My wife is going on an out of state trip with a guy friend

Morrison71 said:

This is what's bothering me. Edit= and nothing I'm worried about.

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That's pretty natural then. Unless she has been friends with the guy for a long ass time, it's weird to go on a road trip with a straight male friend.

It's all circumstantial though - usually, you will know who your SO's friends are and have a good feel/trust for them. You should also trust your SO. If you know and trust one of her straight male friends then I don't see the problem with her going on a road trip with that friend.

If you don't know them at all and you've been dating a long time? That's a problem.

Dr. Feel Good said:

We had two free rooms comp from an auction of another coworker. Two other coworkers stayed in another room. I've stayed in plenty of rooms with other girl friends too. If you have an honest relationship and your significant other has met these people and understands the friendship there's no reason to get concerned.

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That's cool. I trust my wife but she isn't staying in a room with other guys nor would I stay in a room with another woman. That is weird to me.

I can go on guy trips and she can go on girl trips. Any time the opposite sex is involved it's a trip we go on together.

the only way to get to the bottom of this is to talk to her op.

ask her if she is emotionally checking out on you or the family for these 'vacations'. its one thing to trust a person, its another to blindly trust a person, and its another thing to talk to that person who you trust and make your feelings known. communicate with her, don't ask the forum what your wife is feeling, ask her.

I read the title as "My wife is going to strip with a guy friend" and was like, you need to be worried.

Trust your wife until she gives you reasons not to.

molnizzle said:

I think the first red flag is that she likes to go not trips without you in the first place.

I can't imagine doing that, or my wife doing it to me. Work travel, sure, but a leisure trip? Without your spouse? That's kinda weird man.

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My wife doesn't like camping, I am not going to force her to go.

She found gay dick.

Lolololol

It's amazing how many people are like "sure he's gay, SUUURE." Do you not know your wife's friends? Wouldn't you have a pretty good idea of whether he was gay? This isn't Mrs Doubtfire. If you have even a potential concern that your wife might lie to you about the sexual orientation of one of her friends so that she can later sleep with them your relationship already has kind of a lot of problems.

Mr.Awesome said:

The "he's totally gay" excuse is not original, OP.

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Pretty much. You should verify yourself if that is actually the case.

molnizzle said:

I think the first red flag is that she likes to go not trips without you in the first place.

I can't imagine doing that, or my wife doing it to me. Work travel, sure, but a leisure trip? Without your spouse? That's kinda weird man.

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Why is this so weird to people?

It's not really uncommon; girls do "girls trips" and whatnot.. guys do the same thing.

molnizzle said:

I think the first red flag is that she likes to go not trips without you in the first place.

I can't imagine doing that, or my wife doing it to me. Work travel, sure, but a leisure trip? Without your spouse? That's kinda weird man.

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Man

why can't anyone on this site be normal

men work in daycare?

Married women just don't go on "trips" with Single men...

it's not right

I mean, do you trust your wife or not?

Is this behavior out of the ordinary for her or not (seems like it's not)?

I'm a bisexual man married to a gay man. It doesn't have to be weird to hang out alone with any friend of any sex.

molnizzle said:

I think the first red flag is that she likes to go not trips without you in the first place.

I can't imagine doing that, or my wife doing it to me. Work travel, sure, but a leisure trip? Without your spouse? That's kinda weird man.

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Some people like to vacation alone sometimes. I love it. I did it last year even though I'm married now. I'd do it again.

OP, it's good that you trust your wife, just don't be willfully blind if you feel there is something odd going on. If at anytime you feel uncomfortable with the situation for any reason, let your wife know how you feel. Also maybe ask to go with them next time, I don't think that's too much too ask.

riotous said:

Why is this so weird to people?

It's not really uncommon; girls do "girls trips" and whatnot.. guys do the same thing.

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Yeah, I guess I hadn't considered specialty events and stuff. I did go to PAX South without my wife once. She was still invited though, she just didn't want to go. It sounds like OP is just locked out of this trip, like his wife's idea of a vacation is to get away from him.

Gay or not this wouldn't fly with me.

gutter_trash said:

men work in daycare?

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What's weird about this?

Personally I wouldn't be comfortable with that. If you feel good with that then more power to you though.

You know your wife better than anyone here in the thread. If there is something shady happening then usually it's not just one thing. Constant arguments, fighting over money, secrecy, increasing emotional distance; all that stuff. If these trips bother you then just tell your spouse that. Asking us for opinions is only going to make you more paranoid.

I do worry about you guys and girls who decide a video games forums' off topic community is the place to go for relationship advice.

Not that you shouldn't vent somewhere, but this does not seem ideal IMO.

xxracerxx said:

What's weird about this?

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I don't trust strange men around other people's pre-school kids. I just don't

People need to stop acting as if their relationship is the barometer by which all other relationships are judged.

Trust is relative between a couple. Some people feel more jealous/threatened about others with their significant others. That doesn't mean that relationship should be condemned or thought of as toxic.

"Well my SO wouldn't care if I did this", etc. Okay cool. Not relevant here.

OP, if you're truly fine with this and have complete faith in your wife: you're good! However, all you're going to get out of this thread is people being judgmental about the standards of others' relationships for about 10 pages.

I'm sorry but this is really weird.

I went to NYC with a female friend on a whim to see Colbert's live election special. We were both in our own relationships, our respective significant others weren't super pleased that we went, but everyone trusted everyone and everything was fine in the end.

Insecurities shine thru in situations like this, but put yourself in their shoes too. If you wanted to go somewhere with a friend of the opposite sex, you'd hope they'd be as trusting as you, yeah?

gutter_trash said:

I don't trust strange men around other people's pre-school kids. I just don't

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This thread really is a cesspit of prejudice and paranoia, mods should close it down it's just embarrassing now.

gutter_trash said:

I don't trust strange men around other people's pre-school kids. I just don't

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For fucks sake, it's 2018 and someone typed this shit up.

gutter_trash said:

I don't trust strange men around other people's pre-school kids. I just don't

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Cool thanks for being one of those people who helps scare off men from wanting to be around kids and reinforces a sexist belief

I mean if he's actually gay then whatever.

But I really don't buy the whole "oh you've got to trust her" thing that people throw around. As a spouse it's my responsibility to not put myself into situations where I could end up doing something stupid and betraying the trust of my wife. I'm not saying you have to be Mike Pence, but going on a trip, alone, with a (straight) person of the opposite sex is like skipping along the edge of a cliff and then wondering why you fell to your death.

Adultery (generally) isn't a spur of the moment thing, it's because people put themselves in situations where they spend too much time alone with someone and allow bonds to develop where they shouldn't.

So if my wife told me she wanted to go on a trip, alone, with a straight man, there's just no way I'd be okay with that. Guess that makes me horrible.

Dosia said:

That is not normal behavior. Most people would get separate rooms.

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jett said:

I'm sorry but this is really weird.

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Guess I'm really weird/not normal then. I've even slept in the same bed as guy friends. We shared rooms and shit to save money.

For my part, I think y'all are the weird ones. :P

gutter_trash said:

men work in daycare?

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Why not?

Married women just don't go on "trips" with Single men...

it's not right

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Again: why not?

Serious question. Wonder if you can answer them rationally.

Wrapped in Black said:

How is hanging out with a good friend an inappropriate situation? I would understand if it's some random dude whom I've never met before, but if your wife completely knows and trusts this person, and you yourself have also been acquainted with this person, then what's the issue? Is your wife not allowed to have heterosexual friends of the opposite sex?

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You must have been reading the wrong thread. We're not discussing whether or not the wife is allowed to have heterosexual friends. We're discussing whether heterosexual friends can take multi-day leisure trips together when they have other spouses which is a completely different situation.

legend166 said:

But I really don't buy the whole "oh you've got to trust her" thing that people throw around.

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She is a grown ass woman, if a night alone with someone else is all it takes for her to cheat on you then your relationship was shit to begin with.

Kurdel said:

She is a grown ass woman, if a night alone with someone else is all it takes for her to cheat on you then your relationship was shit to begin with.

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Thank you. This thread is honestly mind-blowing at times.

I have no qualms about spending time with other dudes and even sharing hotel beds to save money, because cheating on my SO is something so alien that it would never even cross my mind. "Putting myself in a situation where I could cheat" is just not even a remotely plausible thing.

Morrigan said:

Really now

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Sorry, it's a dumb generalisation but it is frustrating that whenever these threads crop up here or at the old place, scorn is heaped on people who live their relationships in a certain way.

It's even more frustrating - being married for a decade - to know that most of the "advice" is coming from a.... younger demographic.

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Morrigan said:

Thank you. This thread is honestly mind-blowing at times.

I have no qualms about spending time with other dudes and even sharing hotel beds to save money, because cheating on my SO is something so alien that it would never even cross my mind. "Putting myself in a situation where I could cheat" is just not even a remotely plausible thing.

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No, I mean THIS is what's mindblowing. I think it's awesome if you have that kind of relationship, but sharing a hotel bed with a member of the opposite sex is absolutely not normal when you're in a relationship and it's really shitty to talk down to people who aren't into that.

PR_rambo said:

I do worry about you guys and girls who decide a video games forums' off topic community is the place to go for relationship advice.

Not that you shouldn't vent somewhere, but this does not seem ideal IMO.

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I mean, I kind of get it when something is eating away at someone, and there is no one in "real life" they could ask, and we are the next best thing. But the main post is kind of odd since it's not posing a question or anything. Just an "everything is fine" statement.

Flo_Evans said:

This part does strike me as odd. When me and the wife do our own thing, it's stuff the other person wouldn't enjoy. Like I went on a motorcycle camping trip and she went to lady Gaga with some girlfriends.

If it's something you would enjoy why aren't you going?

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TaterTots said:

Seriously OP, do you get to take trips like these as well or is it a her thing? Seems like a trip you'd enjoy. Why is he going and you aren't?

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This is the red flag.

It's one thing if it's something you two don't like to do together. One person wants to go on a shopping trip and the other person hates that shit or someone wants to go to the big game and their spouse doesn't like sports.

You seem like you'd like this trip going by your posts, but she's going with some other dude instead?

That seemed to be my red flag in all of this?

SideMatt said:

Man

why can't anyone on this site be normal

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The true danger of playing video games is finally revealed!

Bah, so much insecurity here.

I have done it with a co-worker (female) several times, wouldn't mind my GF doing it either.

Of course, there is like a chance she is cheating on you, but it sounds like you rather live without confronting your wife and its ok, some people dont mind being the cornuto felice.

I mean what can you do, you don't have proof she is cheating on you, she will deny and if you try to pressure you will only sour the relationship.

And it's definitely really weird.

Trust wife. Guy is gay. Seems ok to me. Now if he wasn't I'd be worried.

Pubic service announcement: People get cheated on by those who they trust.

Also if I were you OP, I would make damn sure the guy is legit gay. It's great that you trust your wife, but completely trusting another guy is not that wise. In situation like this, trust your gut not the guy.
If I had a wife, I would find her having fun trips with just one other guy super weird, and for damn sure I wouldn't go on a trip with a girl friend without my SO either.

I'd be a bit bothered if my wife didn't want to go on a fun trip with me and went with someone else of the opposite sex alone. Mainly because regardless of my trust of her, anyone can have a past they cover up and I'd be wary of that.

That said, my wife and I are pretty chill about opposite gender relationship. I have a lot of work lunches with women if the opposite sex 1 on 1. She goes on work trips without me with groups of people and sometimes ends up in a situation where she's doing something alone with just a guy. We just try to communicate and be very clear. If she ends up alone with a guy for lunch on a work trip she always texts me and just say (FYI having lunch with x because everyone else left, miss you). I never asked her to sit ha, but it's our way of staying honest about it.

Gay friends? We have a ton. She regularly goes dancing with them or to concerts - I don't care. I love them and they are dear friends of mine too. Go for it.

Ultimately it just comes down to how well you know them and how much you trust the other person and your spouse.

fanboi said:

Bah, so much insecurity here.

I have done it with a co-worker (female) several times, wouldn't mind my GF doing it either.

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Can't speak for other posters, but I find it odd that he talks as though he'd enjoy the trip, but he isn't going and instead another person is. That's what is sketchy to me. OP hasn't come back to clarify if he gets to take solo trips or not. I'd say that's a pretty important part of the puzzle.

TaterTots said:

Can't speak for other posters, but I find it odd that he talks as though he'd enjoy the trip, but he isn't going and instead another person is. That's what is sketchy to me. OP hasn't come back to clarify if he gets to take solo trips or not. I'd say that's a pretty important part of the puzzle.

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That I agree on. We will see (hopefully).

Morrigan said:

Again: why not?
Serious question. Wonder if you can answer them rationally.

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Traveling, dining together, and sharing a hotel room are often an intimate bonding experience that can cross the line of friendship into courtship.

Even if it's 100% platonic, emotional affairs can be just as damaging to a spouse's self esteem as a sexual one.

If OP is cool with all this, that's fine. But I don't understand why he is posting it here otherwise.

Solace said:

It's great that you trust your wife, but completely trusting another guy is not that wise. In situation like this, trust your gut not the guy.

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But then the fact that you trust your wife should make the trip okay even if the guy turned out to be shitty because you'd know your wife would just handle it accordingly. You can't really act like you trust your wife while still having a problem with her going.

Solace said:

I would make damn sure the guy is legit gay

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Yo what the fuck trying to verify that someone's not lying about their sexuality is super disgusting. It's not like gay people don't already deal with a ton of shit without paranoid straight people trying to see if they like dick or not.

So how would your wife react if you decided to come along on the trip?

Solace said:

Pubic service announcement: People get cheated on by those who they trust.

Also if I were you OP, I would make damn sure the guy is legit gay. It's great that you trust your wife, but completely trusting another guy is not that wise. In situation like this, trust your gut not the guy.
If I had a wife, I would find her having fun trips with just one other guy super weird, and for damn sure I wouldn't go on a trip with a girl friend without my SO either.

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Counter Public Service Announcement: You can't stop your wife cheating if that's what she's decided she wants to do.

"Honey, cancel this fun trip you've been looking forward to. I, the man, forbid it. I suspect it will lead to infidelity."

Is she going to say A) "Why darling you're right, how could I jeopardise our relationship like this I'm such a silly goose" or B) "fuck off mate"?

Also, as a gay man with a lot of female friends the concerned boyfriend sexuality inquisition is the worst fucking thing OP don't do this.

VegiHam said:

Counter Public Service Announcement: You can't stop your wife cheating if that's what she's decided she wants to do.

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This. Like does her not going on the trip suddenly cancel out the fact that it might've been to cheat or?

SideMatt said:

But then the fact that you trust your wife should make the trip okay even if the guy turned out to be shitty because you'd know your wife would just handle it accordingly. You can't really act like you trust your wife while still having a problem with her going.

Yo what the fuck trying to verify that someone's not lying about their sexuality is super disgusting. It's not like gay people don't already deal with a ton of shit without paranoid straight people trying to see if they like dick or not.

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We have people in this very thread talking about their experience with people who were faking it being gay. I think there was also another guy, didn't find his post.

HotHamBoy said:

My ex-wife told me her guy friend was gay when they'd hang out while we were still together.

They have a baby now.

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rebelcrusader said:

Who cares

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v.o.n said:

Just because he says he's...



Yeah, this guy gets it. I've played that game before. Just... have faith in your girl, man. Just keep in mind it's possible he's lying to you.

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Morrigan said:

Guess I'm really weird/not normal then. I've even slept in the same bed as guy friends. We shared rooms and shit to save money.

For my part, I think y'all are the weird ones. :P


Why not?


Again: why not?

Serious question. Wonder if you can answer them rationally.

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I know of no couples who would be okay with their SO sleeping in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex. If I even suggested such a thing to my wife she would be extremely upset. This is a woman who allowed me to take a guys trip to Vegas without her so its not a trust thing.
I guess its all optics and communication depending on the relationship.