Confronting my boss about a job offer

[Firmus_Anguis]

Hey everyone,

I'm currently on vacation and so is my boss. I recieved an offer from the government (I'm currently in the private sector). It's a higher paying job and I have more vacation days. It's probably easier too (less variety and sounded easier... But also slightly boring). There were some other drawbacks to the job (probationary employment, which I cut in half, but couldn't get rid of). That was the dealbreaker for me, really. But my current boss doesn't need those details (didn't ask for them either).

I called up my boss and told him about the offer. I also told him that I didn't seek them out, nor that I intended to switch, and however enticing the offer might be, I still want my current job. Which is true.

So I essentially asked him to try and match it as best he can. He wrote their offer down and told me he'd be back.

I haven't been in this particular situation before, but man... Why the hell do I feel guilty for doing this? 😅

It feels like I'm extorting my current employeer. It doesn't help that I wasn't super satisfied with my salary increase, but the timing almost seems off.

I didn't go looking for another job, but it might be percieved that way.

Was this a mistake on my part? I don't want to erode any trust with my current employeer.

 

[345]

you didn't do anything wrong, as long as you're not 100% opposed to taking the other job.

it's just the way people get raises these days.

 

[pioneer]

There's nothing to feel bad about here. If your current employers cares about you at all they should be happy for you, and if not who cares what they think

Congrats!

 

[oni-link]

No, you don't owe your company anything, you're only there at all because they're paying you, if your market value has gone up, then get as much money as you can, put yourself first

 

[t26]

Just take the government job. Even if salary is the same there is no way to beat a pension.

 

[Yahsper]

You did well. You were open and told him the truth and gave him a chance to keep you around. You played it more honest than I would've, as I would've pretended the other job earned 10% more than it actually does so the counter offer from my current employer would be better than just matching it.

 

[oni-link]

You did well. You were open and told him the truth and gave him a chance to keep you around. You played it more honest than I would've, as I would've pretended the other job earned 10% more than it actually does so the counter offer from my current employer would be better than just matching it.

Click to shrink...

Then go back to the government job to say "my current employers just offered me 10% more than you did, your move"

 

[Shadybiz]

Nothing wrong with it. If you want to make bigger leaps in salary than the standard corporate 2%-3% per year, this is what you have to do these days..

 

[machtia]

General rule is that you shouldn't accept a counteroffer. If you do, make sure it's in writing and that the pay/benefits increases are immediate. It's very easy for employers to string people along in these situations with promises of a raise "coming soon" or that they're "working on it." Be prepared to quit if they don't have something real for you in a week or so.

 

[oni-link]

One of my friends actually made up a job offer, and told his manager he had an offer that was paying him 5k a year more than he was on

He thought his managers were going to offer him a raise but then it seemed like they were struggling to, so he was messaging the group chat in a panic as he thought his managers were going to tell him to take the offer (that wasn't real) and he was going to have to somehow find a way to turn it down to stay in his current role. He was literally asking us what we would do and say to walk it back in the least humiliating way possible

Anyway, the next day his managers called him in and offered him a 10k raise to try and drive this (fake) company away. He only said the other company was offering him 5k more as he was hoping his current role would counter with just a few grand more, but in the end they were so worried he'd leave they offered him 10k more

It's one of the rare times I've seen someone do such an idiotic and poorly thought out thing and have it work out spectacularly

 

[Firmus_Anguis]

General rule is that you shouldn't accept a counteroffer. If you do, make sure it's in writing and that the pay/benefits increases are immediate. It's very easy for employers to string people along in these situations with promises of a raise "coming soon" or that they're "working on it." Be prepared to quit if they don't have something real for you in a week or so.

Click to shrink...

I read this and the fact that I wasn't looking for another job, but got offered one, should make most of those points mute, no?

I saw this as an opportunity to keep my job and raise my salary, essentially. I was open with wanting to stay.

 

[Rogue74]

Take the government job. Never take counter offers from a private sector employer.

 

[345]

I read this and the fact that I wasn't looking for another job, but got offered one, should make most of those points mute, no?

I saw this as an opportunity to keep my job and raise my salary, essentially. I was open with wanting to stay.

Click to shrink...

yeah but your leverage is the time limit on accepting the other offer. if you don't take it, it's totally possible they'll just hand-wave away the actual raise if you don't get it confirmed right away.

 

[Hollywood Duo]

Honestly you handled it perfectly.

 

[El_TigroX]

You've got to be ready to go.

Also, them matching the salary doesn't help you in the long run, because you will likely not get increases for a bit or there even may be some sour grapes on your current employer's side.

You did the write thing, you were honest about it - but you have to be ready to go.

 

[flip]

It's fine.

A recruiter reached out to me and asked if I wanted [X job for Y money], I said it was less than I was currently getting. They asked what would interest me, so I pulled a higher number than what I was on out of my arse. They said they could do that.

I went to my current boss, said I did some benchmarking for my own safety of mind, and have someone interested with a specific number — but I'm not looking to move, can you match my market value?

They matched it.

Companies can calibrate their salaries "fairly" and tell you you're being paid well, but you're more than entitled to do your own research to find what people value you at.

 

[tokkun]

I called up my boss and told him about the offer. I also told him that I didn't seek them out, nor that I intended to switch, and however enticing the offer might be, I still want my current job. Which is true.

Click to shrink...

Seems kind of weird to say that you don't care about the difference in offers no matter what it is. Doesn't leave you with much leverage unless the boss thinks you are lying.

If you want to keep the option of staying at your current salary open, I'd say something less committal, like "I'm considering the pros and cons" or "It's a difficult decision."

 

[Firmus_Anguis]

yeah but your leverage is the time limit on accepting the other offer. if you don't take it, it's totally possible they'll just hand-wave away the actual raise if you don't get it confirmed right away.

Click to shrink...

I've made my peace with this, honestly. At least I'll know what I'm worth in the market... And so will my employeer.

He'll also know people are headhunting me, so he can't afford to lowball me for much longer.

I'm not in a hurry. But I still felt it was important to have a conversation about it at least. I didn't even expect him to even try to match it (which it seems he might).

 

[Firmus_Anguis]

Seems kind of weird to say that you don't care about the difference in offers no matter what it is. Doesn't leave you with much leverage unless the boss thinks you are lying.

If you want to keep the option of staying at your current salary open, I'd say something less committal, like "I'm considering the pros and cons" or "It's a difficult decision."

Click to shrink...

Yeah, probably. Maybe I'm too honest for my own good.

I essentially told him to make it easier for me to tell them no.

 

[thewienke]

My only caution about the government job is if that particular branch of government is under some overzealous internal watchdog program. I worked under one and every dollar spent gets questioned (we did a lot of traveling) and every single hour of work done was tracked and assigned to a particular task. There were also metrics for how long each task takes so if you're having a "non superstar" day then you might get called out on the carpet and questioned.

Basically you get horribly micromanaged to death because of the perception that government jobs are too easy.

This was for a state agency that required an accounting/finance degree for all of their roles. So it wasn't like shift work or anything.

 

[MrHedin]

I read this and the fact that I wasn't looking for another job, but got offered one, should make most of those points mute, no?

I saw this as an opportunity to keep my job and raise my salary, essentially. I was open with wanting to stay.

Click to shrink...

You presumably interviewed with the government group and at least negotiated with them some so I don't think you can say that you didn't pursue this opportunity to some degree. That said from the details you provided I think you handled this about as well as you could have, just need to be prepared to walk if your current employer isn't able to match and/or beat. And then even if they do match and/or beat, make sure that the benefits are effective immediately.

 

[Firmus_Anguis]

You presumably interviewed with the government group and at least negotiated with them some so I don't think you can say that you didn't pursue this opportunity to some degree. That said from the details you provided I think you handled this about as well as you could have, just need to be prepared to walk if your current employer isn't able to match and/or beat. And then even if they do match and/or beat, make sure that the benefits are effective immediately.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, of course, I'm culpable to some degree, no doubt. But I'd still argue that actively searching versus being headhunted does make a slight difference.

Now I'm not a boss nor have I ever worked as one, but if someone told me they'd been looking for another job, I'd take it as them being dissatisfied and not wanting to stay.

On the other hand, if someone told me they'd been offered another higher paying job, but desired to stay, I'd percieve it differently.

But that's just my perspective... Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it makes no difference to them.

 

[beebop]

Was this time-limited? Because the only thing to feel a bit guilty about was stressing your boss over this while they're on vacation. Otherwise it's perfectly within your right to ask for them to match - I'd have done the same.

 

[Joe Shlabotnik]

If anything, you're doing them a favor with the match offer if you're prepared to stay if they accept, and leave if they don't. You could have just left because the job offer is better.

 

[Firmus_Anguis]

Was this time-limited? Because the only thing to feel a bit guilty about was stressing your boss over this while they're on vacation. Otherwise it's perfectly within your right to ask for them to match - I'd have done the same.

Click to shrink...

I actually do feel guilty about that. There is a time-limit, but I didn't mention what it was. He didn't ask either. I didn't stress him about the time limit at all. Me calling on his vacation is enough.

I also told him that in any other circumstance, I'd come straight to his office and talk about it. But given the circumstances of when the offer was made and that we're both on vacation, I didn't know what else to do but to call him.

Otherwise I'd be saying yes/no to something without his knowledge and that seems way worse, IMO.

 

[Thrill_house]

My rule is "Fuck you, pay me." You did nothing wrong. Putting myself out there and saying "Hey look match this or I am gone." Is how I got a ton of raises over the years.

Do not feel guilty. You gave them a heads up and you don't owe them fuck all. At the end of the day if it increases their profit they would shitcan you in a heartbeat. Get that money op

 

[Omegasquash]

You did nothing wrong. Take the new job. There's zero reason to trust a private sector employer, and you're not extorting them. Remember, they make far more money off of your work than they pay you. Nothing wrong with seeing what you can get, but...

You're now on the radar for "oh Firmus-Anguis almost took another job when it's time for layoffs they just put their self on top of the list." At best, when it's review time, "we matched the offer but the work we're seeing doesn't align with (insert qualifier here) for a raise."

 

[Whales]

the best way to increase job salaries is to job hop.

otherwise you're stuck at the same job getting a small 2% raise yearly instead of getting 10-15% more by changing jobs

 

[boringusername]

Erode trust with your employer? I'd say with about 90% certainty they don't give a fuck about you, and would escort you out of the building 5 minutes after laying you off or firing you.

Never forget you are exchanging your time and labor for money. Loyalty died a VERY LONG time ago and it was employers that took it behind the wood shed. Do you have a pension at your current place? I'm going to guess no.

You said your boss has been lowballing you as well? How long has he been dangling a raise in front of you? Any chance HIS bonus is tied to how much you get paid?

Also, NEVER tell your current employer who gave you this offer or where you are going if you leave. If you are valuable in your role and being vastly underpaid don't put it above someone to sink your other opportunity.

If the other job has a union and a pension I would bounce without a second thought, never mind they are actually paying you more. If you're actually thinking about sticking around, I would give them a very limited window to have you an offer in writing, trust me they can make it happen quickly if they want it to. If they tell you they can get you that raise in 2 months or something, don't be surprised if it never happens once the other opportunity is no longer available.

 

[teruterubozu]

Take the government job. Never take counter offers from a private sector employer.

Click to shrink...

Never? Why? That's how lots of folks leverage their salaries. And most jobs are private sector.

 

[Firmus_Anguis]

Erode trust with your employer? I'd say with about 90% certainty they don't give a fuck about you, and would escort you out of the building 5 minutes after laying you off or firing you.

Never forget you are exchanging your time and labor for money. Loyalty died a VERY LONG time ago and it was employers that took it behind the wood shed. Do you have a pension at your current place? I'm going to guess no.

You said your boss has been lowballing you as well? How long has he been dangling a raise in front of you? Any chance HIS bonus is tied to how much you get paid?

Also, NEVER tell your current employer who gave you this offer or where you are going if you leave. If you are valuable in your role and being vastly underpaid don't put it above someone to sink your other opportunity.

If the other job has a union and a pension I would bounce without a second thought, never mind they are actually paying you more. If you're actually thinking about sticking around, I would give them a very limited window to have you an offer in writing, trust me they can make it happen quickly if they want it to. If they tell you they can get you that raise in 2 months or something, don't be surprised if it never happens once the other opportunity is no longer available.

Click to shrink...

If they were to ever go back on their word like that, I would actively look for another job. They know it too. For what it's worth, they've always kept their word when it came to that.

He's used the "I know I have to raise the more experienced staff's salaries soon" for at least 1-2 years now.

We'll see how it goes.

 

[Rogue74]

Never? Why? That's how lots of folks leverage their salaries. And most jobs are private sector.

Click to shrink...

There are many reasons, as others have mentioned. One is they now know you were interested in leaving, and if an even better offer comes along you are likely to go anyway. They will start contingency plans and will make sure someone is cross trained in your duties. If layoffs are happening, you are likely to be near the front of the line. The company also might be bitter and may refrain from giving further increases or promotions because they feel they already 'took care of you'. This is all generalizing of course and won't happen in every case, but I have seen it plenty of times.

The reason I mention the private sector specifically is because government jobs are usually union jobs. They can't easily fire you or lay you off. The collective bargaining agreement has strict rules and procedures dictating what happens if layoffs are needed. It wouldn't be easy to target you specifically. Likewise, the contract also dictates how merit or cost of living increases are meted out, and the rules are the same for everyone. So again, you can't be targeted or they risk opening themselves up to litigation. Basically, you have enough security in a union job where you can pull this and your risk is significantly less than in the private sector.

Even so, I wouldn't recommend it. If you want to leave and are unhappy due to the environment or salary, look for another job and once you get an offer decide if you are going or leaving based on the pros and cons of the new opportunity. I wouldn't use it as leverage.

 

[Firmus_Anguis]

I spoke to him 6-7 hours ago - He just texted me and said he'll call me tomorrow.

Hopefully... Good news? I'm slightly nervous... 😐

 

[Aiii]

The one mistake employees make is thinking a job is more than a business transaction. Your boss won't make that mistake. You did the right thing by engaging it as a business transaction. Your boss will appreciate the heads up and that you didn't just take the offer and quit without allowing him to counter-offer.

Currently it's an employee market, you will not be easily replaced, just asking him to match was probably your only "mistake" as I expect you could've gotten more out of it, but that's whatever, you have no reason to be nervous.

worst case scenario, you have the other job, it's a no-lose situation.

 

[DigitalOp]

Hey everyone,

I'm currently on vacation and so is my boss. I recieved an offer from the government (I'm currently in the private sector). It's a higher paying job and I have more vacation days.

Click to shrink...

So what's the issue here?

 

[Firmus_Anguis]

So what's the issue here?

Click to shrink...

I like my current job and my current co-workers. So given the option, I'd like to stay. I want them to match the offer, as best they can.

 

[Firmus_Anguis]

The one mistake employees make is thinking a job is more than a business transaction. Your boss won't make that mistake. You did the right thing by engaging it as a business transaction. Your boss will appreciate the heads up and that you didn't just take the offer and quit without allowing him to counter-offer.

Currently it's an employee market, you will not be easily replaced, just asking him to match was probably your only "mistake" as I expect you could've gotten more out of it, but that's whatever, you have no reason to be nervous.

worst case scenario, you have the other job, it's a no-lose situation.

Click to shrink...

What I said was ever-so slightly higher than what they were offering. About 4 % higher, but still in the same ballpark.

The offer wasn't outlandishly higher then what I currently have. So I kind of had to... More vacation days and a higher pay?

That'd be great. I'd be satisfied, at least.

 

[Zombie Jacket]

One of my friends actually made up a job offer, and told his manager he had an offer that was paying him 5k a year more than he was on

He thought his managers were going to offer him a raise but then it seemed like they were struggling to, so he was messaging the group chat in a panic as he thought his managers were going to tell him to take the offer (that wasn't real) and he was going to have to somehow find a way to turn it down to stay in his current role. He was literally asking us what we would do and say to walk it back in the least humiliating way possible

Anyway, the next day his managers called him in and offered him a 10k raise to try and drive this (fake) company away. He only said the other company was offering him 5k more as he was hoping his current role would counter with just a few grand more, but in the end they were so worried he'd leave they offered him 10k more

It's one of the rare times I've seen someone do such an idiotic and poorly thought out thing and have it work out spectacularly

Click to shrink...

Lol that's quite the crazy stunt he did there. Bet he never messed about after!

 

[Aiii]

What I said was ever-so slightly higher than what they were offering. About 4 % higher, but still in the same ballpark.

The offer wasn't outlandishly higher then what I currently have. So I kind of had to... More vacation days and a higher pay?

That'd be great. I'd be satisfied, at least.

Click to shrink...

Very good, you did the right thing.

 

[Zen]

My raise last year was 2%. Should I be sending my resume out and looking for better offers?

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Just take the government job. Even if salary is the same there is no way to beat a pension.

Click to shrink...

Yea, job security as well.

 

[whatsinaname]

If they were to ever go back on their word like that, I would actively look for another job. They know it too. For what it's worth, they've always kept their word when it came to that.

He's used the "I know I have to raise the more experienced staff's salaries soon" for at least 1-2 years now.

We'll see how it goes.

Click to shrink...

So he knowingly has been under-paying you for 2 years . You have given your boss/company thousands of dollars of 'charity' over 2 years. And you are worried if they are 'extorting' you?

 

[Mass Effect]

eh you should probably take the government job regardless

 

[Frester]

At a certain point, your only leverage over your employer is your presence and that you continue to do the work. The other side of the coin is that you have to be prepared to leave if they don't counter or otherwise call some kind of bluff (not that that's what you're doing in this case, but some people definitely do).

I was in a somewhat similar situation about 18 months ago, had an offer for a higher position at another company (as a result of headhunting, I was not actively looking) but I was in the running for basically the same role internally. As in, I was a great candidate but would still have to formally apply, interview, etc. but no clear timeline on when the role would actually be open.

When I told my then-boss about the offer, he basically gave me a comp statement outlining my total comp (which I was already quite aware of), platitudes about how valuable I was to the team blah blah blah - but no actual counter or incentive to try and get me to stay.

Ultimately I ended up taking an entirely different role internally and am happier for it, but I was kind of shocked at how little was actually done to try to get me to stay. Not sure how much my then-boss could have actually done to increase my salary or whatever (probably limited), but just goes to show that you only have so much leverage.

 

[Tom Penny]

When it comes to work i made this mistake as have many. You don't owe them anything. You have to look at yourself as your own business and look out for your best interest. That's exactly what they do. Nobody cares. If you get a better job and others are mad fuck them too. They never had your back anyway.

 

[boringusername]

If they were to ever go back on their word like that, I would actively look for another job. They know it too. For what it's worth, they've always kept their word when it came to that.

He's used the "I know I have to raise the more experienced staff's salaries soon" for at least 1-2 years now.

We'll see how it goes.

Click to shrink...

Bruh...

They've been promising raises for the last 1-2 years? Let me guess, this company been posting record profits as well?

Have new people been brought on in this time? I guarantee those brought on in the last 2 years are making more than you, so ask them. Once you find out you are making less then these people, with more knowledge, responsibility, etc that's your motivation to bounce.

 

[Firmus_Anguis]

So he knowingly has been under-paying you for 2 years . You have given your boss/company thousands of dollars of 'charity' over 2 years. And you are worried if they are 'extorting' you?

Click to shrink...

Bruh...

They've been promising raises for the last 1-2 years? Let me guess, this company been posting record profits as well?

Have new people been brought on in this time? I guarantee those brought on in the last 2 years are making more than you, so ask them. Once you find out you are making less then these people, with more knowledge, responsibility, etc that's your motivation to bounce.

Click to shrink...

Just to be very clear, I have gotten a raise. Not crazy low, but it was mainly the most recent one that shocked me a little bit.

We'll see what he says tomorrow. I'll be sure to update ya'll!

He has a history of making counter-offers. If he truly doesn't want me to leave, I believe he'll make me a decent offer.

 

[Firmus_Anguis]

Bruh...

They've been promising raises for the last 1-2 years? Let me guess, this company been posting record profits as well?

Have new people been brought on in this time? I guarantee those brought on in the last 2 years are making more than you, so ask them. Once you find out you are making less then these people, with more knowledge, responsibility, etc that's your motivation to bounce.

Click to shrink...

They recently acquired a company, so yeah... My sector's new, so there are some growing pains, but speaking for myself?

I'm one of the people with the most on-going projects. He knows this. I don't think he wants to lose me.

But we'll see tomorrow, I guess.

 

[ErrorJustin]

It doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong but just fyi any time I have seen someone attempt this, except for absolute superstars that completely help run the business - the answer has been "we don't do counter-offers. Congrats and good luck on your new role."

I would guesstimate that about half the time the person was using the offer to get a raise from their new job and left the room shell-shocked that their last day was now in 2 weeks.

So - you need to be mentally prepared to take the new role.

 

[Cousin From Boston]

Good work. No one will take better care of you than you. Prepare to take the gov job, but you never know.