DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

[SmackDaddy]

Had a date with a girl lined up, but i sent her a text telling how horrible my mindset around dating is right now. she was super cool and wants to meet up as friends. I'm down.

Played pool with a group of friends, theres a girl in the group who's a fucking bombshell that I just met. shes super dope. but she smokes and drinks too much for me, but i couldnt stop thinking about her all night. she said she wanted to go golfing with me, and that sounds fun. I can never be friends with attractive women who are single, maybe i can give this one a shot, considering we're a part of the same friends group and im ultra depressed right now. wish me luck. I think just taking my time and not wanting anything from it will help with my scarcity mindset.

Oh wait, i dont even know if shes single. Even better!

Facebook and YouTube exist because nerds wanted a way to meet people so why not. Control and responsibility/agency aren't always different behaviours

The Apps are very skill based matchmaking where attractiveness/desirability = Skill tier. Thing is everyone wants to be dating S rank people. So the apps will show you these people even if you're in B rank or lower in order to try and get you to spend money to contact these people.

For S rank people the apps try and keep them engaged with an abundance of choice. They are farming these people. Saying Hey please stay on our platform look at all these 100+ options and creating a paralysis of choice. Dating apps work very well for S rank people if they have self control and can manage their energy and be willing to accept "good enough" connections. Filtering tends to be the biggest challenge in this tier

Aka when your seeing 100 people with perfect bodies and great careers, how can you tell who you will actually connect with.

The apps have a systemic bias against certain demographics and if you want to create a system without these institutional bias' I think that's a reasonable conclusion to make given what's before you.

If you're putting together a team to build an app I'd be keen to be a part of the process. I can't code for shit but I'm great on the idea side in a brainstorming capacity and I'm decent at data analysis

Click to shrink...

heck yeah dude! i'll definitely message if things start taking shape a little bit. As of now, i'm super duper depressed and have so much work to do until mid-march, but i think the rest of the year might be somewhat of a sabbatical for me. Perhaps then we can start formalizing things :)

 

[Raxious]

Man, I feel like I missed out on so much of the dating scene and I'll never succeed at it because of that :') Basically had to deal with medical issues from my 19th till my 26th which included daily home care visits to help me out. Cost me 2 studies and possibly a whole life of going out, meeting people etc. Not only that, but during that time I found out that those people I considered friends ghosted me completely when I needed them the most. Which nowadays results to me in never calling someone my 'friend', and not putting enough time into maintaining friendships because of being abandonded so many times. During my third study I was so focused on making sure i'd be able to finish that I missed out on at least one girl who i found out later had mutual feelings for me.

I'm average looking at best and quite the shut in. Terrible at taking pictures or whatever to put on dating apps and such so the few times i got on there I never ended up with any conversations, let alone dates. It's like life telling me i fucked up by missing out one that one lady and I'm no longer given a chance haha.

Anyway, about 2 years ago I met this wonderful lady whom I talked about once before on here. After a few meetings and having a great connection, asked her out for dinner and i was told she wasn't looking for a relationship at that time. I liked her, but with us not going on a date or anything, i felt like I didn't want to lose a potential friendship with someone I actually had a genuine connection with, similar game tastes, shows, etc. We've been meeting up a few times over the last year and everthing's been nice.

Fast forward to this year, when during a casual conversation, she mentions another guy she's been playing with and that he bought her a ticket for a concert in another city that they'll be going to. Normally my reaction to anyone mentioning such a concert my reaction would be "That's awesome", but in this case my first inner reaction was "damn this hurts". I actually felt jealous and I realized that a part of me still has feelings for her :|

This still means absolutely nothing of course and chances are high i'm just overthinking things, but me feeling jealous like this caught me completely off guard. And if she found someone she's happy with, then more power to her and I'd be happy she found someone. Yet thinking about that still stings.

Guess that's life huh.

Still wonder if I should bother giving those dating apps another try but there's also a part of me saying I should just accept that perhaps there's not someone out there for me. It's sounds a little depressing I know, but with all the bad luck i have when it comes to relationships, I feel like life is making it perfectly clear haha.

 

[SmackDaddy]

Man, I feel like I missed out on so much of the dating scene and I'll never succeed at it because of that :') Basically had to deal with medical issues from my 19th till my 26th which included daily home care visits to help me out. Cost me 2 studies and possibly a whole life of going out, meeting people etc. Not only that, but during that time I found out that those people I considered friends ghosted me completely when I needed them the most. Which nowadays results to me in never calling someone my 'friend', and not putting enough time into maintaining friendships because of being abandonded so many times. During my third study I was so focused on making sure i'd be able to finish that I missed out on at least one girl who i found out later had mutual feelings for me.

I'm average looking at best and quite the shut in. Terrible at taking pictures or whatever to put on dating apps and such so the few times i got on there I never ended up with any conversations, let alone dates. It's like life telling me i fucked up by missing out one that one lady and I'm no longer given a chance haha.

Anyway, about 2 years ago I met this wonderful lady whom I talked about once before on here. After a few meetings and having a great connection, asked her out for dinner and i was told she wasn't looking for a relationship at that time. I liked her, but with us not going on a date or anything, i felt like I didn't want to lose a potential friendship with someone I actually had a genuine connection with, similar game tastes, shows, etc. We've been meeting up a few times over the last year and everthing's been nice.

Fast forward to this year, when during a casual conversation, she mentions another guy she's been playing with and that he bought her a ticket for a concert in another city that they'll be going to. Normally my reaction to anyone mentioning such a concert my reaction would be "That's awesome", but in this case my first inner reaction was "damn this hurts". I actually felt jealous and I realized that a part of me still has feelings for her :|

This still means absolutely nothing of course and chances are high i'm just overthinking things, but me feeling jealous like this caught me completely off guard. And if she found someone she's happy with, then more power to her and I'd be happy she found someone. Yet thinking about that still stings.

Guess that's life huh.

Still wonder if I should bother giving those dating apps another try but there's also a part of me saying I should just accept that perhaps there's not someone out there for me. It's sounds a little depressing I know, but with all the bad luck i have when it comes to relationships, I feel like life is making it perfectly clear haha.

Click to shrink...

Hey dude, I think we messaged awhile back. Glad to hear from you again!!

It's totally cool and understandable you are feeling jealousy towards this new guy in her life. Now USE THAT to get out there and keep meeting people. People who abandoned you, unless you were being mean to them, are just being jerks. It's not our fault for any abandonment we might feel in our lives.

It sounds like you really want to give partnership a shot. Don't let it die because of a lack of/bad experiences in the past.

Can you talk to a photographer in your area? Maybe a recent grad or something you can give a couple hundred bucks to for some sick pics? Could you go into a GAP and get some fashion advice from a friendly-looking worker to use at said photo shoot?

Sadly the apps are the best way to get some eyes on you, especially if your hobbies are indoors.

In the meantime you could start pushing your comfort zones by going to a bar or something and saying hi to the person sitting next to you. Like Friday night, I was waiting for my friends to show up, so I sat around and talked to a guy with a Slovenian Army patch on his jacket about Tarot cards for like an hour. It was awesome. Ask her to go out to a bar and wing woman for you or something. just talk to strangers with no expectations - guys and girls.

Keep trying new stuff !!! DONT GIVE UPPPP! :D

 

[Thequietone]

Got a like on Hinge for the first time in forever but in her profile it says her match must have a beard but she clearly sees in my pictures I'm clean shaven lol. Including the picture she liked. Like Hinge is almost impossible for accidentally liking someone.

 

[Sayers]

I assume it's so quiet around here because no one else is getting any matches either?

 

[SmackDaddy]

I assume it's so quiet around here because no one else is getting any matches either?

Click to shrink...

Im getting a couple matches and talks going but its just kinda boring. Everyones profiles have turned into a blurry pile of slop of women drinking wine and smiling and talking about traveling and playing pickleball. Nobody is interesting anymore haha.

A lot of people i match with are taking multiple days to respond back to me, so i feel as though they feel the same way about me, haha.

I mentioned above about the girl who wanted to go golfing with me, and we're doing a par 3 course on saturday. Im really looking forward to it.

Stuff like this is getting me much more excited than online dating. A girl i was meeting up with on sunday, i told her how shitty my outlook on dating right now was, so we're just gonna hang as friends and look at some pups at the dog park.

Thats where im at :P still looking forward to april-may where im thinking about skipping town and living in the midwest for a bit.

 

[The Chosen One]

I assume it's so quiet around here because no one else is getting any matches either?

Click to shrink...

I had been keeping things on a low hum and swipping very sporadically. But yeah my matches were very low.

That changed just a couple of days ago. I matched with a very attractive woman. We were messaging back and forth pretty intensely until we both realized we weren't really a good fit for each other. She was one of those travel & wine people SmackDaddy spoke of, lol. I didn't want to fall into old patterns from a year or so ago, so I passed. But I guess because I matched with an attractive person and engaged in conversation, the algos have decided I'm desirable again, lol. Now my feed is starting to look a bit different and my match rate has jumped up significantly with me swipping almost the same as before.

Just another reminder to not tie your self-esteem to app matches because it's so arbitrary and based on things way out of your control. Anyway, way too early if any of these recent matches will turn into something. I'm also trying to figure out what new approach I'll take with dating apps this year. I don't want it to overwhelm my organic efforts like last year, but I don't want to completely dismiss the apps either.

One thing for sure I'm doing now, if it appears someone doesn't have some genuine enthusiasm to see me, then it's going to be a pass for me. No more trying to win over people who are on the fence or appear indifferent. At least with online dating, if someone is indifferent that seems to be a recipe for things to go nowhere fast. Obviously someone can be enthusiastic at first and then things deteriorate. But I'll take that over someone who is tepid / preoccupied from the jump because that's a complete waste of time, money, and energy for someone who wasn't present.

 

[Valkerion]

Hmm so how should I keep in contact to keep things moving when you won't be able to meet for a while? Like I want them to know I'm interested but I have nothing to talk about lol. Small talk texting is my death sentence these days

 

[SmackDaddy]

Hmm so how should I keep in contact to keep things moving when you won't be able to meet for a while? Like I want them to know I'm interested but I have nothing to talk about lol. Small talk texting is my death sentence these days

Click to shrink...

I love "hows your week going? Anything fun coming up?"

or you can chat more about date plans or something!

Yeah it's small talk, but you're getting to know her too

 

[Raxious]

Hey dude, I think we messaged awhile back. Glad to hear from you again!!

It's totally cool and understandable you are feeling jealousy towards this new guy in her life. Now USE THAT to get out there and keep meeting people. People who abandoned you, unless you were being mean to them, are just being jerks. It's not our fault for any abandonment we might feel in our lives.

It sounds like you really want to give partnership a shot. Don't let it die because of a lack of/bad experiences in the past.

Can you talk to a photographer in your area? Maybe a recent grad or something you can give a couple hundred bucks to for some sick pics? Could you go into a GAP and get some fashion advice from a friendly-looking worker to use at said photo shoot?

Sadly the apps are the best way to get some eyes on you, especially if your hobbies are indoors.

In the meantime you could start pushing your comfort zones by going to a bar or something and saying hi to the person sitting next to you. Like Friday night, I was waiting for my friends to show up, so I sat around and talked to a guy with a Slovenian Army patch on his jacket about Tarot cards for like an hour. It was awesome. Ask her to go out to a bar and wing woman for you or something. just talk to strangers with no expectations - guys and girls.

Keep trying new stuff !!! DONT GIVE UPPPP! :D

Click to shrink...

haha, I checked and indeed we had. Been a while! Glad to hear you're doing kinda ok and meeting up with people! Hopefully you'll find your match.

I know apps are probably the best way out there when it comes to being an introvert gamer and I did reinstall Bumble. There's something about Tinder that keeps putting me off from getting that. Having said that, I haven't done anything with it so far. Like I said, I suck at taking pictures so I got like 1 or 2 that are bad but the best I got xD

The most annoying part of it all though is that I got 0 experience and I feel like it'll end up scaring people away, especially at my age.

 

[Sayers]

haha, I checked and indeed we had. Been a while! Glad to hear you're doing kinda ok and meeting up with people! Hopefully you'll find your match.

I know apps are probably the best way out there when it comes to being an introvert gamer and I did reinstall Bumble. There's something about Tinder that keeps putting me off from getting that. Having said that, I haven't done anything with it so far. Like I said, I suck at taking pictures so I got like 1 or 2 that are bad but the best I got xD

The most annoying part of it all though is that I got 0 experience and I feel like it'll end up scaring people away, especially at my age.

Click to shrink...

How old are you if I may ask?

The only way to have experience is to get out there and get some.

 

[Raxious]

How old are you?

Click to shrink...

32

 

[Sayers]

32

Click to shrink...

You're only a few years older than I was when I started dating. Just get out there and do it, you will figure it out. You're going to mistakes just like EVERYONE does. But the only way to learn is to do.

And, of course, everyone here is happy to offer opinions and advice.

 

[NotWithstanding]

I'm still kind of amazed how different the apps can be for "success". On Hinge I get some likes and matches but Bumble is like a ghost town for me. CMB I barely even bother with now since they made it so much worse like a month or two ago.

 

[SmackDaddy]

My friend wants to show me around his work and social network. So he requested I make a PDF of basically a dating profile, so I wrote some stuff up and made it and he said he sent it out to 32 associates, hahaha.

Got a couple hits for the future maybe, especially if I make Columbus a destination on my eventual dating walkabout to the midwest this year.

Fun distractions from the depressing apps. I'm using all available outlets now

I'm still kind of amazed how different the apps can be for "success". On Hinge I get some likes and matches but Bumble is like a ghost town for me. CMB I barely even bother with now since they made it so much worse like a month or two ago.

Click to shrink...

Yep, how it is for me too. I must be shadowbanned on Hinge or something, lol.

 

[The Chosen One]

Lol, so just about all the matches I had last week have fizzled out. Including a last minute cancelation for a Saturday evening date (mind you just texted that morning wanting to confirm and said she was super excited to meet). Just as I was heading out the door, she texted to cancel and said to meet "another time" but when I checked the app, she had already unmatched me, lol. People are strange.

Right now I'm talking to a zombie match from November and one remaining from last week. We'll see how it goes.

I'm thinking of doing some aggressive swipping for the next couple of days until the end of the month. Then Feb, I'll just live off whatever dating app matches I already have and focus purely on social events for a month. Then jump back in to the apps a month later. So basically I'm thinking of alternating month in and month out. If any matches I have survive a month, nice. But otherwise it'll give me space to focus on organic / social stuff for longer stretches. So we'll see if I can stick to it.

I'm still kind of amazed how different the apps can be for "success". On Hinge I get some likes and matches but Bumble is like a ghost town for me. CMB I barely even bother with now since they made it so much worse like a month or two ago.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, lol. On Match, I can send literally 70+ messages, I can see they've read my message, but I won't get a single response. The demographic on Match just doesn't like me. With Hinge, I generally hover around a 5-10% response rate, so if I message 10 people I'll usually hear back from at least one person.

I think it also has to do with how these apps market themselves and where they advertise. I noticed Match tends to have people who are looking for serious relationships and they tend to write longer and more detailed profiles. But I also think they have much higher standards and perhaps they only want to date doctors or high powered lawyers. Also I suspect some apps like Hinge seem to have a better male/female ratio and that's why you tend to hear guys saying they have better luck with Hinge. My guess is apps like Bumble and Tinder have horrendous male/female ratios, which is why their services are so top heavy.

 

[smisk]

Anyone ever dated someone you've been friends with for awhile first? A pretty close friend of mine (we've known each other for 2.5 years) just broke up with her boyfriend, and since I went through a breakup last year this is the first time we've been single at the same time.
I've always thought that she's cute and we're definitely comfortable around each other, have hung out 1 on 1 a good number of times and I've definitely felt like there's some type of spark between us at times, though it could be all from my end lol.
Not sure quite how to approach this - I figure I should give her some time so she doesn't feel like I'm immediately jumping all over her the second she's single. Part of me thinks I should just be a little more flirty and see what happens and another part thinks that I know her well enough that I can just straight up ask her if she's attracted to me.

 

[SmackDaddy]

Spoiler: Content warning, suicide

Yeesh, things are dire my boys. Ive talked to my therapist about suicide the past 3 times ive been in session. Im not ideating, but im like, scared that im not happy enough in my life to keep wanting to live.

So ehh take it from me, dont spend 15-20 years developing your self-worth based on your romantic exploits.

I knew this was occurring in life, but i couldnt really change or know how. I thought my friends, exercise, hobbies, and familial ties created a strong enough system in the background that it didnt matter i was going so hard into finding my partner.

I dunno if im a love addict or something, it kinda feels like it - the fact that this isnt happening is leaving me so low.

Im going snowboarding this weekend with 2 best friends in a beautiful spot in the mountains so it'll be nice to not think about myself for several hours each day when im cruising down the mountain.

Have a good weekend yall.

Also might be worth mentioning im not going to kill myself. I just dont know what to do with these feelings of being so alone when i have so much love in my life. Its some bullshit yall.

Thanks for reading and the support.

I left this message typed without sending for a little bit, i guess i was thinking about why you guys knowing whats up is important to me. Then i remembered ive been a regular contributor for years and this is what community is- the good and the bad can be shared

 

[SmackDaddy]

Anyone ever dated someone you've been friends with for awhile first? A pretty close friend of mine (we've known each other for 2.5 years) just broke up with her boyfriend, and since I went through a breakup last year this is the first time we've been single at the same time.
I've always thought that she's cute and we're definitely comfortable around each other, have hung out 1 on 1 a good number of times and I've definitely felt like there's some type of spark between us at times, though it could be all from my end lol.
Not sure quite how to approach this - I figure I should give her some time so she doesn't feel like I'm immediately jumping all over her the second she's single. Part of me thinks I should just be a little more flirty and see what happens and another part thinks that I know her well enough that I can just straight up ask her if she's attracted to me.

Click to shrink...

I think you should just casually approach it like any other time you chat with her. Id first take the temperature of her actions. Is she bummed about the relatiobship? Was it a very serious relatiobship,? If so, she's rebounding right now. Dont get yourself hurt. But if you feel okay about that stuff…

"Hey want to go on a date sometime?"

Dunno if it needs to be overthunk :D men i think are really skilled at projecting sex on to a friendship, at no fault of our own, so just stomach the idea she maybe has never, and still doesnt, think of you sexually. If that is acceptable to you, shoot your shot!

And it could also make shit weird. If youre okay with that, then i wish you tons of luck and cuteness <3

 

[Thequietone]

Idk I wouldn't ruin a friendship with a relationship that can potentially go bad. Especially if they're just fresh out of a relationship.

 

[The Chosen One]

Soo....
...I had a date planned tonight with someone I matched with last week. She texted me in the morning to confirm and sounded very excited for the date. Here in SoCal we had some bad weather today (ie. it was raining) and since she lives about 45 minutes away and she was driving to my neighborhood for drinks, I gave her an out if she wanted to reschedule. But she said she was fine driving in the rain and was eager to meet. So I was like, "great!" and said to text me when she's heading out.

Flash forward to the evening - About 30 minutes before the date, I should have heard from her that she was leaving but no text from her. I decide to head over anyway. I get there about 20 minutes early so I can find parking. I chill in the car, and around the time of the date I tell her I have arrived. Still no text or anything from her. I send a text bout 15 minutes after our date time and nothing. I'm like here we go again, stood up twice in less than one week. So 30 minutes after our date time I start driving away...

..about 35 minutes after our date time I'm driving home, I get a text from her. She asks where am I and asks if everything is okay. Then she starts sending me a flurry of texts, I have to pull off the road to read everything.

Apparently, she was at the restaurant bar the entire time! She actually got there an hour early to beat traffic. But her phone died and she asked the bartender to charge her phone for her. She lost track of time talking to people at the bar but then noticed I still hadn't arrived. That's when she got her phone back and saw my messages. She forgot to text me when she left her city (which she apologized for) but since she was leaving super early to beat traffic, she didn't want me to feel rushed.

So yeah crazy miscommunication, lol. I turned right around and then we ended up getting dinner (because we were both hungry by that point, lol). It was a quick dinner since the place was closing soon, but she was very sweet, attentive, and attractive. She's also very sharp and could follow along when I was talking about the techie stuff of my career. Too early to say how things will go because the date was relatively brief (60 minutes ish). But at the end she said she wanted to see me again and also texted me goodnight. Honestly, I'm just surprised that the evening turned out well considering I thought for sure I had another no-show on my hands, lol

Also I probably should have gone into the bar at the time of our date. But I think since I had been burned by no shows before and I hadn't heard from her since the morning, I just assumed maybe she flaked because of the rain. And oh, her profile had disappeared (or I was unmatched) that afternoon as well, so that was another yellow flag. So yeah 9/10 with those factos this would have been a no-show, but this was the lone scenario 1/10 where it wasn't, lol

 

[The Chosen One]

Idk I wouldn't ruin a friendship with a relationship that can potentially go bad. Especially if they're just fresh out of a relationship.

Click to shrink...

smisk Yeah it also depends how much you value the friendship. Sometimes the "friendships" we have with certain people we are attracted to, are just holding patterns until both people are single, lol. Other friendships are just like "buddies" and it's not a big deal if you shoot your shot and fail. But some friendships can be a major pillar to your support system. Maybe having someone you can share your vulnerabilities with for years to come is more valuable than having a torrent love affair with that person for 6 months and then they're out of your life.

So if she is a friend, just make sure you do a proper assessment of what is potentially gained and potentially lost before you shoot your shot. If you really only see her as a crush and you're not content being friends, then you know what you gotta do. No need to suffer in silence, lol. But if her friendship is critical to you, then you may want to tread carefully.

 

[Valkerion]

Soo....

Click to shrink...

Thats a lot of random stuff but at least you met~ you never know they might text randomly later.

Speaking of texting.
The lady I invited to hangout with my friends and everyone seemed to like hasn't replied to an earlier message so I just let it sit there since it was a question from me in it. I figured shes busy since she was traveling with a friend, going to a concert so on and all. Well while drinking with my friends they all became way too invested in this situation and trying to make sure it works out at least from my end. They all gave their opinions on the best date options, time to meet, and what not haha. It turned into a mini argument between them which was hilarious. Who knew lunch vs. dinner was a trigger point for my friends.

Anyway I mentioned she hasn't messaged back yet even though before she said she would want to meet again for a meal the two of us, either this weekend or later when free. But now my friends are sending a flurry of messages wondering whats up.

I feel a lot of pressure for no reason suddenly lol. I was trying to take this easy and just see if something comes out of it but now it feels like something has too! I send her a message asking how the trip was but we'll see if she replies. I feel like I'm being watched by aunties waiting for me to get married geeze.

 

[MasaDrew]

Went on date 5 last night with one of my guys. We enjoy each others company, but I'm still not sure if my focus is on someone else or if the safety and affection he brings to the table is making my traumatized ass wary. If its something I don't want I don't want to string him along so I need to reflect on this more.

Have date 3 Sunday with the guy i've heart eyes for. But there's been some problematic behavior (he relapsed and drank this past sunday). The disappointment he has for himself is very clear and he spoke with his sponsor the next day. I've been around alcoholics a lot in my life, and this did have me taking off my rose colored glasses. I'm hoping to talk with him more about how he's getting back on the horse and if he wants to open up about his depression more.

Having dinner tonight with an interesting person. Very physically active, owns a makeup company, real estate agent, is on tv a fair bit from what I understand. The dynamic and chemistry is good so far, i'm very curious on how things would gel with us being in two very different financial classes though. I don't have the budget to casually take a plane ride to his NY home or somewhere random. I'm a 'get my closet off the rack at wally world and target' kind of gal. Not sure if that's my own insecurities projecting but I feel it would make for some interesting conversations in the future.

 

[smisk]

smisk Yeah it also depends how much you value the friendship. Sometimes the "friendships" we have with certain people we are attracted to, are just holding patterns until both people are single, lol. Other friendships are just like "buddies" and it's not a big deal if you shoot your shot and fail. But some friendships can be a major pillar to your support system. Maybe having someone you can share your vulnerabilities with for years to come is more valuable than having a torrent love affair with that person for 6 months and then they're out of your life.

So if she is a friend, just make sure you do a proper assessment of what is potentially gained and potentially lost before you shoot your shot. If you really only see her as a crush and you're not content being friends, then you know what you gotta do. No need to suffer in silence, lol. But if her friendship is critical to you, then you may want to tread carefully.

Click to shrink...

Very good points, thanks for the perspective. She's definitely important to me and I don't want to ruin that. She's also very attractive so it's hard to think straight around her sometimes, but I should just focus on our friendship and being there for her right now. Maybe I'll reevaluate in a month or two.

 

[The Chosen One]

Thats a lot of random stuff but at least you met~ you never know they might text randomly later.

Speaking of texting.
The lady I invited to hangout with my friends and everyone seemed to like hasn't replied to an earlier message so I just let it sit there since it was a question from me in it. I figured shes busy since she was traveling with a friend, going to a concert so on and all. Well while drinking with my friends they all became way too invested in this situation and trying to make sure it works out at least from my end. They all gave their opinions on the best date options, time to meet, and what not haha. It turned into a mini argument between them which was hilarious. Who knew lunch vs. dinner was a trigger point for my friends.

Anyway I mentioned she hasn't messaged back yet even though before she said she would want to meet again for a meal the two of us, either this weekend or later when free. But now my friends are sending a flurry of messages wondering whats up.

I feel a lot of pressure for no reason suddenly lol. I was trying to take this easy and just see if something comes out of it but now it feels like something has too! I send her a message asking how the trip was but we'll see if she replies. I feel like I'm being watched by aunties waiting for me to get married geeze.

Click to shrink...

She texted me this morning about some random work stuff, so I think we're good. But I won't know for sure until there's a 2nd date on the books.

Regarding your situation, that's why I don't like introducing my dates to my friends in the very early stages, lol. Friends naturally want to be supportive and see you happy, but sometimes they can put added pressure on a situation where you feel like you let them down if things don't work out. Like you said, it's best to just take it easy in the early phases and not get too invested until you know things are on solid ground. But when your friends are already getting really invested (which tends to happen when they meet a date face to face), then it makes it difficult to deal with the usual dating highs/lows.

Last summer some of my friends wanted to hang out with me and my date, but I said to wait until we've dated for about a month. Especially since I knew things weren't quite 100% yet. And well it ended at about the 3 and half weeks mark, lol... I don't know, for me I think I want to wait until we're at least dating each other "intentionally" before bringing them around my friends.

 

[Valkerion]

Regarding your situation,

Click to shrink...

snip

but yeah, everyone is being a busy body about it lol. I don't have any expectations yet since we have not done anything just us. Since I met her when hanging out with others the idea was to just meet in a smaller group and go from there~ but it went in the opposite direction with more people showing up. Anyway she did message me back after I sent her one, apperently got sick after the concert so has been flu-ing it up at the hospital (people go to the hospital for everything here) but was happy I got in touch.

Going to keep messaging bit by bit and see if she'll be down to go out just the two of us in like 2 weeks. Cause I don't want to get sick and the flu can be rough even after cleared.

 

[SmackDaddy]

Update from my last post, feeling better after my skiing trip. Hanging with friends who love me always lays down a good foundation to appreciate myself.

Just gotta bridge that pesky logical —> emotional gap between how i know im a good person and actually feeling it deep in muh bones, and not letting rejection color or change that. Long journey ahead.

Having a couple dumb convos on online dating, giving 2 dollars to "like" a fox on CMB.. just kinda in a holding pattern rn.

Lots and lots of retrospective convos with my buddies regarding my singleness and what im looking for in the future. They got tons of faith in me and that my person's coming down the pike, and ideas to meet some new people when im feeling up to it. Just gonna try to enjoy being me right now, because i can feel my brain using this "hope for a future partner" to bolster my mood. Would be great to just be content regardless of it.

 

[smisk]

I can sympathize with you SmackDaddy. I've had a tumultuous year and I know there's plenty of things I can work on to be happier (hobbies, career, making new friends) but a big part of me always wants to fixate on potential romantic connections, and the idea that some woman will come into my life and make everything perfect. Tbh I don't think I'm ever as happy as I am when I'm getting to know a new partner, but logically I want my life to be more well-rounded and not put all my eggs in one basket.

After reading all the app discourse on the last page I think I'm gonna kick the can down the road on setting up a Bumble/Hinge profile. Right now I'm only on Feeld and while I met a few people there last year, lately it's been dry as hell. Should probably start thinking of ways of meeting women IRL.

 

[SmackDaddy]

I can sympathize with you SmackDaddy. I've had a tumultuous year and I know there's plenty of things I can work on to be happier (hobbies, career, making new friends) but a big part of me always wants to fixate on potential romantic connections, and the idea that some woman will come into my life and make everything perfect. Tbh I don't think I'm ever as happy as I am when I'm getting to know a new partner, but logically I want my life to be more well-rounded and not put all my eggs in one basket.

After reading all the app discourse on the last page I think I'm gonna kick the can down the road on setting up a Bumble/Hinge profile. Right now I'm only on Feeld and while I met a few people there last year, lately it's been dry as hell. Should probably start thinking of ways of meeting women IRL.

Click to shrink...

Thanks for the support bruv. I have this feeling like my life is 80-89 percent awesome. I feel like I have some Zelda: TOTK gloom hearts that are unfillable in the current state, and a partner will degloom that shit. I feel like I don't even want to travel because I swear to god, EVERY time I meet someone, I'm about to skip town for somewhere between a week and a month, lol. And I want to experience more things with a partner - like, fuck going to Japan alone. I guess I could go with friends, which would still rule pretty hard.

I think it's a great goal for us to fill that hole and round out our lives for a bit, as well as going for some more IRL connections.

I hope you start feeling a bit more grounded in the near future and get to a place where you're reenergized to find that person. When you and your future mystery lady are ready for each other, it's gonna be pretty great.

 

[Glasgow Mega-Snake]

Yay: met a really cute (and geeky!) girl I kind of want to ask out

Nay (for me): I'm like 70% sure she's gay

 

[Messofanego]

Yay: met a really cute (and geeky!) girl I kind of want to ask out

Nay (for me): I'm like 70% sure she's gay

Click to shrink...

How sure you are she's not bi?

 

[InvisibleMan]

Yay or nay for using this as one of my profile pics for Tinder/Bumble/Hinge?

 

[SmackDaddy]

Yay or nay for using this as one of my profile pics for Tinder/Bumble/Hinge?

Click to shrink...

Sexay man! Its a great pic of you. Lighting isnt amazing, though, and im a fan of smiling pics. Would also be awesome to go outside or have a non-work background. Maybe you could blur it in post.

If you dont have photoshop experience, send over a big version of it and i can blur the BG.

(I hate online dating picture culture, lol)

I say use, but would love to hear other opinions

 

[kayos90]

Yay or nay for using this as one of my profile pics for Tinder/Bumble/Hinge?

Click to shrink...

Don't use a filter, especially one that makes the photo overly saturated in orange. Use Portrait mode if anything. Use a background that emphasizes more lively colors (essentially outdoors, not indoors). Smile and show your teeth, it will elicit a much more positive response.

 

[Sayers]

Got a date tomorrow night; my first one in 2 or 3 months I think. Getting nervous.

 

[NotWithstanding]

Got a date tomorrow night; my first one in 2 or 3 months I think. Getting nervous.

Click to shrink...

Good luck! I had to take like a month off from dating due to personal things going on but I also have a date Sunday which I'm a little nervous about since I hate going into the city, but I'll make the most of it.

I was also possibly going to have a date tomorrow night but I don't think that'll be happening...

 

[SmackDaddy]

Got a date tomorrow night; my first one in 2 or 3 months I think. Getting nervous.

Click to shrink...

Good luck! I had to take like a month off from dating due to personal things going on but I also have a date Sunday which I'm a little nervous about since I hate going into the city, but I'll make the most of it.

I was also possibly going to have a date tomorrow night but I don't think that'll be happening...

Click to shrink...

Dudes! Yes! Have a great time. Turn that nervous energy into anticipation for a fun night out :)

Update us on how they go when you get a chance.

 

[Post Reply]

Welp, I had a first date today with someone I met on an app and had been talking to. She's funny, smart and very attractive. We met for early dinner at a restaurant and talked really easily from the second we said hello until we said goodbye. We even planned a second date before leaving the restaurant.

Then she texted me like an hour ago and we started talking about what we'd been doing since the date and then all of the sudden she got weirdly aggressive. I'm gonna be honest... my red flag detector has been going crazy like the last 10 minutes lol

 

[Sayers]

Just got back from my date. I think it went well, she said she wanted to see me again.

But I say that a lot and then it turns out she didn't agree. So now we wait.

EDIT: And there is the pullback. "Not in a place to date right now" was the one she went with.

 

[SmackDaddy]

Just got back from my date. I think it went well, she said she wanted to see me again.

But I say that a lot and then it turns out she didn't agree. So now we wait.

EDIT: And there is the pullback. "Not in a place to date right now" was the one she went with.

Click to shrink...

Bruhhh. Sorry man. Its seriously hard out there for a lot of people right now. Glad the date went well. You 100% did all you could do :)

 

[Archduke Kong]

.

 

[Messofanego]

Welp, I had a first date today with someone I met on an app and had been talking to. She's funny, smart and very attractive. We met for early dinner at a restaurant and talked really easily from the second we said hello until we said goodbye. We even planned a second date before leaving the restaurant.

Then she texted me like an hour ago and we started talking about what we'd been doing since the date and then all of the sudden she got weirdly aggressive. I'm gonna be honest... my red flag detector has been going crazy like the last 10 minutes lol

Click to shrink...

What did she say that was aggressive?

 

[SmackDaddy]

Welp, I had a first date today with someone I met on an app and had been talking to. She's funny, smart and very attractive. We met for early dinner at a restaurant and talked really easily from the second we said hello until we said goodbye. We even planned a second date before leaving the restaurant.

Then she texted me like an hour ago and we started talking about what we'd been doing since the date and then all of the sudden she got weirdly aggressive. I'm gonna be honest... my red flag detector has been going crazy like the last 10 minutes lol

Click to shrink...

She might just be "bantering", some people like that dynamic. Take a step back and doublecheck that it isnt an opportunity to joke around or take it lightly

 

[jdstorm]

Yay or nay for using this as one of my profile pics for Tinder/Bumble/Hinge?

Click to shrink...

Nay OMG Nay.

That's basically a bet on "am I so attractive that I can get away with a terrible photo"

Like maybe but why would you. Like you're standing in a room full of clutter, it's a selfie, your not smiling and it doesn't show off your personality.

You could do so much better. Please do so much better

Have action shots if you smiling as you do things you enjoy. Show off your personality. 1 selfie, 1 group shot. Always be smiling and always check your background for cleanliness

 

[Post Reply]

What did she say that was aggressive?

Click to shrink...

She might just be "bantering", some people like that dynamic. Take a step back and doublecheck that it isnt an opportunity to joke around or take it lightly

Click to shrink...

It was definitely not banter and in fact she ended up apologizing multiple times and saying sometimes she gets really passionate about things and it can come off as really mean.

She basically said she likes everything about me except my weight and she wanted me to work on losing some of it and do check-ins with her. (we're both not skinny, but we're also not obese)

We've only been on one date and already gotten into an argument, lol, I'm definitely not feeling it.

 

[NotWithstanding]

Well this dating weekend did not go like I thought it would!

Date I had last night came together last minute and was honestly kind of annoyed with her going into it. But it actually turned out a lot better than I expected? So I guess you never know. It was like 2.5 hours which is longer than what my first dates usually are, and there were a couple of kisses at the end. We'll see what happens there.

Meanwhile the person who I was going to see in the city ended up cancelling since she wasn't feeling well. We might try for next weekend instead.

 

[SmackDaddy]

It was definitely not banter and in fact she ended up apologizing multiple times and saying sometimes she gets really passionate about things and it can come off as really mean.

She basically said she likes everything about me except my weight and she wanted me to work on losing some of it and do check-ins with her. (we're both not skinny, but we're also not obese)

We've only been on one date and already gotten into an argument, lol, I'm definitely not feeling it.

Click to shrink...

Yeesh. Its pretty fucked to be putting you on a weight plan after date 1. Really weird.

Nay OMG Nay.

That's basically a bet on "am I so attractive that I can get away with a terrible photo"

Like maybe but why would you. Like you're standing in a room full of clutter, it's a selfie, your not smiling and it doesn't show off your personality.

You could do so much better. Please do so much better

Have action shots if you smiling as you do things you enjoy. Show off your personality. 1 selfie, 1 group shot. Always be smiling and always check your background for cleanliness

Click to shrink...

This is kind of an intense reply to a photo man lol. Its kinda ridiculing, which seems whack when someone is putting themselves out there.

 

[Messofanego]

It was definitely not banter and in fact she ended up apologizing multiple times and saying sometimes she gets really passionate about things and it can come off as really mean.

She basically said she likes everything about me except my weight and she wanted me to work on losing some of it and do check-ins with her. (we're both not skinny, but we're also not obese)

We've only been on one date and already gotten into an argument, lol, I'm definitely not feeling it.

Click to shrink...

 

[Post Reply]

Yeesh. Its pretty fucked to be putting you on a weight plan after date 1. Really weird.

Click to shrink...

Click to shrink...

lol, yeah after sleeping on that conversation, I think I'm definitely looking for the off ramp.