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Life is hard right now and I’m beginning to lose hope

TyraZaurus

TyraZaurus

Member
Nov 6, 2017
4,581
I want to preface this by saying that I don't want to hurt myself. When I talk about giving up hope, I mean absolute fucking despair. Just. Stasis of being unable to feel positive.

But my life is a mess right now. I'm fatigued all the time, and I keep getting into shitty arguments because feeling like I'm on the correct side are the only times I feel driven. This led to my eating a ban here because I wouldn't shut up in multiple PalWorld threads and turned it into trolling. Realizing I want to feel "correct" and "superior" all the time has made me feel even more self hatred.

On top of that an uncle I'm really close to is dying and he's gonna suffer in his final days. Then there's the fact I feel stalled in all my hobbies, including writing, which is something I've always wanted to do.

I don't feel like I'm making a positive influence on the world. Can anyone help me?
 
It’s Time To Go

It’s Time To Go

Member
Dec 2, 2017
21,058
Have you considered taking a break from the internet? I don't mean that facetiously, I mean it's easy on sites like this or twitter to get caught in an endless spiral of negativity.
 
Bladelaw

Bladelaw

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,903
Depending on where you are, check out your local library.
At ours there's tons of programs built to bring people together. There's a D&D group, a knitting/crocheting group, a book club, a 3D Printing group, and tons more just using the library as a place to meet up with folks who have similar interests.

Even if there isn't grab a book or a movie and maybe get some inspiration to help break free of writer's block.
And by showing up to the library you're helping justify an important institution in your community which can only be a positive influence even if it's just locally.

Depending on your interests your Friendly Local Gaming/Comic Shop might have some activities to break up the monotony of living. Nothing like an old fashioned M:TG rule lawyer session to feel superior for the most literal reading of card text.
 
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TyraZaurus

TyraZaurus

Member
Nov 6, 2017
4,581
Lumination said:
Sounds like you found Step #1. It won't be easy, but I also guarantee it won't be as hard as you think.
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It won't be easy at all. I live in an ISL. I have to be driven everywhere by someone else. I don't feel comfortable in bars, and hate alcohol. I don't know how to meet people outside of the tips given above.
 
PassiveObserver

PassiveObserver

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,330
TyraZaurus said:
It won't be easy at all. I live in an ISL. I have to be driven everywhere by someone else. I don't feel comfortable in bars, and hate alcohol. I don't know how to meet people outside of the tips given above.
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Is there a medical reason why you can't drive, and to not work towards learning to drive and gaining that degree of autonomy? Also, what's an ISL?
 
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TyraZaurus

TyraZaurus

Member
Nov 6, 2017
4,581
PassiveObserver said:
Is there a medical reason why you can't drive, and to not work towards learning to drive and gaining that degree of autonomy? Also, what's an ISL?
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An ISL stands for "independent supported living". I have a roommate and staff here round the clock to help me achieve tasks. Only the staff can drive the company car, and I live on SSI so I can't afford my own. On top of that my anxiety makes it difficult for me on the road.
 
crienne

crienne

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,722
TyraZaurus said:
An ISL stands for "independent supported living". I have a roommate and staff here round the clock to help me achieve tasks. Only the staff can drive the company car, and I live on SSI so I can't afford my own. On top of that my anxiety makes it difficult for me on the road.
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Living situation aside, you sound a lot like me before I started therapy and meds for several anxiety disorders about 8 years ago, and then again before I started ADHD medication and therapy a few years back.

Not saying they're magical cure-alls, but are you able to see a psychiatrist? Or can you talk to your GP about this sort of thing?
 
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TyraZaurus

TyraZaurus

Member
Nov 6, 2017
4,581
crienne said:
Living situation aside, you sound a lot like me before I started therapy and meds for several anxiety disorders about 8 years ago, and then again before I started ADHD medication and therapy a few years back.

Not saying they're magical cure-alls, but are you able to see a psychiatrist? Or can you talk to your GP about this sort of thing?
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I am in therapy and on meds. I guess I could talk to them about all this though. I haven't been very forthcoming as of late.
 
Helmholtz

Helmholtz

Member
Feb 24, 2019
1,199
Canada
Your recognizing your negative behavioral traits is commendable. A lot of people never do. The hard part will be consciously correcting the behavior. Don't be too hard on yourself when you slip up, just keep working at it.
Social life is tough especially as we get older. Socializing on the internet is nothing to be ashamed of in my opinion.
My personal recommendation, if an option, would be to find a way to get outdoors more, preferably into nature. Some sort of club in this regard might help with that and socializing. My life improved a lot once I started to take substantial breaks from the digital world and get outside.
Best of luck to you.
 
crienne

crienne

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,722
TyraZaurus said:
I am in therapy and on meds. I guess I could talk to them about all this though. I haven't been very forthcoming as of late.
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Definitely a good idea. They can at least offer an understanding ear, but maybe some techniques to better cope with the really rough moments and at least get back to some sort of equilibrium.
 
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TyraZaurus

TyraZaurus

Member
Nov 6, 2017
4,581
Helmholtz said:
Your recognizing your negative behavioral traits is commendable. A lot of people never do. The hard part will be consciously correcting the behavior. Don't be too hard on yourself when you slip up, just keep working at it.
Social life is tough especially as we get older. Socializing on the internet is nothing to be ashamed of in my opinion.
My personal recommendation, if an option, would be to find a way to get outdoors more, preferably into nature. Some sort of club in this regard might help with that and socializing. My life improved a lot once I started to take substantial breaks from the digital world and get outside.
Best of luck to you.
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It doesn't feel commendable but thank you.

crienne said:
Definitely a good idea. They can at least offer an understanding ear, but maybe some techniques to better cope with the really rough moments and at least get back to some sort of equilibrium.
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I think more than equilibrium I just…need a change. I've been trapped in a vicious cycle of doing nothing. Everyone's suggestions to get out more sound like the trick, combined with concentrating on therapy and wellness.
 
345

345

Member
Oct 30, 2017
8,067
TyraZaurus said:
Realizing I want to feel "correct" and "superior" all the time has made me feel even more self hatred.
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you've already demonstrated a ton of self-awareness here. you've identified the downward spiral of pointless internet discourse. that's genuinely a meaningful leap that a lot of people never make.

the next step is to figure out what actually makes you happy. if that's writing, channel your energy as best you can. i'm a professional writer and i constantly struggle with how to use my time. it takes active effort to be productive — not just the actual writing, but the things around it that make you a better writer. you need to carve out time for reading, writing, and even supposedly throwaway time-wasting. do that and the mental processing for your writing will happen in the background.
 
NinjaScooter

NinjaScooter

Member
Oct 25, 2017
56,452
You don't have to abandon individual relationships with people you might have online, but most social spaces on the internet have become ones where negativity/cynicism in some form or another is rewarded or signal boosted so It wouldn't be surprising if people needed to take a step back from those places for a bit for their own health.
 
Lumination

Lumination

Member
Oct 26, 2017
13,687
Does your ISL have community functions? A common area? Getting out and about, even if it's playing Connect Four with some people a few units down will do good.

I think about the negative mental health effects of solitary confinement. And while people aren't sitting in that extreme, I think the oftentimes empty calories of internet interaction has definitely helped people justify living more solitary lives. While you may have been in the minority 15yrs ago, I think more people (especially gen z and younger) are in similar situations. Definitely don't underestimate what simple environment changes, social interactions, and just the dang good feeling of accomplishing dragging yourself out the door can do for your mental health and self-esteem.
 
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TyraZaurus

TyraZaurus

Member
Nov 6, 2017
4,581
Lumination said:
Does your ISL have community functions? A common area? Getting out and about, even if it's playing Connect Four with some people a few units down will do good.

I think about the negative mental health effects of solitary confinement. And while people aren't sitting in that extreme, I think the oftentimes empty calories of internet interaction has definitely helped people justify living more solitary lives. While you may have been in the minority 15yrs ago, I think more people (especially gen z and younger) are in similar situations. Definitely don't underestimate what simple environment changes, social interactions, and just the dang good feeling of accomplishing dragging yourself out the door can do for your mental health and self-esteem.
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The ISL is just me and my roommate plus staff. It's not like a group home.

But what you're saying is right on the money regardless.
 
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TyraZaurus

TyraZaurus

Member
Nov 6, 2017
4,581
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who replied here. I really appreciate it, even if I didn't reply to you directly.
 
Stick

Stick

Member
Oct 30, 2017
1,338
Don't feel a hatred towards yourself man, being a human is hard and feels impossible at times to succeed in the ways we want. We fight day after day to try to feel alright, but we seem to fall far short from our goal of feeling at peace with ourselves and our lives. The thing that makes people awesome though is that we can continue to fight and push forward, past our preconceived limitations that we have placed on ourselves. You're definitely not at the limts of what you can do and achieve in your life, so don't give up hope and beat yourself up. Push past that narrative and identity you've built in your head about what you can and can't do.

For me personally, though I still struggle, have found the best thing is to fight through that voice in my head that constantly badgers me with insults and telling me I suck or can't do something. Don't let it dictate your life and tell you how to live. Don't let that negative voice have power it desires. I also believe that working on emotional control is imperative (coming from someone who is bipolar-1), as being able to step back and analyze how you feel and why you feel that way without reacting in negative ways, helps in being able to combat them and their strangle hold that they have on us. Heck, even working on will-power and succeeding when you do something you don't want to do, or not doing something you want to do but know is bad, is a huge confidence builder and will let you see yourself in a new light. I definitely feel like reading books on how to better control my emotions has helped me a lot in being able to have a clearer view of my mindset and what normally drives me, so I'd say learning how to better control yourself when you start to feel those highly emotional states is important. From there, you can just pick away at the traits and things you want to change about yourself. I guess it's not as easy as I make it sound when writing, but I definitely think it's possible for us to pull out those hidden traits we want from within us.

I don't get much socializing outside of work, so I don't have tips on how to help with that, but I believe as you work on yourself, you will start to see your social life materialize in a better way as you become more confident in who you are and what you can provide for not just others, but yourself as well.
 

Thesleepydweeb

Member
Oct 19, 2023
369
Take it day by day. You've faced tough times before and you're still here.

There's some things I'd recommend trying to break the negative momentum.

Examples:

Engage more with family and friends. Go out of your way to check in with someone.

Be kind to someone at least once a day. It can be someone you know or a stranger. Something small.

You mentioned feeling fatigued.

Ideally, you have or will be comfortable with reaching out to a qualified professional. But based off what you said, that could be a signal you're dehydrated or not eating enough throughout the day.

Get outdoors away from digital screens (30 mins for example).

You could exercise, talk a quick walk, or relax outside. Then, go back inside.

When you get into situations where you want to be correct, acknowledge it in the heat of the moment and try letting it go.
 
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TyraZaurus

TyraZaurus

Member
Nov 6, 2017
4,581
I screwed up and was a jerk again.

I should probably should step away from this forum for a while…
 
DevilPuncher

DevilPuncher

"This guy are sick" and Aggressively Mediocre
Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,079
I mean, I get it. I caught a thread ban in a Pal World thread and decided it would be best to just tap out of the discussion altogether really. Sometimes it's just best to ignore the noise and let people be peoplin'. Can't change minds that don't want changing and it's not necessarily your place to do so ultimately.

Find something fun you like doing, that's what I do that helps. I think you mentioned learning D&D? That could be chill.
 
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TyraZaurus

TyraZaurus

Member
Nov 6, 2017
4,581
My dad is in legal trouble that may land him in prison. I can't say whether it's justified, but that it will be devastating to our family financially and in regards to care for my disabled mother and siblings.

So yeah life is going fucking great since I posted this.
 
Stavo

Stavo

▲ Legend ▲
Member
Nov 26, 2022
980
Brazil
TyraZaurus said:
My dad is in legal trouble that may land him in prison. I can't say whether it's justified, but that it will be devastating to our family financially and in regards to care for my disabled mother and siblings.

So yeah life is going fucking great since I posted this.
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I'm sorry to hear that, man.
How are you doing?
 
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TyraZaurus

TyraZaurus

Member
Nov 6, 2017
4,581
I've been a wreck honestly. I've lost a friend based on my initial defense of my dad when I was in denial, and everything has just been colored by both events. Right now I'm dealing with my sister and I's sick cat and trying to get her to the vet.
 
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TyraZaurus

TyraZaurus

Member
Nov 6, 2017
4,581
so I need to give full disclosure

I'm reeling from the fact that someone I trusted sexually assaulted me and the dissolution of my support network is continuing apace. I may be losing my housing. My cat is injured and I had to mooch off my friends and sister to pay for her treatment twice now.

It's one thing after the other.

What am I even living for?
 
FTF

FTF

Member
Oct 28, 2017
29,938
New York
I'm sorry hear OP but keep fighting and you have this place still and it's a strong community and things will turn around. I know not the best advice but just wanted to comment so keep posting and we care.
 
slider

slider

Member
Nov 10, 2020
2,938
Not the best update, TyraZaurus but I really hope you've a plan to move ahead. Sometimes that can just be to keep going. Easier said than done, I know.

Hope your kitty's doing better too.
 
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