond, or just not at all. I just kinda figure that's how it is these days and it's nothing personal

me personally I can text a blue streak if you're down to chat, but there are times I just look at my inbox and think "not today..." so i simply assume that could be going on on the other end

 

[Watevaman]

Texts are not for urgent matters to me. If it's something you need an answer to ASAP, just call.

OP, I haven't been in your situation as I live with my partner, but if texting in a timely manner is important, I'd let these people know. If they don't put the effort in to change this aspect, then I'd drop them.

 

[Marvelous]

Not everyone lives on their phones, stressing over a ticking clock with every message seems bad for your health. But admittedly I am a shit texter, so idk

 

[ElectricBlanketFire]

As someone with depression and anxiety, sometimes sending a reply is like moving a mountain.

 

[DrScruffleton]

It doesn't offend me unless it's asking a direct question that is time sensitive AND if I can clearly see that they read it. I am someone who checks their phone instantly for every notification though.

 

[Roxas]

I don't take offense but then again I have ADHD and sometimes just don't have the mental fortitude to keep up a conversation cause of all my other baggage

Click to shrink...

Yeah, not sure if I have ADHD or what (I'm sure I got big problems tho), but sometimes the mere idea of replying to a text is so burdensome that I can't do it, and thus I've got unreplied texts for weeks or even months. So I'm sorry OP, you'd surely hate me -though if anyone texts me with an urgent request I am there instantly-

 

[MIMIC]

But why you think it's a lie? It's much easier to scroll than to write

As a bad texter I don't bother with excuses unless they are true lol

Click to shrink...

True, but he did this all the time. I guess I just got fed up (especially since we've met in person and not just online).

I was legitimately surprised when we managed to plan out our date over the course of just few hours. I expected him to stop responding at some point.

 

[PaulieWalnutsASMR]

As someone with depression and anxiety, sometimes sending a reply is like moving a mountain.

Click to shrink...

This.

And sometimes it gets overwhelming. My sister, who I love very much, will send like 17 individual messages at a time when she texts. And those are in a thread so a lot of family members respond. So unless I mute the thread it's just 15 minutes of *buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz*

 

[Kitsunebaby]

Texting gives me anxiety, since I agonize over my word choice and whether or not there are any unintended connotations to what I've written. So I'll often forgo responding until I have more time/emotional energy to do so. But I have adhd and forget about the text entirely a few minutes afterwards. And then weeks go by.

On the other hand, I'll happily meet up on short-notice to hang out. Face-to-face communication is much easier and more pleasant for me.

 

[Why would you do that?]

Fine I admit, I'm that texter. Honestly I've always been bad at responding, and it's only gotten worse since COVID. It's been very unfortunate, and I don't really know how to deal with it, to be honest.


But there's another type of bad texter, it's the one that texts multiple times in succession, every word or thought in one text, blowing up your notifications. Something like:

9:41 AM Omg
9:41 AM Are you watching
9:41 AM The Direct
9:41 AM The Nintendo Direct
9:41 AM There's a new zelda
9:41 AM You can play as zelda
9:41 AM Echoes of wonder
9:42 AM Wisdom
9:42 AM Echoes of wisdom
9:42 AM Om
9:42 AM Omg
9:42 AM It looks so good

I know a couple people like this, and it's very annoying lol. But it's fine. If it gets too egregious then I'll just silence my phone.

 

[Benzychenz]

It's 2024, we're all glued to our phones.

If someone can't reply to a text within a few hours then I assume I'm not a priority to them and they become less of a priority to me.

 

[metalslimer]

Sorry I'm a bad texter

 

[DrScruffleton]

I think my phone is some of yours worst nightmare lol. I rarely have a day lower than 500 notifications. This is my highest recently(the other stats are messed up for some reason and not showing)

 

[Surakian]

As somebody who is depressed and likely untreated ADHD, responding to texts is very difficult. I do not relate at all xD

 

[Lange]

If you text me something that demands a quick reply, sure I'll do it in a few minutes or immediately. You just sent me a meme or is just telling me something inconsequential? Yeah I'll take my sweet time.

 

[FantasticMrFoxdie]

+1 i'm the bad texter. Sorry OP

 

[ArjanN]

Needy texters are just as annoying as non-replyers.

 

[Big Powder]

It doesn't bother me. People are busy and have lives to attend to. Getting a message from them letting me know this is nice, but ultimately I don't know what someone is going through on the other side of things. Stuff like this is why I really hate the concept of read receipts and the like. As someone with somewhat bad social anxiety, I often need a moment to "hype" myself up before I can bring myself to respond to people, so if someone was just reading a lot of negative intent into me taking some time to respond, I probably don't want them in my life.

 

[Poltergust]

Frankly, if they responded back with such a specific excuse (and even provided a picture) I'd be inclined to believe them. It feels like too much effort otherwise.

It's when they vaguely say "I was so busy and didn't see it" where I'm like yeah, sure you didn't.

 

[loco]

If you text me, I call you.

 

[Trey]

I don't usually mind.

 

[Livingskeletons]

I know a guy whose uses voice text and it's always a miserable experience reading his spelling errors and garbled messages.

 

[TaySan]

Texts are for non emergencies imo. You should give a call if it's something you need an urgent answer

 

[Herne]

My brother is infamous for either taking days or even weeks to respond to texts or not responding at all. I don't get how anyone can be like that. Then he complains that he's not as involved in family events as the rest of us.

Try communicating a bit more, you idiot.

 

[Superpupperbabysassy]

I hope my friends and family don't take me not responding immediately personally. Sometimes I just don't know what to text.

 

[Gashprex]

It's the worst - don't fucking pretend like you can't text back quickly - everybody has their phone at all times

 

[MrMattatee]

OP, do you tell people about your desire for courteous texting behavior up front, letting them know it's a deal-breaker if they ghost you more than 24 hrs? If I know that about someone, I'd try to treat them thr way they wish to be treated, especially knowing how upset they will be if I don't. And if I think it's unreasonable for my lifestyle, then at least we'll both know early in the friendship what we expect of each other and can decide not to go further if it's important enough for either party.

 

[Anatole]

I don't really mind late texters. All of my friends are people I know IRL, so I generally treat messaging like writing and sending a letter. Even weeks later, getting an unexpected text back just makes me happy that they were thinking of me.

 

[weemadarthur]

That's a petty and ableist attitude, which is one thing in your dating life, but you may wish to consider being less nitpicky in the grander relationships.

 

[RadzPrower]

I don't know why I bother texting my wife anymore. You never know when she's going to respond and any time I even hint at that being a problem or annoying it's always "I am at work" and in the back of my head I'm like "I am married to you...I know when you're fuckin' working and when you aren't! You work 36 hours a week, so what's your excuse for the other 76 hours you're not getting your 8 hours of sleep a day?"

Frankly, I'm curious to see what RCS on iPhone reveals about her behavior even more. I'm curious if I'm being left on read or if she legit just doesn't check her fuckin' phone.

 

[Rosebud]

It's 2024, we're all glued to our phones.

Click to shrink...

It's the worst - don't fucking pretend like you can't text back quickly - everybody has their phone at all times

Click to shrink...

People can see a notification quickly but that doesn't mean they are available 24/7, there's other stuff going on

 

[Ouroboros]

I don't take offense but then again I have ADHD and sometimes just don't have the mental fortitude to keep up a conversation cause of all my other baggage

Click to shrink...

I thought I was the only one! Glad to not feel alone.

After realizing it I messaged some of my close friends and apologized and just said "hey it's not you it's me. Just be patient I'm not doing it on purpose"

 

[JigglesBunny]

I mostly cut texts out of my life unless it's purposeful. A few weeks go by with no communication, then it'll send a "you free ____?", set up the plan, then text again when I'm on the way that day. All business.

Keeps my phone from blowing up constantly, contains social interactions to being in-person (which is what actually matters), and my friends have mostly accepted it without issue. Good way to live, really. Highly recommend it.

 

[jph139]

I'm a bad texter and I have zero problem with that. Don't like the fact the world assumes availability 24/7 - I'll get to you when I get to you, if it's urgent give me a call.

 

[Ehoavash]

As an introvert I just don't wanna talk sometimes you know. Cause then we gotta hang out and I gotta make a fake excuse that I'm doing something else..so I pretend I didn't see it or forget :p

 

[Tavernade]

I'm fine with not responding right away, and even have had long term friendships where we'd have a conversation over the course of a week, just texting back when we had a chance.

What I couldn't stand was a friend I had who would read every text I sent but ONLY respond IF I texted them in a very narrow window (like, 6-9 am on their days off). Which even that I could have lived with and accommodated, but it included texts that required responses, like planning trips or hanging out.

 

[Darkwing Duck]

OP would absolutely hate me then. I try to distance from myself from my phone as much as possible when not working and if I'm not dating anyone. On the weekends, it's common for me to only check my phone once when I wake up and once more at night before I go to bed.

 

[Schwarzbier]

I'm glad I don't have to date anymore. If somebody isn't on the same page as you move on. Read notifications are also the devil.

 

[MIMIC]

People can see a notification quickly but that doesn't mean they are available 24/7, there's other stuff going on

Click to shrink...

I don't buy this excuse anymore. We're ALL busy. Unless you're Biden or a terrorist, you can make the time. You just chose who you make time for, and how much. And the response time just indicates where you fit on the priority schedule.

 

[Jam]

You get a response when you get a response. Whether that be minutes, hours or days.

I don't always feel like conversing, or conversing with certain people, and likewise I don't expect more of anyone in return.

 

[AnythingElse]

As someone with social anxiety, I can tell you that receiving texts/emails/etc always fills me with a sense of dread and so I need to take a bit of time in order to build myself up mentally to even read the damn thing. I've spoken to many people who could really relate to that experience as well, so I wouldn't take one's response time so personally.

 

[J-Skee]

I just learned that my sister thinks I don't love her because she always initiates the conversation & and can apparently count on one hand when I would text her first.

So it's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me.

 

[platypotamus]

Sometimes when I'm about to post on resetera or bluesky I have to mentally scan to see if anyone who has texted me and is waiting for a response might see

 

[404LinkNotFound]

Ive found that if a person cares enough, theyll find time to text you back

 

[cirr]

As someone with depression and anxiety, sometimes sending a reply is like moving a mountain.

Click to shrink...

this has been quoted by others multiple times but oh man this is also me
yeah i guess i fall into the 'bad texter' camp
people who actually know me know what i'm like and don't take offense at my texting ways
if they want a faster answer they can opt to call me and sometimes thats how it goes
i havent sent nonstop text barrages since my AOL instant messager days and that was a long time ago