Well said. It's like...I don't know you very well. Let's do something where we can just sit back and chat in a relaxed environment before we think about spending more time together. That's it. No need for some narrative.
Educate me: the perilousness of the "Coffee date". Yay or nay?
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Well said. It's like...I don't know you very well. Let's do something where we can just sit back and chat in a relaxed environment before we think about spending more time together. That's it. No need for some narrative.
Not doing smart and useful things because red pill idiots also happen to do them (though with stupid ass reasoning behind it) seems really dumb.
Pretty sure a hundred percent of red pillers like to breathe as well. That suck, guess I'm done breathing for the rest of my life.
Pretty sure a hundred percent of red pillers like to breathe as well. That suck, guess I'm done breathing for the rest of my life.
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Upholding the toxic masculinity belief that a man's value is tied to his ability to provide for a woman, how feminist of her 🤡
This reeks of Female Dating Strategy and the "high value man" bullshit, basically they correlate the level of effort with the amount of money spent. So if you're not dropping bands to entertain her you're just a scrote and unworthy of their time and attention.
As always the default position is that their time is more important and valuable than yours, so you have to prove you deserve to be in their presence. I definitely see this devolving into "findom" for this type of person, where you need to pay a tribute to even talk to them
I'm not American, but my first date with my wife was also a coffee date over 8 years ago, so this goes beyond borders
This reeks of Female Dating Strategy and the "high value man" bullshit, basically they correlate the level of effort with the amount of money spent. So if you're not dropping bands to entertain her you're just a scrote and unworthy of their time and attention.
As always the default position is that their time is more important and valuable than yours, so you have to prove you deserve to be in their presence. I definitely see this devolving into "findom" for this type of person, where you need to pay a tribute to even talk to them
I'm not American, but my first date with my wife was also a coffee date over 8 years ago, so this goes beyond borders
Talk about entitlement. I would be glad to have my coffee date invitation declined.
I think most men and women are normal, stable people and would not mind getting coffee for a first date. Or maybe they would mind, but then they'd decide to go to a movie instead.
I do think we have to be cautious in this world. But I think social media has made both men and women unreasonably paranoid and distrustful of strangers.
I do think we have to be cautious in this world. But I think social media has made both men and women unreasonably paranoid and distrustful of strangers.
I really don't get it either. Frankly I don't ascribe that much worth to you, I don't know you.
If someone wants to assume that unwillingness to spend money on strangers means unwillingness to spend money on friends and partners then that's their loss.
This is one of those extremely online takes. Normal people don't wanna do video dates, and coffee dates are low stress with an easy out.
Plus frankly the implication of "make sure he spends money on you" isn't great.
Plus frankly the implication of "make sure he spends money on you" isn't great.
I legit don't understand that tweet. What better setting to get a feel of the vibes of someone than going out for a drink or a meal? Public space, neutral setting, it's expected and it costs virtually nothing. I would pass on someone who asked me to video chat as first contact, would feel like some weird formal interview to me. But I'm french, maybe there's some USA dating etiquette nuances that are lost to me in this.
Yeah, there is some intersection of a lack of humility and unhealthy issues with how they measure their self worth within the women who demand an extravagant first date, particularly when it comes to online dating. I've had "first dates" where I knew within the first 10 minutes that I didn't want to see that person again, despite how good our app-based conversation was prior to meeting in person. I would hate to be stuck at a full dinner in that scenario.
I recall going crazy on the dating apps for the first couple months after I moved to a new city 10 years ago. I vividly remember one specific week of excess where I went on 6 "dates" in 7 days. I put the word dates in quotes there because 5 of the 6 were first meetings after talking on the dating apps. I wasn't hurting for money then, but just the idea of paying for 12 meals in a week for the privilege of meeting a potential partner was a ridiculous notion to me.
This just sounds like terminally online insanity to me that actually circles back to being weirdly anti-progressive?
A low-stakes date benefits both people immensely. If a woman feels threatened or uncomfortable with her date, it's so much easier to get the hell out of there instead of the formalities of staying for a meal. In my mind, I always assumed a coffee date was "feminist" as it respects the time and agency of both parties. Also, in my experience, I've had women propose coffee dates more often than I have.
A low-stakes date benefits both people immensely. If a woman feels threatened or uncomfortable with her date, it's so much easier to get the hell out of there instead of the formalities of staying for a meal. In my mind, I always assumed a coffee date was "feminist" as it respects the time and agency of both parties. Also, in my experience, I've had women propose coffee dates more often than I have.
Well, I'm glad someone brought it up.....
I can't say this person's take is unfamiliar, sadly
This sounds like toxic bullshit to me.
I don't know jack shit about what the current red pilled fuckhead dating strategies are, but mine are simple:
We're both adults and show up expecting to be responsible for our own expenses unless discussed beforehand. In an ongoing relationship, I'm happy to buy meals, plan dates, etc., though I want partners who do the same. But in a not-yet-anything relationship where we haven't met? Nope, we're grabbing some food or coffee or whatever, paying our own way, and doing some basic human interactions to see how we feel about anything more than that.
Planning complex dates and treating someone special is for people I know and love. I don't do that for complete or near-complete strangers, and I don't know why anyone would.
I don't know jack shit about what the current red pilled fuckhead dating strategies are, but mine are simple:
We're both adults and show up expecting to be responsible for our own expenses unless discussed beforehand. In an ongoing relationship, I'm happy to buy meals, plan dates, etc., though I want partners who do the same. But in a not-yet-anything relationship where we haven't met? Nope, we're grabbing some food or coffee or whatever, paying our own way, and doing some basic human interactions to see how we feel about anything more than that.
Planning complex dates and treating someone special is for people I know and love. I don't do that for complete or near-complete strangers, and I don't know why anyone would.
I've had my fair share of coffee dates and dinner dates. Every time the circumstances of why I chose one or the other had NOTHING to do with the women but entirely due to my scheduling or due to me wanting to do a certain activity. I think there's an assumption that how much men want to pay for a date that says something about them when often times it tends not to be that deep behaviorally. But I might be trying to assume a lot of positive intent on how men behave. EDIT: I'm fine with women declining dates and have had that done before in that past. In fact I've had women literally accept dates and then not show up. But never in any of those circumstances did I assume negatively about the other person or devalue myself in the process. Sometimes shit just doesn't work out and it's okay. But instead we have individuals holding up the sexes as a monolith and damning them. What I do damn are the people that take these hyperbolic and extremist mindsets filled with toxicity and propogating them to their audience. Fuck those individuals no matter what sex thy are.
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Sorry no, she's full of shit. It's extremely insulting that she is accusing all men of thinking like that. A coffee date is just a low pressure environment, it's not some value assessment. In fact, the flipside of her argument is how many women I've personally known in real life who agree to go on dates with guys they have no interest in just to get a free meal out of it. There are bad actors on both sides but that's no reason to assume everyone is.
When I was still dating I used to do first dinner dates and eventually I mostly stopped because of how many awkward meals I had to sit through. Video chat is no substitute for in-person human interaction.
When I was still dating I used to do first dinner dates and eventually I mostly stopped because of how many awkward meals I had to sit through. Video chat is no substitute for in-person human interaction.
I'd rather a coffee date than an activity date because it's a good way to sus out vibes and also won't break the bank. The concept of man always pays for the first date/any date is stupid too, and leads to a lot of men feeling entitled to sex because they've paid :/
I prefer walking around. My local coffee spot is a small hole in the wall with no indoor seating but their drip coffee game is excellent(and they roast their own beans) so a coffee date is not possible for me anyway. Walking around Brooklyn with good coffee in my hands? That's a good time, if they're not down for that then respectfully is what it is.
Dinner specifically as a first date is a hard no. Can enjoying time outside taking in the neighborhood lead to lunch/or dinner? Sure can.
As for the thread in question, I can appreciate that the dating game is probably much harder these days, but I don't think any of those are advice given under good faith. None of that shit sounds healthy to me. I am biased as a man however so I firmly don't know just how hard it is out there on the other side.
Dinner specifically as a first date is a hard no. Can enjoying time outside taking in the neighborhood lead to lunch/or dinner? Sure can.
As for the thread in question, I can appreciate that the dating game is probably much harder these days, but I don't think any of those are advice given under good faith. None of that shit sounds healthy to me. I am biased as a man however so I firmly don't know just how hard it is out there on the other side.
Im fine paying if I ask a girl on a date, but I genuinely like coffee and the vibe of a nice coffee shop and it seems like the safest option
Id also be fine taking a girl out to a nice restaurant for a first date but I feel like that would come off a bit tryhard and intense. I come from working class roots so that might effect my mentality
Id also be fine taking a girl out to a nice restaurant for a first date but I feel like that would come off a bit tryhard and intense. I come from working class roots so that might effect my mentality
If this is a genuine passion a person has and the other person agrees, then it honestly sounds like a killer date lol.
Or maybe it's just an easy way to have a conversation with someone in a relaxed environment and enjoy a hot beverage
If someone countered my invite for coffee with "a video chat" I'm already out the door
People are just trying too hard to be the main character on social media
If someone countered my invite for coffee with "a video chat" I'm already out the door
People are just trying too hard to be the main character on social media
Lol. A coffee date is nice cause its casual and no pressure. And it can be a calm atmosphere over a hectic loud restaurant.
For as long as I can remember, coffee dates have always been, in very literal terms, the 'safe' option. If you don't feel comfortable drinking or going out at night with a stranger, then you opt for a coffee date in the middle of the day, in a coffee shop surrounded by other customers. I think my parents taught me that.
I saw this in my feed last night too and honestly thought women preferred this as a date option. If 'value' is her concern, I mean coffee dates don't necessarily just mean coffee. Sometimes you click and maybe end up doing something else later, or its coffee and dessert and some desserts can be a whole meal anyway.
Her replies of having the men pay as reparations and that dinner dates is what she's advising just seems excessive. Like you end up in the same ballpark as conservatives.
Didn't know Feminista Jones has been racist in the past, in regards to dating.
Didn't know Feminista Jones has been racist in the past, in regards to dating.
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If a woman reacted like that to me I would be thankful she's showing me a glaring red flag right off the bat so I can find a date elsewhere.
Yeah, but coffee is good. I'd rather go to nice coffee shop than a restaurant to get to know someone.
As a date, it's easier for both parties to cut it short if it's not going well or extend if it is.
As a date, it's easier for both parties to cut it short if it's not going well or extend if it is.
Like, yeah it's racist, but this also doesn't actually inform the discussion in any way. Nothing really changes as a result of this revelation--it doesn't put a new spin on what's in the OP or expose some innate hypocrisy or show us that the source isn't worth trusting at all. Yes, these tweets are really shitty but what is the purpose of bringing them up here? We already know she has super toxic takes on dating, it's right there in the OP for everyone to see and nobody is defending her at all. It's just dunking for the sake of dunking, it doesn't really add anything you know? It doesn't continue the discussion in any way.Her replies of having the men pay as reparations and that dinner dates is what she's advising just seems excessive. Like you end up in the same ballpark as conservatives.
Didn't know Feminista Jones has been racist in the past, in regards to dating.
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I legit feel like I just read a post from a fictional character that is a "parody" of feminists.
You mean like when you said she is "proving a lot of misogynists right" and how that's kinda sexist? Her being shitty doesn't prove the crap they spew about women correct.
Her replies of having the men pay as reparations and that dinner dates is what she's advising just seems excessive. Like you end up in the same ballpark as conservatives.
Didn't know Feminista Jones has been racist in the past, in regards to dating.
If these are real she can fuck right off. Like... Not only is this overtly racist it absolutely trounces on physical aspects that men have zero control over. Like... what the fuck?
I mean... this exposed to me that not only does she have some really shit views about dating males but it also tells me she's racist as fuck against men of certain ethnicity. It doesn't sound like it's old news based off of what's in the OP to me. Sounds like it paints an even broader picture of what type of individual she is surrounding this topic instead of having an one-off bad take.
My point is that all it does is take a discussion about how women can also uphold toxic masculinity and the patriarchy through ideas like the ones outlined in the OP and just redirects the whole thing into a dunkfest and makes it all about her instead of the larger issue outlined and discussed. Essentially it redirects us from discussing a societal issue that we haven't really ever grappled with and turn it into twitter dunk times and it's kind of exhausting seeing legit discussions derailed by our collective need to dunk on people instead.
Like, I'm not saying she's not horribly racist here, she obviously is, I'm just frustrated that the thread is turning from what could be an actual useful and interesting discussion to the standard dunk-a-thon that's probably going to wind up with people saying some sexist/bigoted nonsense in an attempt to dunk that will then get them banned and the thread locked. It's just tiring seeing it happen again and again and again.
With all due respect, I don't think you're going to find a intellectual or comprehensive conversation about how women are upholding the patriarchy or toxic masculinity through a shit take from an internet celebrity. Not only that but expecting the conversation to naturally gravitate or even have it stay in that direction is just an unfair expectation considering the nature of this entire thread so far has been "here's an obviously stupid comment made by an individual that may or may not have other stupid takes." The intent of the thread may have been to have a deeper commentary on how a comment like hers perpetuates certain stances but that's not how this thread started. It was a very simple conversation about a perspective and nearly everyone universally dunked on a bad take because it is. There's not much discussion to be had when everyone sorta agrees. Not only that but it's an absolute travesty to expect a single individual's bad take to represent the entire female heterosexual monolith. It's how we get into these dangerous situations where men and women get gaslit by these podcasters and internet celebrities. She has a bad take and unsurprisingly (because she's human) has other bad takes. She may be a totally okay person with a few bad takes and that's totally fine. What she has said about dating or being racist against certain men has no bearings on other great things she may have said. But by bringing up somewhat related commentary about dating it is informing individuals to not trust her views in regards to these topics and is still a worthwhile venture despite not going over the metacommentary about dating discourse by hetero male and females.
A lot of misogynists claim women only want men for their money, that they don't want actual meaningful relationships. You and I both know that's not even close to being true. Her words and actions, though, are a beacon to those assholes so they can say "See!? We were right!"
We can have a conversation both about how coffee dating has been a thing for ages, and doesn't necessarily mean men are just trying to see what value a woman has(even though she's doing exactly that but in reverse) and also talk about her shitty racism and how that may have molded her views on men.
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