This is a really dangerous line of thinking that tends to lead one to some of the darker subreddits out there.
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AP reporting that male sexual assault victims feeling left behind by #MeToo
- Thread starter Deleted member 3812
- Start date
I already read LOTS of stories of women needing permission from a man even when being single for steriliation.
Here in brazil it is a LAW but i heard lots of stories from single women in the usa with the same problem
10 seconds twitter search
https://twitter.com/syd_viciously/status/803026786489511936
https://twitter.com/Cark_B/status/860600369260380160
https://twitter.com/carathewalton/status/860571286296244226 (2 more in the replies in this one)
https://twitter.com/chriseppstein/status/961497301154844674
I could have just said "receive death threats when you go to another state to get a vasectomy on of the only clinics avaliable where you are required to see shitty pics of dead babies and pass lots of christian protesters complaining that you will kill your sperms" but it is way too long =P
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I was assaulted by a female classmate in high school and didn't tell anyone about it (including my family) for 16 years. The only reason I ever even built up the courage to mention it was because of #MeToo, so...yeah, I kind of agree with you.
I think initially, during the first flare-up of the hashtag, it did feel more like "it's women's turn to share their stories" so I held off for a few weeks. I didn't want to make it all about me and "but what about the MEN" when my friends were opening up these huge wells of personal trauma for the world to see, but that was more just out of a general sense of courtesy and respect for the people I care about.
When I actually started talking about it myself, most people I brought it up to were supportive. There's nobody stopping anyone from talking about it.
It's the other side of the coin where there are double standards. People don't take women abusers or abused men as seriously as abused women and men abusers, just because they don't happen as often. Is there such a thing about percentage bias? I feel like so many people believe that it doesn't happen that often so it doesn't happen.
While abused men should speak up in the movement, there certainly is a cultural perception that makes it more difficult and blaming the victim for that doesn't make any sense. Before the me too movement, it was harder for many women to come forward and blaming them for it certainly wasn't acceptable.
This feels more like fragile masculinity over the fact that something isn't solely about men or men don't have the full reigns/dangerously MRA territory. I'm sure these same guys also felt outcasted by the Women's March or something right?
There have been plenty of males coming out in support and with their own MeToo moments without co-opting the movement away from females.
There have been plenty of males coming out in support and with their own MeToo moments without co-opting the movement away from females.
It's not. The actual abuse allegations became part of MeToo, regardless of gender, but the wider cultural discussion surround women that occurred never expanded to male victims.
Well, that's insane, and another on the long list of reasons that the US are a terrible place right now.
I'll have to ask some of the doctors I know what it's like in our country... I hope it's different.
I didn't say it was easy for them. I'd know. I'm one of the men who shared a story because #MeToo gave me the courage to.
I'm saying any male victim looking at this and thinking "what about me?" is being dim; this was never just about women. It's a movement about making a stand against sexual harassment/assault. Most of the stories are gonna be from women since they're most of the victims, but there has never been anything stopping men from also airing their own grievances using the hashtag.
We can definitely have a conversation about whether or not a wider discourse about sexual violence towards men has taken place, but there's no barrier to picking up your cell phone and sharing your story anyways. And the more men that have the courage to do just that will make it all the more likely we get to have that conversation.
As noted above, this is a surprisingly common phenomenon for both men and women seeking sterilisation. The idea is to avoid potential lawsuits and potentially messy situations involving partners unaware of their SO's situation.
I can't say about that exact point, but I have tried to advocate for men that have been abused by domestic violence and sexual assault on social media and the responses I got were... shocking is the right word here, and disheartening from women whop had been abused of all people. I thought they would be open to it as they know what it's like but they were dismissive and outright patronizing.
I posted about being assaulted on Twitter and got literally 20+ accounts (90% female avi's) saying that women can't rape men, If I was hard I must have wanted it etc etc etc.
Luckily I really don't give a fuck about strangers throwing hissy fits, but I can see someone else in the same situation having a real bad time with the harassment I received.
It's even worse when men try to speak about being victims of domestic violence.
People are in general scum sadly.
This. While still anecdotal, I think a lot of men who come out to talk about their rape or sexual abuse are met with scorn or dismissal from the same people that express sympathy towards women. A common thing I've seen is that a man can't be raped by a woman because rape is about unwanted penetration.
It's less so about feeling left behind, I think, but more about witnessing other men get shouted down by people who want to invalidate that experience—while 100% standing behind #metoo when women speak up. At least that's what it is for me. Easier to stay quiet about it than to share my story and deal with the extreme and disheartening dissonance I see happen.
Ultimately it's toxic masculinity combined with the societal axiom that men are always ready to go.
This is a really difficult thing to talk about because I feel that assault victims of all kinds have to deal with so much shit (women are considered liars or teases, men are ridiculed for being in a vulnerable position at all).
I agree this is related to toxic maculinity. However for everyone saying "males are supported when they speak out, Terry crews, Spacey etc".
This reminds me of my situation regarding my bisexuality.
I knew that if I ever actually came out to my friends they would accept me. But at the same time these same friends would use "fag" and other gay slurs often. It was like, it was okay to make fun of someone for being gay, unless they were actually gay.
That behavior really discourages people to speak up, even if they know deep down their friends would support them.
This reminds me of my situation regarding my bisexuality.
I knew that if I ever actually came out to my friends they would accept me. But at the same time these same friends would use "fag" and other gay slurs often. It was like, it was okay to make fun of someone for being gay, unless they were actually gay.
That behavior really discourages people to speak up, even if they know deep down their friends would support them.
I'm a man, and have had several instances where I've been a victim of assault that haunt me to this day.
I initially thought about publicly sharing my #metoo story publicly for the first time in the hopes of feeling some closure and spreading awareness, but it only took about a day for both my twitter timeline and facebook to be filled with generalized soapbox rants about how men literally shouldn't speak about their experience, because the movement is specifically about women.
Under any other normal circumstance, it's easy to just write off those voices as extremes in the echo chamber (especially on twitter), but it only took seeing a handful of those to feel completely discouraged about something still so vulnerable in me.
I initially thought about publicly sharing my #metoo story publicly for the first time in the hopes of feeling some closure and spreading awareness, but it only took about a day for both my twitter timeline and facebook to be filled with generalized soapbox rants about how men literally shouldn't speak about their experience, because the movement is specifically about women.
Under any other normal circumstance, it's easy to just write off those voices as extremes in the echo chamber (especially on twitter), but it only took seeing a handful of those to feel completely discouraged about something still so vulnerable in me.
As someone who is also bisexual, I think about this parallel sentiment all the time.
Yup, same with physical abuse. One of my closest friends is gigantic and basically lost most of his friends for "being a bitch" (most popular comment left on his FB page the day after ugh) for leaving his long term gf after she (who is literally less than half his size) beat him repeatedly and eventually stabbed him. He only called the police once and he ended up being arrested so he just took it after that until it went too far. Thankfully his new wife is awesome and not an abusive piece of garbage.
#metoo was largely the result of women supporting other women, and men being forced to listen because of how big the movement became.
Male victims of sexual assault feeling left behind isnt a surprising phenomenon, but pinning it on #metoo is problematic because it's basically insinuating that women need to do the work of supporting men because men wont do it. I'm certainly not saying that women shouldnt support male victims of sexual assault, but it's important that the blame falls on toxic masculinity and the greater male population.
Male victims of sexual assault feeling left behind isnt a surprising phenomenon, but pinning it on #metoo is problematic because it's basically insinuating that women need to do the work of supporting men because men wont do it. I'm certainly not saying that women shouldnt support male victims of sexual assault, but it's important that the blame falls on toxic masculinity and the greater male population.
This. Was going to post something very similar, but feel like you said it better.
I'm with you on this, speaking as a male victim. I shared my experiences privately during metoo, as the point of #metoo in my mind was to highlight that the problem is not just a few bad apples but that a large portion of women deal with systemic sexual harrassment and abuse.
It's basically a struggle for control of the narrative. Of course Crews got to deal with crap when opening up with his story, but ALL abuse victims deal with crap; there's a reason why it's hard for them to open up. For Crews' part, his story was meant to be supportive (believe these women because it even happened to me and I'm Terry effin' Crews), and IIRC largely received as such. But when these things start there's always, ALWAYS a concerted attempt to make it divisive. I don't have a #metoo story of my own but I've heard men try to tell their stories only to be flatly told, "It's not about you," by women, as if being a survivor means they're trying to take all the female victims' torches away. And of course there are men saying horrible things to female victims; I don't even think they feel threatened so much as they're sadistically amused by poking at trauma with a stick.
While it's ideally something people shouldn't have to deal with, recent movements haven't been very successful at fending off attempts by extremists turning it into yet another petty battle of the sexes. When you get male and female survivors hating on each other as if they're fighting over the same soapbox, the abusers win, and it demoralizes me to see how often they manage to do that with ridiculous ease. While I doubt most people are taking sides in such a way, that's not the same as controlling the public framing of the debate, and due to a failure to realize this, I think this latest attempt at blowing things up is going to succeed because it always seems to deteriorate that way.
While it's ideally something people shouldn't have to deal with, recent movements haven't been very successful at fending off attempts by extremists turning it into yet another petty battle of the sexes. When you get male and female survivors hating on each other as if they're fighting over the same soapbox, the abusers win, and it demoralizes me to see how often they manage to do that with ridiculous ease. While I doubt most people are taking sides in such a way, that's not the same as controlling the public framing of the debate, and due to a failure to realize this, I think this latest attempt at blowing things up is going to succeed because it always seems to deteriorate that way.
I feel confident when I speak for a lot of men, but we aren't asking to be supported by women but we are asking that we aren't made unwelcome.
I'm not going to ask for sympathy. I just don't want to be met with scorn by the same people that support women.
And this is advocating to oppression olympics. Neat! There's a massive gulf between, "I was shot by a cop because I'm black," and "I was raped." Unless it's specifically supposed to be about, "I was raped because I'm a woman."
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I guess you could say it's toxic masculinity that assumes men will always be strong and never the victims, never needing help because reasons.
It makes us always soft for women because of how they're perceived as a weaker sex in more than the context of just physical ability.
Damn some of you really need to start watching some Judge Judy or something, this blatant denial is pretty disturbing even knowing where most of you came from (the old site)
You're talking explicitly about toxic masculinity and purely toxic masculinity. Society treats women in an awful manner.
User Banned (1 Week): Peddling misogynist rhetoric common among redpill and MRA sites, account still in the junior phase.
If you're talking about places like India, Iran, the Orthodox Sect of Israel, sure.
Otherwise, no. Society gives the women the advantage in education and safety nets in 1st world countries.
That sucks. For one brief shining second, the Men's Rights movement seemed interested in this stuff. Now they're pretty much all about yelling "some women lie about rape" almost like they're prepping for a court case.
