Weeell, if they aren't children they can sort it out in a way that cheating doesn't happen. Mature adults have no need for cheating since they can communicate.
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How do you feel about people who sleep with married people?
- Thread starter eKongDiddy
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I think it's obvious due to what betrayal means, since there would have to be terms or commitments that you're stepping over for it to constitute betrayal. You can't betray a commitment that you've never made.
If they don't know, it's on the married person.
If they do know, it's on them both.
If the spouse knows too (and approves), it's all good.
If the spouse knows and joins in, it's even better.
If they do know, it's on them both.
If the spouse knows too (and approves), it's all good.
If the spouse knows and joins in, it's even better.
Communication is overrated. I'm kind of the type that will go to this option first. Everyone is going to react differently, so sometimes more dialog is regressive.
Are you trying to be a part of this conversation? You just made a potshot without room to expand.
All I learned from your posts is that you think cheating is cool
I don't know where the hell you got your ideas about cheating bro or how that got instilled in you, at least you're consistent
I've counseled various couples having marital problems and been involved with a couple. There isn't really a textbook way to resolve this.
It's none of my goddamn business, but I'll give you the "this won't end well" speech if I know you like that.
This is a pretty lousy way to deal with something you disagree with.
User Banned (5 Days) - Victim Blaming
For the people themselvers, i'd say they're doing quite good for themselves if they're able to attract a partner who is arguably aready committed, success attracts suitable mates as has always been since the neolithic.
The one that's being cheated on is in a fix however. Apperantly they're not able to command the respect, affection and loyalty of their spouse, and the fact that they allow this situation to occur Will making them the laughing stock of his family and working environment, I personally wouldn't let a spineless worm like that in any leadership role at my company.
The one that's being cheated on is in a fix however. Apperantly they're not able to command the respect, affection and loyalty of their spouse, and the fact that they allow this situation to occur Will making them the laughing stock of his family and working environment, I personally wouldn't let a spineless worm like that in any leadership role at my company.
Nothing you have said has warranted taking you seriously at all
I'm terms of monogamous relationships, I've never really understood the notion that both parties are equally bad. One person made a commitment and the other one didn't (assuming they don't know the spouse).
That reddit thread is pretty fucking ridiculous. I forget sometimes how fragile some people's sense of morality is that they view a bachelor party as an excuse to do things they otherwise would view as wrong, and that they do it in the company of all of their closest friends with the expectation that it stays a secret.
Bizarre.
That reddit thread is pretty fucking ridiculous. I forget sometimes how fragile some people's sense of morality is that they view a bachelor party as an excuse to do things they otherwise would view as wrong, and that they do it in the company of all of their closest friends with the expectation that it stays a secret.
Bizarre.
It's mostly on the person in the marriage (assuming we're talking about a monogamous relationship), the third party didn't make a promise to anyone. The more complicated it is with kids etc. family friend so there's a betrayal of friendship - the life ruining angle, that increases the level of asshole for the third party but it's still mostly on the person in the marriage.
well this thread certainly took quite a a turn
I go through life with the reasonable expectation that strangers don't care about me and will take advantage of me if given the chance, so I find it hard to hold it against them. Like, yeah, if you're into my wife, and she gives you the opportunity to sleep with her, you're gonna take it. I'm just some dude, why would you care about how it effects me? It's like if I dropped $100 and you pocketed it. Would be nice of you to track me down and return it, but I'm not naive enough to think most people would look at it as anything but free money. I would do the same thing.
Now, if it's someone I know... that's a different story. Dick move. But even in that case, I'd be more upset about the spouse cheating than the person they're cheating with.
Now, if it's someone I know... that's a different story. Dick move. But even in that case, I'd be more upset about the spouse cheating than the person they're cheating with.
You've already done quite a good job of that yourself. Your posts speak quite clearly about what kind of person you are.
I even mentioned I prefer this option. Problem is you are always going to run into the person who reacts negatively to communication. Might be how they are raised or become, but you have to find other methods in a lot of cases.
They're assholes if they know the person is married.
I went out with a girl who was engaged once, found out after. I ghosted her after that, I don't play those games.
I went out with a girl who was engaged once, found out after. I ghosted her after that, I don't play those games.
Lots of pent up weirdness in this thread.
Ultimately, the person who is married is the one doing the lion's share of disrespecting/betraying/etc. They made the commitment to someone else and are breaking that commitment.
The other person (if they know the married person is married) shares some blame, but not as much as the married person because they did not make or break any vows. However, it's still a shitty thing to do to someone else
Those are just my broad, general thoughts on the matter. In the end, every situation is different because of circumstances and the people involved. Things would be much simpler if people who want to cheat would just break off the relationship they're in or be in an open relationship, but people aren't simple.
Ultimately, the person who is married is the one doing the lion's share of disrespecting/betraying/etc. They made the commitment to someone else and are breaking that commitment.
The other person (if they know the married person is married) shares some blame, but not as much as the married person because they did not make or break any vows. However, it's still a shitty thing to do to someone else
Those are just my broad, general thoughts on the matter. In the end, every situation is different because of circumstances and the people involved. Things would be much simpler if people who want to cheat would just break off the relationship they're in or be in an open relationship, but people aren't simple.
Excuse me? What kind of person am I? I've been responding to posters and clarifying when I can. This type of dialog is just hurtful.
If cheaters wanna post selfies ITT we'd all be welcome to see em
they ugly b
The only time communication/dialogue might be regressive is when one or both parties involved do it as lip service, never committig to it properly
Cheating is a horrible thing to do to a partner. You have to go through some extraordinary mental gymnastics to convince your delusional self that cheating and lying to your partner is anything else but a shitty thing to do.
So is cheating on someone. Rationalizating it away as "communication is hard, therefore cheat" doesn't really change that cheating is still a shitty way to treat people no matter how nicely you mask it with neutral language and tone.
Saying communication is overrated, cheating is a good decision, and then dropping that you are a counselor who has been involved with couples in the past paints kind of a creepy picture, tbh.
I don't know you, and people are complicated, but I can certainly see why some people in this thread have a low opinion of you based on some of the things you have written.
That's a poor take on my posts. We are talking about the communication of a failed relationship or marriage. Communication is never always going to be the top option for the involved parties. You are dealing with different personalities and upbringing.
Depends on the context. Many people, even those seemingly in happy relationships, can be manipulated. If you're taking advantage of someone due to say their low self esteem or brief moment of poor judgment, it's awfully low of you. You can chart that under the "Why I'm Scum" chapter of your biography.
That said, it's not like there is always one party or another that holds full responsibility for these things. Sometimes people are in bad situations and shouldn't be held accountable for their desire to escape. Sometimes people are purposefully trying to hurt a spouse. Sometimes people are apathetic toward their spouse's feelings. Sometimes the spouse might be A-OK with whatever. It's a spectrum. I wouldn't judge before knowing the story.
I know someone who willingly slept with someone married to a fella who was out of town 90% of the time due to his job. The wife told this someone I know that she was in an open relationship. Turns out she wasn't! She was just unhappy that her husband was out of town so often, and that he would not respect her wishes that he find a new position. She'd been asking for years. Her husband found out about the affair and had enough restraint to simply ask her to call it off. She didn't. She moved in with the someone I know while she was still married... and took her children with her. Now she and the first fella are divorced. She's got a restraining order on the someone I know. It's difficult to know who gets the most blame in a situation like that.
That said, it's not like there is always one party or another that holds full responsibility for these things. Sometimes people are in bad situations and shouldn't be held accountable for their desire to escape. Sometimes people are purposefully trying to hurt a spouse. Sometimes people are apathetic toward their spouse's feelings. Sometimes the spouse might be A-OK with whatever. It's a spectrum. I wouldn't judge before knowing the story.
I know someone who willingly slept with someone married to a fella who was out of town 90% of the time due to his job. The wife told this someone I know that she was in an open relationship. Turns out she wasn't! She was just unhappy that her husband was out of town so often, and that he would not respect her wishes that he find a new position. She'd been asking for years. Her husband found out about the affair and had enough restraint to simply ask her to call it off. She didn't. She moved in with the someone I know while she was still married... and took her children with her. Now she and the first fella are divorced. She's got a restraining order on the someone I know. It's difficult to know who gets the most blame in a situation like that.
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I said communication is my top option. You should probably read the thread before jumping in.
you literally cannot be a decent human being and go around banging other men's wives. except in very specific circumstances that I don't think you're referring to.
If that is all you're about? Yeah, it's probably a shitty human being.
Your words speak for themselves. There's not a whole lot to take away from them other than a profoundly disturbing, and frankly dangerous considering your supposed profession, fatalistic thought process that rationalizes even the shittist of behaviors because "humans are complicated".
You also said those other things (which is what people are responding to you about) and are acting aghast at why people are reacting negatively toward you. I've read the thread, I was just laying it out for you as someone observing your conversations from the outside.
are you a ntr fan or something, you're doing some dodges to try to justify someone being able to knowingly skip around someone's spouse's back and still think it can be balanced out by other good acts lmao...
The line about being a counselor reminds me of an advice column where a wife and husband found out that their marriage counselor had been making up shit and feeding it to each spouse in an attempt to break them up.
The guy is either trolling or one of the biggest jackasses to expose himself on this forum, and that's saying something.
No. I think if someone's goal is just to sleep.with only married people probably had some kind of issue.
Nah, still doesn't excuse personal attacks. I came in here with some experience on the issue and I don't think I'm saying anything outlandish.
I mean, can't really say I care too much about it. If you know about it, it can be a shitty thing to do, especially if it keeps going for a long time, but really, it's not you that's ruining that relationship if the married person is willing to cheat. If you can live with that, I don't think I care. If my wife was cheating on me with someone, I probably wouldn't be too upset with the guy, he kinda revealed to me that my wife was a fucking cheater.
Wow. This really is something else. Instead of laying the blame on the fucking cheater, just blame the victim. This is like the ultimate victim blaming.
I dunno, I hope you're trolling here.
You've counseled married couples, do you have a degree in psychology or are you a licensed clinical social worker or marriage counselor or anything like that? What is the peer-reviewed literature and methodology you are basing your counseling off of? If you want people to trust your experience, if you don't want people to dismiss it as anecotal and flawed you could explain your credentials and expertise in the subject.
Pretty much this. Having been cheated on myself, I learned that most people (men) are dumb and horny and will cave to the advances of a hot woman, regardless of circumstance. Especially if that woman spins it to them that her husband is terrible blah blah. She was the piece of shit. They were at worst weak. And I'd have been a chump to stick it out.
But folks, dont kid yourselves about monogamy. It's rare.
Quick question, what degree do you have or the people that believe this is thread is flawed?
The person who made vows is obviously more at fault. I assume most people who get it on with a married person aren't trying to break up a marriage for the sake of it and assume behind closed doors the marriage isn't a happy one and isn't working so think to themselves they're not damaging something that will last anyway.
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