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Why do some guys handle rejection from women so poorly?
- Thread starter TinTuba47
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Like you'd think after a point he'd blocked her number though because my god who has the time to send someone that many texts?!?
OP
OP
I grew up in the 80s and literally every male protagonist in romantic comedies from the era is like this
It really did mess me up for a bit, luckily by the time I hit my early 20s I started clueing in to how ridiculous these movie portrayals were
I had to really retrain myself
I still remember this girl bugging out on me back in high school because I didn't want to take her to prom. She was pulling out all the stops, but I wasn't interested. Started yelling at me in the middle of the damn hall lol.
In regard to OP, I can't say. I've never really cared when I was young. Either someone is into you or they aren't.
User Banned (1 Week): Sexist generalisations.
Rejection hurts everyone, just some people have better emotional skills and are able to deal with rejection healthily and others not so much.
But I will say this women should be straight with guys and not lead them on slowly into the friend zone that shit sucks too.
But yeah, males, get your shit sorted man children.
But I will say this women should be straight with guys and not lead them on slowly into the friend zone that shit sucks too.
But yeah, males, get your shit sorted man children.
Again, women can handle rejection poorly and no one is denying that. The fact is, men are more likely to react aggressively to rejection than women are. There's a reason the dating scene for women has been full of stories about women being stalked, threatened and harassed. Men have a much easier time shrugging shitty behavior off because it's not threatening to them meanwhile women have to be scared of getting killed because men can't handle rejection.
OP
OP
Thanks, interesting to hear that perspective
I assume you're a guy who's referring to being hit on by women?
OP
OP
Take shitty attitudes towards women and multiply it by the ability to communicate messaging.
The parting shot these little men fire is just them convincing themselves they "won"
The parting shot these little men fire is just them convincing themselves they "won"
well,to explain a little its because in the postmodern era feminist women are only selecting the highest quality alpha jocks to procreate while the rest of males in the lower tier natural hierarchy are basically fighting for survival wich causes higher levels of aggression among the population, natural selection is a bitch.
I mean, yeah, everyone does this, but the onus of asking people out is on men in this country, so those will be the horror stories that you mostly hear.
I've been not-nicely-responded-to when approached and I wasn't interested. I've also been sexually harassed numerous times by women. But that stuff doesn't get oxygen because in our culture, usually men are in a position where they would do those things, and not women.
But back to these dudes who think they're owed a companion; we have to be less nice to those dudes about their expectations.
I've been not-nicely-responded-to when approached and I wasn't interested. I've also been sexually harassed numerous times by women. But that stuff doesn't get oxygen because in our culture, usually men are in a position where they would do those things, and not women.
But back to these dudes who think they're owed a companion; we have to be less nice to those dudes about their expectations.
In the last months we had what? 4 terrorists in the usa blaming women's rejection for why they had to openly shoot everyone?
Do you have ANY link showing that a woman EVER did anything like that in HUMAN HISTORY ?
Yes, but in different ways.
Consider:
James Harden getting the rebound is something unexpected. It is rejection. We, looking from the outside, know what he should do, he should shoot the ball, of course. But instead he freezes. He panics. And when he comes out of it, the defense has returned and it's too late and he has no choice but to pass the ball.
This is what happens with guys. They panic, they mess up, they miss the moment and they usually have to defer to someone else. The level of the mistake made when they panic though, is usually dramatically larger in the moment with men, because most men take rejection as an insult. They perceive the concept of rejection as their intended target finding and expressing something wrong with them when it can just be....they aren't interested.
Young boys and men need more training on what to do when they panic. Because everyone panics.
First post nails it
Also, depending on the area, the bolded is culturally beaten into men so it becomes their go-to response for anything that flusters them.
You also get situations where all the men in a person's life treat women like objects to conquer, and all the women treat any female friend with shit like "OOOH WHO'S YA GIRLFRIEND?!", and it doesn't provide adequate room to learn that women are just people who should be respected and treated just like any other peer.
For me, I never asked anyone out in person past high school. It was always online or through friends because I admittedly lacked the courage to do so face to face, plus my social anxiety didn't help in those regards either. Hell, I couldn't even flirt properly. When I was met with rejection, I simply moved on. Rejection is just a part of life, and you can't always get what you want. I think those who react with hostility are mostly those believe they deserved to be accepted by anyone they dare ask out, and lashing out at them after being rejected is their way of keeping their pride or ego high by convincing themselves "she wasn't all that anyway". But the guys that threaten women who reject them, I have no fucking idea how they came to that mindset.
Ego. Simple as that.
Women do it too but I think it tends to be less publicised because they aren't as threatening or scary as men. If a woman does it she's just a 'crazy bitch' and the dude thinks its funny because, well, he wasn't interested in her anyway.
If a guy does it it's threatening, imposing and scary. At the lower end of the spectrum if you give a guy your number and then ghost him he might harass you via text/phone for a few months, and at the upper end he might physically harm you. If you give him a hard 'no', he might insult you verbally or assault you physically.
As a woman when I used to be single it was honestly a relief any time I turned down a guy and he took it well. That was on the lower end of the scale though, most of them either took it terribly or if I tried the 'soft rejection' tactic they wouldn't leave me alone.
One time at a club a guy asked for my number and I tried a combination of both - I gave him a fake phone number, which he then immediately dialled in front of me. Thankfully he was in front of his friends and so embarrassed that he just kind of slunk off.
Women do it too but I think it tends to be less publicised because they aren't as threatening or scary as men. If a woman does it she's just a 'crazy bitch' and the dude thinks its funny because, well, he wasn't interested in her anyway.
If a guy does it it's threatening, imposing and scary. At the lower end of the spectrum if you give a guy your number and then ghost him he might harass you via text/phone for a few months, and at the upper end he might physically harm you. If you give him a hard 'no', he might insult you verbally or assault you physically.
As a woman when I used to be single it was honestly a relief any time I turned down a guy and he took it well. That was on the lower end of the scale though, most of them either took it terribly or if I tried the 'soft rejection' tactic they wouldn't leave me alone.
One time at a club a guy asked for my number and I tried a combination of both - I gave him a fake phone number, which he then immediately dialled in front of me. Thankfully he was in front of his friends and so embarrassed that he just kind of slunk off.
OP
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If everyone did this, the world would be an infinitely better place. It's not a hard concept
Although I guess when you're talking about bars you then have alcohol added to the mix which can complicate things...still no excuse, but there ya go
OP
OP
Thanks. That line about feeling relieved when guys you rejected took it well really speaks to me. I think about that a lot
User Banned (1 Week): dismissing a woman's concerns of feeling threatened.
yeah. i was relatively polite on the drink one, i chalked that up to the girl just being drunk and having a bad night. plus it was in college so immaturity was a factor
the voice mail was from a single tinder date that i didn't think went well (this is why i 100% understand why people ghost others)
people are weird and insecure.
settle down your foaming at the mouth.
People in general are often socialized to understand rejection as a sign of inadequacy. A common emotional response to inadequacy is to try to bring other people down so you feel less inadequate, and/or to resort to persuasion and coercion to try to erase the rejection (and therefore the feelings of inadequacy).
Layer misogyny on top of that, and the way this manifests in men is often to insult women's appearance (because misogyny means women's value is defined by their sex appeal), or to be threatening and/or creepily persistent (because misogyny means men are entitled to attention from women when they seek it out).
Layer misogyny on top of that, and the way this manifests in men is often to insult women's appearance (because misogyny means women's value is defined by their sex appeal), or to be threatening and/or creepily persistent (because misogyny means men are entitled to attention from women when they seek it out).
My vindictive side would come out toward people that rejected me in high school. It didn't go as far as the OPs examples, but it was definitely there. I was in my feelings after wanting to ask them out for months and just acted out toward them. Felt like an attack on you I guess. Can't justify or rationalize it, just glad I recognized the pattern and fixed it.
They were raised poorly or were otherwise surrounded by a culture that tells them they are earned the attention of women.
User Warned: Dismissing a serious issue with false equivalences.
Lady sent 65,000 texts because she was rejected. She told the guy she wanted to soak in his blood and broke into his home also. It happens on both sides.
It's the best way to handle it. You might even get a good friend out of it, or at least someone cool to talk to for half an hour while you wait at the bar.
User Warned: Dismissing a serious issue with false equivalences.
People in general handle rejection badly. You just don't hear it as much with women because they get rejected far less often.
OP
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Since you used the word 'confessions', I assume you're talking about male friends wanting to have 'a talk', and then telling you that they have intense feelings for you, Etc...
When you gently rebuke the advances of someone you consider a friend, do they ever react with outright hostility like some strangers do? Just curious
Eh ... yes it does. Sure, it's not only men, but there's clearly an issue with men handling rejection poorly and having more of an extreme reaction.
The 'friend zone' is a myth. If a guy isn't interested in being a girl's friend, maybe he should just ask her out rather than waste both of their time pretending to be a friend while hoping to wear her down enough over time until she changes her mind. That shit isn't so much a girl leading a guy on as a guy giving off completely the wrong signals of what he actually wants out of fear of rejection. Where a guy is genuinely good friends with a girl, it doesn't need the negative connotations, nor are you in a weird 'friendzone' if actual friendship becomes something more. But suggesting that it's somehow party A's fault when party B a) can't ask A out and b) hates the idea of actually being considered their friend is wrong. If you like someone, don't pretend to be their friend then complain when they act like you are.
If we're discussing misleading people, the deception of pretending to be a confidante when really you are clinging on for a relationship and consider friendship a terrible status for the two of you is way worse than the other party not being able to interpret whether someone pretending to be their friend is actually interested in friendship or not.
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Queer here. Been rejected plenty times. Never resorted to calling a woman out of her name or badgering her. Just go home and cry silently.
I mean, If you wanna go full on balls out crazy, sure. Your gender does not determine whether or not you're a psychopath.
But enmasse? On an every day occurance...men are more likely to become verbally or physically abusive than women. That's not to say women can't, I've seen a woman break a beer bottle over someone's head for daring to reject her at a bar.
But on the whole...men are a lot more dangerous and a lot more prone to panic.
This is a really nice way to look at it. Years ago I was hit on while waiting for a scheduled interview and the guy could tell I clearly wasn't into it, so he just said "You look great, hope you have a nice one" and moved on. To this day I still feel good about that, and the compliment seemed sincere since he was still willing to say it even after being turned down.
Why do you assume women get rejected far less often? I believe it, but I'm questioning the quantum, basically.
I've rejected (and been rejected by) tons of women.
It's true that the hypothetical 10 who's also an astrophysicist isn't getting rejected much, but neither is Chris Evans.
Average women, though? I really struggle to believe it's raining dicks for them.
OP
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